90 days … I do not believe it! It is hard to believe that so much time has passed without the daily habit that ruined me…
It all started three years ago when I first tried MO. It turned out strange. In P, I saw various types of paintings that I did not like at first. It was awful to look at how the actors shoved the genitals in different places. Disgusting. But having studied in more detail I got into the habit of watching these videos. I did not do MO. So three months passed.
But at one point, my grandmother saw indecent words in browser requests. Then there was one computer in the house that my grandmother and I used. And when she saw these search queries, she began to ask me many questions: “Why are you watching this ?!”, “And I trusted you!”. It was a shame. I was banned from using the Internet for a week.
When I was able to visit the Internet again, the desire to see P disappeared. But I forgot to say that apart from P, I was still engaged in MO. These two things could not unite. I used my fantasy. After another three months of classes I began to notice fatigue. On holidays around everyone had fun, but not me. In addition, immediately after the classes, the mood deteriorated.
I understood that the reason lies precisely in this. Days passed, and the habit did not want to retreat. I was hoping that she herself will pass or I get bored. But no. Understanding the danger of such an occupation – the struggle began. There were constantly attempts to stop for at least three days. There were revolts and revolutions. I did not want to put up with my position. I was reassured by posts that wrote about the benefits of MO, about the harm of abstinence. But in my heart I knew that such an exercise would not lead to good. I had a lot of relapses. I could not last more than a week.
But once I decided to stop and end this once and for all. Began a strong defense against MO. But the deadline was only two weeks. I resigned myself, promising myself not to do this even on important days (holidays, exams) Yes, the influence was stopped, but not for long. I still wanted to. I even decided to conduct such a ritual every other day. It only got worse.
Still my friends constantly told vulgar jokes. It just annoyed me. Also, a myth has appeared that if you hold on for a month without this, you will get rid of this bad habit. But half a year nothing happened. The maximum period was less than two weeks.
And finally, I decided to try to refrain at least 21 days. It was hard, but I did it. Without much difficulty the barrier was broken. And yes, indeed, after 21 days, the habit is less painful. But I hurt myself, which I later regretted. Life has become gray, uninteresting. Week abstinence – the maximum result. Besides, MO helped me to forget about problems. But I felt addicted. Days and months passed. Nothing helped. I resigned and did it almost daily. Finding beautiful girls (without P), I fantasized different pictures.
And so, in December 2018, the MO habit was thrown out for a whole month. I was tormented by fantasies, it was difficult, but patience overcame it. But the most interesting thing began in early 2019. It was night, I was lying in bed. To me vulgar thoughts began to climb. The torment began. It seemed to me that if I did not recur, I would lose consciousness. Miraculously managed to escape. But a few days later there was a relapse. It was a shame.
But when I found the Nofap community, my life changed. At first it was all incomprehensible, but then I started to answer people who are also struggling with this problem. Yes, there was a relapse and viewing P. But the third time the problem was eliminated. I decided to end it after three years of struggle. On the wall was fixed a reminder that you need to fight and not give up. It helped me overcome difficulties by suppressing desire. Sometimes erotic shots come across to me and come across, but there’s no point in paying special attention to them.
Finally, freedom …
Sorry for the errors if you found them.
LINK – 90 days. 3 years of fight
;