In full disclosure, I’d like to share with you my story with the utmost sincerity.
My Story:
I am a student attending university in the United States.
Background
I was first introduced to pornography around 13 years old, similar to most people my age. After this initialization, I looked up images and gifs infrequently. It was natural curiosity about sex and women. I think I heard Megan Fox’s name once thrown around by some friends, so some Google searches ensued. Many of my friends discussed words and experiences that I had never heard before.
At age 15, I’m guessing I hit puberty last of my friends. Upon realizing what masturbation was, I tested it out. I viewed images and gifs of women to get off. Following my sister leaving the house for university that summer, things turned worse. I had the whole upstairs to myself, and I used that time to explore what was out there on the internet. I knew watching porn wasn’t great, but it felt good and masturbation is natural, so I rationalized.
From ages 16-18, I believe I watched porn every day. To satisfy the frequency of my watching, I turned to more violent stuff. My choice of poison was dominatrix porn. Yeah, I felt guilty. But hey, I worked hard in school and I deserve sexual release and this doesn’t hurt anybody, so I rationalized. I figured I would stop watching when I reached college.
I didn’t. I wanted to stop but I couldn’t. I couldn’t miss a day.
Last December, I admitted to myself about having a problem. So, I built up the courage and I told my best friend about it. And he supported me. He checked in on me. He installed a blocker on my computer and didn’t give me the password. He comforted me. Yet, although I admitted about my problem, I personally made no effort to change. I was having a rough semester and I deserved this. I continued watching and I rationalized.
THIS SUMMER, I HIT MY ROCK BOTTOM.
I was watching porn one night and I simply broke down crying.
I was tired of this.
I joined this community.
Today I’m 90 days free, and I’m never going back.
My advice:
Find out why you watch:
Looking back, I realize that watching porn was a catharsis for my insecurity. I was afraid that because I was small, I was somehow less of a man. Masculinity is an issue that I constantly struggled with growing up, and it is something I wrestle with today. Further, I watched to release sexual frustration. I felt I lost control of my own love life, and porn was a crutch to hide behind.
Research:
Find out about why porn causes addiction. I checked out neuroscience articles, TedTalks, YourBrainOnPorn, etc. In understanding why I got hooked, I realized I didn’t want to watch anymore.
Acceptance through role models:
I love watching Terry Crews’s videos on why he stopped watching. Man’s a legend.
Become okay with the fact that you will never watch porn again. It’s tough, but that what makes the fight great.
Tell people:
Today, many of my friends know my story. If they want to listen, I tell them. Although some shamed me, many more were inspired and helped me along. These are the people I am still friends with. I continue with their support.
And with everything else, eating healthy and exercising helps.
I am so thankful to everyone who has helped me along this journey. That being said, my journey is not over.
I am strong. I am proud.
We can do it.
“Lo hicimos.”
–ThisTime
LINK – 90 days. My full story and advice.
by ThisTime
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