I was eleven years old when I first came across a pornographic image. It was a video case that me and my younger brother had found in the back of the trunk of our silver Ford Aerostar. Even after all these years I can clearly recall the image of this pornographic material plain as day. It is like a permanent imprint that was made upon my brain. The video case belonged to my Dad who carelessly kept it hidden wanting nobody to discover it. When telling my story of the very real struggle against pornography and masturbation, I must start with my childhood memories that I experienced in my home. Throughout most of my childhood I experienced many negative moments. Along with the bad memories there are several great memories as well. A pretty normal up bringing with a very loving and sheltering home. But there was a lot of severe lows within my family. My parents were constantly getting into terrible fights. The loudness of screaming and yelling still echo in my mind. Where this becomes relevant into my observations of just how damaging pornography can be, is reflecting on the impact it had on my Dad. And how it ultimately rippled into his role as a Husband and a Father. Life throws a lot of challenging obstacles at you, so to say that all the problems in my family were caused by my Dads pornography addiction would not be accurate. But without a doubt I know this stronghold in my Dads life was contributing to the dysfunction in many areas of his life. Such as being a good husband and father. Leading with character and integrity. Pornography has brought on a great deal of trouble and has taken him right out of the game in several areas of his life, just as pornography does to all the thousands and thousands of men today. Now being a 25 year old and dealing with my own personal battle with pornography I have learned even more about the effects it has on one’s life. This leads me nicely to my own personal account and struggle with pornography.
Being addicted to pornography is something that lives in the dark. It’s a secret that is kept from everyone. It takes place in the moments when nobody is watching. It lures you in with the heavenly escape of pleasure that only lasts for a short moment and quickly passes by. Why risk being shut down by a pretty woman when you can go look at thousands of beautiful woman online with no fear of rejection. Pornography keeps you isolated and disconnected from reality through the counterfeit and fraudulent feeling of euphoria that comes with each orgasm. This rush of stimulation conditions and trains your brain into this cycle of escape followed by always seeking another hit when the cravings come back.
I am 25 years old and I have known about the negative effects of pornography right from the start. The problem is that knowing and actually doing something about it are two completely different things. During my teenage years I was right in the middle of the great technological advancements our society was making. Largely the introduction to cell phones and the internet. This has opened the doors to great possibilities in our world and has had an impact on the very way life is lived by millions today. For the individuals who are hooked on pornography, the internet has profoundly changed the way a person can view and consume pornography. Instead of walking into sleazy adult stores and risking your reputation to being seen by someone you know, now you can simply and easily access pornography in the comfort of your own home at no cost. At least that’s what you think. I’m not making excuses for our generation or saying we are any different from our predecessors. Sex and prostitution have been around right from the beginning. But I do believe this is the perfect storm for our young generation growing up today. The loss of true intimacy and the natural way of things, for exchange to the perversion of pornography.
My involvement with the nofap academy started way back to when they first started developing into a community. I remember deeply struggling and feeling so alone. So one night out of complete curiosity I searched online for help in overcoming pornography and masturbation. What I went on to find was a complete surprise to me. There was a website dedicated to offering support and calling out the issue of pornography and masturbation. Learning that there was this group of people that were aware of the negative effects that pornography could have on a person’s life gave me a real lift in motivation. It brought me out of the mindset that I was the only one in the world struggling with this. This mindset had a powerful grip and influence on me and brought about debilitating shame. It gave me hope that if this problem of indulging in porn was also hurting others in similar ways it was hurting me, then maybe there really is something destructive about doing this. I see it all the time on the nofap community about how nofap alone will change our life and give you superpowers. A lot of times these posts get shot down as over exaggerated placebo effects that hold no merit.
While I do believe that there is a combination of factors that must be addressed and confronted, I believe one hundred percent that nofap really is a liberating step in changing your life in ways you never thought possible. On streaks as little as two-three weeks there is an overflow of emotions that I have experienced. It’s like all the life and energy that has been wasted on using porn as a way to escape from reality, all comes surfacing back into my life. It’s like a raging sea of energy. Desires to live and connect with real people becomes important again. The closest feeling I can give to this experience is that it feels like you are AWAKE again. You don’t realize how all those sessions of indulging in pornography and masturbation for all those years has kept you handicapped and has taken so much from you. It’s like you have been taken right out of the game and placed on the sidelines watching life pass you by. Slowly isolating you and robbing you piece by piece everything that once was important to you. Zapping you of your precious energy and motivation to make a difference in your life or in the life of others. Your ultimate joy in life, whether you want to believe it or not, becomes the time spent far away with you and your computer or phone screen searching the never ending novelty of porn.
Currently I’m still struggling and I have failed miserably hundreds of times. But I will continue to stand back up. A streak here a streak there brings new insight and strength. Trying to free yourself from this is as difficult as anything this world can throw at you. But with each failure the sun will rise again and you will find your strength time and time again. That is one of the keys to finding success, the enduring effort to keep trying. My final thoughts to conclude this story is to get out there and live. Be so busy living and loving others that the thought of returning to your old ways never have the chance to put you back in the prison.
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