A little background
My longest streak in 2019 was 65 days and it failed because I had sex, couldn’t orgasm (I’ve always suffered from DE and death grip) during sex. Therefore, due to the chaser effect and sheer disappointment, I started fapping again even if much less than before. However, due to covid19 quarantine all the challenges of this year, in February/March I went back to bad habits of fapping a lot (edging for hours even). Also, I got hooked on porn much more than ever before (never was I actually addicted but in 2020 I have been quite close too).
As I wrote in another post, I did much damage to myself because of prone masturbation. Since I was a child up until I was a young adult. Fortunately, already starting from 15/16 yo I’ve progressively replaced it with standard masturbation, otherwise I would probably have ED, instead of “just” DE/death grip. My prone masturbation technique was lying down on my stomach, pressing my flaccid penis flat against a hard surface. Then, moving back and forth to orgasm. No wonder why my nerves got numb. I didn’t even get an erection. I would do that even 3/4 times a day as a teenager because I could do it without undressing myself, less risk of being caught.
Haven’t actually had ED but I noticed that my erection has always been just 80%/90% of its potential. Still not that bad, but I was getting worse. During summer 2020 many times I couldn’t even get hard touching myself.
Going back to my nofap journey, I’m doing this to overcome DE/death grip once and for all. I can tell you it can destroy long term relationships exactly as ED does. Besides, I want to become the better version of myself. I’m over 30, I want a healthy relationship. I’m quite good-looking, smart, and have no financial problems. I couldn’t waste my life any longer. Therefore, my goals is not 90, that is just a milestone. My goal is “for my entire life”.
Getting to the nitty-gritty of what I’m experiencing.
I feel more energetic when working out, still I’m quite sleepy and lethargic. Got a morning wood just once. During my nofap journey last year I was much hornier after 30 days, also I kept having morning woods. This says a lot to the damage porn has done to my brain in just a few months. I’m still flatlining after one months, whereas one year ago I was horny as hell. However, it’s not completely negative since I have no urges now. Never have I been tempted to watch any kind of porn. It makes me sick to think about how much I’ve masturbated and all the porn I’ve watched this year. It’s just pathetic.
Despite the flatline (in the 10 first days I actually had frequent headaches, stomach ache and flu-like symptoms), I’ve got much more confidence. When talking to other people, I stare into their eyes. I’m not as socially awkward as I used to be these past months. My voice is a little deeper and my posture more masculine. One of the best things is that I feel and think I really am much more handsome with brighter eyes and innocence written all over my face. I look much younger as I were a 20 something boy. My muscles are more defined and also it seems to me I have healthier and more robust hair. My penis looks bigger in size, probably because the blood flow has gotten better overall. Also, my dreams are more vivid and intense.
I’ve never experienced wet dreams in my entire life, but now dreams are getting somehow more erotic. I’ve also started meditating and learning a new language. Keep yourself busy. Diet is important as well: less sugary, unhealthy food.
So far so good. I’ll keep doing no PMO, hard mode. Next time I orgasm, it’ll be when having sex PIV.
I can recommend anyone to do nofap and, if possible, semen retention. Benefits are real. For me I don’t really have a choice there. The question I’ve been asking myself was: do you want to have a healthier, more productive, intense, in short better life? Or do you want to cry over your DE, lost opportunities etc. instead, getting worse everyday?
Porn is pure madness, it’s just wasting the most important thing we have: time. To masturbation I’d apply the same words. If you did PMO and your sexual life is not ideal, more likely than not is due to porn, masturbation or either of them. Just stop. Instead prone masturbation, especially dry humping when your dick is flaccid, is self-destructive and could cause almost permanent damages. I was saved in a way since I gave it up completely since at least 6 years, still I got quite severe DE and desensitization (just orgasms through HJ and BJ). Do yourself a favour. Just stop now. Go to a therapist if you can’t, but stop.
[Earlier streak]
Now that I’m about to hit the 50 days mark, I can give you some details of the benefits I’m experiencing but also of some weird things and doubts. Right now I am in a long-distance relationship but we’ll be together from December on, then no more distance between us. For this reason, I’m doing nofap hard mode. I’ve never orgasmed over the past 47 days and not even edged. Sometimes, particularly in the morning, I’m very horny and I’d like to rub my penis against the mattress but I stop to stop right immediately. I picked some porn videos three times or so but it was softcore and I managed to not touch myself. I don’t want to do it again, though. The main issue why I started nofap is because I may be slightly addicted to porn but my main issue is the DE: I’ve never come inside a woman and this has damaged some of my past serious relationship. I’ve always masturbated a lot (sometimes even 5/6 or more times a day) and before 16/17 I used to orgasm thorough dry humping
Benefits:
1) less social anxiety: I care less and less of what other people think of me; more extroverted and less shy
2) better skin and general look
3) more energetic, need less hours of sleep
4) larger penis and balls, my reproductive organs look better and majestic and I’m very proud of this
5) more ambitious, I set goals for myself and I want to achieve them
6) music feels better but I can also notice more all the beauty around me
7) my hair and beard have been growing faster
8) the voice is deeper and I have an overall more masculine demeanor
9) I’m more content with myself. I’ve wasted so many hours with porn and meaningless masturbation, throwing away important years and likely dates with gorgeous girls because when you masturbate heavily you don’t feel very much like approaching girls and dating. Also, I had lost direction in life.
Weird things
1) between day 20 and 35 i’ve had a tingling sensation in my balls and penis particularly when I wear tight pants
2) I’ve never had a wet dream in my entire life. Now that I’m approaching day 50, I’m really questioning why I haven’t had one so far and how it is like to have them
3) as I said I’m in a relationship but I’m getting a bit nervous of not being able to cum inside her. She knows about my problem and I told her I wouldn’t touch myself in order to make it more likely and I don’t want to disappoint her. The thing is that I’m not sure if my DE is caused by “death grip” and years of heavy masturbation (often with porn, but with many months even without porn). I’d say that I recurred to porn to and masturbation to come because I do enjoy sex, but not being able to ejaculate makes it somehow less terrific to me. Also, I’m questioning whether my prone masturbation against hard surfaces has made me any long-term damages. Don’t think so, but you never know.
4) my hair loss has not improved, possibly get worse even though I put minoxidil over my scalp
5) I don’t feel like I’m likely to relapse but you should never let your guard down. Moreover, I’ll have sex with my girl from day 62 to day 70 because she’s visiting me. Hope I won’t have the dreaded Chaser effect. I’m not planning to fap again. I’ll rather have sex with my girlfriend and that’s it.
LINK – approaching 50 days
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