When i started my journey I hadn’t set any goals or any plans for how long was i going to be on this journey, I knew that fapping was taking a lot of energy and self-respect away, and when I started I was already in a pretty low point in my life.
Now, life has gone even rougher but I’m thankful for starting Nofap because of the strength I gained from it was really necessary to go through those few months.
About me: 22, started fapping from 12-13, usually fapped once a day or every other day. Final year’s fapped every day, sometimes 4-5 times a day, sometimes I lost the count. I was long time without a job, in December finally after sending out 50-60 applications I managed to get one. 5 days later my girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me because she couldn’t take it anymore. Since I was already bankrupt and keeping the job was the only cornerstone that I had to build my life back up again, I moved to another town and lived on my friend’s living room couch for 2 months.
With the low self-esteem, depression, and energy I was like a zombie, I wasn’t able to feel happiness anymore, the only feelings i felt was pain, and guilt. I managed to keep the job for 2 months, and then I got fired, because I didn’t perform well on the job. Moved back to my parents place, took AD-s and tried to figure out how I can get out from this hole. I found NoFap and then decided to give it a try, it was my only chance to change something for the better, this is my second streak, I’ve been managed to stick with this far only because I’m done with giving up and failing.
The road has been bumpy, ups and downs, but I don’t really care about the swings anymore, I just feel that they are just like another exercise, and opportunity for me to grow stronger and push myself through.
I’ve been drinking and smoking since the age of 15, and I have an alcohol problem, but step by step I’m fighting with quitting them too. Alcohol was my liberation from my problems, when i was drunk I was the person that i would be without: shame, guilt, low self-esteem. I felt that the barriers went down and i was finally be able to express myself, i didn’t think that I was dumb anymore or people didn’t like me anyways. I felt confident, charming, funny, caring, and when I was drunk I was able to feel something other than pain and guilt. That’s where the addiction started.
Benefit of NoFap for me:
- Mental strength
- More energy
- I feel like I can accomplish something
- Decreased anxiety
- I seek opportunities to make my life better instead of waiting for something to happen.
- I enjoy life more in overall
For me personally the last month has been total hell, I’ve lost a lot of my closest friends because alcohol. I live in my sister’s apartment in living room couch, because I couldn’t stay at home anymore. My father has been as long as I remember an aggressive alcoholic, suffered from loads of traumas from the past, and nothing hadn’t changed. One day everything started again, he was drunk at 9AM, and we had visitors coming over, by 5pm he was wasted, didn’t care about anything, when I tried to convince him not to go and buy more vodka he got aggressive and started waving his fists and threatening me and my mother.
This has happened over and over for 18 years, but never have I had courage to stand up for myself and my mother, because my father is a psychopath who has been to prison. But this time I didn’t fear, and I had enough of taking shit and beatings from him, I just stood up, and kicked the shit out of him, broken nose, and black eyes. I don’t feel proud, but I reached the limit of taking that shit, and I took 18 years to fill my cup, nothing never changed.
Now I’m trying to build my life up again, going to start working on my new job on Monday, if I manage to sell my car, I will rent a little apartment and start everything over. If I managed to stay off fapping and got through all the shit that has happened in the past month with a straight back I just feel that i have the strength to go through anything. I’m not scared of life anymore.
LINK – 90 days report
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