(TLDR at bottom)

I’ve been lurking around this subreddit for a few days now, and I’m a regular user but had to open a new account since my wife knows my other username. I wanted to share a little bit about my story, how masturbation/porn led to more dangerous habits, almost destroyed my marriage, and how much things have improved since I stopped. I’m also excited to continue reading stories of others and be here for community support, because as all of us know, you are never really “out of the woods” with this addiction.

(Disclaimer: The post expands to issues I had beyond porn/masturbation but my addiction to porn was the catalyst to all of this)

I’m 33 years old and honestly have been addicted to porn and masturbation since I was 15 years old. In my room I had a TV, cable box, VCR, and a large collection of VHS’s with hundreds of recorded”late night” Cinemax programming. Not long after that I discovered Limewire and the MILLIONS of on-demand hardcore porn videos that could be accessed anytime, anywhere. From 15 through college I probably masturbated 1-2 times a day, every day, without fail. I would say my social life during these years was mediocre, and my actual sex life was sporadic at best. (I am not a bad looking guy, I just had zero interest or confidence when it came to pursuing girls) . Whenever I would start dating someone, the sex would be new and exciting for a month or two, but then I’d eventually start preferring the porn, the sex would slow down, and eventually the relationship would end. A few times I actually had a sudden case of performance anxiety and ED with new girls, but I wrote these instances off as alcohol, stress, not liking the feel of condoms, etc.

Fast forward to my early 20’s. I met my now wife when I was 22, and we got married when I was 24. Up until this point, my problem was still just the porn/masturbation addiction, but it was about to get much worse. Between the ages of 23 and 32, even porn itself wasn’t exciting enough anymore. I started doing it in semi-public places with the thrill of getting caught. I eventually made my way to Craigslist to try to find anonymous jerk off partners, jerk off groups, etc. I also joined LA Fitness and frequented the locations where guys would often jerk off in the showers together. (Note: I’ve honestly never been attracted to guys, so it never went further than jerking off with others, but it became an addiction of it’s own as it was more exciting than doing it solo) I went to adult video booths and adult theaters. (I even scheduled two day sales trips out of town solely to be away from my wife and have my jerk off adventures in other towns – unknowingly financed by my company.) I continued that for a few years, and then eventually started frequenting strip clubs, happy ending massage places, Backpage massage providers, girls that I would pay to watch me jerk off, etc. ALL of this started with my porn addiction.

I lived like this for a solid 8 years convincing myself nothing was wrong because I technically wasn’t putting myself at risk for STDs, and because I wasn’t actually having sex with anyone, it wasn’t cheating, right? Well, not only do we know that’s not true, but my marriage had become absolutely miserable and our sex life was non existent. I started suffering from recurrent performance anxiety when I was 26 even though I was in great shape and perfect health. I would intentionally fake headaches, pretend to be too tired, start needless fights, etc. just to avoid the prospect of sex. Often when she would fall asleep I would sneak off to the bathroom with my phone for a quick jerk session followed by checking my secret email to see what Craigslist meetup prospects I had for the next day. I would estimate between the age of 26 and 32 my wife and I probably had sex 2-3 times a year at most.

One day about a year ago, it all ALMOST came crashing down when my wife picked up my phone to find a new picture and I realized I had left up my “secret” email that had 5-6 years of jerkoff meetup communications, online solicitations for happy ending massages, dirty chats, etc. I screamed at her to put the phone down, which she did. I originally told her later I had been watching a porn video earlier and was just embarrassed. I had hit rock bottom, I was living a double life, my marriage was miserable, my confidence was shot, my sex life was non-existent, and I was 2 seconds from losing my wife and my kids

This is where the “recovery” is somewhat anticlimactic. The next morning I deleted the secret email address and stopped all of it cold turkey. (No porn, no masturbation at all, stopped following the sexy instagram models, etc) It’s been about a year now, and sure I’ve slipped a couple times when the house as been empty, but overall I’ve probably taken the masturbation/porn from once a day to maybe once every two months. (My goal is absolute zero….I don’t “allow” myself any sessions but I do slip up now and again.) My marriage has done a complete 180. Our sex life is absolutely incredible. I have more confidence, get better erections, and enjoy sex more than I ever have in my life. What’s better???….I don’t really miss porn at all. Why would I want to watch porn when I have a beautiful woman right next to me every night? (Seems like a painfully obvious statement, but I’m sure most of you know, it doesn’t seem that way when you’re trapped in the addiction.) I don’t have all the answers and I know the temptation to fall back into these habits lies in me somewhere, but I hope anyone that’s in a similar situation that I was in might take something from my story.

TLDR: 33 years old, married for 9 years, two young kids. Porn/masturbation addiction turned into deeper addictions such as jerk off groups, adult theaters, happy ending massages, etc. Eventually led to performance anxiety and bouts of ED. Marriage and sex life were miserable. Almost got caught by wife. Stopped everything cold turkey. One year later my marriage is the best it’s ever been, sex life is phenomenal, best confidence and erections of my life.

I’ll try to keep this short. 33M married with 2 kids. Quit all porn and jerking off in mid-December. Happy to report I haven’t slipped up once. I have a long backstory which you can see in my profile from my only other post. Long story short, i’ve been extremely addicted to porn and masturbation since my teenage years.

Some great things have come out of the last few months. My sex life with my wife is great, i’ve lost 20 lbs, erections are better than when I was 19, and i’m more productive with all the extra time i’m not watching porn/jerking.

One thing i will say is a bit surprising, the temptation, (when it hits), comes on every bit as strong as it ever did. (Sometimes stronger) Maybe not everyone feels like this, and maybe some people “don’t even think about porn anymore”, but not me. That said, the reason i’ve been able to hold off is because i’ve broken the habit. The habit is a bigger issue than the temptation. Find healthier habits to put in its place, avoid ALL triggers, get an accountability buddy, and lastly don’t count the days. I noticed that when I was aware of my quitting streaks, I thought about it obsessively, and therefore thought about porn more. I honestly hadn’t thought at all about how long i’d stopped this time until today when I noticed I was basically 3 months to the day.

Good luck guys! Doesn’t matter if you fail 1,000 times – that just means 1,001 will need to be your time!

EDIT: True story ironically had to stop typing this halfway though to have sex with the wife.