I started PMO when I was around 14, and sadly I managed to hide it from everyone all my life. (I’m now almost 22). I grew up in a Christian home, and while my personal convictions have had me on hardmode this whole time, I felt an immense amount of shame and guilt about PMO growing up. I think from the moment I first started I knew I had to quit.
Fast forward years of white knuckling it with little success, I came to find No-fap. This helped a lot, but I still had trouble and could not believe that I could really be forgiven for this, particularly while I was still in the problem. Eventually someone on the christian no-fap sub page pointed me to a program (http://curethecraving.com) which is an awesome free service. That helped set me on the right path.
However, I went from thinking it was okay to struggle with addiction to realizing this is something I could never subject my future spouse to. I met a girl on this journey who turned out to be asexual after 6 months of dating (she didn’t know she was) and this gave me a new focus. After that relationship dissolved (we are still great friends) I knew I wasn’t just doing this for her, but also for myself. No Fap helped remind my why I was truly doing this, as I read stories of people’s broken relationships, and the pain PMO brought to marriages and families I knew what needed to be done.
Now for some advice. If you think you can quit this by feeling bad about yourself and half-assing it, think again. The only way to have freedom is not by hoping for freedom, but NEEDING it. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it friends.
I came to the conclusion that I wouldn’t date any girls until I had reached 90 days, partly as motivation and partly because I had to beat this before relating to a real woman. Just as I was about to reach 90, a woman came to my church who is absolutely amazing, and not only did I have the confidence to ask her out, she said yes. On our first date we talked from about 11am to 9pm, and she genuinely seems to like me. Just last night she invited me for tea at her house, and she shared about some of her mistakes in past sexual relationships and then I told her about my addiction, and we were both able to forgive each other.
I should note telling my future spouse was one of the most terrifying things I had been dreading ever since I first looked at porn. Now that I finally got it off my chest, it is a huge weight lifted, and only on the second date with a real woman I see a future with. Moreover, it was so much easier than I thought it would be. Friends, “the truth will set you free.”
For the future, I may visit this board on occasion, but I am happy to say I plan to keep this streak going until marriage, at which point the battle will be easier off hard mode. 😛 I am even happier to say that I feel I have truly broken the chains of bondage porn held on my life, and I believe God can do the same for each of you.
Stay strong friends! God Bless!
Peace, -Parrthurnax “What is better – to be born good, or to overcome your evil nature through great effort?”
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