I have been on nofap for one year now after being on a 15 year binge of pornography, masturbation, dishonesty and loneliness. The first time I watched porn I was 13 years old; it was also the first time I masturbated. I would wake up at 5am to watch porn before my parents woke and throw sickies from school for the same reason. I could not get enough porn. I was also compulsively masturbating, some days going 10 MO sessions.
This got worse as I got older, and my fetishes got worse and worse. By my mid 20sI was going into some dark stuff like torture porn, peeing and other dark places. I even got to the point where I was fantasizing about being with another guy and started watching gay porn. During this time I felt reliant on PMO, I felt alienated and alone. I could only keep it to myself. I couldn’t approach women and felt like I was such a piece of crap that I didn’t deserve happiness. I also had depression and anxiety which I am convinced was brought on by PMO
It came to a head when I was fired from my job during budget cuts and I spent the next week or so doing nothing but PMO. I watched a particular gruesome scene, the girl was in pain and crying, I finished and I don’t know what happened, something clicked and I lied on my bed and cried. I felt so horrible that I had been entertained by this girls suffering. I promised myself and that I would never watch porn again.
I still jerked off for the next six months or so, until I realized that wasn’t helping either. I was still nervous around women, couldn’t get hard now that I wasn’t watching porn. A year ago today I quit MO too. My first streak was 63 days and when I started I didn’t think I could go 2 days. I’ve successfully gotten the 90 days 3 times in the past year and my record is 167 days.
Since quitting masturbation my life has been a rollercoaster of positivity. I have a new job that I adore, moved out of home, started working out, have been eating better and lost weight, Even had my first relationship (although that didn’t work out, it’s still cool that it happened)
My fetishes have diminished and no longer confused about my sexuality. Even though there have been a few relapses with MO, I have kept my promise not to watch porn. I am the happiest and healthiest I have been in years!
LINK – 365 days since joining Nofap. Sharing my story
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