I have had the urge over the past few days to share my story, in the hope that it may help someone who needs tips or just some encouragement from someone in the same struggle. This is an account of my journey so far.
So I started watching porn and masturbating when I was 12 years old, and unfortunately for me, I started off with just my hand and no lubricant, which eventually caught up with me. I was a compulsive porn watcher and masturbator for ten years, just hacking away at the most crucial period of time in any male’s life-puberty. I really didn’t think there were any harms or negative effects of porn usage and masturbation till I turned 22…then logic finally kicked in.
At around age 20, I had my first encounter with PE, and freaked the hell out. Then problems with keeping it up came up. I was in a long term relationship at the time, and just thank God that I had an understanding girlfriend. Neither she nor anyone else knew about my porn and masturbation problem, and I did not open up to anyone out of shame and guilt
At 22, I only BEGAN to realize I had a problem when I noticed that my head was perpetually filled with porn and sex. I was obsessed with it, couldn’t seem to connect with real life females like I used to, and my fears of PE and ED haunted me. At work all I thought about was sex, what scene I would wank off to, and what new category fascinated me to research later on at home. I got more interested in my hardcore genres of porn, and didn’t see anything wrong with it. In March of 2015 (post-relationship), I hooked up with a woman over craigslist, all the while convincing myself that I knew enough about BDSM to “act” as her “slave”….what a terrible experience that was. Then I knew for sure that I was not thinking normally. I researched stories about porn addiction and its physiological effects and was surprised to find so many other males experiencing the same thing. There were so many search results that I felt some level of encouragement knowing that I was not alone. I found hope in reading about Kirk Franklin’s battle with porn addiction and his success story (which was made widely public) and sites like YBOP and “Feed the right wolf.” Then my journey began…
I reasoned that it would be wise to first read up on what exactly i was experiencing and understand what physiological and psychological effects porn had had on me. I was shocked to find a pdf which documented a hearing by the US senate of Judith Reisman, an academic and author, on the effects of porn usage on the mind. I have included a link here ( http://www.ccv.org/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/Judith_Reisman_Senate_Test…) for anyone who is thinking about doing a reboot or is skeptical about whether there are negative effects of porn or not. This article was mind opening and I recommend it to anyone who’s in the struggle like we all are!
So I read as much as I could on YBOP and feed the right wolf, and decided to do a reboot. What really stuck to me was the quote by Socrates on the home page of YBOP…” The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new.” I took that very seriously. I knew from my fight with quitting smoking that: (1) It is just as possible to break a habit as it is to pick it up, and (2) It is always easier to substitute a bad habit with a good one. I decided to work on my body, feed my mind and improve my faith. I crafted a comprehensive plan and thought I was ready for the impending doom of the flatline, but boy was I not! That time was miserable. I felt so detached from the world, like I was in a corner in a cold room with no motivation to do anything. I felt so drained and lackluster that I was convinced I was going through hell. But just as there is a night, there is also day. More on this later.
My plan was two-fold, tear down the bad and build the good. Tearing down the bad consisted of: 1. Deleting my stash of porn
2. Deleting my second email which I used for live cams, and craigslist shenanigans
3. Total abstinence from porn
4. Total abstinence from masturbating for as long as I could
5. Abstinence from fanaticizing, especially about hot chicks on social media or the internet
6. Reducing sex talk as best as I could
I included “TOTAL abstinence from masturbating” because I reasoned that letting my body heal was just as important as letting my mind heal. Also, since porn usage was so intertwined with masturbating, I didn’t want to put myself in a situation where I would be fantasizing while masturbating.
My “build up” plan included: 1. Working on my faith. For me that meant praying and meditating.
2. Feeding my mind the right things, which included reading books, listening to motivational speeches, and consciously making myself more positive
3. Exercise, especially cardio and dead lifts. This is good for your circulation and your testosterone levels respectively.
4. Eating healthy. In order to get the blood pumping down there as it should, don’t clog up those arteries. No smoking and no junk food. Eating aphrodisiac foods really helped me, such as dark chocolate (82% cocoa or more), green leafy veggies, fruits (all of them), nuts (all of them), red wine, fatty fish and all seafood and oatmeal.
5. Reconnecting with things that once gave me fulfillment, but became shadowed by my porn usage. For me it was drawing and art. For others, it may be hiking, kayaking or whatever hobby they once had.
6. Consciously improving my social skills. I noticed I had to relearn many things about the art of conversation, body language and being social again, especially with girls.
7. Enjoying everyday things, such as cooking, spending time with family, a good book, discovering new music, reconnecting with old friends…it could really be anything, just as long as you are totally present in the moment and not caught up in your thoughts. Fully invest yourself in what is going on now and you will notice you have a fuller experience in all you do.
8. Reminding myself of why I was doing a reboot. That no matter what temptation to watch porn arose, I would not give in. The long term reward is worth MUCH more that whatever short term reward I would get.
The amount of effort required to build up the new is greater than that required to tear down the old. It requires a lot of determination, discipline and effort. It is hard but it is POSSIBLE, not to mention WORTH IT! I want to also stress staving off masturbation as long as possible, to regain your sexual energy and let your body heal. This energy could tempt you to look at porn and masturbate for some kind of release but I would advise against that. It is wiser to channel that energy into something productive such as working out or feeding your mind, and you will see the benefits for yourself.
Something that also worked for me, in conjunction with meditation, was breathing exercises. When I felt that I just couldn’t focus on anything, especially during my flatline, that really helped to calm me down and have more control over my body and restless energy.
I also started using Man1 man oil. What I love about this product was not only does it heal your skin but it improves blood flow. For other guys, like myself, who masturbated multiple times a day or without lubricant, this will help. I have read reviews that this doesn’t work for everyone, but it is definitely worth the try. If it does you will be very pleased. Actual sex helped boost my confidence in bed, and I think it would help others too. Seeing yourself perform better than usual is a good boost to keep you on your path, especially if you suffer(ed) from PIED, and keep you dedicated to the objective at hand.
After getting past my flatline, I noticed that I got back regular erections and they were harder than they had ever been. So hard that they sometimes kept me up at night. My erections also came very unconsciously, and sometimes unwontedly. I took this as a sign that I was making progress and didn’t mind, because I knew that even though I may be up at night because I felt like my penis would explode, I was healing and regaining my sexual energy/libido. I was regaining focus, becoming more present in the moment, connecting with people like never before, becoming more motivated/ ambitious, and developing a more positive perspective on life and more outgoing. At about 40 days without masturbation or porn, I masturbated and it was the best orgasm I probably every had. I realized I had been masturbating wrong my whole life! A lot of liquid based lube and a light grasp is all you need. No more of that Darth Vader chokehold, but a sensual touch.
I cannot stress how beneficial this reboot is, and what a transformation it has been! I feel like a new person, and am more confident than ever. The urge to watch porn is basically gone, but I still struggle with fantasizing. I’m trying to get some more control on that and I would recommend that to everyone. I want to especially thank YBOP for this amazing resource, I am sure it has touched millions of lives, including mine.
Final words:
1. Keep going
2. Don’t stop or settle for what you are trying to leave.
3. The long term benefits far supercede the short term high of relapsing
4. Keep the faith that you will overcome whatever stands in your way!
KB4
LINK – WHAT A TRANSFORMATION!
BY – kbelfort04
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