First of all, you guys are awesome. No, really. I mean it. Even if you feel insecure, down on yourself, or as if what you’re doing isn’t worth it, I’m here to tell you that you’re awesome.
You’re awesome for wanting to be a better version of yourself, and if you have a special girl in your life that is being affected by this, let me potentially speak for her as I speak for myself.
Ever since my boyfriend stopped watching porn, we both feel so much better. The sex is amazing. I feel wanted. Even when we simply make out, he can’t keep his hands off of me, and I can sense the raw desire that he has for me. He is constantly complementing me on my body, mentioning how much he loves my natural beauty. I feel so loved and appreciated, knowing that even though he has urges and he notices attractive women, he fights those urges because he loves me and ultimately wants me to be the girl that he gets off to.
My entire life, I’ve been told that all guys watch porn. E.g. “If you’re boyfriend says he doesn’t watch porn, he’s lying.” or “There are no guys that don’t watch porn, only those that are good at hiding it.” or “You’re delusional if you think your boyfriend isn’t watching porn, haha.” or “You’re crazy and controlling for not wanting your boyfriend to watch porn.” I always assumed that my boyfriend watched porn, but never gave much thought to how much or what kind. I thought that I was okay with it, because wasn’t every good girlfriend supposed to be okay with it?
That was until I came across a porn site when innocently using his phone to google something. I immediately closed the tab (so fast that I didn’t even really see the contents of the page) and burst into tears. Why, I asked myself? Why am I so hurt by this? You knew that he did it, so why does seeing it make it hurt so much more?
(I could go on to mention the reasons why it hurt so much, but the great thing about you guys is that you probably already know. Take a minute to logically think about what porn is, what kinds of girls are in it, and what you’re doing with it, and if you can’t figure out how your girlfriend could be hurt by it, you’re an idiot.)
Anyway, the great thing about being a girl is that we have pretty good instincts 😉 I always, always trust my gut, and my gut told me that this wasn’t okay.
So, I was left in a situation where society was telling me that my feelings of betrayal were unreasonable and crazy, and that I should just accept that this is something guys are always going to do. I even tried to talk myself out of it sometimes, using the reasoning that a lot of guys, and hell, even some women use to justify porn usage: “All guys fantasize. It doesn’t mean he’s any less attracted to you.” or “He’s allowed to have his own sexuality; stop being so controlling!” or “Those are just fantasies; he’s smart enough to know that it’s different from real life.”
But here’s the thing that most guys don’t seem to understand.
If I’m your girlfriend, I want to be your fantasy. I want to be the person that turns you on more than anything else. Maybe those are all pretty high expectations, but I think that by stopping porn, you guys are on the right track to making that happen. When you watch porn, you separate sex and love. If you’re masturbating to a bunch of perfect naked women on a computer screen and it “means nothing,” how can I expect you to suddenly turn on the intimacy switch when you have sex with me? You can’t treat every other woman like an object but somehow magically treat me like a whole being simply because I’m your girlfriend. It doesn’t work that way. When you use porn, it makes me feel like I’m just a prop to act our your porn-based fantasies on. So many people make the argument that “As long as he ends up in bed with you at night, that’s what’s important.” Where his body is means nothing if his head and his heart aren’t there too.
When you use porn, you’re telling your girlfriend that she isn’t attractive enough. You are letting yourself get instant gratification by giving into your “needs” to see as many naked women as possible, because the girl that you’re with isn’t enough. It isn’t enough to think about her, and in some cases, it isn’t enough to have her naked and touchable right in from of you.
TL;DR If you’re doing this for a girl, she is affected by it more than you know. If not, your future lady will appreciate it. And you guys are awesome.
Edit: I feel like I should mention something that I totally forgot to say in my original post. My boyfriend still masturbates, and so do I. This post is about me asking him to quit watching porn and him stopping. Not me trying to control his mind or asking him to stop touching himself. Jesus, people.
Edit (again): Alright, so apparently I need to clarify yet another thing because some people really like to jump to conclusions. I don’t think that my boyfriend doesn’t find other women attractive and I don’t think that he doesn’t fantasize about other women, nor do I get insecure/bothered by it or try to get him to stop. Everyone fantasizes. Hell, sometimes I fantasize about having Dan Howell as a boyfriend. But watching porn is giving in to those fantasies and gratifying a man’s supposed need for variety, which you give up when you enter into a monogamous relationship in my opinion (I guess I need to clarify that part too because people are so quick to get butthurt).
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by joudog
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