I’m 35 years old….I started masturbating around 8th grade like probably many of you. Fortunately, I didn’t regularly have access to high speed internet, until I was in college. I say ‘fortunately,’ because I probably would have been hooked on PMO much earlier…Still, as a teenager I used my imagination or magazines pretty much everyday.
From college and for the rest of my 20’s, I couldn’t quit porn. I had a beautiful girlfriend in high school, but never had another long term relationship like that as porn twisted my view of what ‘normal.’ I had flings and one night stands, sure, but not a healthy relationship because I viewed women as sex objects. I tried countless time to quit and failed miserably. I even moved back in with my parents for a time because I desperately needed some help to get my head right, but I was too ashamed to admit the real problem to them…especially one related to sex.
Around age 29, I drew a line in the sand and decided to change. I didn’t know about No Fap, but I was tired of porn ruling my life. I went so far that I made it impossible to access the internet or a personal computer at home, and only used a basic phone during this time. The only way I could use a computer was at my workplace where there was no way I could jack it. I know it was an extreme measure, but it worked. About 6 months later, after successfully breaking the vice grip, I bought a laptop. I relapsed several times, but it was much more under control.
More recently, I learned about No Fap from my brother, who has struggled with porn even more severely than I have. He’s done streaks to help, but he’s gone back to his old habits when he isn’t actively doing a streak or has lots of accountability. He’s a few years younger than me, but it’s making him age faster. I hate seeing it, but that’s just how destructive this stuff is.
These days, after seeing how much I’ve benefited when doing 30 day No Fap challenges with my brother, I try to avoid losing semen at all, and have given up any casual masturbation, even without porn. This has given me incredible energy, drive, confidence, and women definitely notice. Now my weights are going up at the gym and my eyes have much more color and depth. I know a lot of focus in this group is about porn, but masturbation even without the porn is one of the worst possible habits.
If I has to sum up what I’ve learned over the years fighting this, it would be this:
*****Do whatever it takes to break the habit! Do streaks indefinitely if you have to…Whatever it takes. PMO is not a viable long term solution. I used to tell myself it was a substitute for a committed relationship. This is distorted thinking. Don’t make the same mistake I did!
*****Get accountability. Don’t be afraid to talk about it. You’re here, so that’s a great start. Connect with other guys struggling and fight together!
* Get around people. As you do No Fap, you’ll naturally start to be more social and have less anxiety. Keep going that direction. Don’t be alone too much.
* Make your identity a part of the solution. Something that’s helped tremendously is making my identity as someone who doesn’t masturbate. That may sound crazy or extreme to some of you, but ‘who you are’ informs what you do. So self talk like “I’m the kind of guy that…” is super powerful. Stick with it and eventually it will become who you are.
* Another thing to do is to stack evidence. For instance, only watch YouTube videos about the benefits or terrible consequences. Don’t make it like a debate, but reinforce what you want to believe. So for example, I watch videos of guys who have succeeded and relate to them as much as possible…this reinforces my decision to not masturbate.
* Get busy. Often, guy masturbate when they don’t have anything to do. Make your life too busy to waste time jacking off. Set exciting goals for yourself. Fill your calendar. Spend less time alone at home.
* Never give up. Don’t rationalize porn as normal, or good in any way. It’s not! Don’t lie to yourself. It may be the worst, most fearsome dragon alive, but you can slay it!! It’s absolutely worth it.
You’re absolutely worth it.
LINK – My Story — What I’ve Learned Fighting Porn Addiction for over 10 years
By ReyBlanco
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