Been in a bit of a funk for a month (not related to no-fap). Had a revelation last night watching the new batman movie. It was a bit incoherent, but the strength of batman and bain got me thinking about what makes us strong, and then by extension, what habits make us better people.
I came up with a list of six things that most modern men don’t do consistently well. They aren’t all related to strength. Here’s the list/mantra. I explain each point below.
- Sleep
- Eat
- Lift
- Work
- Love
- Breathe
Do these six things right, and you’ll be living better than most men.
Sleep
How many hours did you sleep last night? For the past month, I’ve been waking up around 7:00, but not getting to bed until 12:00-12:30.
It takes its toll. We can function without enough sleep, but we can’t function well.
This affects everything else on the list. If you aren’t sleeping well, you will be tempted not to eat well, your lifts will be off, you won’t be able to work well, etc.
And for those of you struggling with the temptation to fap, it’s harder when you’re tired.
Eat
Can you see your abs?
If not, you’re carrying extra fat around your waist. You may not be “fat”, but you’re above your ideal weight. This may not sound too bad, but the fact that your body carries excess fat is a sign you’re not eating the way you should be.
Eat right, and you’ll feel good all day.
If you’re like most western men, you eat a lot of junk. People differ on the ideal diet, but everyone agrees that processed, sugary foods are bad for you.
So why are you still eating them?
I’ve gone off my weightlifting diet plan this month, and can’t see my abs as well as I could. I have less energy during the day. I’ve spent more money on junk food.
Enough. There are plenty of delicious foods that are good for you. Eat those instead.
Lift
Your body was built to life heavy things. Go to the gym, and lift stuff. You’ll be a new man. And ladies, lifting helps you too.
Find a gym with barbells, and track your progress each workout. Aim to lift a bit more each time. Squats, bench press, deadlifts, overhead press, and chins ups are a decent starting routine, split between two workouts.
This is actually essential to reaching your potential. Your body will work better when you give it the physical resistance it craves.
This isn’t about getting big (though you will get bigger). It’s about getting strong. I look strong, but I’m even stronger than I look, because barbells train you for strength. The look is a side effect.
Three times per week is a good amount. Starting Strength will teach you how to do the lifts, though you should get a trainer or a friend to check that you’re doing them right.
There is a reason I called this “lift” rather than “exercise”. This is different than cardio, or walking around a lot. If you have never gotten 50% stronger, then you don’t know what it feels like.
You get a constant feeling of energy and capacity. And several chronic pains simply melted away once my muscles regained their capacity.
If you’re skeptical, all I can say is: try it for a month, and see how you feel.
Work
You know what you should be doing. There are certain tasks that, if you do them, will make a big difference in your life.
But you aren’t doing them. Maybe they’re boring. Maybe you’re afraid you might fail.
I don’t know why you aren’t doing them. But you should start.
Make time for important work, and keep it separate from playing. Trying to do both at once lets you do neither.
Love
This is especially pertinent for people on /r/nofap. A lot of us are damaged, and we are here to heal. We haven’t been engaging in the normal human relationships that most people take for granted.
We’ve been substituting PMO for real girls. If you’re here, you’re on the right track. You’re removing the problem.
But subtraction isn’t enough. You need to add someone to your life. Go out and find her.
You can start small. Just go say hi.
Breathe
This one may be the most surprising. You probably think you breathe just fine.
Put one hand on your chest, and one on your stomach. Do they move?
Your chest shouldn’t move, and your stomach should.
This is called diaphragmatic breathing. It leads to more oxygen, and relaxes the body.
Short, shallow breathing has its purpose. When we encounter a potential threat, stress and the fight or flight response are activated. Our breathing becomes shallow to focus on action.
But for everyday life, you should be breathing deeply, and slowly, through your stomach.
Try it, you’ll feel calmer. It’s a form of meditation. Focus on breathing while you’re walking around, and the distracting thoughts will melt away.
I tried this in the subway last night, and was amazed how clearly I could see the world around me. The people, the lights, the details of the station. Breathing took me out of the world inside my head and put me back into the real world.
Breathe well, and everything else becomes easier.
note:Eventually, this type of breathing should become automatic, from what I hear.
Conclusion
These aren’t obviously related to fapping or porn addiction. But nofap is as much about self-improvement as anything. If you’re here, it’s because you recognized there are things in your life that you need to fix.
It doesn’t need to be complicated. Those six things cover most everything you’ll really want to change, at first.
And if you have these things in order, not fapping becomes very easy.
I would fix them in this order:
- Breathe
- Sleep
- Eat
- Lift
- Work
- Love
Love is last because you must make yourself a worthy partner before you can rightfully ask for an awesome girl. The girl doesn’t make you complete. You make yourself complete, then you can get a girl.
You are not making yourself complete in order to get the girl. It’s just a pleasant side effect.
I was in a bit of a flatline until yesterday. Since breathing well and sleeping better last night, I’ve felt my libido return in force.
I’ve also felt a calm energy, and gotten much more done this morning than usual.
Try it yourself.
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