It can really help to be able to talk with someone you trust about what you’re going through as you reboot. Especially your parents. Here’s one dad in recovery himself talking about talking with his son:
I am currently suffering from the effects of porn induced ED and am 8 weeks into no PMO recovery. I recently decided to make my 18 year old son aware of its potential effects. And I was shocked at what I learnt from him. Not surprisingly he has discussed internet porn with his mates. But one of them has already had sex and told them that he prefers looking at online porn to the real experience of sex! – and this is at the age of 17/18. I asked my son if he regularly has wet dreams (it was a very free and easy conversation despite my worrying beforehand).
He said he had only had one wet dream in his life to date. When he mentioned this to his mates they all laughed. The reason they laughed was that not one of them had ever experienced a wet dream. I would call this a clear indicator of the powerful effect of online porn – messing up the normal sexual development of teens. This is a clear time bomb which needs far greater exposure.
If you have a supportive parent, but aren’t sure how to broach the subject of your porn use and recovery, consider these guys’ experiences:
Addict tells his parents – and their response (an amazing, moving story)
Although my parents are the most supportive parents ever but still, i was afraid and skeptical to talk about it. Today I told my Dad to meet me in a coffee shop and told him everything about porn and masterbation addiction. He responded by saying, “you dont worry, i am with you on this. I will give you full support to fight this off. Just get your act together and shoot for a better, healthy, productive life.” Feel so much lighter and now that my Dad knows about it, I really gonna put 200% effort into this. I got to kick this addiction out of my life to better myself.
I just had the most amazing conversation with my father. Quite simply, I basically confessed everything to him and I asked him to put a password on his computer. I had to have his permission to do this, because with K9 he always asked what it was and he wanted me to remove it lol. The reason I did this, was because I wanted to be 100% confident that my environment was 100% porn free. Thank god!
I actually was amazed by his response. When I explained everything to him he was very understanding, he even said “yeah it’s true I watch porn as well sometimes, but I didn’t grow up with it”. It was like we were both on the same page! I also explained that I started watching it more when my social life wasn’t that great (we both knew when this was), but that I wasn’t aware of the dangers of it.
I let it all out: how I felt apathy for women, about my reboot and my withdrawal symptoms, about my sexual anxiety. How I felt anxious or had apathy when women were giving me eye contact or flirting signals. How I really thought something was wrong with me: Am I gay? Am I having low testosterone? Am I perhaps one of those people who is just weak… These thoughts definitely aren’t pleasant.
Ah anyway, I feel so relaxed now that I know that my environment is 100% porn free. It took me a while because I didn’t had the guts to tell him, but now that it’s done, I feel very relieved. He was even amazed when I told him that I hadn’t had morning wood for a long time. My father has studied medicine, so when I mentioned this he looked shocked.It was a very liberating experience!
And then they say that men can’t talk about feelings, tsss. You ladies could learn a few things from us! He couldn’t deny that he and my mother were wondering why I hadn’t had a girlfriend, but now he could understand it. I said that I had questions about this as well, but then I found YBOP and it was as if I was reading about myself on a website.Frankly if you’re a teenage guy who’s living at home with his parents and you know that they can be trusted, then by all means tell them! They will help you and will probably be very understanding.
so i told my mother about my porn addiction, and she was accepting of me, which i expected. But the real interesting thing i want to write about is my porn cravings. Ive been having really strong cravings in the last three days. stronger than i have ever had. I mean weaker cravings than the ones i have now broke me every time in the past, but ever since i told my mother, I’ve been able to control myself and break through the cravings. http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/2qi36k/told_my_mom_about_my_porn_addiction_looking_for/
I’m a 15 year old guy, and a lot of people expect you to be a chronic masturbator at this age. About 1 year ago I decided I would start changing myself for the better.
8 months after that, I found out about NoFap and since then I’ve been not doing it. A lot of my friends are doing NoFap too because I told some people, and it escalated from there.
My mother complimented me on my willingness to workout regularly and said she wished she could too. I began talking about how I decided to change myself, and eventually I told her about NoFap.
She was a bit caught off guard with it since we talked about regular exercise, food and improving as a person.. She lost words for a brief moment but then became supportive.
I never really thought about telling my parents about this but it’s happened now! I’m a bit shaky but glad I did it 🙂
I bit the bullet, and I told my father about my addiction. And I have to say he has been incredibly supportive and the decision to tell him has been one of the best ones of my life.
I told my mom….about my porn addiction. And she was gladly not disappointed and understandable about my current situation. I gave my phone to her just because I watch porn from that shit. Got fucking K9 blocker on my laptop and I fucking hope I reach 90 days. GOING STRONG BOYS!!!
EDIT: I had massive courage to tell her about this stuff, like literally no butterflies in my stomach.
I told my mother about YBOP and my porn addiction a few weeks ago after a bad relapse. I needed to hear my own voice say the things that my mind had felt and known for a long time. At first, her reaction was “Are you kidding?, pornography is perfectly fine!”
I told her I would not talk to her about it until she saw the TedX video. After she saw it…she understood. She was able to put the pieces together. To understand just how much of a drastic change this was in my life. And then she told me that I was awesome for doing something like this. And that I was on the right path.
Then we proceed to talk about it some more for about an hour. I told her about ED, HOCD, how I escalated to the most extreme types of porn. What it was doing to my mental health…etc. I told her of the amazing benefits of nofap / noporn. How I had cured my social anxiety, how I did not have panic attacks anymore, how I felt more confident, and had plenty of energy / willpower to really go out there and take life by the horns. It was a pretty awesome experience, I think. She still doesn’t understand the struggle, that this is an addiction. But the fact that she is supportive is all that matters to me.
I told my parents about my problem with PMO. If it makes you guilty, which perhaps it shouldn’t, but if it does, you must tell somebody! It will eat you inside out if you don’t. Dad helped me by installing k9 web protection on my PC and never telling me the password. If you have EVER failed at NoFap, I urge you to consider doing this (even setting it up yourself and hiding the password). It disrupts your pattern and forces you to reconsider, even if you may have access elsewhere. For me the added reminder that my parents were there wishing the best for me was further incentive to stick at it. Lessons From a Year Without Porn
Well I told my mom. She refused to leave until I told her what the matter was because I had texted that something was up. So I took my time, showed her yourbrainonporn.com and told her about my problems and my reboot. I didn’t think my mom would understand . But she said that she was willing to listen without any judgment. I didn’t even use the word addiction.
I started by telling how I found yourbrainonporn, and how the site tells about the effects of watching porn and how it changes the way you react to girls in real life. The addiction part isn’t even the main problem; it’s the effects. It seems I was a ‘habitual’ viewer as I don’t seem to have any urge to watch porn after almost three months being porn-free (masturbation is more difficult though), and the effects were REAL for me (ED, no arousal from real girls).
I told about how porn usually leads to more extreme forms, such as gay porn. I told her that I didn’t go that far… didn’t tell her I got to tranny porn though. It isn’t even relevant.
She told a story of herself. She was a secretary for some psychiatrists for many years, and one time a patient actually got into strangle sex and eventually died from it. So she was aware with the idea of sexual escalation.
Then I showed her the matrix on my white board with the days crossed off. It felt strange to tell her all this, but she was really understanding and supportive. She thought it was brave of me to do this and she hopes I can make it. We shared a hug.
It was a bit weird as I couldn’t really prepare for her visit.. but maybe it was better this way. At least my leg injury wasn’t in vain, since it indirectly lead me to tell her about all this.One funny thing: I predicted that if I ever was going to discuss this with her, she would probably take a guess first and would ask if I am gay.
She did 🙂
I got emotional when I read of how you shared your story with your Mom. How beautiful. It was quite brave and I know she valued your honesty in sharing something so private and challenging. Now you’ve added a supportive, loving person to your team, cheering you on to success. I wonder if I can even share this with my Mom. Maybe my Dad. He’s scientific and may find the brain stuff interesting. But my Mom, I don’t know. How wonderful you were able to open up this dialogue with your Mom. Hopefully it will help with your moods, knowing that those around you also recognize them as parts of a withdrawal.
(Reply) If you think it’s possible to tell your dad, it probably is. Just give it some thoughts on how you’re going to introduce him to it. That’s exactly how I did it, just think about the ‘how’-question. I would present yourbrainonporn.com as an interesting resource about something that you’ve found out that concerns you as well.
No need to tell about the severity right away. Just take some time to tell how normal porn use is for guys of our generation. Say that you’ve found out that it actually alters the way you respond to real women. The first thing I said to my mom was actually that she needn’t worry because I was undergoing a healing process. Then I showed her the website.
Ive thought about telling my mom at times, but I’m not sure if she would understand. In discussions, she doesn’t seem forgiving of those with addictions and drug problems. I’m not sure if she would understand this in the slightest. But I might if we had to interact a lot like you are with your mother. Haha, hopefully she doesn’t think you are addicted to gay porn! My family has always thought I was gay in the back of their heads. If they could only see how straight I really am!
I told my parents about my recovery. My dad didn’t quite get it, but he believed me (He’s 61 and HATES the internet). My mom understood. They have both been supportive. It wasn’t that bad actually, my parents said they already had an idea because I’m young and all. And I was surprised at their reaction. I did get told that I betrayed their trust but that’s to be expected.
Yesterday I talked to my father about my addiction. I felt incredibly relieved to finally say aloud “I’m addicted to porn and I’m doing a reboot.”
Now, I don’t know if many of you are comfortable doing this but I found success by having an accountability partner. And I would suggest the accountability partner be someone who you would never want to disappoint! Mine was MY MOTHER. That’s right… I told her about this issue. It was the best decision I ever made. Why? Well because I never wanted to have to tell my mom that I masturbated to porn during the course of the day. I really believe that’s when the breakthrough happened for me.
It was very uncomfortable to talk about at first but knowing that I still had someone who loved me unconditionally despite of this addiction made all the difference in the world. She was very good about calling and texting daily to ask about my progress. It worked well, but it was still tough. That first month was hell!After one relapse two months in, I have been porn-free for 8 months.
I told my mom about it 6 months ago after failing endlessly for months. She started crying not because she was upset but because she could feel and understood my pain. My dad also was happy that I told them about my addiction. I was able to go 42 days without PMO after I told them which was my longest streak in 2 years. They helped me a lot during the process. Although they think that I am addiction free, I am hoping to be free this time by breaking that longest streak. Good luck.
My parents are Christian (as am I). I told my dad. Mostly because a lot of my struggles are the same as his. I remember vividly the night my mom sat the family down on the couch when I was around 9 and in tears explained that she had found a porno VHS in the basement VCR and hit play thinking it was a movie she hadn’t finished, but that it was porn.
I was young, and it was hard on our family. She was hurt, embarrassed, etc., and wanted us to know why he was going to be gone for a few days (she forgave and their relationship is better than ever), but I think that opened the door to my addiction to PMO as I got older.
When I told him a little over a year ago, I told him I forgave him for what he had done and struggled with, and that I understood how hard it is to kick. Having faith (true faith) should point people to forgiveness and love. I hope you can share with them. It’s very freeing and helps the process move along to freedom.
I have other people in my life willing to help me – my dad. I know it’s crazy – but he said he’d help me. He’s the one who told me that this stuff was bad when I was younger – but I didn’t listen. I think he’s happy that I finally realized what he meant and am quitting.
Some background information: I’m 21 years old, still live with my parents, but I’ll be studying abroad starting next week until January.
Personal history, skip if not interested:
I’ve been struggling with a PMO addiction for about ten years now. Today I finally found the courage to tell my mother about it.
Ever since I started watching porn, my social life has been shit. I moved to another place just before my last year of elementary school. There weren’t any children in my new neighborhood. I didn’t quite fit in at my new school either even though I had plenty of friends at my old one. It was around this time that I first started watching porn. Fast-forward six years, about to graduate high school (I’m Dutch, so our grade system might be different from yours), and I have become a socially inadequate person with low self-esteem and a poor social life. I had already been wondering if porn had something to do with it, but at the time it was nothing more than a hunch. I thought that perhaps I had Asperger’s syndrome, but that just didn’t seem true when I looked into it a bit more.
It was only a year and a half ago that I discovered this community, and it really has been only half a year that I have actually tried to do something about my porn addiction. I now do have a better social life than I used to, but emotionally, I’m probably weaker than at any previous moment in my life. Back then I was always seen as the weird guy in high school, and was called ugly quite often during the early years. I got terrible cystic acne a year and a half ago and after trying everything, I took accutane, which cured my acne but did have depression as a side effect.
Telling my mother
I stopped taking accutane about half a year ago, and initially my depressions disappeared. But it has made me more aware of my problems. I’m still unconfident, especially about my looks, even though I work out. I’ve never had a girlfriend and have only kissed one girl in my life. I’m shy, and my social life, although fortunately much better than it used to be, still isn’t what I want it to be.
Most of the time, I feel like I’m merely existing, instead of actually living my life. My mother did start to notice that something was wrong, that I was feeling down, but everytime she asked me what was up I just said I was fine because I couldn’t open up to anyone. Guess what, that just made it worse. Opening up to people about your emotions, even though it’s scary, is one of the best things you can do to get closure and move on.
Come last week, on vacation, when I just started having a bit of a meltdown. I told my mother about a lot of things, but I wasn’t specific about the PMO. I just told her that I had an internet addiction. When we got home, I relapsed after coming so far (at least for my standards), and I kind of flipped. I was so angry and disappointed in myself. This was last night. Then, she just got so worried that she had to know the truth and I finally told her. I told her about how porn overconsumption affects the brain. How it leads to social anxiety, depression, self-esteem issues and the whole shebang. I told her about (and showed her) this subreddit. And I had her watch Gary Wilson’s Great Porn Experiment, so she would understand the science behind it.
And I have to say, it wasn’t as hard to do as I thought it would be. I am lucky to have a very open-minded mother. She was very understanding and “happy” to know what was really going on. The fear of telling my mother about my weaknesses and my embarrassing habit was worse than actually doing it.
I’m far from cured, but talking about it with a person has allowed me to find closure. It will make it way easier for me to move on. It’s time I start living. I’d recommend anyone to open up about your problems to someone you can trust. Finally told my mom
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