I finally had full, normal sex (!!) after struggling with this problem for what was pretty much 3 years!
A bit about me
I’m currently a 20 year old student, always played a heap of sports and otherwise been healthy. I lost my virginity at 16 with my then-girlfriend. Porn had already begun affecting me psychologically even prior to developing PIED, pretty much the reason I ended up with it was because I developed confidence issues believing that all girls were expecting porn-like sex. I essentially became scared to try to have sex for want of not disappointing her. This felt pretty emasculating and although we had sex occasionally- I started to replace intimacy with a real girl, to intimacy with porn (if you can call it that). I broke up with her when PIED fully set in and from around 17 I could not get hard enough to penetrate.
I’m not going to sugarcoat it, I felt like PIED was ruining my life. I had to let every girl I liked go for about two years between 17-19 for trying to avoid the embarrassment/my secret getting out and to not disappoint the girl I was with. While my mates were all getting into relationships, I was actively avoiding them. But yet despite knowing I had a problem, I didn’t drop porn- it became something I fell back on. All my sexual experience involved focusing on her then feigning whiskey dick or some other excuse.
How it got better
I found NoFap and did some extensive reading in February 2018. I immediately went on a 90 day streak, so my first bit of advice is please don’t procrastinate lads, start as soon as you can. Though it may not seem like it, there is a date where you will be clear from PIED. But if you keep opening up that incognito tab, all you are doing is pushing that date further away from yourself.
Something a bit rarer in this community, I did reintroduce (healthy) masturbation after my first 90 day streak. I’d still randomly go on shorter streaks just because I liked the “superpowers” (even if they are placebo), but from about september 2018 I did start again. NoFap has a deterrent culture that theorises masturbation automatically leads back to porn. Obviously this is true for some and not for others, but its important to remember this recovery is an individual process.
I actually developed Premature ejaculation (very common for recovering PIED sufferers). I’ve actually probably been recovered about 5 months prior to now, but twice girls went down on me and I ejaculated in under a minute- obviously a confidence hit. I started using masturbation to fix this issue, and regain confidence. Masturbation without porn is actually healthy, and for various reasons I decided to bring it back. Advice would be- just listen to your body. I only brought it back when I was exhibiting signs of recovery (morning wood etc). This is unfortunately not a process you can rush.
The hardest but most important- you have to pursue healthy relationships (imo). This can be embarrassing, but do remember PIED is actually mental not physical. Rerouting your mind to be aroused by real life people and intimacy is the key. Multiple times during this process I tried to penetrate a girl and failed, but I still got the mental benefits of just stuff like focusing on her and cuddling, which helps you to heal. It may be hard, but you have to keep trying and keep getting back up if it doesn’t work. Don’t give up, its going to happen!
The moment!
Last wednesday I finally had sex again, I even went for two rounds just because I was just so stoked! I then went back to hers on the Thursday and it worked again. This was absolutely massive for me, it felt like the demon that had been following me around for 3 years was finally gone.
The funny thing was, the previous 5 weeks I’d gone home with this same girl and it hadn’t worked, I was literally considering giving up at this very point- it was almost a hail mary last effort. But I really like her and I wanted to be fully intimate with her- and it finally happened! So I guess my last bit of advice is find a patient person, one you care about and maybe that will be the key.
As I say, sorry for this essay. If you made it to here I appreciate the patience and I hope I’ve been some help. Lads, my messages are always open. I know how much of a rut I was in, how I thought it would never get better- but it does. Please don’t give up, chase that dream no matter how long it takes! If you want any help or just someone want someone to talk to who has been through it, you know where to find me
LINK – I finally did it
By a.n.other
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