Porn basically destroyed my previous relationship. Me and my ex gf had been together for five long years, and porn was constantly present in them. Not only because I did like it, but also because my ex sort of made me indulge in it. We were both into the same kind of things, and she actually enjoyed watching porn while having sex from time to time. But that was a big mistake for me.
I see many guys enjoying the fact that their gfs watch porn, and many sites advocating how porn can be something to spice up a sexual relationship. Nothing is worse than that, at least for me. During the last year of that relationship I felt so dead inside and guilty for all the shit we were getting into that I started to feel anxious and depressed. And I thought that porn would have been a relief, so I kept masturbating more and more, but the more I did, the more I felt like shit. During the last two months with her I couldn’t take it anymore, and I started to realise that everything was well beyond the point of no return. And there was no way to recover from that situation.
It wasn’t really difficult to break up, both because of the way I felt, and because I met another girl whom I immediately fell in love with. I consider myself to be incredibly lucky: when I left my ex 8 months ago, I immediately stopped watching porn, without any problem. I felt no urges, I felt nothing at all. I felt disgusted by it, and I know my new girlfriend would have been disgusted by it too, so I just stopped. And shortly after that I left for Japan (where I am right now) for a year of university abroad. So not only I was lucky because I didn’t have to deal with any sort of urge because of how much broken I was, but also because I had all the time to recover from the flatline without undermining my current relationship.
The flatline was just horrible. For the first three months I felt nothing at all, I had absolutely no libido. My girlfriend sent me some pics once, and while my mind was blown by how beautiful she was, and I wanted really badly to have sex with her, my dick was lifeless. And that started to freak me out. By that time I still didn’t know about the flatline, so I did the common mistakes: checking if I could get an erection again, trying to watch porn to see if that helped, and, the worst mistake of them all, enjoying masturbating when finally my libido got back from time to time. And I started thinking that maybe I felt better back when I used to watch porn. I was dead inside of course, but at least my dick wasn’t dead at all.
But out of nowhere, something told me that I really had to quit masturbating, and stop worrying about my libido. Me and my girlfriend didn’t even have the chance to have sex before me leaving for Japan. So we didn’t really talk about sex, also because she was really shy back then. And that was good for me, because I had time to relax and forget about sex for some time.
Then, in February I went back for a month to my country, and I spent all of my time there with her. And I swear to you, the sex I had during that month was the best I ever had in my entire life. My libido was still wierd from time to time, and a couple of times I had to turn down sex because I felt nothing at all. But every time that happened, after like half an hour I got so turned on for nothing in particular that the sex we had was incredible. Having sex without thinking about anything, just focusing on her body and my pleasure, was something that I had forgotten.
Now I’m here again, three more months to go, and I have time again to experiment with libido and flatline. I found out about the flatline and this subreddit a month ago, well after I started to realise that something was wrong with my body and that the cause of that was porn. But finding out that so many people were in the same situation was a great help. I got the courage to talk about all this shit to my girlfriend, and she was happy to listen and support me. And that also was of great help.
Now I feel better than ever. After that month together we began to talk about sex, and it turns me on so much that sometimes I feel like I’m about to explode. Or I can get really aroused just thinking about sex, while before I had to think about porn. My girlfriend sent me a picture of her wearing a new dress she bought, and even if she was fully dressed, I got the most raging erection just by looking at her belly. And everything feels so damn great!
Sure, I still do sometimes have moments or even days in which my libido completely disappears again. But it’s nothing like those first months, and I’m not even scared about the flatline anymore. I know it will go away, so I just don’t think about it. When my libido comes back, every time it feels like it’s stronger than before.
I’m 23, and I started when I was 13 or 14, can’t remember precisely. But I started using it a lot and regularly only when I was 18, one year into that relationship. Before that it was once a couple of days, sometimes even three days, and it wasn’t that bad. I don’t know if it was only because I was fairly new to porn. But from 18 to 22 it kept getting worse and worse, and before quitting completely, I did it at least once a day, often twice, sometimes even thrice.
Sorry for the long read, I just felt like sharing everything with all of you who are still struggling. Sadly I don’t have any tips for resisting the urges, but I can assure you that life is so much better after that! Please stay strong!
LINK – Life does improve with NoFap, and that flatline does go away! Please stay strong!
By Pachach
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