Video - Age 28: Cured porn-induced ED (thought it was the bipolar medications). Life is so much better.

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Link to post on Nofap.com - made a video about hitting 90 days

by balasubramaniac


Post on NoFap.com - 90

I can't believe it is 3 months already! I gotta admit, I didn't initially believe in NoFap whatsoever. I have struggled with masturbation and porn since my mom got high speed internet back in 2001. I do remember meticulously downloading videos through limewire and stashing them in folders so my mom or sister wouldn't find them.

I grew up in a very abusive single mother household, my mom would verbally abuse me and if it came down to it she would beat the shit out of me. I also couldn't go out and hang out with my friends, even if it was going to a sleepover or going to a movie. I felt isolated, alone and often times depressed. I stayed at home much of my high school years, and porn became my outlet. Porn couldn't talk back to me, insult me, or make me cry.

Any chance I got to watch porn I would do it. Which was hard at the time because the computer was situated in the living room area. So I remember vividly, when my mom would go out she would unplug the internet modem and take it with her so I couldn't use it. Thankfully, I had them all downloaded when that happened.

I remember the initial high I would receive watching these videos, I would get fully hard and I was in a trance, it didn't matter what the video was I was hooked. As I got older, my addiction only got worse as the abuse at home got worse. I felt trapped, I didn't have a father growing up either as he left and I had no positive outlets.

Over the years, I went from masturbating once a day to multiple times day. Back when I was younger would only jack off when I watched porn, then I started masturbating all the time just to relieve the stress that was happening at home. At this point, I still didn't realize I had a problem because porn was always viewed in a positive light, and I just didn't know any better.

In 2012, I ended up at the psych ward, I had a mental breakdown I was at a low point in my life, I was suicidal and severely depressed. I was failing college, broke, and I was mentally and physically abused everyday. At the hospital I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder type 1, and that went way over my head because I had no idea what that meant. The doctor prescribed me medication and I was released from the psych ward 60 days later.

Little did I know, I was supposed to take the medication I was prescribed everyday for the rest of my life. I chose not to take the medication and my life was upside down, I was constantly manic or depressed and I couldn't get along with my mom or my sister and I was angry at the world.

During my manic period, my buddy convinced me to go see a prostitute I was still a virgin at the time and for those of you who are manic depressive, any bad idea sounds like a great idea. As some of you know, when I went to go see her my dick went soft as hell, and I was just humiliated. Even then, I didn't realize that porn addiction is what made my dick that way.

During many manic state, I would try hooking up with random women all the time, and I would say 90% off the time I went soft and couldn't perform. I eventually did lose my virginity, but I had taken the erectile dysfunction pill just prior and I was manic as hell. I just didn't understand why I was no longer turned on to real life women anymore.

I went to go talk to my doctor about my issue why I couldn't get hard. He told me that it is most likely my bipolar medications. And he prescribed me 2 ED medicine that all of you are familiar with. In hindsight, I don't think I told him about my porn problem he just concluded that it was the bipolar medications. Whether I told him or not, he didn't ask me if I had even watched porn.

In Oct 2015, I had enough, and I moved out of my mom's house. I was going to take control of my life back and I was sick of the abuse. I started taking my bipolar medication everyday, I moved out on my own and surprisingly I watched porn less. And by less I mean, I still watched it at least once a day just not as excessively as I did when I lived at home.

Same shit different day, the limp dick kept occurring over and over again and lot of the time I couldn't even have sex because it was so soft. I was so dependent on the pills to even have sex and it cost a lot of money. I didn't care about paying for it, I just assumed it was my bipolar medications and I had to circumvent the side effects of my bipolar with the ED pills. Going off the bipolar meds was not an option especially living out on my own.

Fast forward to 2017, I saw many NoFap videos, and I thought it was all bullshit and people who did NoFap were such weirdos. At the same time, I still couldn't stop watching NoFap videos, or reboot nation. I was fascinated by all the stories about erectile dysfunction being reversed simply by not watching porn.

Deep down inside, I knew porn was the problem all along but I couldn't quit watching porn because I was so used to watching it after all these years. My girlfriend and I went to go see a sex therapist, and she told me to stop watching porn and read "erotica novels" and visualize masturbation. For me, porn and masturbation went hand in hand so I knew if I had to quit, I had to stop doing both.

So I finally started my NoFap Journey, and I got to day 10. I was really horny one evening and I masturbated, and not even to porn but the guilt of masturbating was too much for me to handle and I went back to watching porn more than ever. Since, I stopped for 10 days I knew there were a lot of new content I needed to catch up on.

On August 30, 2017, I watched a bunch of videos throughout the day, and masturbated several times. At this point, I said to myself, "I am fucking done" and cleared my history. I knew it was the end of the month, and I could always remember when I started NoFap if it was beginning of the month.

My first order of business was, get to day 11. I relapsed at day 10 and the only goal I had in mind was to get to day 11. And I fucking did it! then day 11 over time turned into day 30, 60, and today day 90. During this period of time, I experienced higher energy than usual, improved self discipline, better relationships with my friends, and just overall happier than if I was watching porn. Also I have been to have sex with my girlfriend regularly without the pill. My erections aren't fully there yet but it has improved immensely.

On Oct 9th, 2017, I joined NoFap.com and the following day I updated my status on the website as Day 40. And every day after that I would always update my status at around midnight to see my progress. I am extremely grateful for everybody on this website, the members, the guests, the moderators if it wasn't for this site I'm sure as hell it would have been a lot harder to get to day 90. And lastly, everyone out there struggling with this addiction just remember to trust the process and if I can do it anyone can.

How do I feel about reaching 3 months?

Well I feel like Peter Quill in the beginning of Guardians of the Galaxy..