My two tips:
- Don’t look at any porn. ANY. EVER.
- If any erotic images come into your thoughts be proactive and do the following: Before you begin have in your mind a favorite scene prepared. Have prepared a place that is special to you; sitting by a stream, on a mountain, in outer space on a planet, fishing, on a park bench, or driving in the Indianapolis 500.First: Imagine that the erotic scene is like a little photograph that is getting smaller and dimmer and going off into space until it is a little dot and then vanishes.
Second: Bring your new scene in from far away, closer and closer, brighter and louder until it fills your mental vision.
Do this every time until it is automatic for every thought that wants to suck you back in and take you over.
[Other rewiring techniques can be found at Rewiring Your Brain and here.]
- Indifference The first defense against destructive intrusive thoughts is complete indifference. This is the healthiest and most productive method to head them off right at their inception. Ignore them completely. Never open up a dialogue with these intruders. Do not interact with them either out of curiosity or out of overconfidence. It is a tactical error. It’s like starting a dialogue with an enemy who is much more clever than you.If you pay attention to an intrusive thought, you must realize that it will become increasingly bolder. It will begin to invade your mind with louder and louder noise. The best strategy in confronting one, therefore, is to completely disregard it. Do not focus on what it tells you or what it urges you to do.
- I have read some people’s blogs on porn recovery and I believe many are being way too hard on themselves. A relapse isn’t about starting all over again.I think about the ‘Super Mario’ video game I use to play as a kid. Rebooting is somewhat like that. You move up a level each time you play just like the game. If you fall into a pit of fire in Level 8, you don’t go back to level 1. You start at level 8 again.So you have had a mishap. So what? You still didn’t jerk-off the whole week or the past two weeks. Already, you are on another level. People who jerk off to porn every day don’t even realize they aren’t in the game. I sure as hell didn’t either up until I found this website.You see, the game (your recovery) starts the day you decided to change your life for the better. It doesn’t ever reset. You are not starting all over again each time you relapse. Each day you get stronger and stronger. Change your mindset. Change your life.
Make a list of pros and cons:
Pros to continuing looking at P:
- –I get to have ultimate fun for, like, an hour.
- –I get to have an orgasm
- –I get to get as close as possible to living out certain sexual fantasies
Cons to continuing looking at P:
- –I get agoraphobic
- –I get physically sick
- –I lose my charm and my sense of humour
- –I become irritable and rude and annoyed with people
- –I fall behind on art and career
- –I become anti-social and ditch friends for no good reason
- –I can’t comfortably flirt with girls
- –I throw away and waste about four days just waiting to get back to normal. Four days is a lot of days, especially when they keep adding up. A lot of wasted days.
- –I often find myself in embarrassing social or familial situations shortly after and can’t charm my way out of them
- –I become depressed and anxious
- –I find it hard to concentrate and lose some intellectual vigour
- –I go back to the person I was a few years ago when I was depressed and moody and annoying…I should be over that phase by now
- –I fuck up my brain and its dopamine receptors
Pros to Abstaining from P:
- –My sense of humour is on, which means that I attract people easier, and I can laugh my way through stressful situations
- –I’m productive in art and career
- –People start to notice that I’ve grown up a lot and have a better attitude than I did back a few years ago
- –I get along with people easier
- –I can be social comfortably
- –if I find myself in awkward situations, I can survive them better
- –I do things with a certain grace and energy that isn’t there when I’m just doing them mechanically (for instance, if I’m doing art during a relapse, I just go through the motions, whereas, if my swagger is on, the art is done with a certain pizazz)
- –I flirt with girls easier
- –I can concentrate much better
- –I’m more prone to learn new things
- –I enjoy life much more (for example, I’ll become teary-eyed at some inspirational art, whereas, if I’m hungover, I don’t give a crap about anything but my bad feelings)
- –I don’t have to hide out from the world; I can participate in it
- –I strengthen my brain and give it back some dopamine receptors –I sleep better
- –I feel as though I’m a “contender” in the world again
Cons to Abstaining from P:
- –There is a bit of a withdrawal period
- –I can’t get off to some hot stuff that gives me about an hour of extreme fun
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