I think that after 500 days of no PM (O – only with my wife), I’m somewhat obliged to write about my current state.
1. Am I free?
Yes, but…
· Minor urges happen – they’re not something I care about, but the reason for them is explained in point X
· I had two times when I almost screwed up. I was on the verge of losing. You’d consider this almost sub-P. That’s why I don’t feel like my 500 days is the score I’m 100% proud of. However, my rules were very strict (not looking at ANYTHING that used to make me horny, not just P). An impossible task to do for a hard addict, indeed.
2. Disadvantages of life without addiction
That terrible feeling of almost 13 years wasted by not getting my ass up to do something with my addiction.
3. Advantages of life without addiction
· This feeling that my life is only getting started and I can do whatever I want.
· Having time to care only about real-life problems. Me and my wife got to live a hard life, having scarce chances for having a baby, and having healthy issues. Still, those are the problems I can fully focus on now, not some idiotic addiction.
· Time – I have much more time. I sometimes feel like Dio screaming “ZA WARUDO!”.
· Confidence – I’m normally a shy person, but also confident (even overconfident) when there’s a need for that.
· Social skills – I feel more natural around people and I finally have great friends.
· Body – I’ve been training some martial arts for over four years, and I’m getting better and better. Every aspect of my body got better thanks to sport and the lack of addiction.
· Aura / charisma – Some people write about getting some special aura around them, that draws other people towards them. So, yep, I feel like I’m developing Conqueror’s Haki.
· Sex-life – I don’t like talking about this, but what I can say… when I was addicted, I had problems. Now, it’s like an entirely different thing. It’s a completely different feeling. My body doesn’t have problems with anything when me and my wife want to make love. Yes, that’s the thing! We don’t make sex, we make love! It’s hard to explain if you don’t experience it. It’s like King Crimson’s ability – it just works.
4. How to achieve freedom
It’s clearly individual. However, there are some things that worked for me, and you can find that others agree on them:
Believe – I’m a Roman Catholic, so – pray, confess, Communion, pray, confess, Communion, pray , get up, pray to Saints (like St. Augustine, St. Paul, St. Rita, St. John Paul II etc.), believe in His Mercy, confess, Communion, pray to Holy Spirit, repeat everything until it works and afterwards even more.
State clearly what you want to do – write down some rules that will keep you in check. You know this thinking “Maybe it won’t hurt if I…” – if it hurt you in the past, write it down and stick to it. My general rule was actually very simple – “I will never look at any P again.” It automatically pushed me away from M, and I could add more specific rules to it (like: this and that makes me horny – I can’t look at anything like this and that).
Cold showers – use them only when urges come. They should serve as a kind of punishment and refreshment at the same time. They have to be unpleasant.
Do some sport – really, that’s the third thing that kept me from PMO. I was immediately feeling better after working out. If I couldn’t attend some training, I was working out at home, and then took cold shower.
Meet new people – it’s actually related to sport in my case – you should meet new people at all cost, because your view of them (especially women if you’re a male addict) is distorted. It really changes your point of view. This point and the one above actually can be transformed into one, and that is:
Learn sport that makes you meet new people – so, don’t go to a gym. Have you noticed how many people here write about their problems on the gym? That’s because it’s a very individual thing that doesn’t consume your INTELLECTUAL attention. If you have no other choice, then work out on the gym, but if you take one more risky step and decide to do some real sport instead, believe me, you’ll thank me later. My ideas: any martial arts (hand-to-hand combat, fencing – if you want to feel like an individual, but with friends), team sports (volley-, basket-, football etc. – if you want to feel like a member of a group). Invest in something that combines brain and body. I took the risk and I’ve been doing that for over four years, and I really, really recommend it.
Never objectify women (if you’re a male addict) – it’s hard at the beginning, but I think it’s one of the easiest things you achieve after a month or three.
Work / study – work and study – it’s self-explanatory, I think. It consumes your time in a positive way. Be the best worker, even if you collect rubbish. Learn new things or discover new hobbies. Learn how to juggle, watch VSauce, I don’t know, anything works.
Avoid places that make you feel urges as much as possible – it’s some of the hardest things to do, because you must explain to your wife that you can’t go on holidays on the beach, and such. However, it’s worth it, because you must do it maybe for 90 days, a year or two (depends on people).
Trust that NoFap is wonderful and works – join Challenges, use the Emergency Button as often as possible, find an AP, simply use everything this forum has to offer.
There are possibly more things, but that’s all I can think of now.
5. If I was just starting, would I add something/change something?
Watch motivational videos – I found out that they’re great, even now.
Wet dreams – learn to live with them, because they get rarer and rarer. I found that if you’re afraid of having a wet dream, take cold shower before sleeping. I can’t remember a wet dream after a cold shower.
If you’re a Catholic, find your own priest-confessor – I was afraid to do it, and I actually couldn’t do it because I had to change my place of living several times, but it’s something wonderful during addiction. Something that speeds up the process. It’s like an AP, but not through the Internet.
If you’re married, have as little sex as possible – it was surely slowing me down, but since we’ve been trying to have a baby, we couldn’t waste any chance. Even then, I made a rule with my wife, that we would have sex only and only when she wanted it. That way, I had to fight urges sometimes for some longer periods, and it helped me a lot. However, if you want to speed up the process, stick to 100% no PMO.
Thank you, everyone, for all this time. I rarely look at the forum nowadays, but if you have questions, write on priv. I can’t guarantee that I’ll answer soon (or at all), but I’m willing to help as much as I want.
Some of you know that my avatar has been changing from base-Goku to the new-born Omen Ultra Instinct Goku. When I finally feel truly free, I will change it to Mastered Ultra Instinct, however, I don’t feel it’s the right time yet. Pray for me, and thank you.
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