I’ve been practically dead on this account for two months, but I’m back and boy, have I gone through some good changes!
First and foremost, my last posts in my history were related to my first serious break-up and how it affected my mental health. I can confidently say that my ex-partner and I are friends that talk infrequently and that I have no plans in the future of getting back together, at least into a serious relationship. Meanwhile, I’ve explored other avenues of meeting new people (mostly for romantic/intimate adventures) and just today, I happened to have a wonderful time with a close friend of mine of 2+ years. We’ve been constantly flirting with one another over text for a week and we got together for the first (and certainly not last) time. We’re not dating because she’s technically in an open relationship, but we are currently friends with benefits. I personally feel that I am not ready to pursue another serious relationship for some time, so I believe “playing the field” and seeing who is out there is in my best interest.
My body confidence is much better than usual. I certainly still feel dysmorphia on my bad days, but I noticed that I am getting much more fit and muscular, which is what I really wanted all along. Working out pretty much every weekday has paid great dividends. I’ve also grown a beard for the first time (which I need to trim pretty soon haha) and I honestly like the new look. I don’t know how long it’s going to stick around, but I personally prefer it over my clean shaven look.
My sexuality feels like it is under control/”tamed” (that is, until I had that encounter today) and I know better than my hormones and compulsive drive to mess up a good streak. My stress is controlled by way of distracting myself with music or by thinking much more logically about my emotions rather than giving into that once familiar temptation. Porn doesn’t really bother me, but I feel like I’ve grown out of it to really get any enjoyment out of it anymore. I even tried looking at clips before I met with my FWB and I felt next to nothing satisfying, so I shut it off and focused on the fun ahead.
August was a very difficult month for me emotionally and these next four months are certainly going to be another hill to conquer with my massive undertaking of 6 classes at a new university. I will try to keep my story updated to see where things take me. Cheers, fapstronauts!
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