I am so happy after past weekend. After all this time reading /NoFap, searching for succes stories that would prevent me from losing hope, this is the only way to thank all of you that kept me going through all of this new life.
So, I am a brazilian guy. I am 21 and have been masturbating since 11yo. I don’t remember precisely when I started watching porn, but I still remember the video I found in my father’s PC. My first contact with explicit P. That incredible shot of dopamine would change everything in my life and in my relationships. Probably I was something near my 13’s. Then I started to PMO almost daily, my internet speed raised, I got a lock for my room door. When I got my first laptop, I would start masturbating when everyone went to bed, until the sun was rising in my window. I didn’t think I was harming anything. Everyone did it too. I saw in TV masturbation was a healthy thing, so I thought I was just a horny teenager.
In my friends group, I was the last one to kiss a girl (when I was 16). I had low self steem. A year later, I started seeing a girl. I was very horny with her, endless boners when whe was kissing, lots of blue balls, etc. I knew the time would come. Then, out of nowhere, I would have no boners, or weak ones. I thought it was something temporary. It wasn’t. Some day I was alone at home and invited her. She went. We started taking our clothes off and nothing would happen down there. So we tried, tried, tried, nothing. No boners. My Arnold was completely dead. When I got a very weak erection, it just died when I tried to put a condom on.
After that, we tried dozens of times. We got into a serious relationship. After months trying, I went to a urologist. He said I was nervous and had no problem with my body. Prescripted me some viagra. I went to her home this day, took the pill and tried. Got a weak erection and no sensibility. I felt nothing going on down there.
Fast forward, we had a fight (after another try) and broke up. I fell into an abyss, thinking I was broke. I went to a psychologyst for some time, but it didn’t help. Nothing seemed to help. I started to avoid girls and sexual contact. Started watching more and more porn. At this point, my erection, even with porn, was a 7/10.
I’ve kissed other girls after that, but with little response down there (just a lot of precum and blue balls, no erections). I was afraid to try having sex again. After being with a very sexy girl, at my 19’s, I decided to try to find the root of my problem again. Went to a sexologyst and another urologist. I was paying very expensive consultations. I had my blood tested for basically everything, and it was all ok. Then, I stopped seing her, I had no initiating. I was scared and hopeless.
<this is becoming bigger than I thought it would be>
A year ago, I went out with the girl I would take the risk again. We started chatting everyday. I was comfortable with her. I was sick of all of this thing. I told her I was a virgin, because couldn’t relax in bed. We continued seing each other. Then it happened. I was alone at home. She went over and we started making out. Again, little Arnold wasn’t responding. She gave me hand, head, nothing. We tried for about a month.
Someday I was reading some random stuff and went to a topic about anxiety and procrastination. Some guy posted the TEDx The Great Porn Experiment. I can’t describe what I felt during the video. Everything, every symptom matched. I was like “EUREKA!”.
A week later, I started it. NoFap was my only hope. I kept seeing that girl too. About 2 weeks, I would have some random erections again. About 2 months, I came the first time (with a girl), but I stil couldn’t penetrate. But it was working!
Than, FLATLINE! My erections did oscillate everytime I was with her. So much time passed. I was starting to lose my hope again, but kept in, reading posts here, at YBOP and other sites too. When I completed the 6th month without porn, my motivation started to fade. But I had nothing to lose, so I kept going. Had some relapses (without porn, just M).
PLOT – This week I completed 10 months without porn. I decided to take a cialis to do something different than just oral sex with my girlfriend (yes, I don’t know exactly when, but we just engaged into a serious relationship). I got a 10/10 erection that wouldn’t fade for nothing. We had PIV sex! It was amazing!
Two days later, yesterday, we had sex again. This time without taking any pill! Btw, it was my bithday. It was the best gift ever. Now I can say it happened. I am happy as hell.
Now, let’s see what is to come.
Important information: –
- Been masturbating since 11
- Watching porn since about 13
- Flatline is a thing
- I had many orgasms during this streak, most with my girl
- 1 wet dream, in a streak of about 2 months without any touch
- 10 months into nofap to have piv sex
- Didn’t know how was or what to expect from real sex
- Been with my girl for exactly one year (she waited for me and gave me support all this time)
- I don’t think I am fully recovered. Now is the time for the rewiring
Thank you all for your support. Maybe now I will close all the tabs about nofap, ybop, reboot nation, etc. I will take my time to post in every source of motivation I used.
Any question?
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