Why Do I Find Porn More Exciting Than A Partner? (2012)

Porn More Exciting

To escape from porn addiction it is essential for porn users to understand why they can find porn more exciting than a real partner.

UPDATES:

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ARTICLE: Neuroscience reveals how Internet porn can trump real sex

It’s really hard to get erections when I’m trying to [have intercourse]. Takes about 20 minutes or so to get it up. Really embarrassing. But if I’m sitting and watching my pornz, it’s almost instant.—Porn user in his 20s

Are you a heavy porn user who, during lovemaking, cannot consistently produce/sustain an erection or penetrate a real partner, feel much sensation, or climax (without difficulty)? If your doctor has ruled out organic causes for your woes, he/she is likely to hand you a trial pack of Viagra and refer you to counseling for your “sexual issues.” The medical assumption is that your issue is psychological (performance anxiety) rather than physiological. After all, if you can get it up for porn, your penile health is fine.

Growing evidence suggests that the problem is indeed in your head, not your penis, but that it is primarily physical. Specifically, overstimulation has produced plastic changes in your brain, which make you less responsive to pleasure—and yet hyper-responsive to Internet porn. These addiction-related changes are called desensitization and sensitization, respectively. Together, they explain why porn does the job and your hot babe doesn’t.

Before you panic, know that these brain changes appear to be reversible—most easily in guys who wired to real sex before highspeed Internet arrived. Guys who stop masturbating to porn generally regain their responsiveness during sex within 2-8 months (often after a nasty withdrawal and a disconcerting, temporary absence of libido):

(Age 30, 4 months) From the reboot standpoint, I’m doing spectacular! Any time my girlfriend and I make out, caress etc., I get rock hard and it lasts. I really just don’t worry about penile function anymore.

If performance problems are plaguing you, take this simple test. Do your problems appear to be porn-related? Keep reading to learn more about the changes going on in your brain. Otherwise, you may erroneously conclude that if you can climax to porn, you don’t have a problem, and that the problem lies in your alcohol use or your partner’s behavior or looks, or solely in your anxious feelings. You may spend thousands of dollars on counseling, or resort to costly, and increasingly ineffective, sexual enhancement drugs—and still be left with your problem:

I never had a problem getting hard for porn, but when it came to the real thing, I started taking Cialis. Over time, I took more, and even then there were times when it would only partly work. WTH? Yet I could still get hard to porn.

Why is Mr. Happy ignoring hotties?

With Internet porn it’s easy to overstimulate your brain so you find porn more exciting. Each search, each novel image, each surprising visual, each new genre, and sexual arousal itself all release dopamine in your reward circuitry. Dopamine is the gas that powers the reward circuitry and it equates with desire, anticipation, cravings, and wanting something in particular.

Unfortunately, too much stimulation causes some brains to protect themselves by decreasing their sensitivity to dopamine, and thus to pleasure, for a while.  Obviously, if your brain does this and you are using porn frequently and heavily, your brain doesn’t ever have a chance to return to normal sensitivity. You may find yourself clicking to more extreme material to arouse your reward circuitry’s numbed pleasure center.

Over time, your brain adapts to this situation with measurable decreases in dopamine signaling. You want more, but experience decreasing satisfaction. This is an addiction process called desensitization. (See Intoxicating Behaviors: 300 Vaginas = A Lot of Dopamine.) Recent research confirms it occurs in behavioral addictions such as gambling, food, video gaming, and Internet addiction (which includes cyber erotica addiction). When desensitized, you experience a numbed response to all so called “natural rewards”—including sex with hotties.

Your reward circuitry is the barometer for “How exciting is this?” so if dopamine signaling (desire) is low, erections are sluggish. Erections only arise when dopamine signals flow from the reward circuitry to the hypothalamus.

Why does Mr. Happy prefer porn?

If desensitization were the whole story, erections would be weak whether the stimulus were a girl, your imagination, or porn. But obviously it’s not the whole story, because porn still does the job. In fact, as you try to stop using, porn’s impact temporarily increases. This is where sensitized neural pathways come in.

Note: Addiction terminology is confusing. Desensitization refers to a general dialing down of your responsiveness to all pleasure…a baseline change. Sensitization refers to hyper-reactivity/excitement—but only in response to the specific cues your brain associates with your addiction.

If these two neuroplastic changes could speak, desensitization would be moaning, “I can’t get no satisfaction” (low dopamine signaling), while sensitization would be poking you in the ribs and saying, “Hey buddy, I got just what you need”…which happens to be the very thing that caused the desensitization. Over time, this dual-edged mechanism has your reward circuitry buzzing at the hint of porn use, but less than enthused when presented with the real deal.

Relapsed to porn once, and even though I didn’t get fully erect, I could not believe the intensity of the rush I got when I clicked to the site! Very powerful excitation – tingling, dry mouth, and even trembling. I hadn’t felt that kind of rush since I was at the height of puberty and got an unexpected view up a girl’s skirt!

Your higher brain forms a feedback loop

So exactly how does sensitization arise? In simple terms, sensitization involves two very normal brain mechanisms taken too far: long term potentiation (LTP), which is the strengthening of synapses, and long term depression (LTD), which is the weakening of synapses.

Long term potentiation (LTP) is the basis of learning and memory. It can be summarized as “nerve cells that fire together, wire together.” Memories arise in two steps. First, your reward circuitry signals that an experience is important by sending dopamine to your prefrontal cortex (PFC). The more dopamine the more importance your brain attaches to an experience.

Porn More ExcitingSecond, the PFC responds to your “This is important!” signal by (1) knitting together everything associated with the reward, and (2) forming a neural feedback loop heading back to the reward circuitry. Thereafter, any thought, memory, or cue associated with a particular reward activates the pathway, and sets your reward circuitry a buzzin’. It could be smells associated with your favorite burger joint. For a tomcat it could be the hole in the fence that led to a female in heat. For a bird it might be seeing the guy who fills the birdfeeder. It’s evolutionary purpose is to help you remember the who, what, where, when and how of sex, food and rock ‘n’ roll.

Importantly, the feedback loop doesn’t run on dopamine. It runs on glutamate. Both neurochemicals have the power to activate “Go get it!” signals in your reward circuitry. Glutamate stimulation is why porn can still ring your chimes even when your reward circuitry has stopped responding to dopamine and real partners. Reward circuit (dopamine) → PFC (associations formed) → feedback loop (glutamate) to reward circuit.

Sensitization: creation of a super-memory

So far, the process is business as usual. Sensitization, however, transforms this normal PFC → glutamate feedback pathway to the reward circuitry into a super-memory in three steps:

  1. With sensitization, explicit memories (such as facts and events) transform into habits, which are known as implicit memories. Example: knowing how to ride a bike without thinking. Addiction-related implicit memories are like Pavlovian conditioning on steroids—very hard to ignore. When a recently sober alcoholic walks by a bar, all the sounds of laughter and smell of stale beer can whip this sensitized circuit into a frenzy, setting off strong cravings…and possibly eliminating all resolve.
  2. LTP strengthens the feedback pathway such that a little squirt of glutamate is all you need to fire up the nerve cells that signal, “Gotta have this now!” Sensitized pathways are a non-dopamine mechanism for activating reward-circuitry neurons—come hell or high water. This sneaky feature seems to be at the core of all additions. Traffic jam on the main dopamine highway keeping you from feeling pleasure from real sex? No problem. You have another way to get home, but it’s only allowing one type of vehicle (stimulation): PORN.
  3. Continued use of your addiction activates a third mechanism in the sensitization process: long term depression (LTD). The reward circuitry’s innate braking system (GABA) weakens, further amplifying the “Go for it!” glutamate signals. Instead of normal brain operation, which is more like city driving where you check for oncoming traffic at every intersection, your sensitized porn pathway is the autobahn. There are no traffic lights and porn is the only BMW M-5 on the road.Porn More Exciting

The autopilot thing is definitely familiar to me. It’s like being possessed by a porn-crazed demon, and then once you’re finished, your real self returns and wonders what the hell just happened and why you just wasted all this time looking at disgusting videos.

Same master switch for sex/food as for drug addiction

The master switch that triggers these addiction-related changes is the protein DeltaFosB. High levels of consumption of natural rewards (sex, sugar, high-fat) or chronic administration of virtually any drug of abuse cause DeltaFosB (a transcription factor) to accumulate in the reward center, affecting gene expression.

Note that addictive drugs only cause addiction because they magnify or inhibit mechanisms already in place for natural rewards. This is why the American Society of Addiction Medicine unambiguously states that food and sex addictions are true addictions.

DeltaFosB’s evolutionary purpose is to motivate us to “get it while the getting is good!”  It’s a binge mechanism for food and reproduction, which worked well in other times and environments. These days it makes addictions to junk food and Internet porn as easy as 1-2-3.

It not only initiates addiction, but also helps to sustain it for a prolonged period. In fact, it hangs around for a month or two after you stop using, making relapse more likely. Moreover, the sensitized addiction pathways it triggers linger for an unknown amount of time. In short, porn cues may electrify you for a long time.

Addiction neuroplasticity can be summarized as: continued consumption → DeltaFosB → activation of genes → changes in synapses → sensitization and desensitization. (See The Addicted Brain for more detail.) It appears that desensitization eventually leads to loss of executive control (hypofrontality), another major feature of addictions.

Sensitized pathways and withdrawal…ugh

Let’s say you decide to make the ultimate sacrifice and stop using porn. You’ll probably feel rotten for a while. Remember, your brain initially perceived your heavy porn use as a genetic bonanza. It thought you were making babies with each ejaculation. It laid down the super-memories so you wouldn’t abandon your “valuable” bevy of beauties (or whatever you were climaxing to).

Now, as you defy your brain by abstaining, your already low dopamine drops further. Also, libido-squelching brain stress hormones CRF and norepinephrine shoot up. Your desensitization is in overdrive, so a real partner doesn’t stand a chance. No wonder most guys experience such intense withdrawal symptoms. They’re feeling less pleasure than ever in response to normal stimuli, feeling more anxious, and trying to quit the one thing that can still goose their reward circuitry. There are solid reasons why addictions are so tough to beat.

Worse yet, during abstinence the sensitized “goosing” pathways grow even stronger. It’s as if your pleasure center is screaming for stimulation…but only the addiction can hear the call. The branches (dendrites) on nerve cells processing reward signals become “super spiny.” This overgrowth of little nubs allows for more synaptic connections and greater excitation.  It’s like growing four extra pairs of ears while being stuck at a “Spinal Tap” concert. When cues or thoughts (glutamate) hammer your reward circuit, the craving scale hits eleven.

I’m finding that just random pictures in ads and stuff are setting off cravings. Even when the models are fully clothed, I really want to give in.

During recovery, it’s easy to mistake an activated sensitized pathway for true libido. This is particularly true if you experience the typical radical drop in libido at some point in your recovery. During this “flatline” phase, a porn cue may still fire you up, and even trigger an impressive erection. This can fool you into thinking that porn is the cure for your sluggish libido. The real cure is to patiently wait for structures in your brain to catch up with your new direction. Meanwhile, all other stimuli, including your partner, are less arousing.

Two months into my recovery I saw a simple frame of bare ass on an adult movie channel. Honest to god, it felt like I got injected with some kind of drug. I had the biggest urge in my penis and my mind, to put it back on. I literally ran upstairs and brushed my teeth. Had I stayed downstairs, I would have relapsed 100%. I could feel a part of me going, “WHAT THE HELL MAN? GO BACK DOWNSTAIRS!!!!!!!!!”. I was shaking and panting. After 8 min of brushing my teeth non-stop, I was back to normal.

Recovery turns sensitized pathways into paper tigers

Porn More Exciting?Despite their enormous power, sensitized pathways eventually lose their grip as your brain returns to normal and everyday pleasures become more satisfying. Staring at pixels begins to register as an empty exercise, and eventually the brain allows the sensitized pathways to weaken at the same time it strengthens the pathways related to other promising rewards (such as real partners).

Here, guys describe what this shift feels like. Keep in mind that most of them have been through a tough withdrawal phase and a month (or several months) of avoiding porn/masturbation.

  • In the past I would get intense sexual cravings to view really extreme, hardcore explicit scenes. But now those types of cravings are diminishing. I’m no longer battling myself to visit a porn site – but rather to wanting to see a really stunning, toned, hot woman…even if she is wearing clothes. It’s like I am regressing to a state before hardcore – when more subtle sexual cues could get me excited. This is awesome and exciting! I remember when I got off of sugary drinks years ago – I used to drink 5 or more cola drinks per day. I never thought I was addicted but when I gave them up I wanted a coke badly at every meal. Just having water felt strange. But after sticking with it for about 2 months I was completely past it. Not even any cravings. I did once have a coke since then, and I didn’t really like it – I found I actually prefer water.
  • During the heights of my porn addiction, I never looked forward to much of anything: dreaded going to work, and never saw socializing with friends and family as all that great, especially in comparison to my porn rituals, which gave me more pleasure and stimulation than anything else. With the addiction gone, little things make me really happy. I find myself laughing often, smiling for no real reason, and just being in good spirits all around. I thought I was a pessimist, but really I was just an addict. Today, a spontaneous erection lasted over 25 minutes. I did not really feel the urge to masturbate. I just lay there and enjoyed the sensation, and thought about how far I’d come.
  • I’ve found as I progress, my dreams become more sex-oriented and more surreal, instead of just seeing myself spanking the monkey in front of my computer. Also, I feel more like masturbating when I see an attractive girl when I’m out—instead of feeling like looking at porn. Previously, I never felt like “just masturbating.” I always wanted porn.
  • I am still getting some porn flashbacks: porn stars or parts of scenes. At the beginning of my reboot, the first couple weeks, these flashbacks would make me strongly consider masturbating or looking at porn. Now, when I get them, I don’t really feel the desire to do those things. I get a small rush from seeing those images in my head, but that’s about it. I’m able to shake them away fairly quickly and without consequence. Their power is receding.
  • Images and memories fade: I’ve seen a number of posts from people saying they can’t forget some of the things they’ve seen. I can say that from my experience, yes, some of those will never completely go away. But the vast majority will. I had a 300GB stash and regularly had sessions where I’d click the browser Close button and see a message saying “You have 130 tabs open. Are you sure you want to close the window?”. I cannot remember 95% of what I’ve seen. But, I can remember 5% and that may be a lot for some of you. Here’s the thing, it doesn’t really matter now. I can recall some details, and shrug it off. Those images don’t have a hold on me anymore as I have finally left behind the shame, sexual repression and idle, distraction-prone mindset that would previously cause me to relapse.
  • In the past I noticed beauty, of course, but never FELT a DESIRE to be with a girl. I directed all my sex drive toward porn. Everything sexual for me WAS porn. I could never think about me, this guy with this d*ck, having real sex with a real girl. Now, I feel like sex is the most natural thing to do. “Hell yeah it’s possible for me to have sex. Hell yeah there’s a lot of girls out there wanting to have it with me!” Suddenly, self-defeating thoughts seem so stupid and time-wasting. I finally feel what most males feel. And it’s awesome.
  • Eventually I decided to masturbate to some porn. One thing was strange: I didn’t seem to get the same enjoyment from the porn as I recalled. Even finding favorite scenes didn’t seem to deliver. Porn was a bit boring in some way. Even though it wasn’t as “good” as I remembered it, I was still drawn back to it. Since the porn was not nearly as great as I remembered it, not going back will be easier.
  • The first time I started masturbating again, I felt my brain looking for the porn. This is going to be hard to describe…there was a spot in my brain where the porn junk went (memories, cravings, etc). When I denied the porn, I literally felt a collapse or an empty feeling in that part of my brain. Like it just did not exist anymore and my brain realized it. It was like when you clap your hands. My brain was expecting something in between the hands, but then it realized there was nothing in between except air.
  • So here I am, 75 days into my reboot and feeling pretty good. It seems natural, now, not to seek porn or masturbate. While at the drug store a I bought a magazine about drag racing, the way it was in the ’60s and ’70s. There was an article about a drag racer and it featured, prominently, pictures of his somewhat busty girlfriend. I remember seeing the same pictures when they were first published, back in the early ’70s. Back then they were whacking material, tonight I didn’t feel any excitement at all. I think that I’ve finally learned to look at a woman without depersonalizing her and letting my thoughts head for the gutter. She was a beautiful woman, no doubt about that, but she’s just another member of the human family.
  • It used to be that I would feel a little twinge of evil when the thought of looking at porn came into my mind. It was like I was stealing something . . . I’m pretty sure it was basically a sense of thrill that started with that twinge. It was a short circuit of my normal desires. Anyhow, that twinge seems to have abated. Just being able to say that makes me feel wonderful. I’m not out of the woods, but I’m better than I’ve ever been in my life, happier too.
  • The handful of times that I’ve been exposed to materials that were near-porn, over the last 18 months, I tended to react strongly (at first). I think it’s probably a defensive thing, akin to a recovering alcoholic that is just death on drinking and will call someone out for drinking even if that person doesn’t actually have a problem. My reaction to such things is becoming more normal at this point. I was seeking something from porn and I am no longer doing so. IMHO, when we desire sex it is actually the emotional connection that we desire. I think that this explains, BTW, why animals go to the bother of seeking a mate instead of stimulating themselves. I’m certain that even in the realm of animals there is an emotional component to mating, albeit much less complex than it is for humans.
  • One key in my understanding of this problem was when I realized that I didn’t want meaningless sex. [Same guy a year later]  I am ever more amazed the degree to which this has happened. I haven’t been posting to the forums much lately and I feel like I’ve moved on with my life now. I’m not saying that I’m immune, that would be a foolish thing to conclude, but I have reached a point where I don’t feel any temptation to masturbate and the sneaky attraction to porn is gone too. That may be the strangest thing, porn seems to have lost its power over me. All of my life, until two years ago, porn could have a profound effect upon me. Just dwelling upon the prospect of seeing porn could put me into an altered state. It no longer has that power. It’s a quantum shift that I find amazing.
  • Its like I have a completely different reaction to it. It doesn’t interest me, I don’t find it desirable, the prospect of viewing porn seems completely undesirable. It’s like this; for most of my life I looked at porn and it was never enough. Now I don’t look at porn at all and it’s more than enough. Whatever it was that I was looking for in porn I’m no longer seeking.

In short, cues may still evoke a powerful feeling of anticipation. Yet as you become more responsive to real pleasures, masturbation to pixels seems increasingly pointless and unfulfilling. Of course, if you return to exclusive porn use, you fire up the sensitization process again. In other words, recovery of sexual function doesn’t protect you against future excess.

Which event have you been training for?

Sadly, the young guys who arrive at our site with porn-induced sexual dysfunction often have the toughest time rewiring their brains (see – Young Porn Users Need Longer To Recover Their Mojo). Here’s a typical scenario:

When I lost my virginity it really did not feel that good. I was bored actually. I lost the erection after maybe ten minutes. She wanted more sex, but I was done. The next time I tried to have sex with a woman was a disaster. I had an erection at first, but I lost it before I ever penetrated. Condom use was out of the question—not a hard enough erection.

Usually guys like him started with heavy Internet porn use at age 11 or so, and didn’t try to have sex with a partner for another decade. They’ve wired to super-high octane fuel in the form of ever-novel Internet porn, and it’s possible that their brains pruned back some of their under-used “mating” circuitry as they reached adulthood.

For a while after they switch to real mates (regular fuel), they ping along and occasionally stall out. Some have to make a concerted effort to spend time around real potential mates, and be patient as their brains catch up with their new direction. They sometimes need 4 months or more to respond normally to potential partners. A cuddle buddy helps.

In contrast, guys who wired to real mates before highspeed Internet still have those well developed “real-partner pathways” in place. Most didn’t notice performance problems until they overwhelmed their brains with synthetic stimulation via broadband. When they lay off the porn, their reward circuitry bounces back. Potential mates automatically start to look hot again. Most need about two months, but one 50-year old recently reported that, after three years of porn-related erectile dysfunction, he needed only 8 days porn-free to get back in the saddle.

If porn is the only way you can climax, it means you’ve wired your brain to the wrong target. It’s not that real giggles and wiggles aren’t appealing. They are. But while your reward circuitry is desensitized to normal pleasures, your gut-level (actually, brain-level) response to real potential mates is…meh. The only reason the porn signals still do the job is because you’ve created a neural sledgehammer powerful enough to get a rise out of your numbed reward circuitry—at least while you’re actually viewing porn.

Real sex is flirting, touching, being touched, smells, pheromones, connecting and interacting with a person. Internet porn is 2D voyeurism, clicking a mouse, searching, multiple tabs, isolation, constant novelty, a harem, and interacting only with your hand.

To use a sports analogy, which event has your brain been training for? If you want to shoot hoops like a pro, you don’t spend your time swinging a golf club. Have years of Internet porn use created a mismatch between what your brain expects and what actually happens during real mating? Time to rewire.

STUDY: The Role of Dopamine in Value-Based Attentional Orienting (2016) This research shows that cues that were once associated with “reward” continue to capture more of the brain’s attention than non-cue stimuli – even “in the explicit absence of reward.” Researchers added, “These findings also shed light on the neurochemical basis of individual susceptibility to value-driven attentional capture, which is known to play a role in addiction.”

NEW: Adolescent Brain Meets Highspeed Internet Porn (half-hour presentation on sexual conditioning and the adolescent brain)

52 thoughts on “Why Do I Find Porn More Exciting Than A Partner? (2012)”

  1. Comment fron another forum

    Off work today, in a house with three computers, big test. Think I can do it, still have incredible urge and discomfort, on day 6.. I’ve come to the realization that I always thought I had this (normal?) high sex drive, more likely just chasing the dopamine. In hindsight, the last time I watched porn I didn’t even masturbate, just totally zoned out watching, could feel the buzz. Have to admit I miss it, and my mind still flashes on the images. That’s the part I hope goes away, so I can deal again with the reality of my wife..who I love and still turns me on, just want to show her with a full erection. I’m over 50, that’s a lot of images to erase

  2. We hear this a lot
    Sensitization seems to reverse itself starting with the most recently acquired tastes, as this forum member reported:

    I hardly ever think about porn or watching it anymore. It was really weird because from when I discontinued watching porn the flashbacks would go backwards. Like from the different types of porn I watched. It was like layers of sensitized mind were being pealed away.

  3. Comment from Psychology Today
    Anonymous has commented on: “The Sky Is Not Falling”

    Subject: How to Give a Women the WORST Sex of Her Life This is such an interesting subject, but porn has been around forever in some form or another.

    What is the real killer? Technology + Porn.

    I have read many of Gary Wilson’s articles and I agree 100% with this idea. I also fully understand that the problem is as new as widespread use of high-speed internet (which became most readily available AFTER 2006).

    High speed internet + free porn videos + infinite selection = problems

    What problems?

    – Masturbation rituals that desensitize the man for real sex (i.e., performance problems).

    – A lack of appreciation for regular women and an overblown desire for the highly sexualized women of adult films

    – A vague dissatisfaction for available partners, one’s own body, genitalia, and life (like “Facebook Depression” but in a sexual sense)

    As for “studies” that say this problem isn’t real, they fail to account for ALL the guys who lie about their erection problems with real women. Guys lie about erectile dysfunction the same way many women lie about how many partners they’ve had. It’s all about saving the ego.

    When you cut out the clinical aspect of “studies,” most of my guy friends who are honest enough to admit using Viagra are also serious porn users.

    Lesson?

    Quit porn and you’ll be better in bed and more appreciative of your wife or girlfriend.

    OR…

    Masturbate to porn regularly and you’ll give a women the worst sex of her life and end up hating yourself as a result of profound and life-crushing embarrassment.

    Your choice guys.

  4. comment from Reddit that really describes sensitization
    The thread – A True Addiction.

    It’s 4:00 am here and I’m basically typing this so I don’t fap, that’s how hard this is now. I had no idea this was going to be so hard. Occasionally, during Oscar season, there is the inevitable drug addiction film. They show some poor person going through a withdrawal period and it looks like hell – I feel I can honestly associate w/ that pain now.

    What is killing me is that I actually miss it. I miss looking for the images, through all the porn. I miss it like a friend, that’s honestly how hard this feels. I know that is sick and wrong and a good indicator of how addicted I was, but that’s how badly I miss it. There was a warmth or a comfort I associate w/ fapping.

    I saw some “I relapsed” threads early on in my nofap and would read the story of one of you “just looking” at P and then breaking down. I’d think, “Why would you look at P you idiot?” and here I am now just wanting so badly to look again. To see that visual stimulation that takes over some part of your brain and cuts out everything else around you.

    One thing that truly was happening to me while I was fapping all the time was the ‘muting’ of the rest of the world. Nothing felt that great outside of PMO, or nothing felt as vivid. During the first week of nofap I really did get spurts of life back in my, well, life. But now, I dunno, a bit of a plateau again or something. Perhaps things were a little more exciting when I started but that initial benefit has worn off some. I think that’s why my brain is recalling how ‘fun’ PMO was.

    Okay, just slogging through a tough time here. Thanks for reading if you have.

  5. From reddit.com

    Hello, I am not an active participant in this group, but I am quite seasoned NoFapper as you can see 🙂

    I decided to post this today, as I am fcking happy about myself. I am 19 years old virgin, been fapping since .. I can’t even remember, 3 yrs old maybe. Sad I know. But I stumbled upon this group and took action. There have been good days ,bad days, hell of a days.

    I want to share not process, but rather results. Today I was in my second date with a girl. A wonderful girl. In 3 hrs of our date I realised, that I am actually making connection with her. Something I was desperately trying to achieve for last few years, with such painful failures, that it lead me to believe I am totally useless… And now she came out of nowhere and I didn’t even really tried, all came out naturally! At the end of the date we were simply cuddling near the lake and enjoying ourselves. I didn’t feel any guilt or any other bad feeling I used to, nothing at all. Just pure joy. I will repeat myself, whole this thing is WONDERFUL!!!

    To all comrades, keep fighting the good fight! Look, It took me 115 days to actually affect my life in a big way! There’s always hope, just DONT GIVE UP!

    And this is no placebo, I can assure you, but you also need to try and improve yourself, NoFap is more of a catalyst for your reaction you need to start yourself ! (Sorry, I’m chemist :))

  6. My pmo/ed was so bad I thought I was asexual for several years

    LINK – ma_duece133 days

    My pmo/ed was so bad I thought I was asexual for several years. Gave up on ever meeting a SO many times, I was a true forever alone. When I did date it was failure after failure. THen something happened and I woke up one day and said NO this has to change, I NEED a partner in my life, I want a woman to love and be loved, I want to be that special someone for someone, and her for me. I was never depressed enough to end it, and the path I was on became unbearable. Then I met my SO and am happier than I’ve ever been.

    I think that’s one effect of porn, I was never attracted to women in real life because I had all the hotties I wanted degrading themselves for me online. Since I wasn’t attracted to real women I was in some kind of purgatory, where me being asexaul was the only thing that made sense.

    I don’t know if that made any sense, but there you are. Hang in there, you can do this!

  7. When on a fapping binge, I don’t want to have sex

    LINK f-x-u-y

    Actually, I can relate. When I’m on a fapping binge, I kind of only want to hang out with my women friends, but not have sex with them. I tend to be somber, want to feel comforted, and not alone. I don’t flirt with them, and I don’t express manly desires.

    Also, I kind of feel like less of a man when I fap, so I don’t want to be around other men because I feel weird; as if they are thinking that I’m feminine, and there’s definitely a nervous weirdness in the air.

    I too in the past have had a couple of male friends come on to me, and they absolutely swore they thought I was gay as well, although I’m sure of my own heterosexuality. I’ve decided that it was due to my fapping ways and the resulting awkwardness/timidity around women that these guys observed.

    I’ve found that I get along better with everyone when I’m not fapping. I find myself being more masculine doing bro stuff like fishing, hunting, and camping, and generally being outdoorsy and having more testosterone. Thus I’m able to hang out with the dudes, while at the same time more easily talking to the women that I’m interested in. Well more like the women talk to me, since they see me having an outdoor active life that is attractive; as if they can sense the difference in my confidence and demeanor.

  8. strange things are happening

    LINK – strange things are happening

    GUY 1 – I’m getting many erections throughout the day. No longer dead. I can be turned on just by seeing facebook photos. I never understood why people said you can be turned on by them but now Isee it is possible.

    GUY 2 – I’m getting those too. Was texting a girl yesterday and spontaneously got THE hardest boner I’ve had during Nofap as of yet.

  9. from reddit nofap –

    Shocked, Speechless, and Excited to start a new chapter

    For many years I’ve been searching for an answer to why I felt so depressed. This led me to think about my sexuality which has always been problematic. And today I found this website. It’s interesting to hear that your problem is sex being a formula. For me I would say that the problem is that I only get turned on by extreme visual stimuli and not by the sex act itself.

  10. Anyone finding the P of PMO

    Anyone finding the P of PMO harder to overcome than the MO? Only 6 days were needed to find an actual advancement on that

    First milestone!

    I mean, even without any actual stimulus, the comeback of imagery to my mind is constant.

    While I’m immersed in a book, BAM!

    While I’m really enjoying a movie, SHABOOM!

    While I’m running, SHABADOOM!

    Nevertheless, I have to add that the moments of intimacy with my gf (with whom I live with) are the only ones that shell me from P imagery. And that’s a victory! Because only 6 days back from now, even when having actual sex, I had my mind full of P as the only means to keep my erection. Hell, it sometimes was the only way to get to O with the real sex!

    It was so sick. And it have been like this for me since I started fapping, almost 10 years ago (I’m 25), this one not being my first sexual partner.

    And only 6 days were enough to overcome that.

    Damn, if just someone warned me before. I’m so glad I found you!

    Next milestone in the way to victory: Overcoming the P addiction, or at least getting to the point of don’t have it every fucking moment in my mind, distracting me!

  11.  I’m 30 so I’m in the older category too

    I’m 30 so I’m in the older category too, and your story is similar to mine. Always the introvert growing up. Prototypical nice guy who always tried to do the right things and was careful not to step on anyone’s toes. I didn’t want to turn into those douchebags who did drugs and were degrading to women.

    Fast forward to now, and it’s like I turned into one of those douchebags (aside from the drug part). I’ve had relationships with good women, and I’m currently in a relationship with a good honest beautiful woman and I know other guys envy me for it, but my pmo addiction has transformed me into a sex crazed maniac. When I’m in bed with her I fantasize about porn and when I’m out in public, I ogle other women to the point of creepiness. Even worse, I’m still in the habit of going to strip clubs and getting lap dances and such.

    LINK

  12. Day 28 – Nice day

    Practiced the piano, drove my girlfriend to her university and back. Spikes here and there, but nothing wrecking me. I woke up with AMAZING wood. I never realized how bad my ED was in the past. I really have a tool, and I didn’t know it. Now I know why men love to build things! I’m sure I’ll have even better. Except when my girlfriend asked me about my sleep-talking this morning, “Whom were you saying ‘I love you’ to?” And I couldn’t remember at first. Then I realized, it was this redhead (not my girlfriend) I was hugging in my dreams and grabbing her breasts. And I couldn’t confess to my girlfriend that I loved another girl in that dream. This is bugging me a lot. Wondering, when I have no physical desire for my own girlfriend, even though she’s cute and beautiful, is that me having low libido? And when I’m looking at other girls, who objectively really aren’t any better or worse than my girlfriend, is that me just craving the porn rush of checking for the next best thing, like edging almost?

    LINK to post

  13. the fog has lifted.

    the fog has lifted.

    I almost lost the fight last night. It was 3 AM and I was prepared to surf porn and fap. My mind had been under a fog for the last week. I have been meeting quite a few new girls lately, each one seemingly hotter than the one before. I am in a committed relationship, so I haven’t been able to act on any of these urges. Just yesterday my SO was trying to finish me, but I just wasn’t interested–my primitive brain is losing interest in my SO. I was feeling that anger that builds up, that anger you get from not being able to do exactly what you want. Why is porn a bad thing if it makes me happy?

    I sat down in the bathroom, flipped open my laptop, and got comfortable. I had the first video open when something within me made me go to r/nofap instead of grabbing my handle. I don’t know exactly why, but the fog lifted. I saw who I was and what I was doing: Porn is a waste of my time and I know the orgasm I will get is going to be unsatisfying. I know that this is all fake. The digital reproductions of women faking the deed. I don’t want porn to be a part of my life. I want to live a life that is transparent and made from honest hard work. I want my future kids to look up to me. I want to be a good father and husband. If I can’t be faithful to my SO without porn, then my relationship should end before kids are brought into the mix. I should try to spice of my sex life, not escape the problems through a fake outlet like porn. If push comes to shove and I cheat or end my relationship, at least I’m being honest with myself. Thoughts?

    A REPLY

    I am a first hand witness that using PMO to keep yourself from cheating on your spouse or using PMO to make up for a deficiency of interesting or satisfying sex with your spouse will only cause more problems for you in the end.

    PMO quickly sets a standard within you for intensity, variety, and visual stimulation that very few real live women can ever hope to live up to or satisfy for long. In short, the problem is rarely if ever a boring spouse but rather our own failure as lazy men to continue to develop and nurture the necessary environment that allows our SO’s to be exciting to you and for them to feel the emotional connection that they really need in order to let their hair down and open up their own sexuality.

    As a personal example, I have been with my SO exclusively for over a decade and with the help of no fap the sex we share lately has been better than ever. But that was not always the case. The interesting thing is that my wife actually was a divorce’ when we first met 13 years ago. I know for a fact that she has done lots of sexual stuff with me that she would have never even considered doing with her first husband. The reason? because back when I was first romancing her I put her into a place romantically and emotionally where she felt totally secure to open up sexually but then as time wore on I got lazy and preoccupied with life, stress, careers etc. the sex got boring and I retreated to PMO which only made it worse in the end.

    Now after discovering no fap and starting to get my shit together mentally I have begun to give her the same attention and emotional support that I used to give her back when we first started dating and boy have I ever begun to reap the rewards!

     

  14. Tried fapping without porn…incredibly depressing. triggers,

    Tried fapping without porn…incredibly depressing. (possible triggers, beware)

    This is the first time I truly realized I have an addiction to PMO.

    After battling my mind against looking at porn I thought I would try to use my own imagination and fap. It began well enough. I was hard, no ed problems. My imagination began to think of attractive women in my life. Picturing them naked, sexy things they have said to me in the past, amazing sexual encounters.

    However, the only things that kept cropping up was them riding my dick or screaming in ecstasy. All material, all physical. Those thoughts quickly turned to passionate kissing or a particularly close moment we had together. I began to think about where they were now. What kind of live’s they are living. Tears began to crop up and my penis began to become slightly flaccid. I was desecrating my image of them with porn I viewed online. I couldn’t decipher between my own sexual experiences and feelings from PMO I did online.

    Porn has really fucked with my brain. My own imagination led me to tears while fapping with a limp penis. I couldn’t finish. I ended more depressed than ever. When I was younger 12-16 I would fap to my own thoughts, my own desires all the time never needing porn. I would imagine passionately kissing a girl I liked and making romantic, passionate love with them.

    That has been replaced with a girl getting dp’d on a dirty sofa. The same sweet, innocent girls I feel in love with growing up have been replaced with fake, un-romantic, base desires and shocking sexual scenarios all with a click of a mouse.

    I’ve lost my passion and my childhood dream of deeply romantic and passionate love for women. This is not acceptable. This is why I’m on no-fap.

  15. low-key nature of actual sex is what has always driven me back

    The low-key nature of actual sex is what has always driven me back to the high octane rush of porn. How do porn addicts return to a life of low-key sex with the same partner after getting off on the smorgasbord of new porn for decades? LINK

  16. real sex didn’t live up to my experiences as the guy in the porn

    The thing I noticed when looking at porn was I associated with the guy in the scene and when real sex didn’t live up to my experiences as the guy in the porn I felt let down and resentful. Like I wasn’t getting what was due me and this other guy (porn star) was. So sex became a let down because ‘other guys’ were getting all this crazy shit from beautiful women who were enjoying it and I was getting (and giving) lame sex with my wife if I was lucky enough to convince to have sex with me instead of watching TV.

    I actually had myself convinced that I had no choice but to look at porn and more because I would never have the fun sex that all the other guys (porn stars) had. I deserved something, didn’t I? It wasn’t fair that I wouldn’t experience that stuff. LINK

  17. I can’t enjoy sex with my wife because my mind gets flooded with

    My biggest problem right now is that I can’t enjoy sex with my wife because my mind gets flooded with pr0n during intercourse. The problem goes away when I stay away from PMO, but I lack the self discipline to make it on my own.

    Joined reddit for this

  18. Starting Over And Quitting

    Starting Over And Quitting Porn

    This isn’t my first attempt to quit porn. I first tried in February of this year, when I came across Your Brain on Porn and realized porn was probably related to my ED problems. Since then, I’ve been quitting and relapsing in starts and stops.

    Over this weekend, a relationship with a girl I’d been seeing ended. I had been able to have sex with her, but only with help from the blue pill. I was almost relieved when she cut things off with me, because it meant that a) I didn’t have to worry about my bedroom issues for a while, and b) I could treat myself to one session of porn. Of course, that one session has turned into three sessions over the course of the last two days.

    I’m aware that my ED is closely related to anxiety in sexual situations. However, I firmly believe that I need to quit porn and “reset” before I can have a healthy relationship. It disturbs me that I find porn more appealing than a real woman, and that feeling is something I want to change more than I’ve wanted to change just about anything else in my life. But, even as I say that, I know there’s a good chance that tomorrow I’ll disable the filter I set up and head back to some tube site.

  19. a good description of sensitization

    Porn-induced dopamine.

    Last night i very nearly relapsed. I didn’t M, i didn’t O. I decided to ‘just look’, or whatever the fuck, at one of the sites i frequented. I went through the whole routine of getting the tissues ready and shit. Only just managed to stop myself in time. This is the first time it’s happened since the beginning.

    Anyway just looking at the site gave me such a rush that i was shaking, my heart was beating so fast also. Today the dreaded brain fog is back, i don’t really want to talk to people, cravings are HUGE. I’m pretty sure i’ll ride out this storm, but i just thought i’d let you know: ‘Just taking a look’ isn’t worth it. I’m sure you already know this but don’t do it.

    Should be back to normal by tomorrow/this evening (i hope).

  20. Worst consequences of your

    Worst consequences of your previous fapping/porn habit?

    We are a positive community that usually always talk about the benefits of NoFap. But I think it could be beneficial to see what bad consequences our previous fapping habits caused, so we won’t go back. I’ll start.

    1. I actually had access to real sex for several years from a “friend with benefit” we met perhaps twice per year because my fapping habits took away my sex drive.
    2. Could spend hours edging, building up to a massive O, enjoy it for a second and then get a horrible feeling that I’m wasting my time.
    3. When I had a girlfriend I was always very eager to have real sex to decrease my need to fap. This caused problems with some.
    4. The things I fapped to got worse and worse over time. Now since starting this I understand that the novelty faded and I needed something more perverted all the time.

    fappe

    Erectile Dysfunction as well.

    JuanTac0

    For me, it’s that I preferred fapping to real sex. I felt I had to keep from fapping for a day or two when I knew I was gonna hook up with my SO. And if I couldn’t control myself, I’d actually avoid sex because I was worried about not being able to perform.

    2012_10_08_20H3

    Well, the effects and side effects from fapping have taken a high toll on my life: from not being able to get up in the morning because I was so depressed and tired of everything, from losing a wonderful girlfriend, failing several years at university because I couldn’t concentrate and memorize large amounts of stuff.. the list is so long, it’s painful to think about..

    beabetterman

    For me it was erectile dysfunction. I am married and used to have wonderful sex, but fapping (with porn) was too convenient and I gave it priority over time with my wife. How stupid could I have been?!

     

  21. Normal orgasm not good enough?

    Normal orgasm not good enough?

    Hello, fellow fapstronauts. I’m a guy who’s been fapping to porn for 20 years and in the last few years noticed that I don’t get a satisfying orgasm from plain heterosexual sex (even without a condom). I do, however, get a much stronger release from receiving oral sex or manual stimulation, both heterosexual.

    Is it a common problem resulting from frequent PMO? It feels like my brain learned to associate good orgasm with being passive, same like in PMO where the fapper is the passive party watching the active parties having sex in his browser. I’d love to hear your input. After a few weeks participation in nofap (also no porn so far, besides a few images in a moment of weakness), this problem hasn’t gone away.

  22. I think it is part of a larger picture of our generation.

    A final thought. I’ve said this elsewhere, but I think it needs frequent repeating. There may be cases of otherwise normal, healthy people who are held back/damaged by PMO, for whom PMO represents an ‘addiction’ which is the cause of their various problems. For many if not most of us, however, I think it is part of a larger picture of our generation. We have, many of us, been allowed to extend our adolescence far, far into our twenties (or even thirties!) through the general permissiveness of modern culture and parenting, and the availability of various distractions provided by our technology. We become docile and passive because we never have to fight for the right to enjoy life. Like being suspended in a tank and fed from a tube, our muscles (both actual, mental and emotional) are denied the vital stimulation they need to develop. Quitting PMO is one very important step for people such as us, but it is only one step. We have to rethink what it means to live, and ask ourselves if we are truly doing so. Such introspection is painful, but necessary.

    90 Day Report

  23. I’m a 24 year old male that

    I’m a 24 year old male that feels like I need to stop a pornography addiction. I am going to try no PMO to rid this habit. I have gone with no pornography before for a week or so and it was fine. I have never went without masturbating though. I feel like I have been suffering with some ED due to pornography so I am very curious to see if this no PMO will work! I have realized through research what a demon pornography is. I was always under the assumption that pornography aided with my comfort with my sexuality (I’m gay) so I always viewed pornography with a positive attitude. Now I have realized that porn is the opposite of this. I am proud of the fact that I have deleted all my stashes of porn, something I have never even dreamed about doing! I would freak out thinking that my hard drive would break and ruin my porn collection! But now after realizing the awful thing that porn has done to me, I despise it and had no problem ridding myself of it.

    I have been actively involved with pornography since the age of 13. The rush and thrill of it was something I would look forward to all day. It also provided me with warm feelings toward my sexuality of which I was questioning at the time. Of course the porn addiction increased and I found myself keeping hard drives full of thousands of pictures and videos. It aided me at night when I was lonely or depressed. Sometimes I would binge for hours looking at porn. I never really noticed that porn was affecting me until I started researching.

    Through high school I was more of a quiet kid. I was still in the closet so I never had any intimate relationships with anyone. Senior year I came out and was loved by all my friends and family. In college I had sex with a couple of guys but that was usually in a drunken stupor! haha. But all in all I never had any relationship through college. I would always retire home and PMO. I thought that I just preferred pleasuring myself because I could do it better than another man. Now after graduating college and going on a few dates, I feel a lack of intimacy with any guy. On a recent time having sex, I couldn’t even get hard. At that time I began to question why.

    Once I read about pornography addiction and over-sensitization with dopamine everything just clicked. Porn has not caused any positive results with my life but the opposite. It has caused me to not want sex with another human or want intimacy. It has kept me away from probable relationships. I feel like it also has diminished my self confidence in the process. This has made me angry with porn and I think that is a good attitude to have.

    So now I am going to try no PMO for 90 days to hopefully reboot my brain to enjoy physical intimacy with a real partner. It is now the end of my second day with no PMO and I feel ok about it. I don’t think that not watching pornography will be difficult, I am more concerned with not masturbating. I am a little nervous about this journey as I have never done this before, but I am incredibly optimistic about this new sense of self I will eventually find. Today I have noticed that I have a little feeling of blue balls, but nothing major. Other than that I haven’t even thought about porn. I realized the addiction last night when I was getting ready for bed and I was a little sad at the thought of not masturbating; I wasn’t even horny. Obviously I would have forced it otherwise just to get the dopamine high!! UGH! Anyway, I am going on this adventure, hopefully for the best! I am going to update my experience and thoughts to hopefully aid in others battles. I’m a little nervous, excited, and hopeful about whats to come. I just hope that my anger towards pornography will carry me through the dark times…

    Good luck everyone else battling this as well! 🙂

    1. Same here
      I really understand your case, and it seems so similar to mine… Wish you a very good luck!

  24. I want a reminder of my life comapre to pre-reboot

    Can we get a thread going that shows consequences of PMO vs benefits of no PMO?

    Just a thread to remind users how they felt when they would PMO and how they feel now since no PMO.

    Some no fappers may lose sight of why they are abstaining or may not even remember how bad of a rut they were in a mere few weeks ago.

    By comparing negative past experiences with new positive experiences, viewers can see EXACTLY why they shouldnt go back to PMO and why they should abstain.

    Here are just a few ( hope to get alot of input from you guys):

    KEY: Then vs Now

    -PMO was a vicious cycle that made me feel hopeless and guilty VS now I have hope for a brigther future of unlimited possibilities

    -I wasnt intersted in women at all and I never became horny in their presences VS now I feel horny all the time around them, I fantasize about real women and I want to be sexual with

    -Consistent MO made me feel drained of energy and motivation and hurt my penis like hell VS now my penis feels like its should, not drained and constantly hurting due to death grips

    -Because I wasnt interested in women (just pornography), my body didnt send the right cues in order to attract them. I didnt try to impress them through body language, vocal tone, confidence VS now since I AM more interested in women, I find that my body instinctively wants to impress women through alpha male body language (standing with feet apart, chest out), my vocal tone is deeper, my gazes are deeper more intense and penetrative

    -Before I viewed women as just sex objects and didnt particularly want to connect with them (I didnt see the benefit of this). My brain was constantly clouded with porn images and my penis was always drained. I wanted sex at anytime just for the sake of it even though I knew it wouldnt be fulfilling. I just wanted to fuck the brains out of any girl again just for the sake of it. VS Ha well while that still holds true, I value connecting with women now and getting to know them as unique human beings which makes sex that much more better and intimate.

    Please guys, just a thread to show those who are flatlining and those who lose sight why they should never turn back. Keep it going!

    GUY 2)

    For me it’s simple. Constant PMO meant for years that I couldn’t get or stay hard during sex. And even on a rare occasion when I did succeed in getting hard, I wouldn’t enjoy the sex because I’d be nervous as hell that I would lose it and I would have to run images of porn through my brain just to stay aroused. It was distant, empty sex and I felt like shit because of it.

    Earlier this year I stopped porn for a while, and for the first time in my life I had good sex and I had it consistently. For the first time I actually enjoyed sex and felt confident about it. I felt intimate with my partner rather than numbed out and distant. All my anxiety around sex just kind of washed away.

    For me, being able to have great sex and not rely on two dimensional women to get off in a cheap, empty way is more than enough to justify the challenge of leaving porn addiction behind. 

  25. Can’t finish sex with me, he’s gotta death grip

    Can’t finish sex with me, he’s gotta death grip

    How the heck do I get thru to him that jacking himself with a death grip is NOT the way I want sex to be with him every time? I seriously wouldn’t mind if he jacked it on occasion, but 95% of the time he would rather do that than have sex with me. And yes, I feel bad that I can’t make him orgasm except on the rare occasion. I’m almost to the point of avoiding sex altogether because really, he only needs his right hand. I”m definitely building up resentment (and a lot of hurt feelings) and I don’t know how to have the conversation with him about this.

    “Hey, boyfriend, you know why you can’t orgasm from PIV? Because you are dry masturbating with a death grip, which feels nothing like sex with me. And, btw, it makes me feel like shit when you jack it when I’m laying right there wanting you!”

    Somehow, that just seems harsh. Help?

    Fapism

    My wife packed her bags. She was on her way out the door when I finally got a clue.

    She feels a lot of hurt, anger, and resentment. But we’re working through it. Nofap and noporn are crucial to my recovery.

    coffee_house_lurke

    I went through this exact same thing. I tried many times to tell him. I warned him that if it continued I was going to loose interest. He didnt seem to take me seriously. I left and hes clueless as to why I left. “I thought things were going well.” Really? Well I couldn’t get you off because of your very particular death grip so you’d rather just masturbate yourself in front of me and then fall asleep while youre taking care of my needs. I sound mean but I introduced him to nofap and I was as patient and supporting as any person could be. I felt so hurt and insecure about the whole thing. But then I realized, why should I stay with someone thats okay with letting me feel this way? I realized deserved better and I left.

    MoreBallsThanLance

    I was where your boyfriend was. I was anorgasmic for years before I made the change and forced myself to stop being selfish. It will take time but it does get better once he’s willing to change. I think the solution is precisely what you said. Sit down with him and explain your issues. You’re hurt and he has to know that. If he’s anything like I was he probably feels self conscious and is frustrated he can’t get off.

    What worked for me was to take orgasms out of the equation. I didn’t death grip, I didn’t force it, and my partner understood my problems were not her fault. If it didn’t happen I stopped and we tried again later. Eventually it worked.

    OYouShouldHave 

    You are not alone. I am having the same issues — never thought I’d be replaced by a hand, and yes it hurts and I feel unneeded. We have discussed it several times, that his masturbation makes me feel totally useless in the sex department. That makes him feel bad. Nothing is resolved. Really tired of this, and no matter what the people on here say, it’s NOT NORMAL TO PREFER YOUR HAND over a person you are in love with.

    Cygnus_X1

    This is terribly coincidental. I really hope you aren’t my GF because this is like the exact reason I started nofap on Saturday.

    RaveGod

    This is precisely one of the reasons I’ve decided to avoid PMO altogether. Generally, male masturbation with your hand feels NOTHING like actual intercourse. I think I grew so accustomed to being able to please myself with my hand that I was unable to gain the same type of pleasure from real sex. I’ll opt for real sex, TYVM.

    SURFSMURF1

    Hey Guys and Girl. Trust me. No Fap Works! It saved my sex life! I had the same problem she is describing. I did No Fap No Porn for 42 days and OMG sex was incredible and I couldnt last more than a minute or two, unlike before when I could not orgasm at all through regular sex.

    I will post my updated experience with No Fap shortly and I hope all of you get to read it!

    iamafapaholic

    I’ve been in your boyfriends shoes as recently as two months ago. Could be banging away for 20 minutes but I could never cum. It took a couple of months of no fap and no porn and it finally happened for me “hands free”.

    I think its like any other addiction, he has to really want to change, stick to the program and in time he wont want a death grip.

    Have you guys got a long sexual history together and this is just a recent thing or has it always been that way for him? It was always that way for me before I met my girlfriend so he may get over it sooner than you think, if he really wants to.

    recover921

    husband here. almost destroyed my marriage with PMO. i wish for every woman in the world to understand the following. YOU DESERVE BETTER! what i mean by that is you deserve to not be cheated on. i don’t understand how anyone can think that watching other people participating in sexual acts is not some form of infidelity. when i watched porn, i was (unintentionally) telling my wife, ‘you aren’t enough for me.’ no real woman can compete with the endless variety and availability of porn. and you shouldn’t have to. if you are in a committed relationship you have the right to expect to be the only sexual desire of your partner. once i finally understood how my porn and masturbation addiction affected my wife i realized i needed to change. i will never forget the look of revulsion and betrayal on her face when she caught me. i can honestly say i feel terrible when i hear or read a woman who accepts her SO’s porn addiction as something ‘normal’ and if they don’t like it they just need to ‘get over it.’ the only thing watching porn does is teach men to sexually objectify women and skew our perception of what a healthy sexual relationship is. it ultimately robs us of the ability to have a healthy sexual relationship. your partner watching porn is not ok. and you have the right to feel that it is not ok. again, YOU DESERVE BETTER! you deserve a partner how wants you and only you. who wants you as a complete person not a pair of breasts and a vagina.

    cwolfe

    Preferring masturbation to sex is a by product of porn IMO. Too much masturbation/too distorted a view of what sex is or should be and no connection with the act. That is certainly where I was before I stopped. It got to the point where I would pick a fight to avoid sex with my ex-wife. It is really sad now, a year after our divorce, to read what this does to a woman. 

  26. About your ED ..

    About your ED ..

    Same, I would see a cute girl, or bump into a cute girl I knew, and be like “Im gonna fap to THAT later.” only to find that when I tried I would have a hard time getting into it, and inevitably turn to porn to get off, or if I hooked up with a girl, I would suddenly find that I had a hard time getting turned on once she was there despite having ben really excited to hit it.

    GUY 2)

    Sort of the same, in that i would find girls attractive in the real world, enjoy flirting and stuff but sexually i was only ever half in to it (quite literally). If i’d watched porn within a few days of being with a girl i’d have bad E.D.

    I’d say i wanted a girl more for emotional stuff, as i’d become so swamped with porn taking over the sexual side. So, yeah, i spose i didn’t have any noticeable libido for real girls. Since noPMO i’ve definitely started to acknowledge real girls again in a sexual way. And whether you were thinking about real girls or not when PMOing, it’s still got you in a hole, and no PMO will get you out of it either way

    GUY 3)

    Yes I was so emotionally active but sexually cold , I was able to imagine myself having sex with a girl ( or maybe I forced myself for that ) but then when we are together nothing happens ..

     

  27. Lonely wife needs tips on seducing her intimacy-phobic husband

    Lonely wife needs tips on seducing her intimacy-phobic husband pls

    gentlemen, my husband [27] hasn’t wanted to touch me [23] sexually for the longest time now. We’ve been married half a year and well, it burned out so quickly we didn’t have sex on our honeymoon.

    I’m pretty slender and whatnot, my bust is nothing like the porn he likes but he did marry me.. He knows how much I want to be intimate with him. everyday I put on makeup, hoping that today I might be able to blow him. I just realized how pathetic I am- the mere idea that I might be able to pleasure him is the highest point of my day. Today I danced around trying on different skirts, I cleaned the whole house, when he got home I massaged him while he watched starcraft, I scrubbed his entire body down with a warm cloth because he felt sweaty from work, I then dried him and tried to touch him- he said I was just making him itch everywhere I touched him. (Is that.. a bad sign?) I wasn’t discouraged, I kissed him and went to make him chicken curry with pita chips and raita in cucumber cups, then I got him dessert and topped up his cream 4 times at his request (I do like to wait on him, it amuses me) then I put away the dishes and laid down with him again. He was falling asleep, so I told him I’d wash (the makeup off) my face and come to bed, resolved to accept another intimacy-free day good naturedly. Then he wakes up enough to wank to porn.

    Honestly, I don’t give a shit about porn. I give a shit about being in a relationship with someone. I would have been overjoyed to help him get off to porn if he had said something that showed that he at least understood/respected my desire or given me a deep slow kiss first.

    I’ve communicated these exact things to him before. My question is, is there anything I can do to make him desire to connect with me, in even the tiniest of ways? I don’t want to stress him further by reprimanding him, I just want to know if you previously porn addicted gents have any tips on what things would make you opt for loving connection over porn, is there anything I could try? I don’t want him to give it up altogether, I just want to introduce moderation.

    Yes, we’ve seen all the videos about how bad it can be. nbd.

    tl;dr read the title 8]

  28. I have a girlfriend of two years who’s smoking hot and smart

    Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya and… I’m addicted to porn

    After seeing that TED talk linked here earlier, I’ve come to realise I have a problem. I’m [m 27] addicted to porn. I don’t have ED or any other physical issues (yet?) but I’m probably heading that way. I probably waste about an hour a day looking at porn. Multiple tabs running on multiple monitors – yeah that’s me. I will even plan it into my day. Like from 9-10pm will be my ‘me time’. And I think about how good me time is going to be throughout the day. Sometimes at work while taking a dump I’ll idly browse porn pics on my phone. God now that I actually think about it, it’s all pretty damn pathetic.

    I’ve even had dreams about porn. Not sex. Porn, actual dreams about porn like finding the ultimate porn, the holly grail of porn. Of course I never can find it. It’s like I’m on a never ending quest for it. The Porn Crusades.

    And that’s not even the worst. The truly shameful part is I have a girlfriend of two years who’s smoking hot and smart and oftentimes I will feign tired or sick to avoid having sex, then rush home Sunday night and spank the monkey. I stay at her house 3 or 4 nights a week and we get carnal once a week only. Why am i doing this!

  29. click away from your wildest most intense fantasy.

    Sounds right to me. THe problem with porn is it is a click away from your wildest most intense fantasy.  That kind of stimulation can’t be duplicated in real life by a women.  The anticipation is exciting (four play) but once you have it there is no added stimuli.  Do you think about porn during intercourse?

    http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/index.php?topic=4795.0

  30. because I’ve wired my brain to love porn more than actual sex

    Is porn addiction a reversible process? I want to try NoFap but am worried it will do no good. 

    An intro: I’m a 20-year-old male with a girlfriend. I spend about half an hour a day watching porn for the explicit purpose of masturbating. Sometimes I don’t even feel like doing it but I think “Jeez, why not?” And do it anyway. But when it comes to sex with my girlfriend I don’t come nearly as fast or as often as I do when alone. I always make excuses like “I can’t come from morning wood”, “it’s the condom”, “I’m too tired”, etc. I love her and find her very attractive, and sex feels GOOD but I just can’t COME 3 out of 4 times.

    Finally I realized it might be because I’ve wired my brain to love porn more than actual sex. I did some research and ended up here. I think this might be the answer.

    I’ve read a good deal of the yourbrainonporn site these past two days so I’ve gotten a good dose of the scientific reasoning behind this phenomenon. What I want here are anecdotes. As a scientist-in-the-making this is blasphemy, but I would like to hear your stories, r/NoFap. Was anyone in the same boat as me, and did NoFap improve the situation? I want to give my girlfriend the lovemaking she deserves.

    TL/DR: Will not fapping to Internet porn get me more excited for real-life sexual encounters in the long-term? Personal stories more than welcome. Thank you.

  31. When the hell did everyone get so attractive?

    When the hell did everyone get so attractive? 

    Seriously, I’m seeing people completely differently now than I did 102 days ago. Could this be the beginnings of a reset? What have other 90+ fapstronauts experienced?

    [–]dontfaptothisfruit

    I think porn is a perfect example of a supernormal stimulus. I’m currently doing a lot of behavioural work for my MSc, so during my research I came came across the idea of a supernormal stimulus and it suddenly hit me. Porn was the bright blue egg with giant polka dots that the song bird preferred even over its own real egg. It would take the fake stimulus over its own well being and the well being of its offspring. Now that I’ve removed the supernormal, normal can take back the place on the top.

    wnose

    Never even touched day 30 and I experienced the same thing after 2 weeks. Well, actually just females got more attractive 😉

    puarookie

    its not just the females. You get more attractive to them.

    hutuka

    True. Once your eyes are cleansed, the world gets sexy as hell 😉

  32. anybody else discover that they have insanely high sex drive

    Did anybody else discover that they have an insanely high sex drive? 

     by NostawS20 days

    I’m just kind of angry with myself that I’m 21 and feel like I just discovered something about myself that in reality I should have been fully aware of many years ago. At times it feels like it’s a matter of life and death, that’s how badly I feel I need to get laid.

    But I’ve been suppressing these desires for so long with masturbation that I’ve never felt like this before, it’s weird because it’s normal… this feeling is normal, that’s how you SHOULD feel if you aren’t getting laid, you’re put on this planet to reproduce, if you aren’t feeling really fucking strong desires to get laid then clearly something isn’t right. I feel like I’ve been wasting years masturbating when I should have been meeting girls.

    I’m more concerned about myself obviously, but the idea that guys everywhere are experiencing that numbness or apathetic view towards getting laid is a pretty scary thought to be honest, but that’s their problem I guess.

    I always thought I had low confidence too, I guess in reality though the low confidence was just really a lack of desire to talk to girls or meet them. Now I want to get laid so badly the thought of rejection isn’t as bad, the thought of rejection from a girl a few months back was terrifying, but that was mainly because I felt like I had more to lose than I had to gain. Now that I’m desperate for sex, I stand to gain a LOT more than I stand to lose if I get rejected.

    Just some thoughts, maybe not useful to anyone but I just had to share what was on my mind.

    vanoccupanther37 days

    I agree completely. In the last few years (I’m in my thirties) I never went after a girl. Luckily a few approached me. However since I began No Fap I’ve been mad to meet women, so much so, that I’ve had the opportunity of spending two glorious evenings with women in the last 10 days. I can guarantee you that if I had not quit fapping this NEVER would have happened. The drive I currently have to go out and meet someone is something I don’t think I’ve ever experienced. Thanks No Fap!

    NostawS20 days

    Yeah, it’s a very bizarre and exciting experience. Also funny how chatting up girls comes naturally when you’re extremely horny.

    ManInTheMirage

    I feel the same way, it’s a shame all my lady friends don’t have equally high sex drives!

    chillyfm

    You know what, as someone who just stopped masturbating I felt the exact same way. I have barely felt the desire to reproduce with another female for a long time and I AM SICK OF IT.

    0neir0naut

    I feel like that right now. feelsbadman.

    NostawS

    I just went out for a meal, when I got home I was annoyed and disappointed that I never got the chance to approach any girls, that’s how strong the desires are haha. Also getting a girls number gives you a big confidence boost, makes you feel better about yourself and presumably makes her feel better about herself too, at this point in time and the way im feeling, every single time I leave the house I intend to approach a girl.

    TLDRThat

    I concur. I’ve had my libido oh so high recently I feel like I’m just going to blow up, not even sure if that could be a pun or not anymore, it’s that powerful. The only reason I haven’t just gotten someone to do it with yet is because of the wet dreams.

    It makes it all that much harder that I know I’m not getting laid anytime between now and the next few years, at the very least. Personal reasons, in case you’re wondering.

  33. Not interested in having sex with her

    One week in, convinced more than every that I have a problem. 

     by electric_bobcat7 days

    As you can see by my counter, I have reached 7 days. This is the longest period I have abstained in years, and i’m glad to finally have something other than a smiley face icon.

    However, in the past week I have become more aware than ever of how a 10 year PMO addiction has messed me up. A girl I know was in town today, and we hung out. She’s attractive, funny, successful, etc. Things that a single man like myself should be looking for. But for some reason, I find myself just not interested. Not interested in having sex with her, not interested in dating her, nothing. This despite the fact that I know I should be attracted to her because she has a lot of qualities I used to go for.

    This is not the first time this has happened, either. In the past year (since my ex and I broke up), I have met multiple girls I know I should be attracted to. I find myself objectively attracted to them, so I figure the logical thing is to go on a date/hang out. So I do. And every single time, I was uninterested in pursuing anything.

    This is so counter to how I used to be. I used to be filled with passion, nervous energy, excitement at talking to a girl I was attracted to. Now, I feel nothing. I tell myself “well, why bother with all that. Just go home and fap”. It’s pissing me off. I want my romanticism back. My life feels so empty without it.

    I just hope and pray that it will return with my pursuit of NoFap. If it takes 3-4 months, fine. I just want it back. How I ever let myself get caught up in this fake bullshit is beyond me. Love is so much better, and yet i fapped it all away.

    Stay strong. The alternative is death of the heart.

  34. My brain prefers PMO to real sex. |I’m so done with porn.

    Confession: My brain prefers PMO to real sex. |I’m so done with porn.

    ago by __bc1 day

    Hi, i’m __bc, 24, and i’m an porn addict for the past 4 or so years. Reddit helped me realize fap/porn addiction is a real thing. So-called entertainment industry completely rewired my brain.

    I am completely apathetic to all real-life stimulus. The only reason I am able to force myself pick up girls is when they have resemblance to someone I had seen before in a porn.

    For example, after successfully scoring a pretty girl in a bar and after an hour of “really intimate physical contact”, I can’t continue. I’m bored, uninterested in her and really tired. So I leave her, say goodbye to my friends, go home and watch some hardcore porn with her look-alike.

    Point is: I deliberately choose FAP/hard porn instead of real sex with a girl I can have in half an hour in my bed. I somehow rationalize porn is better than real deal. Insane? I sure think so, but…

    The real girl would not probably like all those kinky stuff from the porn video I can watch right now. And truth is, I could not do any of those either, not to a real person. It’s OK only when it’s staged on the screen.

    Even those poor exploited Ukrainian teen wannabe porn stars/drug addicts can’t possibly like something so demeaning. After finishing porn/fap follows mixture of guilt and shame. And yet, ’till now, i watched more and more.

    ————————————

    Did you share the same rationalization or is it just me?

    Thanks to you guys here on Reddit, at least I know I’m not alone and I can hopefully get my life back on track.

    Two days ago, I started noporn/nofap on hard mode (No unrealistic New Year’s resolution, just coincidence).

  35. would rather fap then have sex, crazy but true

    Porn is Shit 

    by Mikeyabsolut

    Fapping almost everyday since I was 15 to porn: images, mags, some videos. Now 32 married and have almost lost my wife. Why is porn bad, let me tell you. First, I’m not lying to you or bragging my wife is hot, but because of my porn addiction she was never enough. I neglected her and would rather fap then have sex, crazy but true. Porn is shit, gives you anxiety with repeated use and low self-esteem. Wanna feel like a man, have sex with a women, not your hand. I’m on day three no Fap, buy here’s my new thought process: be a man, step-up, and don’t touch that porn shit.

  36. Porn is evil: just a short example of how porn is entrenched in

    Porn is evil: just a short example of how porn is entrenched in my brain. 

     by pazzcode

    There is this girl I find really attractive in school. In the old days I could get an erection by thinking about having regular sex with real life girls that I find hot. Now I don’t. Guess what happens when I try to think about some crazy sick shit I was watching in porn videos? Blood starts flowing to my dick. Instantly. This is sad. I want my original sexuality back.

  37. I am now able to have sex with women (no ed de or pe)

    I’m pretty sure I’m cured now. I am now able to have sex with women (no ed de or pe) but i noticed i more responsive to real women now. When I’m looking at pics online I’m not really responsive to it ( Arousal ) anymore. I know its kinda a weird question. but is it normal. I have Absolutely NO Desire to look at porn. I guess because the brains pathway to looking at pics online is pretty much gone. What do you think?

  38. Anonymous has commented on:

    Anonymous has commented on: “Porn-Induced Sexual Dysfunction: A Growing Problem”

    Subject: I’m sure I’m affected by this, but…

    Well, my tastes have always been “different”. Normal women hold no sexual interest for me, none at all. Not even in porn. They’re boring. Intellectually they might be very stimulating, but sexually, no.

    This has never affected my physical performance. My last girlfriend, who I wasn’t very physically attracted to at all (despite her being fairly pretty and in shape) had no reason to complain. But the fact was that my heart was never in it; the act felt mechanical and unnatural, and I ended up seeing it as a burden and a chore. Sometimes now I find myself disgusted by the thought of intimacy with a woman, even when I know I shouldn’t.

    Now I can only get interested in sex or masturbation if fantasy is involved, usually some kind of cosplay or weird borderline-furry stuff (ears and tails etc.) Most of what I look at online is hentai stuff, all drawn. I’d stop looking at it, but I really don’t see the point. I’m fine with women otherwise and have plenty of women friends, but relationships and “love” are a serious pain.

    I should definitely see a psychologist, but that’s expensive too. And as for this –

    • You may want to try avoiding all synthetic sexual stimulation for several months to see if your brain becomes more responsive.

    I can’t even imagine. It’s a ridiculous thought. I may as well go without food or water.

  39. This generation’s excessive use of internet porn terrifies me.

    As a living, breathing, non-porn woman, I can’t thank all of you enough for what you’re doing. 

     by nfapthrwwy

    This generation’s excessive use of internet porn terrifies me. The constant influx of new bodies, new kinks, new faces and breasts and buttocks flashing on screens in an unending search for perfection and an ever-hotter sex object freaks me out beyond belief. I know what a guy does in his alone time isn’t my business, but in the end what scares me is this: I can’t compete with that.

    I’m human. I’m one person. I can’t be edited or cropped or only shown at my best angle. I have stubble and creases and blemishes and veins, I’m not tanned and oiled and lubed up and prancing around in a thong all day. What I’m finding is that the young men I’m with, even the ones who claim I’m the most beautiful creature they’ve ever seen (and they do) aren’t aroused by just me. I could get completely naked, sit on his lap, put my real hands on him and kiss him with real lips, and I’m still second best. I can’t be opened in five tabs as a brunette and a redhead and with huge boobs and small ones and thinner and curvier and the rest. I’m stagnant, stationary, one being. And somehow that’s not sexy.

    Women NEED NoFappers. We need to be sexy again. We need a guy who can look at his girlfriend, his fiancee, his wife, and find her attractive. I’m looking for that, and I hope I find it, because in the end, I can’t settle for less. I can’t waste my time trying to fix myself and deal with rejection and disappointment because he couldn’t stay away from a hundred other, new, sexier girls. It’s too heartbreaking.

    So thank you, each and every one of you, for doing what you’re doing (or not doing, I should say). You’re getting back to normal, you’re standing up and saying to the world “Sex should be sexy! Men should want their women more than their computers!” You’re giving me hope that I’m good enough, that it’s okay for me to be who I am, and that I can have a normal and fulfilling sex life.

    If you’re ever feeling weak, or considering going back to the cycle of bingeing and craving and self-loathing, stay strong for us girls. You’re the Prince Charmings of the 21st century, because if he could have stayed home and pulled up “princessxxx.com” she’d still be locked in that tower. You’re a new breed of heroes, and I hope I can find someone like you to sweep me off my feet and mean it.

    Thank you.

  40. Growing concern and realization of addiction

    Growing concern and realization of addiction 

    by zenmon52 days

    As I continue through the middle of my 90 of NoFap. I keep having the same realization: Holy shit, I’m an addict.

    The most problematic, disturbing, and depressing feature of this has been the recognition that YBOP is right, and that my executive function has been grossly diminished by the compulsive use of porn over time. I feel like a junkie, and have to keep reminding myself that I do, in fact, have the ability to control my actions.

    Sitting here, typing, is the only thing that at the moment is preventing me from looking up some fake breasts online.

    What’s doubly bizarre, potentially, is how much I see myself wanting either pornographic sex in my real life, or women who emulate pornographic women and images. It’s very odd. I’m almost positive this is what has prevented me from having relationships in the past; either because I am not really attracted, because women don’t look like bimbos, or because women can feel I have this strange and unrealistic desire.

    This isn’t to say that these things are maybe inherently wrong, but now I’m faced with a dilemma: is my desire normal/natural? Or have I inundated myself with so many unrealistic images that I’ve saturated myself out of realistic space?

    My guess is the latter. Perhaps part of the pain of going through the 90 (and let’s be honest, I think it is physically painful at points), is going through the withdrawal and rewiring of the brain away from these horrendously unrealistic things.

    I stay on the ball by reminding myself that I’m reserving any kind of self-judgement until AFTER my 90 days, perhaps more. I’m afraid I’m going to be one of those people who is going to require 120, or maybe even more. If I’m at 52, and the desire is still this strong, perhaps I am.

    Anyone else feel the same? I could use some support and reflection here.

    Thanks

  41. PIED common among young gays?

    Hi HIP,

    I appreciate you starting this thread. I’m a gay man also attempting my first reboot. I have PIED from years of PMOing (and mostly with with poppers, recently). I do think there’s an acceptance among the gay community that watching porn is “normal”. Also, the use of poppers with sex is accepted as normal. Most guys don’t see the harm. But I’ve been with a number of guys who, like me, had performance issues in bed (difficultly with erection, losing erection when trying to put on a condom, DE, etc). Looking back, I have a feeling they had PIED.

    In any case, I’m happy to have found this site and have great hope that the reset will work for me!

    -Zeddd

    Any other gay guys doing a reboot?

  42. Porn has distorted my view of real women

    Porn has distorted my view of real women

     by nofappinwaymo

    Howdy folks…. I had a “light bulb” moment last night that I want to share. I’m an old dude (48), been divorced for almost 8 years, and painfully single during that entire time. I have had a very difficult time meeting women, especially single, interesting women close to my age. Ask my friends, and they would say that my constant story is that the small city I live in has nothing but nasty, dull middle age women and hot, young college girls.

    And so I have had a thousand fantasies about hooking up with young college girls or younger women in their 20’s. I’ve even paid a few for their company and sex. All because “what else am I going to do?”

    Light bulb moment: I see the situation this way because of 35 years of PMO. I have created this mental image in my head of “the only good women are young, hot, sexual….” in other words, women that I’ve seen in porn. I’ve always gone for the “amateur” types in porn (I know, most of that is faked, too), but they are all young and hot, too. Even MILFs in porn are young-ish and hot! But this view of what women are like is amazingly distorted to say the least!

    Basically, I think I walk around the world completely ignoring real women. Real women with flaws, imperfections, issues, etc, but who are in reality lovely, interesting, engaging and REAL. Not pixels or ink on a page. Real, real women.

    I’m EXTREMELY interested to see what happens in 90-120 days. How will my brain react to real world women, actual flesh and blood? Will I still live in a city populated with nothing but old skanks and hot young things? Or will I slowly start noticing that I live in paradise? We shall see!

    Thanks for reading and letting me share. And thanks for this amazing place for support. I need it and I’m loving it!!

    spurspack81 days

    I lived the last 25+ years of my life with the exact mind set that you had with women. If they werent porno material or didnt have big boobs, I wasnt interested. I was constantly objectifying women. It all makes sense now.

    Decades of hot women in my brain. Remember being able to get off to pictorials in mags? I had stacks of them. Couldnt wait for the next months issues. It was a constant flow of material that still required the use of imagination. Im glad for this only because I think it didnt fuck my head up as bad as if it were todays high speed crack. I was completely hooked on high speed, but my tastes never wavered past what I thought I liked.

    What high speed did was jack up my expectations of women to an even more unattainable level. Now I think most of my favorite porn stars are just that. Glorified prostitutes getting paid to fuck whoever is in front of them that day…gross. Anyway brotha, I truly believe with this nofap forum and your 100% commitment to obliterating pmo from your life, you will find love again my friend.

  43. I suggest visiting forums
    and asking that questions – look under the support tab for active forums.

  44. The sex with porn is so much more powerful an orgasm

    This is the most difficult addiction I have ever tried to beat.  I beat the alcohol addiction but this is much harder.  As I learned with Alcohol you never really beat you only learn how to manage the addiction.  It never goes away.  With alcohol I must always be on my guard and never indulge in anyway with Alcohol.  As long as I can stay away I am OK. 

    Now with the porn addiction it doesn’t work that way.  I have been free of porn for 8 months 6 days but I can’t stay away from sex as I have a very loving wife of 22 years who expects making love to be part of our relationship.  Every time we make love it as if I had taken that drink of alcohol, I want porn and want it bad. 

    I can’t never make love again to my wife so different from staying away from alcohol.  I just don’t know how to beat the porn addiction when I continue to have sex.  The sex with porn is so much more powerful an orgasm that it always seems to beat out real sex with my wife.  That was always the problem, because of that I spent more and more time sexing with porn and less and less time making love to my wife. 

    I knew this had to end or my relationship was over so I cut out the porn and that is when I realized it was an addiction.  As I have said I know how to beat an addiction but that process of abstinence for life doesn’t work with this addiction.  Any help any of you can offer is greatly accepted.

    Most difficult adiction ever

  45. how my bf’s PMO uknowingly pushed me into a dark place…and why

    how my bf’s PMO uknowingly pushed me into a dark place…and why there’s light in the tunnel [female]

    Hi guys (and girls)

    First of all – I am a girl so if you’re against girls posting here please don’t read further. It might contain triggers for some.

    Secondly – I’m posting this because I seriousy believe this can help some people out there. Also English is not my first language, so pls forgive any mistakes I’m going to make.

    Here it goes: I’m 26 yo. I have a wonderful boyfriend (32) and we’ve had a great relationship… until about a year ago something started to go wrong.

    At first he started avoiding sex. We only had sex every 4-6 weeks… and ONLY because I was begging for it. He was always “tired” and uninterested; talked about “stress at work”, told me “not to exxagerate”. “Life is not all about sex you know” – he used to say… I started questioning myself, my looks, my worth. For me it wasn’t even about sex, I wanted intimacy. I wanted him to be interested in me as a woman, wanted to feel WANTED. But that was non-existent. Colleagues at work complemented on how nice I looked, some men were still hitting at me out there, but at home, there was NOTHING. And when we had sex it was nothing like it used to be. Automatic, rough, very porn-like. No hugging afterwards. No kissing. No foreplay. Sex – orgasm – you got what you wanted, now leave me for 4 weeks.

    Other aspects of our relation seemed OK, so I thought this is just a rough period we’re going through and that eventually it will get better. I decided to be patient and understanding. I stopped asking for sex.

    Soon after those problems started I’ve begun noticing my boyfriend was more and more cynical, distant, harsh on me. He made stupid comments. Nothing really nasty, but he just wasn’t nice to me anymore…

    Sometimes he would sit there and it looked like…..like he lacked soul. I’m sorry if this comparison seems horrible, but this is exactly how I percived him. He avoided other people, liked being on his own, didn’t want to go out… I often made comments like “we’re not 70 yet, let’s enjoy life hun”, tried to get him interested in different things but it didn’t work. Everytime I gave him a hug, a kiss on the chick I would not get ANY reaction. When we were watching a movie together and I tried leaning on him gently, just to feel some sort of human contact, he would say ” don’t touch me honey, I was so comfortable on my own, just want to see the movie”.

    I had no idea what was wrong. Maybe he just wasn’t that kind of “touchy” person? Maybe that was his nature? Maybe I want too much? Maybe next month/year it will change…

    I hated the cold person he was becoming. We started arguing more and more often. And to have sex once every month, every two months was killing me. I often cried (usually in private, but sometimes in front of him to make him realise what this is doing to me. It didn’t help).

    I turned to ocasional masturbation. I didn’t want to cheat on him and my sex-drive was high, so this seemed like a rational move. But I felt insecure and unhappy. I still wanted to have a “man” at home, not just someone who would do the shopping and drive me to work.

    I started fantasising about other men. I would imagine a life with someone else, someone affectionate, warm. Someone who would hold my hand, someone who would hug me at night, someone who liked sex. I would think about it at night, lying next to my boyfriend – who by that time was more like a robot than a real man to me. For the first time in months I started noticing other guys interested in me. When I was happy I never paid any attention to their advances, but now their nice words helped me feel like a woman. I never went out with any of those guys, never cheated. They just seemed so caring and romantic comparing to my boyfriend.

    Than, a week ago, I discovered that my boyfriend is seriously addicted to porn and masturbation. I borrowed his laptop and saw all those things… It became clear to me that all those months I was trying to “connect” with him… he spent looking at other women. Porn actresses. He was also registered on one of the adult “dating” sites and sent messages to some women there. Young, old… One of them was as old as my mum. She was not even attractive, not someone I woud ever feel treatened by in real life… Why on Earth would he do that to me? The beakdown I had at that moment is indescribable… :/// I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

    I confronted him. This is when he broke down and admitted he was a PMO addict. All that time I thought he was uninterested in sex… he spent nearly every morning masturbating in the bathroom watching porn. I remember he liked spending a lot of time in the bathroom but it ever occured to me that this was the reason why. It came as a shock – complete shock – because I never ever imagine him to be one of “those guys”… You see, I thought the only guys masturbating to porn are those who can’t get “normal sex”… Masculine, successful, handsome men don’t spend their mornings touching their genitals… That’s what I though. It didn’t make any sense to me.

    His honesty was the only reason I didn’t move out then and there. I cried and cried over the next days… I don’t want to go into details of what I’ve been through but it was the most horrible thing to experience. As a woman I felt my world has collapsed. To know that he was arroused by “those women” and preferred them to me was just heart-breaking.

    I looked for information about porn addiction and discovered yourbrainonporn, this forum, other sites… We talked a lot. A lot. And this is probably what saved the feelings I had left for him. He told me he is determined to beat it. It became obvious that this is the first time he realised he HAS a SERIOUS PROBLEM. I didn’t understand why he hasn’t noticed that earlier?! This was pushing him into a very dark place…away from me, his family and life in general. I thought to myself that if ever reached a point where looking at countless penises online would be my preffered activity… I would surely realise I had a problem, right? To be in the best years of your life and waste them like that… He must have known… Or so I thought. The more are read about porn-addcition the more I undestood…

    I now believe him he might not have realised where porn was taking him. Why? Because I – too – started going in that direction and didn’t notice any red falgs…: I was in a relationship and masturbated way more often than when I was single… I was unhappy but didn’t know why…. I blamed others. Who knows where would it take me..

    Up until last Saturday I never viewed porn as a negative thing. In fact, I’ve always been “open-minded” about it and thought it can’t hurt you if you know how to use it. This is B*S. It will hurt you if you use it. It will make you sad, lonely, detached. Unhappy. There is nothing good that you can get out of your relationship with porn. I wish people spoke more openly about what PMO has done to their lives.

    We’ve almost lost each other. I’m not saying we will definately get through it – it’s only been a week and I know his problem goes waaay back. He was hiding it for years. There is no doubt he will find this journey hard. And I have to trust him again, belive in myself, stop comparing myself to other women… It will be hard :/ But his heart and mind are in the right place. And mine are too.

    So we’re doing this 90-days no PMO challenge together. I sincerely hope it will “rewire” our minds and bodies. I honestly don’t want to spend my life like this. I know he feels the same.

    I know we have everything we need to succeed. I’m wondering whether it would help anyone if I wrote here from time to time, telling obout our experience…

    I hope you find it in yourself and realise you’re so much better that this sh*t. Real life is waiting for you.Don’t spend your valuable time looking at strange women spreading their legs and random guys getting between them… :/ :/ :/

    I admire you all for being strong, for continuing on this journey and for wanting to change 🙂

        mynameisHappyEnd

  46. more Pavlovian conditioning?

    I have noticed I can (relatively) easily get relatively hard while sitting on my couch, which was my traditional PMO location, and can get hard less easily in bed where I MO’d a couple of times. I can get semi hard at work in front of my computer where I used to read erotica stories. I cannot even begin to get hard when in the shower or in other locations. I get some nocturnal erections but no spontaneous ones outside the above locations (and those are rare and soft).

    Any thoughts on this, and has anyone else experienced it? Am I so conditioned by PMO that my erections will be confined to a one primary location? I am at 57 days of no MO and still in flatline (where I’ve been for years). Thanks…

    more Pavlovian conditioning?

     

  47. A guy describes how it feels when sensitization fades:
    Porn is fading from my conscience: Albeit very slowly. Memories about my favorite scenes are still there, but I don’t think of them as often. Their powerful influence over me has waned. Imagery of real life women that I desire has taken the place of these scenes (not in a “pornified” way, but in a natural and beautiful). It really IS like a voice getting further and further away.

    Age 26 – ED nearly gone, I am a much more happy and confident person

  48. When will real sex be better than porn?

    When will real sex be better than porn? With porn I can be with gorgeous woman anyway I want etc I’ve had sex 3 times now since being off porn for 2 weeks but…. bUT

    It seems that I do to enjoy it as much as porn. And it’s such a task to meet, date, perform, etc repeat

    I’m not a millionare model rapper etc I can’t have any woman I want I’m not looking for love I just want to have sex and when I do have sex maybe it’s the girl I’m with but even though there is a connection etc it’s not very hot not very sizzling
     

  49. Anyone else notice that their

    Anyone else notice that their craving for porn has gone away? I have been doing this for about a year now, and In the beginning it was all I ever thought about. It was just in the back of my mind all day. Sometimes I would just look at it for hours, I needed it.

    Now it’s just like, “meh why even look or bother wasting my time?” I mean don’t get me wrong I still get urges, but I think those are becoming more and more about real women.

    It feels so much nicer I think I am finally starting to feel at least a little bit normal instead of this monster that I had become.

    http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/2pxkna/anyone_else/

  50. Porn makes you see intimacy as something you watch, rather than

    Long story short, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate at her place, and i found myself repeatedly staring at the floor to ceiling mirror on the wall, because it had a side view of us going at it that I thought was hot.

    I slowly realized that I was more focused on the mirror view than I was on the beautiful girl I was being intimate with in that moment. How crazy is that? She noticed and kept having to turn my head back to her, and it understandably bothered her.

    This is just one of the ways that porn warps our views of intimacy, you won’t even be able to enjoy the real thing, and you’ll hurt your loved ones in the process.

    Porn makes you see intimacy as something you watch, rather than something you partake in.

  51. Porn really does a great job at distracting you from how awkward

    This is obvious to anyone who’s done it, but it still blows my mind to this day. I’ve been dating this sweet girl for a little over a week and we just had sex for the first time tonight. Sweatiness, bursts of passion, exploring each other’s bodies, asking each other how they’d like to be pleased, struggling to put a condom on, having my member SLIP OUT during the act and awkwardly fumbling it back in. From an outsider perspective, it’d look pretty fucking boring. Yet we both loved every minute of it.

    Porn is focused on the spectacle, but real sex is an EXPERIENCE. There’s nothing in this world that can even compare. Why the hell did we even bother pleasuring ourselves watching OTHER PEOPLE do this beautiful act? No wonder people get PIED. Real sex is about as unglamorous as it can get. Your brain becomes so used to the freaky shit that when the real thing in all its vanilla glory is staring you right in your face, you feel nothing.

    Abstain from porn as long as you live, gentlemen. Do not let this garbage brainwash you and stop you from having fulfilling relationships and sex lives. I promise it is soooo much more worth it.

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