Age 30+ – After 10+ years of trying and failing…I finally realized I had an addiction, not a habit

I can’t tell you how much this community (along with 2-3 other forums) has meant to me in helping me escape the PMO trap. I’m a 30+ year old guy who has been trying to quit porn since he was probably around 19-20 years old.

For 7+ month now, I feel this incredible sense of confidence that I am definitely never going to look at porn again. It wasn’t always like this.

I got hooked probably when I was 12 or 13 years old. It was still dial-up internet (2001, 2002?) but I remember the tantalizing feel of having those static images load up. With time, it just got worse.

I was probably 18 years old when I realized I had a problem. I tried to quit it but my mind just did not want to cooperate. I still just saw it as a habit, not as an addiction. Even in college, when there were some amazing people who wanted to be with me (literally sitting on my bed often), I instead stuck with the PMO habit.

After I finished college at 21, I would try on and off to quit the habit. Many years later, as I started dating again, I noticed I had a hard time with confidence. I ended up confessing with the 2-3 partners I had that I used to watch porn. They were amazing and supported me in getting de-hooked. But during intense times, I would cave in, and I was too guilty to tell them.

Finally, I got married to an amazing beautiful smart warm and nurturing woman. I seriously love her. But the habit stuck. I realized this was not some habit you count down and hope it dies, this was a downright addiction.

And addictions are harmful. There is nothing good in them. Like heroin, or cocaine. As long as I kept thinking that PMO was a “habit” to deal with stress, anxiety, boredom, etc, I would last for 5-10-30 days, but then give in. Because I still felt there was something good in it.

This was EXACTLY why Despite ALL my reasons for wanting to quit, I couldn’t. I still kept using PMO as a crutch to get through the truly “tough” parts of life.

Silly me. What a lie!

It wasn’t until I started seeing it as an addiction like heroin, cocaine, etc that I was finally able to understand there was no benefit to watching this stuff at all. NONE.

It felt like porn filled the void of my life, but it actually just contributed to it!

Almost overnight, my life changed. What felt difficult, an uphill battle to “quit the porn habit” became as easy as pie. What used to take all my willpower to resist became almost laughable. What would’ve taken all my might to resist watching, now is a sign in my mind that the last of the addiction’s toxicity is leaving me. When I used to look for motivation, I now just KNOW that there is nothing positive in PMO.

I am FREE, FREE, FREE.

After 10+ years of trying and failing over and over again. Honestly I don’t even keep count anymore.

I would log into this community to see all the stories of struggle, as well as happy stories and that is what kept me going for the years.

As a way of saying thanks to you, this incredible community, please let me know if you’re stuck, having a hard time, can’t seem to quit, or if it feels like an uphill battle you cannot climb. My inbox will always remain open. It is now my goal to help 1000 people become de-addicted so that they can also help at least 10 other people become de-addicted.