Benefits so far :-
– Other addictions like smoking, drinking, sexual fantasies dropped away.
– Nice daily routine
– The peace of mind is really great, and it’s the greatest thing I appreciate now.
– I’m an honest person now. I confessed my mistakes to my family members(the hardest thing I’ve had to do), and they forgave me.
– My knowledge on metaphysics has become good, and I understand how our thoughts create our reality.
– My heart is a lot more open now, I can easily talk to people and can hold deep meaningful conversations. I can also play with children, with whom I couldn’t connect earlier.
– I know that entire humanity is one family, and all of us are children of the One God.
– I love nature.
– My energy has changed a lot, my face looks a lot different. Things happen easier for me than before.
– I feel clean from within, whereas I felt so dirty previously.
– Life looks beautiful now, even with its challenges.
I’m 36 years old, and single. I’ve been 7 months Porn free, which is a huge success for me, since I’ve been addicted to Porn for about 20 years. I’m also 44 days MO free, last PMO streak was 68 days.
I’ve been trying to do reboots since 2014, but with no success as I was doing it mindlessly, and was unaware about underlying issues.
Covid’19 started my spiritual journey when I started seeking answers to my miserable life, in spiritual books, gurus and contemplating about my life.
What got me through?
Basically, a lot of inner work, which I describe below.
1) Forgiveness
– I realized I was carrying enormous anger and resentment against my parents, grandparents, my father’s brother’s family, my father’s sister’s family, my sister and her family, some of my friends etc.
Negative emotions like anger, resentment, judgement, non-forgiveness are very harmful for body/mind, and make your life and of those around you, very miserable. But I had suppressed these emotions due to being raised like a nice guy, so I sought comfort in Porn. Over time, it had become a habit and it was very hard to break. Through spiritual books, I learned that forgiveness sets you free from the past and gives you a chance to start over. So, I tried to forgive
and bless everybody I was angry against, and it turned out they were many like I mentioned above. It has taken me nearly 4 years now to forgive everyone, bless them, and release some situations over which I have no control over.
Now, this forgiveness is not just mind thing, it comes from my heart as I do wish the best for them. But it’s easier said than done to forgive, and those who have carried self-righteous judgement within them for a long time, would agree.
That’s why I would recommend reading spiritual books or follow a good spiritual guru.
2) Self-Forgiveness & Self-Love
– This is a big one. I had extreme low self-worth since childhood. My sexual confidence was destroyed when I noticed a small benign cyst on my penis head when I was probably 13 years old. And I could not share it with anyone in
the family since my parents had their own issues and were extremely unhappy with each other, and used to fight over petty things. And this low self-worth led me to make some sexual mistakes with my cousins, as I thought I would never be in a
relationship due to something being wrong with me, and I learned some wrong things from my older cousin also. So, these mistakes were in the back of my head all my life, and somehow I was living my life, but during Covid’19 pandemic, 15 years after My
mistakes, as I was reading books and also became aware of God, I realized the gravity of my mistakes. That realization led me straight into deep depression, and I even thought about suicide and was probably about to do it one day too, but the
universe helped me that day by sending a message typed through my sister’s phone via my 9 month old niece’s hands. So, that message made me realize that God doesn’t think so badly and lowly of me as I do. So, I continued with my journey.
I started observing my inner talk, and became aware that it was all very negative. I thought myself as very imperfect, a sinner, totally unlovable; and I was very angry at myself too for making those mistakes.
With each failed reboot, my anger at myself grew stronger and stronger, and my inner chatter was going worse and worse in spite of doing prayers and positive affirmations. That’s when I felt intuitively guided to forgive myself and love myself.
So, gradually since 2020, I’ve been doing self-forgiveness and self-love work, and this year(2024), I’ve seen results. I’m no longer angry at myself, I have forgiven myself with spiritual understanding and have also begun to love myself.
Being Porn free for 7 months, has also cleared my mind and my prayers/affirmations have started to work, and I’m no longer going up and down. Last year in 2023, even when I relapsed, I continued to love myself in spite of the anger and fear.
So, with love growing in my heart for myself and others, negative emotions have subsided and positive emotions of love, joy, gratitude and appreciation have arisen. It became easier to love and forgive.
3) Meditation
I’ve been meditating on and off since 2020 for about 45-60 mins at a time, and I’ve meditated regularly in 2024 since Jan, every morning. Meditation slowed down my mind and life so that all that was suppressed came to surface,
to be dealt with fully and no longer pushed down or to a corner. It also connected me to the peace and joy that are already within us, and we can feel them when our minds are calm. The Meditation that I do is very simple :- I just sit with
my eyes closed and keep my awareness between my forehead, and just observe my thoughts, and gradually the thoughts become less and less, and a feeling of stillness arises, where I dwell for the remaining time. Meditation is absolutely must on
any healing journey.
4) Spiritual Knowledge
– To be honest, the inner work of forgiveness, self-love, and loving others is not as easy it might look to some, and I’m sure that I might never become Porn free without the spiritual knowledge, as I didn’t even know
what the underlying problem was. Doing mindless reboots produced no or very less results. People who are new doing reboots will also come to understanding this sooner or later. True healing requires us to address the root causes, and not just
fight the enemy like porn or any other addiction. To give an analogy, if you just cut the stem of the plant, and don’t remove the roots, the plant will re-grow. So, you have to cut the roots.
5) Routine
– Now, knowledge is one thing and applying it in your life is another. You have to become a new person, it’s not just about removing Porn from your life. It’s about becoming a new person, with a new mindset that Porn is not
an option no matter what the situation. And Routine is a huge part of this process. You have to show up as that new person every single day. Previously, I was unable to maintain a routine throughout my entire life isnpite of my best efforts because
inner issues were not dealt with. This year, I’ve maintained a consistent routine since early Jan. I wake up at 7 am, meditate till 8 am, read positive affirmations, and since last couple of months, have added weight lifting after doing the affirmations.
So, it’s a nice morning routine, that spreads positive energy throughout the day. I sleep daily at about 11-11:30 pm.
I’m currently doing a full hard reboot, to allow deeper healing to take place and I’m already 44 days into it, and flatlining. But I’m open to a relationship this time, as I’m think relationship is more than just sex. And I’m sure the inner cleansing and healing
that has already taken place, my genitals will back up online in full honor in due time. I’m not a fan of celibacy, and don’t plan to purse it. My only grief was due to my huge guilt, and just being in 1 sexual relationship, and so MO gives more guilt.
I believe it would be very different in a relationship, and God has created sex not to be done just 2 times in your life(to have babies), it’s a great pleasure that human beings get to experience, but due to ignorance, we fell and wandered.
Sex is sacred & holy, and not be done with guilt, but first we must reset ourselves and cleanse our energy
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