I haven’t been here for a while. But during my HOCD (that took like 5 years of my life) I used to seek for a words of support and hope and now I think I can bring some to you on my personal example. I think that somehow I owe you this. Anyway, when I was 23 something started to change, like it was hard for me to be turn on by girls in real life, only porn was still doing it for me.
Harder and harder types of porn. After time HOCD thing started. Remember, if you are looking for hardcore types of porn, for a heterosexual guy gay porn is something like totally “hard”, “weird” and stuff like this. And this is what your brain could enjoy when being bored by years of other “lighter” stuff.
Anyway, few months ago I finally managed to quit porn for three months. It felt better, HOCD stuff was fading, although not deleted from my brain totally. Than in a stressful period, for perhaps a month porn came back and almost immediately HOCD stuff was back there, pretty much as strong as before.
But now again I didn’t watch porn for like 2 or 3 months and it feels much better. I don’t have strange urges, panic attacks that I want to kiss another guy, have sex or stuff. Or at least I have much much less of these. I more find it kind of funny or sometimes I am angry with myself that I brought my brain to this point so now I must “repair” it.
Well, this shit ruined 5 years of my life creating so called HOCD but actually it did shit to bigger part of my life, as I started to watch porn when I was 14. I don’t really believe that in 5 years or so I will feel totally pure, with crazy sex-drive for girls like when I was 16. But I totally believe I will be good, with no shit in my head. Having great sex with my beautiful girlfriend and simply be happy with this.
Also, I don’t know if this case is applicable for all you here struggling with HOCD. Stories may be different, as we all are. This one is mine and now I see clearly what kind of crap is porn. Should be banned as drugs, simply.
Be strong guys and quit this shit because it is worth it.
All best for you,
LINK – HOCD – it really helps if you quit this porn shit
by micpol
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