I want to start by saying that stories like this keep me motivated, so I hope it can do the same for one of you. I’m 19 years old, studying at university, and I’ve been using since I was very young. What started with just a picture of a cute girl in a bikini soon progressed into dark, fucked up, internet-fueled fantasies.
When I was about 15, I would spend hours exploring all the different categories like a kid in a candy store. I would stay at home and masturbate all day when my friends were out. I thought of it as ‘exploring my sexuality’. As I grew however, masturbation and porn was mostly used to deal with stress as I progressed through the last few years of my study.
I was constantly on the move, and in the small time i got between tasks, I would masturbate to hard-hitting porn. It was like an incentive to get the next task done. I didn’t think there was anything wrong with it at this point, but I was essentially a zombie.
I suffered with PIED throughout these years of course. There were several occasions with my ex girlfriend when I could not perform, but I figured it was because I was tired or hadn’t had enough water to drink that day. There were even a few times that I would look at porn prior to seeing her in order to ‘get myself in the mood’.
How wrong I was. That relationship ended in flames due to other reasons, but increased my porn consumption seven-fold afterward. I don’t know if I was depressed, but I sure felt like shit. My studies suffered as i made excuses to myself in order to stay at home and watch porn/Netflix. Honestly, I don’t even know how I passed my last semester. Over my exam period I masturbated enough for a lifetime.
After another course of ED with a girl I took home from town, i figured that maybe there was something wrong with me, and somewhat ironically, on the same computer that i had used to watch all the porn, I looked for an answer. Then I found you guys, and immediately went into hard-mode.
As soon as I knew that porn had ruined me, I swore I wouldn’t touch it. I relapsed a few times at the start, and struggled quite a lot, but i finally made it to 90 days.
Everyone always talks about how they noticed immediate changes, but I was never like that. I never noticed the changes at the time (excluding the flatline). It’s only when I look at my life 90 days ago and compare it to now, do I see the fucking amazing differences. Now, my ED is gone, and i can make myself hard with just the sensation. Lots of morning erections.
I go to the gym, my diet has radically changed, I quit smoking, I’m happier with my body image, I’m doing better in my studies, I have more friends. My life is better, there is no denying. Most importantly though, I’m happy now. If you are a slave to porn and inhibition, you will never be happy. Porn does not interest me, and i will never watch porn again.
If you quit porn, your life will get better. Do not let it push its way back in when you’re weak. Come here, press the panic button, read some stores, talk to your brothers in arms. Break the fucking cycle, man. Live your life the way all your ancestors did.
In truth though, I love you guys for what you have done for me. Thank you for all the encouragement in your posts, and for being such an understanding group. I love you all. Peace.
LINK – 90 days – Reporting in
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