After having another embarrassing PIED issue with my girlfriend at the start of this year I decided enough was enough and discovered Nofap. I had seen it before when I have had erection issues but never thought this was my issue. I blamed performance anxiety and other things, maybe I was embarrassed to admit I was addicted to porn.
I have probably PMO’d for around 10 years of my life. Maybe once or twice a day on average and luckily not getting into too extreme stuff. However, I have at times got into cam stations (luckily didn’t spend money), hookup sites, and long edging sessions occasionally.
I am now 53 days porn free. Porn was my escape for stress, social anxiety, loneliness, real life problems. It was my safe space. I grew up on it and thought everyone did it. I thought what I did was normal, and I was wrong.
I think the first step to curing a porn addiction is accepting you have one, and make that decision in your head that it is going to stop, fully commit to it. Also have reasons why you want to stop, what will the benefits be in your life? For me, it is to recover from PIED, social anxiety, viewing woman in a better way, discipline, seeking real life intimacy.
I’ve realised by PMO’ing for years, my brain has been wired to take the easy option of a dopamine rush to computer pixels. Real life intimacy is harder. You have to think about the other person. Are they enjoying it? Am I performing well? There is an element of anxiety which I certainly feel in these situations, and my brain didn’t like it. This caused me to have embarrassing situations over and over again. I lost relationships because of it, and I damaged my mental health and self esteem.
Over the last 53 days, I’ve managed to have sex successfully three times (with some failures also) and it felt normal. I had sensitivity and enjoyed the sensations, previously it felt forced. I still have performance anxiety and sometimes struggle to keep my erection but that’s okay, I’m 53 days in and this is a marathon not a sprint. Especially after 10 years of damaging my brain.
I have also masturbated a few days ago but without porn. Some may not agree with this but I now don’t regret it. It was without death grip and was to normal fantasies. I’ve not felt a chaser effect to watch porn and I’m satisfied from it. It has also encouraged me to seek sex with my gf (we are long distance) as I fantasise about her during it. I feel these are normal responses rather than clicking through endless porn videos to find the right one. I don’t plan to build it into a routine but will masturbate if I have a natural arousal and am in an environment to do so. Forcing masturbation could lead to bad habits.
This may not be a success story to everyone but I’m proud of myself. I would have had maybe 100 porn sessions over this period and I’ve done 0 and can see the progress I’m making. I don’t intend on watching porn again.
Here’s a few things I have found that I am benefitting from:
– Firmer erections. Feels like there’s more blood in my penis
– I get spontaneous erections maybe once a day, and instant erections when getting intimate
– I have managed to orgasm the last few times I’ve had sex and it remained hard the whole time. Sometimes I was unsure whether it was 100% erect though
– I have morning wood basically every day and it lasts quite a while
– Recovery time between erections is like half an hour but I am only 24.
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