3 Month report from a healthy middle aged (48) twice married guy with erectile dysfunction who remembers cutting out swimsuit ads from the newspaper and taping them up in the shower in 1985 (I know some of you whippersnappers have not had sex or been married or had to resort to using the underware section of the 30 LB Sears catalog for fapping material but maybe this will help you from making some of the same mistakes I did.)
This is geared more toward people with significant others.
This is the longest I’ve gone since the start probably 35 years ago. Think about it. Over 35 YEARS of PMO in some form on a nearly daily basis. I’m not a subscriber to some of the prevailing magical effects declared here but I will say, this shit fucks you up. I believe it fucked up my first marriage and almost fucked up my current one. I also think it has a very real effect on your mood changing how others view you.
I sum up the effects of doing this for 3 months in one word. Virility. It makes you feel more virile. The increase in virility makes me feel better. Makes my relationship better. And by enhancing my mood, others see me as a more social, upbeat, outgoing guy. For me that’s nofap in a nutshell. And it’s fucking worth it..
Let’s talk about ED. I never see this talked about anywhere but sex when using ED drugs SUCK. Yes, they do work in helping you keep your erection but the side effects for me was terrible. First and foremost your orgasms become lackluster and difficult. But if you’re on them long enough (and mentally addict yourself because you have anxiety over not using them) you completely forget how good it used to be. It also gave me insomnia damn near every time. The good news is I’m completely off them now. OH MY GOD I forgot how great and mind blowing sex can be. I’m sure stopping PMO has been a factor as well but it has created this amazing trifecta of not needing ED drugs, craving to be intimate with my wife and mind blowing out of this world sex.
I’m pretty sure I would still be married to my first wife if I’d discovered this earlier. Not to say we didn’t have other difficulties but I’ve come to believe if you remove that instinctual (visceral) craving to be intimate with your partner, your motivation to burn calories on making the relationship work will quickly fall by the wayside. The closest to a “magical” effect for me was how much my current wife noticed a change. (I chose to not inform her of my journey but might in the future.) Not to bore you with the details but she noticed a pretty profound difference and still comments on it. I’m not convinced it’s permanent or was not a placebo effect but until then, as my buddy likes to say, “SHIT-god-DAMN!”
I’m guessing this journey is going to vary quite a bit between people. Your history, current situation, personalities, upbringing, relationships, ages is going to put us all over the map on what does and does not work for you. Here are some of my observations for my situation:
- 90 days is a FUCKING LONG TIME. I probably had one or two 30 day stints before falling off the fap wagon. I still can’t believe how long 90 days felt. But I get it now. Around day 70 or 80 I really started to feel different and became less concerned with relapsing.
- I occasionally check out the NSFW posts that show up on r/all and even edge a little sometimes. (Usually if me or the wife is gone for the week.) Around day 70 I was pretty confident I’d stay on the wagon. Caveat: I NEVER edge if I’m wasted.
- Obviously I’m sexually active and this is a way different situation for those of you who are not. I’m not sure how successful I’d be if I was not in a relationship. More power to you celibate folk. Harness that “virility” and go find someone!
- It’s nice to no longer have to burn calories on the logistics/anxiety of jacking off. Finding a private place. (No more worry of being walked in on.) No more anticipating when you’ll be alone next. No “borrowing” the lotion or embarrassingly buying your preferred “JO” juice. Your crank and hand no longer smell like Jergens and spit. No jizz rags anywhere or toilet paper sticking to your junk. No longer completely wasting time. (However I probably still spend the balance of time on Reddit but at least it’s the lesser to two evils.)
- Relationships: I can’t say it will save your relationship but it sure as hell will make you give it a fair shake. PMO tilts the field against having a happy relationship. Stopping PMO doesn’t mean you don’t have to try anymore but at least the playing field will be level and it’s a hell of a lot more fun to boot..
TL;DR: If for no other reason, go 90 days to see how different sex is. You will never experience this any other way. And I think the reward will be enough to help you never go back. Even after 35 years.
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