I was wondering why today seemed like such a great day… I’ve done it! For at least 4 years I have been a member of this sub reddit and I have learned many things during my time here. Perhaps the greatest thing about success on NoFap is a deeply rooted sense that you are in control of your own actions. From this flows a fountain of joy and a high self-esteem, which radiates genuine confidence, pride, and happiness.
Yes, the benefits are real.
Of course it didn’t mean girls started flocking to me in their masses, or that what began as extreme shyness and insecurity miraculously transformed me into a highly confident alpha overnight. That doesn’t detract from the hard fact, however, that NoFap has played, and continues to play, a significant role in steering me towards self-improvement and guiding me to become a person that pre-fapstronaut me would be proud of.
Increased confidence, decreased brain fog, more interest from women (it’s really not that surprising when you consider the other benefits like confidence and being more alert…), a stronger desire to meet real women in my life, greater social presence, learning to just be myself (that’s where happiness lies anyway…), etc… This is really nothing that radical here, just an affirmation of other’s experiences.
What I hope you can really take away from this is my experience:
- Pursue your Passions. Seriously. You cannot expect to just stop PMOing. You will create a vacuum in your life which will inevitably result in you returning to what you know. All the time you spend fighting that voice in your head is you slowly draining your willpower. Sometimes there’s not much else you can do, but if this is your primary means of defense, you will inevitably tire and relapse. Find a way to quit without brute force – whatever works for you. It might be focusing your time on a project you are passionate about, or actively seeking to spend more time surrounding yourself with friends and/or meeting new people. Save your willpower as a last resort.
- Create barriers. Essentially, what you want to do is distance yourself from PMO rather than fight it until you can flick a switch in your mind whereby abstinence becomes your default – by habit. This is one reason why socializing is critical to recovery. Obviously however, you cannot reasonably expect to be surrounded by people all of the time, so, my suggestion is to create barriers at home to make relapse more challenging. I told my parents about my problem with PMO (if it makes you guilty, which perhaps it shouldn’t, but if it does, you must tell somebody! It will eat you inside out if you don’t). Dad helped me by installing k9 web protection on my PC and never telling me the password. If you have EVER failed at NoFap, I urge you to consider doing this (even setting it up yourself and hiding the password). It disrupts your pattern and forces you to reconsider, even if you may have access elsewhere. For me the added reminder that my parents were there wishing the best for me was further incentive to stick at it.
- Use a diary. You will almost certainly fail along the way. Do not EVER attack yourself for this. There’s enough guilt and regret without you making it worse for yourself. Accept what happened, keep a diary about it (here or elsewhere, doesn’t really matter), and move on showing a little grace and compassion to yourself. The diary is great because it allows for that catharsis. You can get the feelings of your chest sooner and get on with life sooner. It also re-affirms with physical evidence that PMO almost always leads to strong feelings of shame and regret. This knowledge helps motivate you not to relapse in the future. It’s making the most of a bad situation. Perhaps not everyone feels that same shame and regret, but if you’re here and have read this far my bet is you do, and a diary has a lot to offer you in your recovery.
- Game plan. Try to spend as close to no time thinking about PMO, or even NoFap, as you possibly can. It’s essentially that good old quote, “the secret to change is to focus all of your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new.” Obviously, you can’t tell yourself what not to think about, which is why finding other things to focus on is so important. If provocative thoughts do come to mind, you need a game-plan prepared in advance as to how you will respond. The moment you feel triggered, you may decide to get out of your chair and go for a walk outside for 5 minutes. Perhaps you instead would rather do exercise. On the spot push-ups have worked for me on many occasions. Essentially, what you need is a routine activity that can break your train of thought, and then find something to do away from dangerous areas like your computer, phone, or on the couch watching TV while you recover (even if it means putting off something important, like study). Return only when it is safe to do so.
- The 100% rule. This is one of my favorites. For those who are unfamiliar with it, it says it is easier to put in 100% effort than even 99%. Think of it this way. Say there’s a bowl of maltesers (because I love maltesers…). Having none will often require a degree of self-control. However, you eat a single malteser, the urge to have a second is immensely greater than the urge for the first. It’s the same with NoFap, choosing to never compromise is significantly easier than choosing moderation. So, do not compromise, go 100%. This applies to more than just NoFap, like diet, or sticking to your exercise routine, which is why I love it so much.
If you have any questions, be sure to let me know and I’ll try to answer them.
I hope this read has been valuable.
Peace.
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