He
Feels a new level of honesty and truthfulness
Has a new level of appreciation for the marriage bond
Finally has the accountability he was looking for
Loves her more than he ever has before
She
Feels the level of his disloyalty and deceit more intensely
Is saddened to realize how little the marriage has meant to him
Senses the shame and secrecy of being married to an addict
Has never felt less loved, valued or secure
Bottom Line:
He wants congratulations for something that makes you want to throw up.
The emotions listed above are true and valid for both the man and woman yet are polar opposite. Why does this happen?
He has been holding these feelings for a long time and is very familiar with them. It is a welcome relief for him to disclose his secrets and come clean. Sharing his burden with you means you now get to grieve over the loss of the relationship as you knew it to be. You get to feel some level of the shame he felt. You also have a finely tuned sense of distrust towards all of his actions. Welcome to the temporary insanity that healing from a porn addiction brings to a couple.
Be aware of the porn healing paradox as both of you move forward. Share this with him so he understands and appreciates your viewpoint as both of you work on becoming whole again. He needs to continue to earn your trust. And you need to continue to work on healing yourself and becoming open to trust again.
From Porn Addict Hubby