Porn free 32 days and counting. I also hadn’t masturbated until today.
Table of contents
Context
Porn addiction timeline
My wakeup call (my motivation that got me to quit porn)
Steps I took
What I’m learning on this never ending journey
Context:
After graduating from college in 2019, I decided I wanted to address issues I never wanted to acknowledge. That is, my weakened erections and my performance anxiety episodes in sex from years prior. So bear with me if this post gets lengthy. This has been my new ‘focus’ and I intend on adding as much data as possible to the already large anecdotal posts available on these forums. Without brothers from yesteryear reporting their detailed experiences, context, and success stories, I would have never known what to do or where to start.
10 year porn addiction:
26M, discovered masturbating at age 10, watched porn almost daily since 17. In those 10 years, I scoured different and questionable porn categories. And eventually I got low libido, weaker erections, no longer turned on by porn, no morning wood etc. The usual of porn-induced erectile dysfunction PIED. For obvious reasons I did not pursue relationships much in fear of sex. But these thoughts did not stop me from wanting to experience sex (unsuccessfully) at 18 and later ages.
My wakeup call story: tldr
I have gotten flaccid/soft whenever I was about to penetrate, or I sometimes had moments where I wasn’t even hard during kissing or cuddling. There was a moment where I was receiving a hand job and my partner, sweet patient girl, took her time, used spit, changed strokes and positions, but I stayed soft/flaccid and then I told her “not like that, maybe try harder” and she started gripping and my penis started getting hard and eventually erect and that’s when I realized, “ok I think I have “death grip syndrome”. I mean it makes sense, I totally desensitized my penis to only react to aggressive hand movement because it was not reacting at all until she stroked it in the manner that I do.
tldr After experiencing failure in sex more and more, I decided to quit viewing porn and temporarily stop masturbating because I want to rid of my penis problems and have successful sex
Steps I decided take:
I called my doctor about possible ED, ok I uttered the words “performance anxiety,” first. He said no way, referred me to a sex marriage therapist, and ordered blood and testosterone work. It all came back normal. Therapist basically told me to cut out porn and the daily self-pleasure. Did not make any more appointments as I think I can tackle this on my own now that I made a road map to recovery, which is, quit porn
I stopped masturbating and I intend on changing future masturbation method. Decided to buy a fleshlight after reading some PIED cured stories. When I bought it 30+ days ago, I couldn’t penetrate it. So I decided to use it later when ready. Today I penetrated the fleshlight. And I got more erect as I used it. That made me really freaking happy. I was so relieved I was able to penetrate the damn toy. Having an uncircumcised penis with sensitive glands and tight foreskin, I worried my penis was a problem in itself. But today I took that off my list because the toy pulled my skin back and made me orgasm. I think I even gained confidence in my ability to have penetrative sex. Like seriously, I achieved something I wasn’t able to do a month ago, I’m really happy – and no I’m not from a fleshlight company trying to sell
I’ve been self-reflecting a lot to get to root of issues. I realized I latched onto porn at a young age because I was always chubby and insecure that my fat pouch in my penis area was too fat for sex. This has led me to believe I suffer/suffered from performance anxiety
What I’m learning:
It could be a change in partners that makes your penis react differently.
In fall of 2020 I met two women off a dating app. Friend_G and I were seeing each other for about four months. Yes, unsuccessful sex, but I still made it a mission to please her with oral. One thing I never enjoyed with her was kissing and lack of romantic body communication. We broke off because she eventually wanted something serious and long-term with me, while I did not.
Then I met friend_S, whose actually intimate, way more responding to body and verbal communication, and a great kisser. I never had flashbacks of cuddling and kissing in my life and my penis has reacted to nothing but flashbacks of my time with her. Anytime we’d cuddle and kiss, she’d always say “you’re hard again”. Keep in mind my erections are not full on hard. (I haven’t seen her since Christmas because 2 weeks later I got covid symptoms and I’ve been in quarantine ever since.)
Male sex toys aren’t creepy, well maybe a doll is. I think it’s way healthier than gripping with hand.
So before one of my flings in fall of 2020, I decided to buy penis rings, and the fleshlight. Never in a million years did I think I’d ever own anything like them. I was just that desperate to keep an erection and to test my penis. And looking back, I don’t know why I ever thought it’d be creepy in owning something like them. It’s my own secret, and I don’t need to tell anyone I know in my life.
Male depression isn’t talked about enough/We don’t let ourselves be vulnerable enough And I think that falls on us, the guys.
Give me flak if you must but just think for a second how stupid it is for grown men to fear having to call our doctor to talk about possible erectile dysfunction. This was something I wanted to do back when I was 22. I barely did it at age 26! Like, I put off these worries and masked them with school work because I just didn’t want to acknowledge something was wrong with me down there. Now look at me, unraveling the damage and mental harm I’ve caused for myself.
Did I mention I thought of committing suicide back in June of 2020 and the main factor in that was me thinking I had a dead penis and I chose not to say a word on it to anybody – So here’s the alive version of me telling you guys to talk to others. I saw a guy post on here saying he told his parent about his porn addiction, my fn man! Talk to people on here, just let your issues be known. But more importantly, get checked by doctors, seek out therapy-
Women aren’t cruel creatures, tell them of your situation, they will hear you out be vulnerable and I guarantee you this person you just entangled bodies with will listen and be understanding.
So let me tell you why I’m really liking Friend_S. Immediately after another failed sex sesh the next morning, I told her I needed to tell her something. She let out a disappointing sigh, and I told her of my addiction to PMO and how I’m recovering. And she listened and understood. We spoke on it for a few minutes and then moved along to other related topics, like self healing, and herbs she’s used to relieve stress. She thanked me for sharing something so personal with her and I left feeling good about myself. We texted and talked regularly ever since, she’s missed me and my body! Her words
Anyways, that’s all I got to share so far, comrades. I’ll update this with more if I remember anything important
LINK – My PIED story, 32 days free of porn, tested masturbation today
;