I can confidently say that my ED is toast, and this site, along with a lot of you people, is why. First off, let me tell you that this will not be the worst case you’ve ever read.
In fact, my success story is pretty tame (although unique) compared to most of what I’ve read on here. Regardless, the threat is real, boys. PIED is a reality. I have never posted here before (and actually just joined today), but I wouldn’t be where I am now without help from this place, so I want to give my opinion and experience back for you guys.
I’m sure lot of you will roll your eyes at this one, but I actually lost my virginity at 13. I was very sexually active from about right before I turned 15 and onward. I believe that has a lot to do with my recovery, but any of you who may still he virgins, I believe in you; we all do.
I can talk a lot, so I’ll try to make this as short as possible. I’m 29 and happily married (two years now). I’ve been with my wife since we were both 19, and our sex life had always been great. We went to different post-secondary schools and lived far from one another for extended periods of time, and this is where porn and fantasies come into play. I discovered porn when the internet came around, almost immediately. Let’s say around 14 years old. For whatever reason, even though I was a highly sexual person, although it was hot, I was never really too, too into it. What I was into, however, was sex chat. Cybersex to be exact. I was kind of on and off of it (in between relationships and real life sexual interaction) until my GF (current wife) and I went away to school. I justified it by thinking it was better than physically cheating on her, so I’d fap to sex chat rooms with other people (girls, “girls” and occasionally other guys – despite being straight) online, while occasionally throwing some porn on in the background.
I’d do it about once or twice a day, I’d have days – sometimes weeks – off when I was with my girl, or out partying/socializing, but it was quickly becoming a habit without even realizing it. I also became the master of edging. I’d play for anywhere between 1 and 3 hours without O’ing. This eventually translated to my actual sexlife and over time, had some serious DE.
Eventually I wouldn’t even be able to cum with a condom on, and could barely feel a thing. We got married, our sex life plummeted (had been for a while) and despite actually living together, we’d have sex maybe once a month. Maybe twice. And when we did, my mind was thinking about filthy fantasies to make myself O, or I’d make up an excuse about not feeling it, and finish without actually O’ing.
My sexual appetite had shrunk dramatically, and I just assumed it was all a part of being married, or being with the same (amazing) woman for a decade… So I just kept doing my cybersex rushes and porn watching on the side, and we kept losing intimacy and started fighting more.
Everything really hit the fan when we decided to start a family, which was just this past summer. August to September were a wash – I’d sometimes O, sometimes not, but I had cut back on PMO and cybersex because I wanted to keep my “soldiers” in check. I’d really only do it when her time of the month came around. Always without her knowing, of course.
Failure to conceive was kind of getting to us, and around mid October, I decided I would completely stop PMO, I always felt shameful after it anyways.. So the first few days were fine, but I started getting these raging bouts of horniness when I got into work, which were wild. I’d touch myself when I got home, but wouldn’t O – I refused to O. Eventually, the wild bouts disappeared, but along with them, went my desire entirely. When it came time to start trying in November, I couldn’t keep it up. We’d get it up to about half capacity, maybe a little more, I’d get it in, and within minutes, it would go limp. For two straight weeks. Blue balls were real. And uncomfortable.
Having never experienced ED before, the second night it happened, I hopped online and found this place. I spent HOURS reading all that I could on PIED and everything related to it. I couldn’t believe it. This was me. This was happening to me!
Things were rocky in our house, and I remember around Nov 8th, I fully committed to NoFap. No matter how long it would take, I’d fix myself. I gave my wife a half-truth about how I would M to fantasies when I got home from work but would only O occasionally. I explained to her this had desensitized me and messed up my brain. She was surprised, but supportive. I don’t think she really understood the gravity of the situation, but she was relieved to have a reason for me not being able to get it up for the better part of two weeks.
Withdrawal symptoms hit me hard. Depression, anxiety, loss of appetite, exhaustion, chills – I had that heavily for over a week. Not to mention absolutely zero sex drive and a libido that had gone on vacation for who knows how long. I was committed to not touching myself though, and I kept myself busy with projects around the house, push ups and fantasy hockey. The doctor tested my testosterone, which was fine, and gave me Viagra. Well, this was the last straw for me. 29 and told to try Viagra out. I swore on my life I wouldn’t touch that stuff.
I searched around and discovered Maca pills – being the impatient person that I am – which, I have to say in my experience, have been a Godsend. After about a week or two of taking these pills 3 times a day, I could feel things.. Withdrawal symptoms started to pass, my energy picked up, and there was a bit of sensation in my penis (it also looked much healthier). I still didn’t touch myself AT ALL even though I had started to fantasize a bit, here and there. I’d get semi-erections now and then, but nothing too big or too hard. My libido would kind of come and go, and I wasn’t really sure what was going on, but my body was definitely in a sort of transition. Not O’ing was actually helping to rebalance my brain.
During all of this (even during my flatline), I was adamant about trying to rewire. I was super affectionate with my wife, we would cuddle, we would kiss and touch one another whenever we were alone together, and that definitely helped.
When it came time for our December “trying period” which happened to be last week, I was concerned, but also felt ready. I hadn’t O’d in about two months, and hadn’t M’d in about 5 weeks. We started light, I felt some movement downstairs, we got more intimate, and boom. I hadn’t been this hard in YEARS. We made love, we both climaxed, and we’ve done it every night since (5 in a row now) with absolutely no issues and it hasn’t felt this good since I was a teenager. I wanted to post here, but was hesitant in case it was a “chaser” effect, which I can confirm isn’t accurate. This is the real deal, boys.
There’s so much more I’d like to write, and here are two other stories that I felt related to me, and helped me tremendously:
- http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/index.php?topic=20230.0
- http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/index.php?topic=30919.0
Please feel free to ask me anything you may want to know; I want to help out as best as I can. This was terrifying for me, and I’ve read cases that are much worse, so I can only imagine how anxious other guys are.
You can beat this, boys. The threat is real, but so is the victory.
P.S. Excuse any significant spelling/grammar errors – I posted this from my phone.
Some rules to live by:
- Stop touching yourself. At all. Stop – just stop.
- Rewiring is incredibly important. My wife helped speed up my recovery.
- Stick to the Success Story forums. Ignore the rest until you’ve recovered.
My success story: http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/index.php?topic=32389.msg512939#msg512939
LINK – Successfully Defeated ED
BY – StarkMoody
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