I’ve never been able to kick it so far, with just a “I promise to myself that I wont ever do that again.” statement. Its as if, when it wants to, the fetish could disable the other, thinking parts of my brain, and get me to feed it. I wont go into details on my fetishes, but it was bad. I would wake up thinking about it. I would have a hard time staying off PMO for even a couple of days.
My married life was suffering. I was feeling like a fraudster in my life. I could not even look at a picture of any spiritual figure without remorse. I would be late to work because of it. It was taking over my life. Any time something good happened in my life, I’d feel like I dont really deserve it.
I once went to a very spiritual place in India. Just being there felt so peaceful and meaningful. It deeply moved me and I was off of PMO and fetishes for about 2 weeks. I then relapsed. I now believe that this was because there was nothing on-going to keep the jug of spirituality filled.
Now, I’m happy to announce that I now believe that I’m rid of it for good. I went to this 3 day spiritual event, which included a self-realization process. They also have opportunities for continued participation via internet based video conferences everyday. There’s also spiritual activities I’ve been assigned to do every day, at prescribed times of the day including when I wake up. There’s also boat loads of literature to read. The best part of this training is that they give a meaning to why my life was that way and why I did what I did.
There’s also simple rules to live by for the rest of my life. The daily spiritual activities are developing a second identity for me (my awareness of my Self). This identity is getting stronger than my vague worldly identity I know by my name. In computer terms, its like a monitoring/auditing process that runs in parallel with activity processes. It was only there when I was doing the spiritual recitations at first. Now, its there all the time. Its a new kind of awareness that wont turn off and wont let other stupid things turn on. It is simply amazing. I did not even get my usual triggers for days. After many days, I recognized a trigger, but I was able to just see it as a relic of the past, so weak and I just smiled at it. I’ve erased much of the triggers by using the same chair for my spiritual activities now as I used to use for PMO before. It is just so amazing.
I’m feeling my previous smarts and goodness in life coming back. I’m feeling authentic when I hug my wife. It has been a few weeks now. My previous normal feelings are coming back. I think I will be completely trigger free soon. I dont see any chance of a relapse. I wont do stupid things like go to those websites to see how strong I am, of course. I only came here to help somoone else with my words if possible.
I am deleting my email address that I used to use for the stupid life.
I will only be coming back here if I relapse. So, I wont see your replies to this probably.
If you want to do what I did, find a spiritual program that does all of this:
- It is something you believe in and can be passionate about.
- Helps you understand what happened.
- Helps you understand who you are.
- Helps you with enough daily spiritual activities and contact, to keep you occupied for the few weeks it takes for the triggers to subside.
- Is connected to the rest of your daily life.
- Has enough literature, etc to last a long time.
- Something that is possible. Not so hard that you wont be able to continue it for long.
Some examples are:
Eckert Tolle has some programs. He is one of the masters who has realized his soul.
Deepak Chopra may have some things going on. He’s controversial but does speak a lot of sense, sometimes over my head.
I am sure there are many great things in Christianity in your town if you are in the USA or Europe.
There are some Indian organizations such as Dada Bhagwan dot org. This is the one I was blessed with. I did this in the USA. Note though, that these Indian ones may have some hurdles such as bad English grammar, strange accent, people with a different culture, etc and you have to be ready to take all those hurdles in your stride to keep going in the right direction. If you are able to do this, it is worth it, since the Indians are the original masters of Self realization. BTW, I was able to do this one for free. (Just cost me transport and hotel costs.) If you do this one, try to do it outside of India, simply because its easier to connect with the guru when there are fewer people (a couple hundred) attending each program rather than the thousands who attend each program when it is held in India.
You can of course, try a psychologist.
All the best, my dear friends. I know what you are going thru.
If your time to fix it has come, you’ll start this journey to fix it and succeed.
Else, try again, perhaps with a different approach.
I kicked it. I just needed a strong enough spiritual presence.
LINK – I kicked it. Finally.
By thrilled35
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