I successfully made it to 90 days normal mode. I’m pretty proud of myself, the journey has been worth the effort.
But on the other hand I expected it would be something different. It’s a bitter-sweet victory for me.
The story I remember how my friend told me about masturbation when I was 12 – 13. Since then I’ve masturbated almost daily. Things got worse when I had bought my first pc. And then things got even worse when I had got access to the internet. I found myself looking for darker and darker porn. I knew it was bad but I couldn’t stop because I hadn’t got a girlfriend and the urges were too strong. I didn’t know porn was the cause that I’m alone and that I’m a virgin even in my late twenties. As I see it now my life was on a downgrade spiral all that time.
Then something changed. I moved from my parents to another city. Then I used to live alone for 1 or 2 years seeing my parents and old friends only during weekends. Sometimes I felt really lonely but I started to think about me and my life and tried get rid of old bad habits. I stopped smoking. I started running. And, finally, found a girlfriend.
But when we wanted to have sex for a first time I realized I suffered ED. I remember how I cried when I was driving home after that and shouted “F***, why me?”. Now I know why – because I had been watching porn and masturbating for 15 years. It took me 3 years to be able to have sex with her. Though times. It’s like a miracle we’ve been still together (I’m married now).
Even after that all I still was addicted to porn. I tried everything what I found to get rid of this “daemon” in my head. Web filters, relaxation methods, suggestions recorded by myself, nothing helped. In 2013 I had a 40-days streak. I thought I was cured. Then I relapsed and binged until I found nofap.
Abstinence I’m really thankful to a man who mentioned Gary Wilson’s experiment somewhere in the internet. I realized how porn affects my brain and that I have to quit watching it. And here on nofap I found what can help me to quit. First two month weren’t so bad. I’m a little older than most of you guys here, so my urges haven’t been so strong. But 3rd month was though. It was like on a rollercoaster. One day I felt great and the next day I felt anxiously and exhausted. I don’t know what’s going on. Maybe my T-levels are lower or I’m under stress or it’s a kind of a flatline.
Superpowers I’ve had got only one superpower: I don’t watch porn. Except of that I can talk easier to strange people and my concentration is slightly sharper. But I can’t call them superpowers. [Added details: I can communicate easier with strange women and men and my concentration is slightly sharper. My self-esteem is stronger and I have more free time.]
Advices Here are some tips which helped me:
1. Don’t fantasize about porn/sex – urges will be weaker (in a long term)
2. Avoid all triggers. If it’s possible quit browsing all sites where you can find a trigger. Now I browse only news, fb and reddit. Yes – the internet is boring for me now, but it’s better than relapse.
3. Don’t touch your dick 4. Meditate
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The cause of my ED was porn. It took me 3 years to resolve ED but I was still on PMO. After that I found nofap. Sex without porn is far more better now. I think nofap is worth the struggle. But you can’t resolve ED in a week or two…
LINK – My 90-days report
by ninnich
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