July was absolute rock bottom for me – never before felt like such an addict. I been watching jacking off for 8 years around then and watching porn for just about that long too.
It was destroying me. I was fed up and had to trust God that we were gonna slay this dragon. So i give this community my word that i would fight tooth and nail, come hell or high water, to make it to 90 days from the time i started.
I made it today. Here’s what I learned:
My life is infinitely better now. The shame the guilt the insecurity the self-consciousness is as far as i can tell GONE.
I’m so confident these days.
I been talking to a lot of girls, and would love to be in a relationship soon by November 1st.
THE most important tool/lesson i learned in this 90 day streak is to fight the initial thought. As soon as the idea to watch porn comes into my mind, or just porn in general enters, i say “Get the freak outta my head.” i fight that initial thought before it can even grow into an urge.
And what I’m about to say is pretty insane: i actually didn’t really have a single urge throughout the 90 days. Not once. Never had to hit the emergency button. And i think that’s because of me fighting the initial thought. It’s so much easier to fight, and it can’t even grow into an urge.
Life is really so much better now. I’m not making that up.
Confidence is the main thing that changes. The lack of insecurity. My mind is quiet now. It’s not easily swayed by what other people think or say.
I can be me without trying or thinking too much or paralyzing my actions.
Living is more effortless. Way more colorful. And women are just humans. And they’re mad beautiful.
Got a tinder and bumble. Tried it for two weeks to experience it. Deleted them yesterday. That’s something i simply was not in a mental position to do 90 days ago. Nowhere close.
I praise God that He brought me this far. And i pray he prepares me to be the boyfriend he wants me to be, with whoever I end up in a relationship with (i predict in the coming weeks).
Stay strong and fight the initial thought family.
LINK – 90 days today – what it means
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