As everyone here knows, there are many, many people who don’t believe that porn can ever be harmful. One just needs to look at the comments on any other subreddit or any youtube video whenever someone makes a post or uploads a video that questions porn, to know that the internet loves porn. But of course this ubiquitous acceptance of porn isn’t only restricted to the internet. I don’t really talk much about my decision to leave porn behind in real life with anyone, but there have been a few occasions where random casual conversations with friends and pals have led to discussions that tangentially have something or the other to do with sex which in turn has led me to reveal to them that I don’t watch porn anymore, and on every one of those occasions, that revelation was met with looks of downright astonishment and disbelief and then complete rejection of my reasons.
What I’ve noticed in these responses of disagreement on the internet as well as in real life are a few common points:
They instantly make assumptions. They think that I’m probably an extremely orthodox and conservative religious person. I’m not trying to invalidate the beliefs of religious people in the group, but I’ve personally never been religious. Some assume that maybe I’m sexually repressed or fear sex and my own sexuality. Some think being anti-porn is the same as being anti-sex. It’s weird how people constantly equate pornography with real sexuality. It’s like equating someone’s opinions of the ‘Fast and Furious’ films with their opinions of real life driving and cars.
Some of them actually relate with some of the problems that many of us face like time wastage, escalation into very taboo stuff in the porn use, needing to think about porn even during real life sex to maintain erections, etc. But they’re still unwilling to accept that there’s anything wrong with all of the above.
Some dish out pseudo-intellectual rants about how porn has always existed and its silly to deny that while also completely ignoring the very real fact that paintings of naked bodies and pictures of women in Playboy magazines are not the same as 24 hour access to unlimited hardcore pornographic videos with endless novelty of genres or pornstars(professionals and amateurs).
This last thing is very common on the internet, but in a slightly more diluted form it also exists in the responses I’ve received in real life. What I’m referring to is a very noticeable air of condescension and ridicule in the responses when people dismiss and reject our stance with regards to porn. It’s never – ‘Oh I’ve never experienced these issues with my porn use, but I am open to accepting that it can become a problem for someone else.’ It’s always – ‘I’ve never had this problem and I speak for every other person in the world and hence porn is the best thing ever and if you don’t agree, then you’re a fool.’ They find the idea of porn being harmful for some people so ridiculous that their responses make it seem like they’re talking to a flat-earther or some anti-vaccine person or something along those lines.
I don’t have any problem in others not agreeing with something that I believe. But it’s their complete refusal to accept a different opinion than their own when it comes to porn, makes me wonder whether these people subconsciously know that their porn use isn’t healthy either and maybe they aren’t willing to confront that when someone else brings it up only because it makes them uncomfortable and they don’t want to let go of their precious porn no matter what.
LINK – Something I’ve noticed in people who don’t believe porn can ever be harmful.
EARLIER POST – Porn use deceived me; I didn’t have “high sex drive”
Yes…I know that some people have a naturally high sex drive and some people have a naturally low drive. But my relationship with porn actually manipulated me into making conclusions about my sex drive.
The endless variety and the element of sheer novelty that free internet pornography provides used to be irresistible to me. I used masturbate to porn almost every single day and sometimes multiple times during the same day. Since I was doing it everyday, I started to justify my obsessive usage by telling myself that maybe, I have a very high sex drive. This self justification only worsened things and led to more increased use. My sports team lost? – let’s watch some porn, my academic exams didn’t go as well as I’d have liked them to? – let’s watch porn, something made me angry? – let’s watch porn. So, even though the relationship started due to my curiosity about sex and the variety offered by porn, it ended up becoming nothing but a coping mechanism for my real life frustrations and disappointments(this is why I’ve a problem with people who equate porn with sexuality because sexuality should be about positivity while many porn viewers use it to deal with negativity), but I didn’t realise it at the time as I thought this is due to my high sex drive.
Now that I’ve spent about 5 months(I don’t keep a track of the exact number of days) without porn(I relapsed hard twice within 2 weeks on two previous attempts to go pornfree), I have come to realise that this idea that I had about me having a high sex drive was just rubbish. That was what my porn use made me think. The first 2-3 weeks are tough, but once the you go a month or two without porn, those raging urges start to balance out and get normalised(at least that’s my experience). I no longer constantly think about the next orgasm I’m going to have or the next porn video I’m going to watch. Even if I come across a picture somewhere or something else that might have earlier been a trigger, it really doesn’t have any effect on me anymore. Now I’ve not become asexual. I still masturbate(without porn of course) occasionally(once a week or once in 2 weeks) and as a straight man, I can still acknowledge when I find myself sexually attracted to a woman, but I no longer have the mentality that I have to always immediately quench my sexual urge whenever I feel one by using porn like I used to do by using the idea of a high sex drive as an excuse.
So along with many many negatives like PIED, destructive fetishes, astronomical wastage of precious time, viewing of women as sex objects, etc., another negative effect that porn might have on you is to give you a warped idea of your own sex drive.
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