Today unfortunately I break my strike. I read about feminine porn and I wanted to see that (also because during this time I read a lot about perception of sexuality, majority of male point of view in creating erotic content in internet, trying to expand my point of view for healthy sexual behaviors). I was thinking it will be like always for me when sometimes porn content pops up when you looking something in internet. Usually it was “gross…” or “mehhh, really…” or I just close quick. I think since I reach 365+ I was totally no into porn, for me it’s become fake, unreal without emotional connection just beastly act of copulation. For my misfortune (or not ) I was shocked how this was so intense in emotional and sexual way, and that just happened, just like that I ejaculated without touching myself.
I went with 468 days without PMO cycle. A lot of wet dreams. A lot of urges. Almost every day cold shower. A lot of exercises. And you know what I’m happy to resetting my clock. I’m not feel disgust for myself or bad about that. Maybe little disappointed that I didn’t reach 500+.
A lot things had change during this period. But mostly my brain changed. My way of thinking and looking for other human’s being. And with that came only benefits. When I started this challenge I was focus only to stop being miserable. Today I’m confident, healthy, motivated, goal achieving, well prosperity in personal and work life, self-sufficient. In the end I’m interested in world and I care about people things, take responsibility for my actions. I want to feel and experience new thing emotions.
Now even meditations, 4times a week box trading, cycling, running, calisthenics can’t take away urges. And won’t. I’m pumped with testosterone, and endorphins, end positive emotions.
Now, in 2019 think I will try to resign from only watching porn. I don’t masturbate compulsive anyway but I think I can accept some exceptions because after this period I think masturbation is healthy if you not doing it in compulsive way. Some of you probably won’t agree with me, but during this period I was thinking a lot about this. I was jumping into loop of PMO when I was stressed or sad, lonely. Now I know that I’m capable for long term scarifies and well with controlling myself. It was my second strike, not bad in the end (first was 77). I build self happiness and awareness of my needs. Now when im good looking confident with myself with a lot of attention of women I’m not looking even for quick sex (easily I cloud) to lose urges. Because I’m aware that looking good is temporary but yours character, charisma, intellect isn’t. I appreciate connection and emotions.
I will happy to answer your questions if you have any.
Redgards
koxplate
LINK – +468 – I break my strike
by koxplate
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