I am almost 22 years old now, probably remember myself discovering what I have between my legs at 10 or even younger. At around age 13 I saw my first porn video. When I was 15 I was using porn regularly, but not too much I thought, it was 2-3 times a week. Used all kind of porn, variety improved with age. Me and my first big love never had sex. When we were together I was feeling hard, but I never had that big desire for women (I felt that after 5 weeks of noFap).
So becouse of lack of desire (men energy) from my side we stopped meeting. At age 20 I was virgin.
Went to a few dates, but no real desire. After meeting girls, I would finish my evening with porn…I thought that my dick is hard enough. Masturbated without lubrication and with strong hand.
In 2017-12-20 at age 21, in party I get in bed with girl, I start to turn her on with my fingers, she starts that too, and I feel that my partner is pretty limp. After little bit of play I feel that he is gone… At that moment I understood that I have a problem. A big problem.
I have heard about noFap earlier, tried for a few times no more than a week. Thought that I don’t need that. After that day when I felt that I’m not hard with girl. I started to think.
In December 22 I started noFap. At the begining it was hard as always. In one youtube video I heard an idea waht to say when you feel desire for porn.
“I won’t do that“
After around 3 weeks of noFap I invited my old friend to meet. She accepted my invitation. In evening after talk there was no more words and we started to kiss. I took her to bed, put a condom and felt that partner is pretty limp. I was able to cum, everything looked almost fine. But next day before saying goodbye, we had sex one more time, when she was on top, my dick was gone…but I was not virgin anymore.
I was still chating with my first girl, she was abroad. After 5 weeks of noFap I felt how man energy feels in my body. My partner was hard, I could say always . In the morning, at night, when I saw a beautiful girl, when I thought about sex. In my head was only minds how to get a pussy. I could make my dick hard by mind in 15sec. It lasted for two weeks. At the same time I liked my first girl. So I said that I can’t wait no more for her. She bought tickets and said she will come back. So I made a decision to wait. In these two weeks of waiting I couldn’t be with that much energy, so I masturabated without porn three times. The feelings was new for me, it was something what I’m searching right now with my GF.
She returned at my week 7 of noFap. My hard dick was gone…We tried to have sex but I couldn’t. Oh…what was in mine mind. It was like worst day of my life… I felt angry, sad, despair…It can’t be expressed by words. Candles light, romantic and I was not working.
Outside was still winter, about -20C. I went out alone, run to near forest. Took of my all clothes. And fall into snow, rub it everywhere. I was almost crying…yelling.
Come back to her after some time. She was normal about it, she said it’s not taht bad. We spend 3 days laying to each other and kissing, cuddling without sex. I sad that I want that she would live with me, becouse I don’t want long distance relationship. And if we don’t fit each other we will understand that quickly. She agreed.
Probably we haven’t sex for two or even more weeks. I told her about my journey of noFap. I was trying to have sex but I couldn’t. There was times when I thought is it even worth to try. But I tried. I understood that there can be no shame feeling in this situation.
Then I was able to enter into her. I was happy, but not satisfied. I cumed so fast, after moment when I enter I was almost exploding.
In April I started to search for natural herbs which can help me. It was my more than 90 days of noFap and couldn’t have normal sex. I found damiana leaf tea and catuaba, these was easy to buy. No special effect was felt. Maybe too short time of usage. So I become vegan. Started to read about mucus in our body, how vascular system is clogged. Plenty of changes in my life this year .
Also in head I had an idea that this all noFap is useless, but watch a few video about it, read a few stories and understood on what road I am now.
I felt that she is not getting what she wants. I made so tongue, finger work. She felt orgasms, but it wasn’t what she wanted. Sometimes she said fuck me and I see in her eyes desire of rough sex. I started to understand that it can’t last long like that. Thought that if not from me she will get it somewhere else. So I told her that I feel bad but I think it will be better if we breake up. It was about end of May. But we stayed together. It was hard moment in university for me.
Sometimes we had sex 3 times a day, but it was low quality sex. Dick was little bit harder. I was happy, but expecting more. Thought maybe if I watch porn I will become hard again…when I turn porn on I saw everything different, I saw reality. Action on screen wasn’t inetersting for me. There was no feelings. I was more inerested on my partner than video.
At that moment I understood how deep I was in that bullshit… Before this journey I was jerking off my limp dick about 30%, with full screen of porn site videos. Now I could get it about 80%-90%, but felt bad in front of myself and my GF. So I exit a video without finishing myself. And keep that energy for my GF.
When she returns home we have sex and she felt first orgasm in her life as she said. By saying first she means orgasm while dick is in her.
Yesterday we had sex and almost all time my attention was in process. I can last as long as I want to, I know what I do, I feel what I do, I feel her. She had three orgasm, and my feelings was much much… x times better than just cumming. Porn is nothing comparing to this. It feels little bit divine.
Because this forum helped me so much, I will try to give something back to it.
Keep your heads up, You are on the big and long way!
LINK – 7 and a half months…of success
by edlyas
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