First I would like to extend my deepest thanks to this community, its founder Alexander, and all the others stars who incessantly shine light on this issue. Without all of you I would have never made 90days, a deep bow of gratitude to you all. I love each and everyone of you, you are my family, who, although I have never met, I respect deeply. Without you all… well, I could have ended up devoured by this horrible addiction.
And my addiction was HORRIBLE
I started fapping before I was 10 and by the time I was in high school it was a daily ritual. I dont really want to get into the nitty gritty of my addiction, but suffice it to say, it went far, and, thankfully I caught it before it led me to the extreme extreme, but I can say that I can understand the people who get into those things, the morphing of sexual tastes is so powerful… never judge lest you become afflicted with that curse yourself…
People ask about PIED, and well, its 100% real…I could be with the real thing.. and be completely unexcited. I remember hooking up with this girl, for the first time, a girl I was EXTREMELY attracted too, and in order to, you know.., I had to fantasize about porn scenes. It was absurd.
It wasn’t until I started to get deeper into odd fetish type of porn that my conscience bothered me enough to attempt quitting. (If you told me at 15 that I would be watching what I was watching at 20 I would never believe you)
I tried to stop on will power alone and I could not last more than a few days
I realized I was enslaved, enslaved to this cruel mistress who would sometimes keep me in bed all day watching porn. PMOing over and over again. God… I get shudders thinking back…
Thankfully, I stumbled upon this community. I learned about my addiction, and learning about it was so friggin helpful I cannot overstate it enough. Know the ins and outs of your brains! If you cannot explain dopamine downregulation to a stranger and make them understand exactly what it is and why they should be weary you haven’t studied it enough, go back and read some more!
Anyway, this community, as helpful as it was, did not solve my problem. I visited it daily, for nearly two years (deleted that account Diplomats888), until I finally realized I needed to get away. Don’t misunderstand this — this community was so helpful, it gave me the tools I needed to quit, it told me the directions to walk in, but, my friends, we have to walk the walk ourselves. No one can do it for us.
It took me 6 years to make it 90 days… Let that sink in. I’m 27. PIED gone
^ that’s a benefit lol
My favorite benefit is the increase of creative energy, you can do allot with sexual energy, its a powerful thing. Sublimation!
Moreover, making it 90days has not solved all my problems. PMO was just a symptom, a symptom of a deeper problem, an unresolved pain, unresolved trauma that I tried to ignore. That I tried to escape via PMO (and various other escapisms).
Quiting PMO is not the be all and end all. It is not a panacea. Yet, if you are able to conquer it, conquer your habit of escape, you will be well on your way to figuring out exactly who and what you are..
Who are you?!
P.S. Meditation, study, meditation, study, meditation meditation meditation meditation meditation meditation meditation meditation meditation meditation meditation meditation meditation meditation meditation meditation meditation meditation
and then
more meditation
LINK – 90 days … finally
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