Have you ever felt empty or drained of life’s energy after watching porn? Or felt like you lost any purpose in life? Do you use porn to help you fall asleep at night? Or use it to calm you down before or after you did/do something that causes you to be anxious? Same here. I was 7 when I first got in contact with porn.
As I grew from my childhood to adolescence life became more and more uninteresting and boring. The need for adventure and purpose I found in video games and television series to spark my excitement and to keep me in my comfort-zone. The sexual desire I found in porn. The time I went to middle school at age 11 I would watch porn every 2 to 3 days. At age 16 I would watch once or twice times à day. The scenes and categories that I perceived as extreme and exciting a year before became standard and boring. With every year passing by I would need more amounts and extremer material to get the same dopamine level I would get a year ago. When I was 17 I would spend 1 to 2 hours à day trying to find that perfect scene with that perfect girl. I would call of plans with friends so I could stay home and watch porn. It would always be on my mind. I was living a monotone life. A cycle that repeated itself over and over again. I was unaware that porn was controlling my decisions in life. That adventure and excitement could be found outside porn and video games. I was unaware that I was dependable on porn to relief me from any discomfort, stress, pain or boredom.
In the summer vacation of 2014 around July and August at age 17 I came across an article on internet about a man that quit porn and got the life he always dreamed of. I was shocked. Never had I hear anyone tell or had I read that porn could possibly harm your physical and mental health and decrease the quality of your life. I had no idea that something like that was possible. I was scared to take the step to find out if I was addicted or not.
Some days later after more researching on the subject I found an online community who supported each other with each others struggle with porn. I decided myself to make the step to find out how strong I was and if I am able to withhold from porn as long as I wanted to ultimately find out if I was addicted or not I set myself a day-counter and decided to reclaim my life.
After several days I knew I was dependable on porn to ease my mind and body. When feelings like fear and sadness hit me I became anxious because I had no way of escape from them anymore. I failed a lot and relapsed several times. Relapsing was an agonizing experience of shame and emptiness. I knew I had to change my approach.
In mid-March, 6 months after I decided to quit porn my life had changed. I started to wake up early. I took cold showers in the mornings. I started learn and preform meditation regularly. My streaks of days that I didn’t relapse became longer and longer. I took action in being more social. As a result, I experienced flashes of joy and happiness. I saw what was possible if I could ban porn completely out of my life.
1 month later in April. I had 20 days’ milestone. It was a school week night and I just went to bed to. I couldn’t sleep because I had strong urges and I was driven by horniness. I was on the edge of falling off the cliff. But I didn’t and I became stronger and more confident in knowing that I could do this. I gain a lot of self-discipline in the process. After that moment I knew I could create anything in my life if only I am committed and focused
In the end of May, I was going strong with 2 months without porn. I felt really confident and but I let my guard down and got deeply attracted to some sexy photo’s on Facebook. My brain collapsed, I went fully unconscious and unaware. My lust took over and after 2 months of not watching porn I jumped back into the hole I crept out of 9 months ago. I felt so bad that I felt like I was dead. I had no feelings or thoughts. I swore on my life that this would be the last time. I cut all emotional and physical bound with porn and became amazingly focused and dedicated.
I never watched porn since then and I am not planning to ever go back into that dark area of life.
Why and How to Quit Porn
My name is Vincent I help men get more love purpose and adventure in their lives.
“We are what we do on daily basis” – Anonymous
“If we do what we’ve always done, we’ll get what we’ve always gotten.” – Dr. Rober A. Glover
My life is now changed. I am adventurous, joyful and aware. 2 weeks after that last time I met a girl and I had an amazing loving experience with her for the first time in my life! I became an exchange student and lived in another country with a host family for 10 months. I am continuing in serving the world with my gifts and values. I keep challenging myself on all areas of life. When I look back I can understand and connect the dots of how brave I was and how brave I am today to defy mediocracy concerning porn. I am in touch with my feelings. I am able to be happy wherever I am. I am excited when I wake up for the day. I am grateful to be alive.
A lot of People see porn as a healthy relief from stress of daily live. I see it as an escape from problems and feelings that one doesn’t want to deal with. Most see porn as normal and mainstream. I see it as a destructive product both physical and mentally harmful for viewers and actors. Most see porn like watching a TV series. I see porn as another drug with its factory distributors finding more and more creative and more extremer ways to get you hooked and stay hooked.
How to Quit Porn
Now you know my journey, it is time to decide if you want to go and make yours. Follow the steps like they are numbered and described. Let me know in which way I can serve you or if you have any comments you want to share through contacting me on this profile
The STEPS
Step 1 – Clarity
You have to find out at what level you are dependable or addicted to porn. The best and simplest way to find out is withholding from porn. I challenge you to not watch porn or masturbate for 4 days. Set yourself a day counter which you can get from internet or apps on mobile devices. Revisit these steps. Now be honest with yourself. How hard was that for you on a scale from 1 to 10. What have you learned from withholding from Porn and Masturbation for 4 days? Do you feel dependable or undependable from porn? If you answered the first, keep going with these steps.
Step 2 – Knowledge
To beat your enemy, you have to know your enemy. Be able to answer these questions. What does porn do to our brain? What are the risks of porn? What are the benefits gained out from quitting porn? What are the negative effect of porn on our lives? Read stories about people who were in a similar position as you and were now able to triumph over their challenges. Great resources are NoFap, Yourbrainonporn, rebootnation, fightthenewdrug.
Step 3 – Mindset
- Acceptance – Accepting where we are gives us space to go from where we are to where we want to be. Tell yourself or write this sentence down. “I am (fill in) and I am having difficulties in (fill in).” Tell it to someone you trust to increase the power of this exercise. Example: “I am addicted to porn and I am having difficulties in withholding from it”
- Commitment – We have the power to get what we want in live if we commit at a deeper level with more than just our thoughts and our feelings. We have to become our commitments. Committing today, will determine you’re tomorrow. Again tell yourself or write down “I commit to (fill in) so I can become (fill in) So I can have more (fill in) in my live” Tell it to someone you trust to increase the power of this exercise. Example: “I commit to quit porn so I can become conscious and aware so I can have more peace and love in my live”
- Vision – Our visions have the power to shape our worlds. Write down in a journal or on a paper how your world would look like when you were porn free. How would you look? What would you be doing? How would you act? How are you interacting with people around you? How are you interacting with people you love? What would your hobbies be? What would you have achieved? Write these down for 10x effect.
Step 4 – Challenge
Rebooting – Now that you’re prepared you are ready to begin your journey. If you haven’t started to withholding from porn, this is a great opportunity to start NOW. With now I mean after the moment you read NOW. Challenging yourself will make you uncomfortable at first. Soon you’ll be comfortable with being uncomfortable. Being uncomfortable means you are stretching yourself you are thus growing. It is a good sign, keep going. You will go thru a process that is called reboot. Rewiring the brain away from porn. Here’s a video on the basics of rebooting.
Go to YouTube an type in Reboot nation basics of reboot.
Challenge – Now that we covered rebooting it is time for action.
It is time to set yourself a challenge. I recommend starting small.
1. 7 days
2. 2 weeks
3. 1 month
4. 2 months
5. 3 months
6. 5 months
7. 1 year
8. …
These are some challenges that you can take on. Just remember that you have to stretch yourself. Not too much and not too less. Setting yourself 1 year when you start out will overwhelm you and discourage you if you fail. Make a calendar and put the date of the day that you want to reach. Celebrate when you reach a goal. Buy yourself a gift. Go out and dance on the street. Do something that lights you up inside. Actually celebrate every day you are alive. Personally it took me 9 months to have my last relapse. And for me it took 2 years to complete the rebooting. Don’t let this discourage you. Take it day by day. Hour by hour. Moment by moment.
Fail and Learn – When one fails. He has the 2 choices. 1. To become depressive and disappointed in oneself. 2. Study why and how you failed so you don’t repeat yourself. Out of failing you have the possibility to learn what brought you to fail, when and how. Now be aware of these factors and if you are able to remove them, do so.
Step 5 Accountability & Tools
Accountability – An accountability partner is someone who supports and holds you accountability for your respective goals. I highly recommend to find someone that has the same goals and struggles as you so you can hold each other accountable. This way your partnership will have a balance between the giving and getting of value. You can find an accountability partner on this forum.
http://www.NoFap.com/forum/index.php?forums/accountability-partners.7/
Tools – Some things that might help you on your journey.
- Cold showers – helps you with becoming comfortable with the uncomfortable and will get you right out of your head and will get rid of your urges
- Meditation -This will give you the ability to control your consciousness and help you make more responsible choices.
- Journaling – Journaling is great because you are in a conversation with yourself. You learn more about yourself, what you want, what your dreams are, what your weaknesses and strengths are.
- And many more that you have yet to discover for yourself. The importance here is to find something that works for you.
Step 6 – Love, passion and purpose
Whatever we do or want, we humankind just want to be happy. You have a great opportunity here to become aware of what is supporting you and what isn’t. what is or could support you in being the person you want to be? What are the things that don’t support you and takes an abundance of your precious time? Be really honest with yourself. Write your questions down and share it with a person you trust.
You have now a lot of energy and time that you would normally be spending in watching porn. What is it you always wanted to be doing. What are your interests? Trying a new sport? Learning an instrument? Finding a loving romantic partner? Go back to what you’ve written in your vision. Now take action on the things you said you would be doing or would have if porn wasn’t in your live.
Finding and doing the things you love will give you a new purpose and will help you greatly in withholding from porn. I am so excited for what you will find on this journey.
Common mistakes
- You don’t have to do this alone. I know it is hard to find people in your social circle who have same opinions about porn. But if you don’t ask or talk you’ll never know if one of your friends might have the same problem. Then there is the online communities I have shared with you. You don’t have to be a bystander. Find and give support within these communities and see how it benefits you.
- You don’t have to be free of porn tomorrow. Understand that this is a slow and long progress and it won’t happen overnight. This is a lifestyle of improvement not a trick that gives you super powers
- You don’t have to keep this a secret. Coming with integrity with yourself by sharing it with your loved ones will greatly empower you. They might be shocked at first but bare in mind that this is normal and try to give as much honesty and information about the subject. They are the people that possibly can support you the most.
Outro
Imagine yourself 10 years from now if you haven’t taken action and your life will be just the same as it is today. Would you be the person you wanted to be? Think 10 years back, are you now the person your 10-year-old younger self-wanted you to be? It is never too late. Why don’t you start today?
Now I’ll give you a small first powerful step you can take to give you the momentum you need. Now I want you to look into your past. How much time have you been spending watching porn? 1 hour a day or more or less, how much in minutes or hours? And since when has that started? Now calculate the amounts of time you spend on porn in the last 3 years.
…
Impressed? Think and write down all the things you could have been doing and could have accomplished when you had spend all of that time in doing things you love and want to be doing.
I believe in you. If I can do it you can do it as well. I am no different from you. create yourself, you can do this! We can do this! Share with me anything you want to know your thoughts, questions, feelings. I’ll be here answering them all.
Keep sparking!
Vincent
LINK – 6 Steps How To Quit Porn/My Story With 1000 Days
by Viny Winy
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