this victory comes after years and years of trial and error, discarding what doesn’t work and discovering what does.
I appreciate that you “strongly” discourage porn-blockers, as I do. In fact, I reject the disease-model of addiction as a whole, for disempowering folk from what can be simply a matter of habit change. This, notwithstanding a jacked-up past, abuse scenarios, and/or decades of use.
Be well.
These 60 days are without P, PMO, MO, and 99% without P-Subs or edging.
Also, this is without support groups (like AA, SA, SSA, other than RN), twelve steps, accountability partners, porn-blockers, or other disempowering methods (…if these help you, I’m not knocking them, but they should be only training wheels toward your [actual] recovery).
So, halfway from my goal, how do I feel? Really good, and very optimistic for the future. I know I could, even now, turn heels and fall headlong into porn, and other related habits, but I don’t want to.
I have no desire to go back to porn, and if I see a scene on T.V. that’s suggestive, or an ad on FB or elsewhere, there’s a natural attraction maybe, but there’s also an aversion, like, I don’t want to tarnish, soil, or compromise my recovery efforts this time… The couple of times, so far, that p-subs (strangely) became an obsession were only episodic moments with no judgment, as they were ultimately dismissed, even if momentarily acted on.
… I honestly don’t think I was so addicted that I had hypofrontality (slowed blood flow to the prefrontal cortex), but who knows? For certain, if DeltaFos B was acquired, and I’m sure it was (it locks in our memory of porn use), that has subsided. And I feel that, too, meaning that the memories of porn use, while there, seem to no longer have strong feelings attached to them for me.
I’m confident and feel good about my overall approach, which is mostly not spent thinking about it. And while sometimes ambivalence toward p-use exists (between lower and higher brain, or between flesh and spirit), this is becoming less and less, and I’m excited to leave these habits behind as last year’s news, and in the rearview mirror of my life.
Let’s walk this freedom out together.
LINK – 60 Days In!
By Phineas 808
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