My personal story: Had PIED for years, then 70 days nofap. Nowadays I masturbate sometimes, not very often though – I try to keep it at bay – I do not make a sacrilege out of it, but still no porn at all!
(That is just my way of nofap – does not have to be yours). I took every chance to learn beating my fear of ED. Sometimes worked, sometimes not, but I just kept walking. And now I ended up with a girl for quite some time now: First time it I did not get it hard, then I was not able to get to orgasm, but since I told her about it in the first place I was cool about it.
We now meet frequently and I have a wonderful sex life. Sometimes I still have the fear of ED but I say stop, and that is it. And if it does not work – who cares. I think I will never lose this fear, it is just part of who I am, but I will beat the shit out of it. And I genuinely wish you the same!
[History from later comment] I watched porn for about 11 years (with some interruptions) with an avarage of 1-3 PMOs a day, but there were peaks of 13 a day….
First: YOU are the master of your thoughts! If you think about ED or similar things just think: STOP! Say it out loud if you feel like it and just command your brain to stop thinking these thoughts. For me it feels like a “wall” is raised behind which the unwanted thought is held prison to starve. It helped me allot!
Second: the good old “tell her about it” – when you know you will end in bed with someone just say that sometimes you have difficulties at the first time and she should not worry about it, since it would be your fault, not hers. That’s it – Do not make a drama out of it. That is the deal she is gonna get with you and no other. You will be more relaxed about it and she will be less nervous as well and maybe will think it a nice gesture of care (for taking the blame) – so win win.
Third: concentrate on the beauty of her body, the smell and such. Just enjoy it without thinking too much – use Stop-technique 😉
Fourth: Better to fail than give up without trying. Yes, you certainly will not be in your comfort-zone, but do it none the less. Fail is better than cowardice and is less destructive for your self-esteem.
Fifth: I always had valerian (Baldrian) – pastilles with me. They will calm you down and are something to grasp on to. They are cheap and have no side effects, but work.
Sixth: If you fail getting it up, it is not the failing that lessens your virility (and btw: women who have experience do not think that way… they just don’t) it is you not able to cope with it. A full grown character does not whine about misfortunes, but bears them with dignity. Showing that you define yourself not only through your penis will actually impress her, since you cope with something that others are not able to cope with. Personality is sexy.
Godspeed!
LINK – How I beat PIED
by quos_ego
ADDITIONAL COMMENT:
I did not have complete ED, just a VERY distinct anxiety of not getting an erection.
The first real change was, I think, after 30 or 40 days or so, when I had my first wet dream. And two weeks later my second. Another change was, that I did not feel different but my friends noticed allot of change. Which changes, neither them nor I could tell, but they recogniced something. That started after about 20 days.
But that does not concern my PIED-changes. The first in that direction was after about 30-40 days aswell, when I kissed a girl and got half an erection, though that was mainly because I knew we would NOT end up in bed that night – so I was under no pressure. But it gave me courage to proceed. The real differences started mentally 2 months after I quit strict-nofap (which I did 70 days). I realized that I had to take my echievements from nofap and test them in reallife, so I just said “fuck it” and tried to talk to girls, miming I would not have any problems with anxiety – which was good, because I learned to step out of my fearbox and try at least to overcome it. The fear, nonetheless, was still there. It really takes times to “heal”. I went to a psychologist aswell (who is porovided by my university and I only took one hour) and he gave me the tip that I should mention my “starting problems” before I go to bed with someone, aswell as to concentrate on the mear beauty, the smell and such. Two days later I got laid and no problems at all – lucky me;) – Then I met that girl again, but then the fear rose – from reason unknown – again and no erection what so ever. BUT (and this was a huge success) I was cool about it, 30min later everything worked fine. It did not even felt unnatural because she, aswell as I, knew that this meant nothing. That was what I meant by not whining about it. If you do not think less of youself, she wont neither and by doing so the situation is just not that horrible anymore and you REALLY enjoy that, because you know how awefull such a moment could be… Then, 3 weeks later, I met another girl (I was on fire apparently – but I did not feel that way – I just did not restrict myself by my anxiety anymore, but was ready to risk not having and erection rather than to sit in my fearcage doing nothing) … well, and I ended up in her bed with her aswell. And that was the girl I mentioned in my first post – problems happend, but we overcome those.
So the answer to your question is: the changes take time and you will have downfalls as well as successes, but both start eventually and keep coming. But whilst the failures get less, successes prosper:) The trick is, I think, to see both, failure and success as part of one progress.
To the second question: YES, sometimes I felt like Nofap was making it worse, because you get so used to controll or even sufficate your sexual desires, that I felt sometimes I would not only kill my pornaddiction, but my sexual drive as a whole. That, I think in retrospective, is an illusion, since you just reset your sexuality to a prior, long forgotten version you do not know how to handle, so you can’t tell if you are horny or not, because your hornyness feels different (At least that was my impression). Before nofap, for me sex was the “water” to a “sexual thirst” i was urged by, now this is still the case sometimes, but mainly sex is now something I just have fun with. I often sleep with my gf not because I am horny but because I am playful, and by playing I get horny. I do not have the feeling anymore that I only have to fuck because I have urges, but because I just like it – but that is only possible if you can enjoy it without anxiety.
The main difference to my sexuality before nofap and now is, I think, that when I watched porn it was more plain, more obvious and more urgent. Now it is more subtle but my “inner sense” for it, which to develope takes time, makes it muuch more sensational
(Comment – he’s been on nofap for at least 1 year)
Well, I’m not the big comment-type of guy but this made me think… First, besides that one may wants to excuse my English and its spelling since I’m from Austria, there is a quote of Nietzsche, saying that it was easier to abstain from an addiction completely than to be modest in it. And, well, i think Mr. Moustache hit there something right into the bullseye; If it metaphorically kills the average fapstronaut just not to fap, watch porn, what so ever, it is nearly impossible, i think, to be modest in fapping, espacially since everyone seems to be a little different in his reasons to quit (P)MO. Some just do not feel the urge to be with an actual woman but are addicted to porn. So if these guys would say “Well, every fortnight here I go”, but they really can’t or do not want do MO without the big “P” your system is a deathtrap. For myself, I’m on nofap to really, really reboot my sexuality, since I am sincerely anxious about getting laid out of fear of ED (wich sometimes occurs when the spiral of fear of not getting it up is trodden) which is, thanks god, is just mental and not physical. Ground thought for me was that when my system is rebooted my natural sexual urge will “automatically” lead to overpower this anxiety of not getting it up (besides some meditation – which I just started testing – lots of sports and keeping my mind free from sexual thoughts). Now it is – plainly said – still this ground thought but also much, much more: Now I want to know what I will become with every single new day of nofap, what will happen to my personality on this journey which I now see as my, until today best found way to really find out what I am (but without that hippie bullshit), my best way to evolve, to emerge knowing to be a better person than the day before, which, in my opinion, is one of the real goals in all life – not because I just did not watch porn, but because I do somethink to alter my status, but because I feel that I, as a person, am changing, that I’m starting to really know myself, slowly but steady. And I start to think that it is not so much the goal (beeing free of ED at the first times with a woman) that I am now aiming for, but it really is the path I am sincerely interessted in, courious where it might lead me, over wich mountains and valleys, hoping that in the end there will be sunrise.
So your system – no doubt is, I dare say, a solution for the solved problem of porn addiction, when you are the person again you would have been if there was no Internet porn, a good system to live a normal life happily if you are normal again. But, I fear, for those who are still in the “healing process” it is a simple, straight way to tear your blisterhand-built bridges to a better, altered life down and drown yourself, once again, in the rivers below. And I simply do not have the strengh anymore nor the courage to swim ashore all over. I would drown.
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