Advice from a veteran (LINK):
Maybe you just discovered noFap or maybe you’re a ‘1Week’ guy who feels stuck in a cycle of never getting past the first week. Jot this stuff down:
- It doesn’t take a superpower. If you’re telling yourself that the 90day guys have something you don’t have, you’re lying to yourself. We all have sexual impulses, we all have rather animated dicks and we’re all attracted to the fake, plastic sex-impersonation known as porn. We’re all human.
- Stop teasing yourself. There’s no way you can browse porn galleries ‘just to look’. Porn always walks hand-in-gooey-hand with masturbation. If you do one, you’ll do the other. Stop edging too. Countless threads attest to this. “Just a little stroke,” whines your penis. Tell it to clam up. And then do pushups.
- While on the topic: yeah, pushups. How much do you exercise? If you mean to stop fapping, get ready for an energy boost. Because you aren’t pathetically squeezing your life juice out of your feeble dick, your body is going to build up healthy levels of energy. That’s a good thing. Now what are you gonna do about it? Channel that energy into the gym, into jogging, or just plan ‘ole pushups. Start up a hobby, learn a craft, go walking, etc. Just get busy. Being a couch potato does not encourage you onward.
- Realize that you may be simultaneously facing an internet addiction. I mention this because I experienced it. I would stay up late at night browsing the web … pointless idle time. And take a wild guess what happened when boredom really set in? Porn. If you cut back on your online time, you’re only helping yourself.
- Determined guys take drastic measures. There’s no shame in that. How badly do you want to be free of this mad cycle of PMO? What would you give to get out? Some guys insist on taking their iPads to bed to ‘browse the net’ but then – lo and behold – start browsing porn. Yikes, how did that happen? It happened when you gave yourself the delicacy of being so close & alone with an internet connection you can almost envision the porn. If your trip-ups are being caused by a laptop in your room or a tablet in your hand, choose to leave both in another room. Get someone to change the wi-fi password if you must.
- Focus on today. Don’t worry about the other days left to complete the 90day milestone. You are always on DAY ONE because you should only focus on ONE DAY per day. Take it in 24 hour bits. Choose today to end the day being PMO free. Tomorrow choose to make the same choices you made today.
- It requires a lifestyle change and will – most awesomely – result in a lifestyle change. Turning your back on PMO requires you to make certain changes that others might call ‘dramatic’. Just call them ‘necessary’ and nothing more. Don’t run from it, because the outcome is pretty good: I’ve noticed better self-discipline in other areas of my life as well. Being free from a vicious vice of PMO has affected other areas of my lifestyle: work, school and relationships.
- Like everything else in this world, we require consistent maintenance. The impulses and urges don’t disappear. You gotta stay alert no matter if you’re just beginning, in the middle or beyond the end. Stay smart. Don’t get sloppy with your dick.
- If you mess up, don’t give up. Pick yourself up, tell yourself out loud how deceivingly disappointing porn is, and move on. After all….see point #1.
- The real thing is multipliably times better than the plastic porn thing. To have someone’s arms around you, desiring you, loving you, wanting to give all she is to you, in all her faults accepting all of yours, tenderly & warmly kissing you, cuddling you, touching you with that feminine softness, whispering, laughing, smiling, a shining in her eyes and a shiver in her spine… She looks straight into your face and you can honestly realize that you want her beyond a moment’s orgasm. You desire her for more than just a cum session. More than what your dick always asks for. You want her for who she is, for what she is, and the beautiful person you’ve come to adore. There isn’t a porn star in the world who can make you feel this warm contentedness in realizing that you value her as a whole, and not just a hole to stick your dick into. PMO deadens your senses, beginning with those in your brain and ending with those in your dick. In contrast, as John Denver so eloquently put it, real, warm, living lovemaking fills up your senses like a night in a forest, like the mountains in springtime…
We’re in this together guys. Other guys have done it, I’ve done it and you’re next up to bat: you can beat this. Stop using the artificial crutch of porn to feel like a man. Time to be a man.
Let’s do this.
TL;DR: points 1 through 10.
Same thread – answer to another post
That’s right – don’t give up all the hard work you’ve done so far.
You’ll feel empty man. So empty. So wasted.
Let me encourage you to have a big picture: in my opinion, the first 30 days are the most difficult and – even more specifically – the very first 15 days. If you can just keep the course for another week, you will have taken a very big first step in beating this vice.
Finish today fap-free! You can end today with the knowledge that you won again.
It boils down to this: do you really want your dick to rule over you? Do you really want that 5.2 inches (length varies) of skin and feeble muscle to RULE over you? To decide what IS and ISN’T important?
Let me give you some motivation: it’s such a breath of fresh air when – at the end of each fap-free day – you can say: my brain controlled my dick and not vice-versa!
Think about it: the stereotypical male who is hated by the ladies – what’s his problem? “All he thinks about is sex! He doesn’t talk with me! He doesn’t cuddle! Just sex and then sleep.” Of course this stereotype is askew, but there’s some truth behind it. Men who serve their penises will be a let down in relationships. They won’t think of her needs, her feelings, her wants…It’s all about Mr. Penis.
Let me be clear: I love sex. I want it more often than I get it. But being free of both pornography and masturbation has given me the REFRESHING opportunity to use my brain in my relationships. I want sex just as much as the next guy – but I’m no longer driven by my penis. I get to decide when I orgasm. It’s made my relationship with my SO so much more significant. When she’s tired, I understand. When she’s stressed, I can deal with it. We talk. We cuddle.
I view her as a person now. She deserves just as much respect as I do.
It’s a sad reality, but my generation grew up on porn. And try as we might (and many of us do make a brave attempt at it) we have limited ourselves in relating to women. We see them as breasts, butts and vagina’s, who happen to talk a lot. And while we are willing to spend time & money in our relationship, like it or not, we do this because we want something (i.e. sexual release) out of the relationship, and the more frequently the better!
I love my SO, and my greatest expression of this love was not in asking her to marry me, nor the flowers I send monthly, nor the hugs, kisses and laughing. The greatest proof of my love is when I stopped thinking with my dick, and started thinking with my heart.
Just like you, I have miles to go yet. I’ve got a lot of growing up to do. 90 days doesn’t magically make all your memories and impulses go away. So we’re in this together. We gotta grow up, man. We gotta learn to appreciate people because they are skin & bones, fellow human beings, with opinions, etc. The best way to make a step in this direction is breaking out of the vice of PMO.
And you’re doing that. I’m proud of you. Don’t stop
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