Last week I broke my streak of 917 days, then relapsed again 3 days later. Why? I hadn’t seen my girlfriend for 4 weeks and I wasn’t keeping my sexual thoughts under control. It’s frustrating because being able to maintain control in that respect is what kept me going for so long, I guess I just got complacent.
I didn’t even enjoy the porn, I got myself so worked up and excited that I thought it was going to be great, my heart was fluctuating. However, it was largely the same clips I had seen many times over the years. The only difference now is that the ads on the porn sites insult you for watching porn and offer dating services, just lol. There was also that old familiar feeling of jumping between clips to get ready to nut at that perfect moment. It didn’t even feel that good either, I’ve been getting good sex for a couple of years and nutting all over yourself doesn’t get close to it.
Afterwards I didn’t feel much different, and I thought hmm maybe I can start watching it again, so I did. At that point, the old symptoms came back: very weak voice, brain fog, fatigue, anxiety, guilt. My GF was meant to visit this weekend but couldn’t due to the weather. For the first time, I’m glad that she’s not visiting because I do not want her to see me like this.
My experience with this addiction (having had it for nearly 20 years) is that it never leaves you, it only lies dormant. Keep yourself disciplined mentally (my way way not help others) and life will be good. It is so good living without porn, now I just need to get back on the saddle and not dwell on this relapse. It was educational however.
this is my 7th year of NoFap, learning each time lol
I peeked occasionally. I think what happened this time was I’d let myself peek in real life a bit too often. The act of opening the browser, typing in what I wanted, then seeing it on the screen though…it was what I imagine doing some good drugs felt like…heart racing, eyes open, taking in the high-def, good camera angles, perfect bodies, over and over as much as I want.
My GF isn’t perfect, she’s not as fit as those chicks on screen. However, she makes me genuinely feel like I’m the most important person to her and makes me feel like a stud in bed. That feeling…is much better than what you get on the screen, which is why I’m determined to put this behind me.
I find the mindset of treating my addiction as a lifelong condition means that I (usually) take steps to keep it under control. I’ve been on streaks of a year or so in the past and in those instances I always fell back into porn because I believed I could watch it and not get sucked back in.
I’m 32, started watching the stuff when I was 13.
I’m sure there certainly are people that could do legendary shit and masturbate once a month. However, given that we’re on this sub, we probably fall into group of people who cannot because it’s linked so closely with our destructive porn use.
It isn’t all about the sex (though it helps lol). Prior to this I went for a year without watching porn. It just becomes easier with practice.
[Why NoFap?} Initially I was single, after 3 months I was horny as fuck and wasn’t giving myself the option of looking at porn so I started dating aggressively, eventually met my current partner. I also decided to abstain from computer games, so in my spare time I didn’t have the option to watch porn or play games. So I decided to study, no brain fog means I was able to progress to a better paid job since I had the skills. Soooo much better
LINK – Thoughts after breaking a 917 day streak
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