So after more than three years (43 months) trying to reboot I was finally able to have sex about three days ago. I was probably 80% hard and still needed stimulation to maintain it but so far it was the best progress I have ever experienced in these three years. The weirdest thing is that I had relapsed three weeks before this, unlike other times where I have tried after a five month streak with no success.
A little bit of my background: When I was 16 years old I used to have sex for a year with a girlfriend in college. After we broke up thats when the PMO really started to kick in. I had two girlfriends after college whom I couldn’t get hard with. Maybe one I was able to get it hard at the end of the relationship but then she broke up with me and wasn’t able to continue progressing (this was 8 years ago and didn’t know about PMO). So I continued masturbating like crazy with long sessions and always the same genre, until I turned 29 (three years ago) and thats when I decided to quit PMO and masturbation altogether. In those three years I had streaks of no masturbation and no orgasms several times. Best ones were two of 5 months, one of 3 months, and several of a couple of months.
While I felt the mental benefits of abstinence I didn’t feel any progress down there. I remember one time after 5 months of no PMO and MO, I could not even get it up for masturbation and so I came flaccidly in 2 minutes. I even tried with a prostitute at the end of another streak and still failed. I tried natural herbs and still nothing. I would always try with prostitutes. Not that often but usually at the end of a long streak. I would get nocturnal erections every now and then specially in the last year.
I tried celibacy of mind and body to keep the sexual pathways clean. Stayed away from women altogether in these past two years and even tried to avoid them to the point where people started to think I was gay. But I kept on relapsing, every six weeks or so in this past year. So about two weeks ago I decided to ask this girl out whom I have known for while but we are not friends, to an event where people can finally see me with a girl and not think I am gay (gotta keep my manhood). I was only planning on seeing her that one time but we ended up going out three times after that mostly because she kept on talking to me.
Every date with her was amazing but always nervous about my inability to satisfy her so I decided to tell her because she was already expecting me to have sex with her and was getting disappointed in herself. I told her that I wanted to wait 6 months before trying but that I could satisfy her other ways. And that’s exactly what I did. I kissed her throughout her whole body, gave her tongue, massaged her even if my brain didn’t assimilate it as exciting but I figured I would learn it.
On the third date after I made her come with my mouth, she started giving me oral but I could not get it up. But on the fourth date she did give me a hard on with oral and was able to penetrate her. I was surprised. I wasn’t even trying but just that feeling that she wanted me, turned me on. Not like all those prostitutes that I was paying to want me, her feelings were legit towards me and that excited me. I figured erections are more than just physical attraction but a mutual feeling of arousement. I guess the pheromones that she releases help us achieve erections somehow. Also, the fact that I have been trying with condoms all these years but this time it was raw.
Additionally, The anxiety and pressure of not being able to perform was gone once I told her about my situation on the third date. I think this helped me a lot too. Knowing that I satisfied her with oral and that she wanted to satisfy me afterwards was a new feeling for me. I have always had low self esteem so this came as an excitement for me.
Nevertheless, I did not come with her. I didn’t want to end my three week streak. Now that I know the benefits of semen retention I don’t wanna lose them. These three years have made me appreciate life without women and sex. That feeling that you can control your animal urges and focus on other things is great. I can go six weeks without ejaculating, no problem. At one point I had accepted the fact that I am ok without sex, why bother if it doesn’t work. Anyways, I am going to try again this weekend, let’s see how it goes.
LINK – The Weirdest Thing
by CleanMind
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