How I went from a full blown porn addict to 9 weeks clean

1. I deleted all saved porn & porn accounts.

You cannot give up heroin if you still have a stash in your nightstand for a rainy day, and the same absolutely applies to porn.

“What if I just leave my stash aside for a few months, and when I develop a healthy relationship with porn, I can dig it out again?” No. That is a plan that almost guarantees failure for two reasons.

Firstly, keeping the porn you have saved means you have not fully committed to quitting, which you subconsciously know already. It doesn’t matter if you’ve paid for it, it doesn’t matter if you couldn’t get it back once deleted, it doesn’t matter if it’s the greatest of all time MP4 that you’ve enjoyed a thousand times. It wouldn’t be so poisonous if you didn’t like it this much, remember.

Secondly, it’s a hell of a lot easier to relapse if you know you’ve got “The best Shit” a few clicks away. Not only because you haven’t fully committed, but because it’s much harder to fight off temptations when you’re guaranteed a wonderland of all your favourite stuff right there. The same applies to a Pornhub account with a list of favourited videos.

This is about taking back control and THERE IS NO WAY AROUND IT. If you want to be free of this addiction, then you need to delete your stash. In my case, I picked out a porn vid that was an old favourite, did the deed and then in those few minutes of “Post nut clarity”, I deleted my entire stash, and that was the last time I watched porn.

2. I got a programme.

In my case, I went with the 12 steps, specifically Russell Brands rendition. RB was a drug abusing, sex addict and generally struggled with addiction throughout much of his life. He got clean through the 12 steps and wrote a book about his experience, but primarily about how to save yourself using the 12 steps. His renditions also takes out a lot of the preachy Christianity, and he makes alterations to the steps to suit a more modern demo/ himself.

If you are sceptical, hear me when I say that the 12 steps are an essential part of how I have been porn free for 9 weeks, it works. You can do your own research, and if you have any addiction help groups/ resources in your area that would be fantastic, but at the very least RB’s book is a good place to start.

The book is called “Recovery: Freedom From Our Addictions”, I used Audible to listen to the audio book which is read by the man himself. In my case, I had listened to the book 2/3 times before I got around to making any real commitments to quitting, so was already familiar with the steps.

3. I got help.

For the 12 steps to work, you need to do some of the work with someone aiding you. An addiction mentor is perfect, but in my case, there aren’t many people like that around here. Instead, I opted for a therapist who specialises in life coaching & addiction.

In RB’s rendition, step 4 is; “Write down all the things that are fucking you up or have ever fucked you up and don’t lie, or leave anything out.”

This step was painful and took the guts of two weeks. Step 5 then was going through each of these grievances with my Therapist. Turns out I had some significant childhood trauma that also severely affected the way I hadn’t conflict as a teen and then an adult, both of which had their own lists of grievances. I was given a new perspective on days that haunted me from my teen years, and was able to start healing wounds that I didn’t even know had been festering my whole life.

Ultimately, by the time we we’re getting through step 5, it started to become pretty clear to me why I was reaching out for an escape as a teen. In my case, that escape ended up being porn, and using an addictive agent to escape your real-world problems is a good way to get yourself a lifelong addiction, as you probably know too well.

If I hadn’t got help, I would have relapsed in two weeks, and I think most addicts in recovery will back me up on that. You cannot do this alone. Having a programme and someone guiding me through it was essential for getting through those first few weeks. I’m still seeing my therapist and continuing to chew away at some of the issues that were revealed through step 5.

It is possible that at this point you’re thinking; “Oh I don’t know about all this, he wants me to read some actor’s book and speak to a therapist about porn and my childhood, that sounds abit overkill, I’ll do this my own way.”

If that is what you’re feeling, stop, stand up, breath in and out and then ask yourself; “How has trying to give up this addiction my own way worked out so far?”

4. I was open and honest with those who care about me about my struggle.

Specifically, my girlfriend and my close friends. Thankfully, my girlfriend has been hugely supportive and my friends too. Without their support this would have been harder, but even if they hadn’t been kind to me, at least having told someone who I can trust was helpful.

5. I removed my triggers.

Anything that caused a thought that I felt could lead to porn got booted. If you’re following any Instagram accounts, twitter accounts, reddit pages or anything that makes you think “hmm yes me horny fap fap”, its gotta go. Identifying and removing your triggers is a gradual process as they will occur naturally, they can’t really be forced to appear because they’re likely wired into your routine. Some triggers may be unavoidable, in which case separating your actions from your thoughts is the only solution.

5. I did not completely remove sexual activity, only that which I deemed unhealthy.

I’m still aloud to have sex with my girl. I still have the occasional fap, I just do it with the mindset of my body getting a release. No crazy fantasies, no HD porn, just me, almost like horny meditation. I make sure to keep it to once or twice a week max. This won’t work for everyone, so if it doesn’t work for you just try again without.

6. I consistently remind myself that I am not my thoughts, that I can observe them and let them pass on by.

7. I make sure I spend more time and energy on my hobbies than before.

That’s pretty much it. That has been my experience, I hope someone finds it helpful. I will note that as I’ve gotten more relaxed and less anxious about the whole thing, I have felt at times that I could slip much easier now than a month ago. My plan is to reassess my triggers, speak to my mentor/ therapist about it and keep racking up days on the calendar, one day at a time. Please feel free to add in the comments if you’d like.