I think Unger’s Paradox perfectly represents this challenge.
Say you empty a 50lb sack of beans onto the ground, those beans will form a heap. Suppose someone then take one bean off the heap and places it onto the ground a few feet away- how many heaps are there? It seem obvious that the single bean on the ground is not a heap, while the large grouping is still a heap. We reach the same conclusion if we add a second bean to the same spot, and a third, and a fourth. In fact, it seems we could keep moving beans from the heap to the non-heap and never reach the point where we can say, “This is the bean that makes all the difference!” There will never be a point where adding a single bean will turn the non-heap into a heap, or when taking away a single bean will make the heap stop being a heap.
I think it’s important to keep in mind that while 90 days is admirable, there is no single day that determines your success with this challenge. There will be no single day that you will suddenly wake up a motivated, charismatic, and confident individual. It’s the little things that add up.
To relate this back to Unger’s Paradox, say you earned a bean for every good act you did for yourself. You woke up in the morning and went to the gym- one bean. You didn’t watch porn- one bean. You went out with friends and let yourself have fun- one bean. You approached a stranger and said hello- one bean. You helped an elderly neighbor with some chores- one bean. You keep going to the gym- more beans. You haven’t PMOd in a month- more beans. You keep approaching people and saying hello- more beans. You get a haircut and some new clothes- more beans. You haven’t PMOd in 3 months- even more beans.You approach a girl and ask for her number- loads of beans. But there will never be a single act in which you earn enough beans where you say, “Thank god, now I have a heap.”
Suppose someone who was like you when you started observes your newly acquired stack of beans. He would think, “Hey, that guys got a little heap of beans going.”
Keep going. It’s the little things, right? At this point you have a six pack- lots of beans. You go on your second date with that girl you approached and kiss her- tons of beans. You finish the year with a 3.9 GPA- truckloads of beans. You go on a date with your now girlfriend, ending up losing your virginity to her- swimming pools of beans. You graduate with a double major and an internship in your desired field- canyons of beans. You can now run a mile in under 7 minutes- oceans of beans. You fall in love- at this point your running out of things to hold your beans. All the while, you’ve just been adding beans, one by one.
Say that guy sees you again now. What does he think? “Wow, that guy has got an incredible heap of beans!”
Don’t compare your day 20 to someone’s day 90. Your writing your own story here, and results WILL vary. So just relax, take it day by day, bean by bean, and before you know it, you’ll be the guy with the heap.
Stay Strong Fapstronauts!
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