Am I asexual?
If you grew up on internet porn watching all kinds of porn and getting hooked on screen sex, you may not respond much to sex with a real person. This can cause massive confusion. Interestingly, those who quit internet porn often experience the return of their normal attractions, whatever they may be.
In short, don't assume you're "asexual" until you've unhooked from porn for a few months. Today's porn is so potent that it is causing abnormally low libido for partnered sex in many users. Studies linking porn use or porn/sex addiction to sexual dysfunctions, lower brain activation to sexual stimuli, and lower sexual satisfaction.
Here are some self-reports:
Before I started nofap, I remember always looking at girls around me and never being impressed. Even the most conventionally hot ones had flaws that stuck out to me, and I was reaching a point where nobody would turn me on or even catch my attention. I was beginning to think that I was asexual and just not attracted to anybody.
Then nofap happened, and I realised that over the years of looking through thousands upon thousands of photos and videos of the most unnaturally appealing and attractive women, I was desensitising myself to their beauty and attractiveness. After two weeks on nofap It's almost as if the girl's around me suddenly started becoming hotter. But its me thats changed. It's not worth it to fap, guys. Real women aren't caked up porn stars, and they never will be. Don't let yourself be numbed to real people. They're the only ones that can love you back. I thought I was asexual.
These days I really find many women beautiful. I do not care about imperfections anymore. Its amazing.
Before nofap I was cursing my destiny/karma that I am surrounded by ugly women, I was objectifying them, I used to objectify myself too. NoFap changed my life in so many ways.
Today I got hooked up by a girl which before nofap would be considered absolutely meh but she is beautiful, I like her eyes she is a great person. I am no longer looking for bodyparts, personality means a lot to me these days! permalink
You described me man... my worst fear was that i was truly an asexual now i'm not so sure anymore!! permalink
Pretty sure my friends must think I'm gay because I almost avoid sex with women because I know they can't satisfy me, much less give me a boner anymore. Hell porn doesn't even turn me on, I have to imagine some crazy fetish shit to get an erection these days. Do you guys think not fapping will cure me? Have you guys noticed increased libido changes and being able to go back to vanilla sex?
Guy 4 [230 days]:
I'd been watching porn for so long that it had completely taken over my sexuality. Without it I was essentially asexual. I wanted to deprive myself of orgasm to allow for a "reboot"...I wanted to build up a new sense of sexuality, one centered around real women and completely detached from porn.
It worked! My attraction to real women has magnified to levels it never had reached before. I appreciate the beauty of, and am powerfully attracted to, a much wider range of women than before. What's more, when I think about or yearn for sexual release now, it's real women I'm thinking about, not sitting on a computer and staring at the screen.
I had no interest in any man or transgender person until I started very heavily into PMO. I had my first "gay" thought at around 18-19 and by then I've been 7 years into my addiction.. Then I thought I was asexual then bisexual and even 100% gay for a few weeks, hell, I thought I was still bi up until a couple months ago! HOCD is real and all this PMO shit messes with your brain chemistry. Fight it. It might take months or years for us to recover, but it'll be worth it. Bisexual or just HOCD (my experience & advice to HOCDers)
Things have been going good, I am not depressed anymore which of I am very happy and proud. Depression was one the hardest things in my life and it's very sad to think that it was caused by masturbation. Since my depression's gone I am acquiring more self-esteem every day, I feel my feet standing stable on the ground.
Since depression is gone I have no serious problems in my life anymore, but damn, that fucking hornyness. It comes in waves. Sometimes I have no hornyness at all and I think I am asexual, but then it comes like a tsunami blowing all my clear thoughts away and keeping me thinking about women. Then all this hornyness leads to dreams which are really bad: I keep dreaming about porn and sometimes my dreams feel like reality. When I wake up I am in bad mood for the rest of the day, I blame myself I relapsed, even if I know it was just a dream.
That said, my dreams are the only thing that are unstable in my life. My mood is fully in control, my urges are fully in control. I would like to thank that one fapstronaut that recommended a good method for fighting the urges. What was the name of it? The Buddhist method? I don't know anymore, but simply explained when you get the urge for something, no matter what - is it porn, masturbation or junk food or a piece of chocolate, think about the opposite of it. So for instance when you think about porn direct your thoughts toward being with a girl, cuddling, love...
My pmo/ed was so bad I thought I was asexual for several years. I was never attracted to women in real life because I had all the hotties I wanted degrading themselves for me online. Since I wasn't attracted to real women I was in some kind of purgatory, where me being asexaul was the only thing that made sense. Then something happened and I woke up one day and said NO this has to change, I NEED a partner in my life, I want a woman to love and be loved, I want to be that special someone for someone, and her for me. Since then I've met my SO and am happier than I've ever been.
Do you guys feel asexual? I'm definitely in the same boat and have been so for years. I thought and still do think that the girls around me are just not up to my standards, so this justifies my singleness and passing on girls that coincidentally impress other men that I converse with often. A few questions. Was it literally 14 days when your "natural" eyes were opened or reopened to the true beauty of natural, real, everyday around you beauty? Is your current state normal?
It's been 7 days for me (my badge is a day off). I'm concerned that now I may be raising the beauty of the women around me beyond actuality because I'm depraved and desperate for what internet porn has and can offer my visual taste. The worst thing is that porn girls are not cartoons or 3D animations. Porn girls are real girls are they not? We may never meet them, but with webcam and other technologies, it's incredibly difficult to believe that real women are not caked-up porn stars or caked-up porn stars are not real women.
So all the time I was PMOing I was so afraid of girls. I didn't even want to try and get close to a girl. I valued my solitude too much. Getting a girl was never the main aim. But as soon as I had a real go at NoFap, I started to see a lot in girls I never really liked before.
I dunno, basically it just drastically altered my motives and confidence.
So, I'm new to the forum and I feel that I'm suffering from almost all of the symtoms of a porn-induced ED that is beeing discribed on yourbrainonporn.com . I'm 19 years old and I can almost only get hard through a screen. I've never had sex and I've watched porn since I was 12 or 13 years old. This april/may I started have problems with EDs, and like I said it's almost always through a screen that I get an erection.
However, before I started having my ED-problems, I could fall in love with girls or find them attractive. It never went anywhere, but I could have feelings for them. I have always made a split up in my brain between love and sex, and I wonder if it just could be that I'm turning asexual or gay (although I've never had a homosexual experience) or some physical reason like a lack of testosterone or something.
When I heard about "flatlining" I felt so relieved, because that is exactly how I feel right now (haven't watched porn in a week only and it feels like I'm dying sexually), yet I'm still not sure and I'm looking for someone that has similar experiences.
Am I just turning gay or something?
Hey buddy. I'm gay and knew it since I was 5 years old. I don't think you are 'turning gay' at 19. No matter where you are on the Kinsey scale your problem right now is PIED and porn. So, you are in the right place--welcome. Porn is a nasty business and for some of us over time we need to find more and more unusual things to look at to get off. You may have ventured into gay porn--I ventured into straight porn for awhile. But it's not really where we are meant to be--just do the reboot hardmode and rewire and you'll get yourself back to where you belong. Sounds like you have a severe case so go at it 100%. You started early so learn everything you can and be patient. Good luck. Study up at yourbrainonporn.com
I think I'm asexual, and I really don't want to be, because no matter what guy or girl I start to date, they will leave me because I don't want sex. Since essentially the day my dick went up, I began masturbating to porn. All porn, too. Not one time did I give myself an opportunity to think about me in the situation. I don't even think I want to, really. Even back then, Say 4 months after I started my binging of porn for about an hour or so at a time exploring sexuality, I think I was screwed up. I had a crush on a girl, but I found gay porn instantly attractive. And while I am boromantic, it bothered me that it wasn't consistent. Now after a few years of binging porn because it makes me feel good, I don't know how I feel about real people. I haven't had a crush SINCE that girl way back then, and I never feel or understand anything when my mates seem to get oogly eyed over a girl. On the rarest of occasions I will feel attraction to someone I see, always a guy, but it's not sustained. Why should I, too, that's fucking creepy to look at random strangers like that. But I find my lack of a drive to have sex with real people scary, because I seem to have a drive to watch porn if I don't do it every few days. Am I addicted? I don't know if this is just because I'm ace or because I'm addicted. Please don't let me be ace, world. What the hell do I do about this? My dick only goes up to porn! Nothing real even makes it twitch! I don't even have crushes on real people, but I know I'm capable! How the hell do I figure this out? Do I need to quit stimulating myself with everything forever? And most importantly, am I ace or just infected with porn? I WANT TO BE NORMAL AND WANT SEX WITH REAL PEOPLE LIKE EVERYONE ELSE!
Very similar situation happened with me. When I had my first ED experience and broke up with my first girlfriend, I started to think I'm either asexual or homosexual. I remember, I had no idea what is wrong with me, I felt hopeless, I was even crying once because of this. I just felt emptiness, which felt so unnatural.
Then, as I kept looking for information related to my problem, I learned about porn addiction and NoFap. I had no other chance, so I stopped both watching porn and masturbating. Then, as I got hornier, I developed HOCD, which is fear of having a different sexual orientation. I was so afraid that I might be gay; I could not talk with other men, look at them in the eyes. It was horrible, so I occasionally watched porn to check if I am attracted to women or not. It was a never ending circle because of the HOCD, and then I learned that if you ignore the fear, it will disappear.
So I was like, I don't care, if I am attracted to men, then so be it, I won't do anything sexual with them anyway. So I just kept ignoring my fear, then broke the cycle.
Fast forward 2 years I met a girl, fell in love, we made out a lot, felt aroused all the time, had big libido and had strong, lasting erections. Before that, I gave up on porn and masturbating completely for months.
So it turned I'm a normal functioning heterosexual guy.
Unfortunately I've relapsed in the past 3 months, but I know I'll be fine later. Gave up on porn forever.
I suggest you the same, just break the cycle, don't fap for like 3 months and do not watch porn at all. Don't believe your mind; if you are afraid of being asexual, you are probably not. Real asexuals are okay with their sexual orientation.
Hmmm....although I don't experience the asexual feeling to the same degree I have felt slightly that way lately, but I totally relate on the confusion between girls and guys. I am the same way started on gay fantasy and porn , for me I was only attracted to girls in real life though, and in a physical sort of turn your head way I am still mainly attracted to females in daily life. I actually found shemale porn later and realized it was a bit of a compromise between girls and guys and seekers out ts girls in real life. Despite being very turned on by ts girls the first time I Hooked up w one I couldn't get it up, it seemed strange but nothin was happening. Nerves I guess , but later I became comfortable and things started working. Before then I really didn't have any real based fantasies that got me off, all I knew was the porn I watched ....so after I started having sex in life I then was able to fantasize about old sex hook ups or see females in public and later fantasize about them .
I think experience is a big factor , if you haven't had much real sex it would make sense to be where you are...but I think of u get off to porn there is a good chance your not asexual . I always assumed being asexual would mean u didn't even like porn.
I have had a similar problem. I did not read all the responses, but let me tell you about my experiences.
A good three to three and a half years ago, I learned about the issues that come from watching (too much) porn. At that time, I also had HOCD problems, like warrior0306 explains. I was very insecure about my sexuality, because I wasn't sure what the hell my sexuality was. I never had anything against the homosexuality, but learning to accept that I might be gay after years of feeling straight and thinking (knowing) that I was straight, it was very scary to be so unsure.
Anyway, I have worked on quitting porn ever since then and have had more success with time. I have been pornfree for multiple periods over a hundred days and as you can see, I'm nearing the three month marker again.
In this time, I defeated most of my insecurities relating to whether or not I am homosexual. My conclusion is that I'm not homosexual, but I'm not always sure if I'm either straight or asexual.
My sexual interest has always been focused on women. For the majority of my porn-viewing days, I didn't even like watching porn that men in them because I just wanted to look at women. My interest in real women has been on and off during my porn-viewing days, probably because I watched porn and masturbated daily.
Anyway, since working on my recovery, there have been periods in which my interest in women and sex has been high, where I had the idea that I felt strong sexual attraction towards women. But there has also been periods in which I felt completely asexual and felt unsure about whether or not I was sexual or asexual. I'm still not fully sure, but my current feelings say that I'm straight and sexual.
In studying asexuality, I have found that there are almost a dozen of labels that fit the asexual sprectrum. There are asexuals, grey-sexuals, demi-sexuals, and sexuals. There are people who are a-romantic, demi-romantic, homo-romantic, bi-romantic and hetero-romantic. And then I'm ignoring people who have fluid gender identities and whatever, because I don't really know all that much about that area of sexuality and gender-identities.
Sorry for this long story, but what it comes down to is the following. We can't tell you what your sexuality is. The only person who can learn about that is you. But stories like mine and others may help you understand your behavior and thought processes, so that you may find the answer that is correct for yourself.
Maybe you are asexual, bisexual, homosexual or heterosexual. Maybe you are asexual, but you are grey-sexual or demi-sexual (look it up if you don't know what it is). Maybe you don't want sex, but like fantasizing. Maybe you don't want sex, but would like a romantic relationship (with either a woman or a man).
Anyway, quitting porn and limiting your masturbation is the best thing you can do to heal your brain and learn more about your real sexuality. It may take some time before you get answers, but try to accept your situation and improve from here.
Life can be as beautiful as you allow it to be. You don't need sex, a partner (or a lot of money for what it's worth) to have a good life. You just have to do the things that you enjoy.