Any suggestions for healing delayed ejaculation (DE)?

Printer-friendly version

Delayed ejaculation may be the result of a numbed pleasure response in the brainMany porn users report that delayed ejaculation was a precursor to their erectile dysfunction. Years of porn use can cause a variety of symptoms, which when examined, lie on a spectrum. It's likely that a combination of "death-grip" masturbation methods, desensitization of the reward circuitry and sensitized addiction pathways are behind these various symptoms, which include:

  • Masturbating without porn is “unsatisfying,” or difficult
  • Earlier genres of porn are no longer "exciting"
  • Experiencing greater sexual excitement with porn than with a partner
  • Decreasing sensitivity of penis
  • Declining sexual arousal with sexual partner(s)
  • Losing erection while attempting penetration
  • Little or no stimulation from penetrative sex
  • Needing to fantasize to maintain erection or interest with sexual partner
  • Can't ejaculate (or perhaps maintain erection) with oral sex or intercourse

Davy Rothbart wrote about delayed ejaculation, faking orgasm, and other porn-induced sexual issues in this popular article: He’s Just Not That Into Anyone . For a complete understanding of this problem, I suggest reading our Psychology Today post: Why Do I Find Porn More Exciting Than A Partner? In addition, unusual or vigorous masturbation techniques can contribute to copulatory erectile dysfunction. Normal intercourse cannot match the pressure (death grip) and speed (very rapid movement) employed by many desensitized men. A success story in a very short time:

For 3 years, I was unable to cum with my long relationship gf. She loves me so much that she would not care and our sex life was decent but with that major flaw. 2 weeks ago I found this subreddit, 12 days (almost 13) I decided to start this 3 months challenge. 1st week was a complete nightmare: bad dreams, edging, urges, frustration, anger.. fighting with myself every single night. 2nd week I was able to control it thanks to some tips from you guys: exercise, running, keeping myself busy, etc. Today, day 12th I had sex with my gf and iI was able to perform perfectly. When I reach climax and came I cried, finally proof that this is working. I feel stronger than ever and have no desire at all to fap. I know there will be days when the urge arises again but this time I know that not doing is more than worth it.

The suggestions for DE are the same as for porn-induced ED.  This faq- Is my erectile dysfunction (ED) related to my porn use? contains everything you need to know. For a basic overview of the likely causes watch Erectile Dysfunction and Porn. Update: Dr. Oz Show addresses porn-induced erectile dysfunction January 31, 2013

Here are just a few comments from men with DE :

As someone who spans the gap between the pre-Internet porn era, and the high speed porn era, I can tell you I had no problems including both sex and masturbation in my routines in the early to mid nineties. When I started getting into Internet video porn in the late nineties and into the oughts, that's when my dysfunction developed. Delayed ejaculation was a huge problem: I could no longer orgasm from oral sex and I sometimes had difficulty with orgasm in a vagina. I found myself having to masturbate after sex with my wife because I couldn't get off any other way, and sometimes even masturbation didn't work all that well.

In the pre-internet era, when I had only my mind's fantasies, masturbation was something I did frequently, but high speed porn changed everything--I was doing it more than once a day. If I didn't feel like masturbation, but wanted to relieve stress or go to sleep, porn helped me get aroused. I even found myself looking at porn prior to sex with my wife, in order to get aroused because she just couldn't do it for me, anymore. Once I eliminated porn from the equation (which hasn't been easy), my masturbation frequency dropped and my sex life improved.


I dumped my GF to go hardcore mode [no porn, masturbation or orgasm for a while] lol.. Didn't want to tell her about my Addiction. It's not that I couldn't get it up. I lasted usually 2 hours nonstop nd still wouldn't be able to cum. She knew something was up. Cuz guys without PMO addiction don't last that long.


I've decided to stop taking Cialis. When it comes to medicine I believe less is more given the potential for adverse interactions and side-effects. Plus, I think stopping Cialis might help my delayed ejaculation. In my case Cialis is not directly causing the dysfunction given I've struggled for 30 years with difficulty having an orgasm with a partner. However, just like with porn I think Cialis makes it hard for me to be in touch with just how horny I may or may not naturally be.

I suspect that part of my problem is that I am engaging in orgasm-seeking sex when my body is not actually desiring that kind of sexual activity and release. Now that I have stopped using porn my body is becoming a lot more sensitive. If my guess is correct then my difficulties with ejaculation will be cured once I relearn to reach orgasm through simply experiencing the pleasure emanating from my own body. Fortunately this appears to be happening mostly spontaneously. Earlier this week I was very horny and felt drawn to masturbate. I'm not trying to abstain from orgasm so I gave into the desire but intentionally stayed away from deep fantasy.

The experience ended up being more like my body was masturbating itself than me directly controlling the process. My difficulties with ejaculation have gotten so bad in the last few years that even masturbation is often frustrating. In contrast this was an extremely pleasant experience and I was able to cum more easily than I have in years.


overcumming the issue: my D.E. Recovery Story

Listen to me. Nofap worked for my severe case. Follow through. Don't edge. Shower regularly. I've struggled with DE for 7 years... 7 FUCKING YEARS. It ruined my confidence, my sanity, and it almost ruined my relationship.

I've tested the theory 10+ times. Anytime I have a streak of nofap and have sexual relations, I finish. Everytime I'm off the wagon, I can't cum from anyone elses touch but my own. I refuse to live that way.

After having some perfect, mindblowing sex this evening (and finishing), I can say with absolute certainty I'm never going back to fapping. This is it. Everything was just perfect tonight and I know it's because of nofap. I made all the right moves through the day that lead us up to the point where I was able to follow through physically. She was satisfied. I was satisfied. We're hanging out again this weekend.

If you struggle with DE and you're on this subreddit, It's most likely a side effect of excessive fapping. Trust me. I struggled with this shit for so long. If you're suffering from DE and want to heal, follow these simple steps.

  1. Do not Edge. The reason you're unable to finish is because you are completely desensitized. Edging does not help this. You might as well reset your badge every time you edge because you are prolonging you're illness and defectiveness.
  2. Do not stroke the bishop. Do not choke the chicken. Do not fap. This is the entire problem. This is why you're looking for the answers, Neo. This is why you've spent you're whole life searching for me. Put your dick down and let it heal. When you're ready, let a female handle it. You'll be glad you did.
  3. This one might be sort of out there, but I'm a firm believer in it. Shower regularly. Keep your area clean. You'll feel healthier down below, which will help your cause.
  4. Don't think so much. I know that's really difficult. As someone who struggled with this, I know. After you've built up a nofap streak, this one will become easier though. Once you're sensitive to the female touch again, it will be surprisingly simple to get lost in the moment. Just feel.
  5. Don't look at porn. You will desensitize yourself mentally. The real world is the only place you need to be if you're fighting this battle. With people like us, we can't edge or look at porn. It keeps us out of commission.

I really hope this helps somebody. DE is sort of uncommon. There aren't many posts about it, but it tore me apart. If there's anybody out there struggling with it - you're not alone. I didn't have anyone to help me. I figured this shit out on my own, put it into action, and witnessed it's effectiveness.

NoFap is your best chance at functioning properly. I recovered. I've been touching myself since I was seven years old. I'm 20. NoFap was the cure for me. So please take my advice, don't be so harsh on yourself, and make the commitment.

Be strong and don't edge. that's the worst thing you can do.


RomeoL1ma

THIS!!!

Struggled with this off and on for YEARS and it was only because of fapping.

Since I really began focusing on keeping away from the bullshit (PMO) and working on my continued development of my 'ninja focus', my soon-to-be fiancé' and I have had incredibly mind blowing sex that satisfies us both to the core.

Congratulations to you good sir, just wanted to let you know your not the only one who had to look inside to work past DE.


I’m glad to see someone mention delayed ejaculation. I’ve lived with that all my life and I’ve never found anyone (including docs) who are familiar with the dysfunction or have any suggestions for improving it. Like you, I began using Viagra and Cilalis to help me keep it up long enough to have an orgasm – often well over an hour of intense stimulation. I thought regular doses of porn were also necessary. Good news: by adopting karezza practices in combination with staying away from porn, I am now experiencing some of the most satisfying sex of my life with no ED meds; and I’ve got two decades on you. My erections are more frequent, firmer and longer lasting and since orgasm is no longer the goal, our lovemaking is relaxing and lasts as long as both of us want it to.


Age 32 - Delayed Ejaculation & ED are gone, better mind clarity


it works fellas, keep at it

crazy i missed my prime years because porn addiction (from July 2002 to Aug 2012, 23 to 33) & i had no idea porn was the reason for the ED & SEVERE retarded ejaculation (i couldn't orgasm during sex whatsoever for 10 years. yes 10 years, a full decade 0 orgasms during sex, & weak erections during sex. a decade of bad sex. a nightmare to put it as mildly as possible. only i could get myself off with my hand) now i can enjoy sex & climax again like i used to in my younger days, thanks to NPMO, & of course yourbrainonporn.com, where i got the idea from. it's crazy it really only took me 3 weeks for a massive breakthrough (orgasm missionary with a blowup doll. then finally a few months later with a real girl), but some will take much longer so keep at it. it's a constant struggle but it gets easier & easier to avoid porn. and like ghost dog says, porn = poison. it's dead serious


I started my sex life when I was 18 but it was a failure from the start. No matter what kind of sex or stimulation I got I didn't get a slightest feeling in my penis. I had no problem keeping erection but after sometime I got bored and just stopped the act. After a couple of times not being able to O during sex I lost motivation to try pick up new girls, it didn't seem to worth trying at all.

Most of my partners didn't care about it, but the one that mattered did. Me not able to O translated in her that she can't satisfy me and that created more and more problems, we broke up(for the last time) around day 14 of my nofap challenge.

I kept going after this ,because I knew I will not have a decent relationship if I can't fix my problem. The 1st and 2nd week was not hard to complete, I was thinking of PMO at least every 5 minutes but I always found something to do. From the start of the 3rd week it got really hard I couldn't even concentrate at work or when I played games. I met a new girl at the end of week 4 and the 2nd time we had sex I could O in a matter of minutes. I will not lie it was not my best O of my life but it was definitely the best feeling of my life. Now nofap is a lot easier that I saw the results and got my motivation back.  [Read complete account at Age 23 - Day 45 report, I cured my delayed ejaculation]


Delayed ejaculation was how it began for me, too. For awhile I thought it was the anti-depressants I was taking, but changing my medication didn't help much. Then I started blaming my wife—maybe she wasn't attractive to me, anymore, or maybe if she'd just do some of the porn kink I saw on the Internet, I'd be able to get off. Delayed ejaculation was just the start of it, though, and eventually I was experiencing some ED symptoms. I started using porn just to "warm up" for sex with my wife, and then I'd fill my head with scenes from my porn library and fantasize about them while I had sex with her—but none of that really helped, either. It was messed up. You don't want to get to that point. Read more, including his recovery.


Incredible Sensitivity and DE completely cured. On day 45, I had a one night stand with an ex. I had always suffered from crippling DE, when I could go for hours withut finishing. This often made sex a chore and a lot less satisfying than it could be. I realize that this was not merely a psychological issue, but simply physical due to years of fapping without lube and death grip. After 45 days, this was completely, 100% cured. Sex felt incredible, better than I had ever thought it could feel, and I finished, shall I say, explosively. Incredible results after 90 days hard mode


90-day report - From years of PMO I had unknowingly messed up the natural sexual urges that allow normal orgasm during sex. I could get hard but had DE (delayed ejaculation) to the point where I was ashamed to have sex as I would not be able to cum with a woman. Now? It was a difficult transition to have a steady girlfriend, but she was loving and patient with me – something that I am not with myself. My DE is much better, and the techniques for delay are now used to make her orgasm multiple times. My pent up sexual desire now has a valid outlet and it feels soooooo good to be the sexual creature that I was born to be without feelings of guilt afterwards.


My sexual therapist told me that 'ejaculation retardation' is a lot more common than I thought and is linked with over-exposure to Internet porn.

I masturbated from 14 onwards at least once a day, but usually more. I have always been a proficient computer user and had been accessing porn on the Internet since at least the age of 16/17. I only became sexually active from 20 onwards (and after reading most of this site I understand perhaps why). However, I was never able to ejaculate. In fact I got little or no stimulation from penetrative sex at all.

Eventually, at the age of 28, I went to the doctor who referred me to a sexual health expert, who in turn referred me to a sexual therapist. This was the best thing that ever happened to me. She had resources on masturbation, and advised me to retrain my penis to get stimulation from a more relaxed grip. Eventually she gave me the ultimatum that really in order to resolve my issue I needed to refrain from masturbating to porn entirely and use my imagination only. However, motivation wasn't my strong point. It wasn't until I found a good excuse not to masturbate (relocation, weirdly) that I seriously attempted to refrain from the activity. One weekend thereafter I had a girl friend of mine visit, and through a brave show on her part, along with a lot of effort on mine, it happened. Twice. At 30 years old I had finally ejaculated during intercourse.

Bad habits...I relapsed. However, my participation on a dating forum pointed me in the direction of yourbrainonporn.com and it all clicked together. Here was the justification I needed to make a go of stopping permanently. So this is what happened three weeks ago. Last week I hooked up with another female friend and we had sex in the back of my car. I reached orgasm literally within seconds. It was so liberating. I'm now very happy to continue my reboot. Things have started to improve socially. I'm having more experiences when going out where I am just 'on it.' Present to the moment, having fun and vibing with people. I'm also relating to women a lot easier.


Surprisingly i did not suffer from ED like many fellow addicts on YBOP. I was able to get hard at the prospect of sex with my girlfriend whenever it arrived, but I was unable to achieve orgasm, unless from very intense stimulation or from fantasising about some of the porn I watched frequently. As the relationship progressed, I was still masturbating and watching porn frequently and my girlfriend did not mind because it did not really affect our sex life. But the more I watched porn and masturbated, the less aroused I would be with her and/or reject sex with her (sometimes even just to masturbate to porn), which started to frustrate her more and more. Eventually she wanted me to stop because it had started to affect our sex life.


Age 24 - My Recovery from Delayed Ejaculation


(Reply from another forum member) You are so lucky you didn't really have ED, although the lack of sexual interest for a partner is a pain as well. I go through the same and worse as I had ED. I am getting much better now although I know it will take a long time until it all goes well. I still don't/rarely get spontaneous erections with my partner. But I already get hard 90% of the times with just some light touch (she never masturbates me, just light touch). I am at the stage where my libido for intercourse still isn't good enough, but where I do like it when it happens (I have a lot of anxiety). My sensitivity down there wakes up when we start. Before my reboot, I was taking viagra to get an erection, else nothing would happen, and also had to think of porn to orgasm most of the times. Now I have to stop her from even gentle caressing if I don't orgasm for over a week or two, or I will orgasm. It's huge progress.


Yes you read that right. DE. Stands for Delayed Ejaculation, colloquially known as death grip. For that past few months sex with my girlfriend has been good, but I've never been able to come from sex, blowjobs, or even handjobs. Since being together I've lightened up on the fapping and porn, but never gave it up all together. I was frustrated and I realized it was time for a reset. So I stopped. We had sex last night and for the first time I came from purely vaginal stimulation. It was amazing and we both were so happy. Thanks no fap for being there to browse when I wanted to fap.


(90 days) First of all, my DE is cured. Like, really. I could last for hours without coming before, and now it's a matter of 10-20 minutes (sober). On the other hand, I could easily go again after a few minutes rest. 90 days - DE cured, greater need for socializing, better eye contact


My success continues.....in week 10 of my reboot...an even better session with the missus tonight.....not only did I blow my load relatively quickly (defeating DE), I did it without having to go hard as I usually would to finish. I went slow all the way, like never before, and it was brilliant. I could even say that I tried to back right off towards the end as I didn't want to finish so soon! Not bad for someone with a bad case of DE for a number of years.


Finally cured my DE, all thanks to NoFap!

Yesterday was my birthday, and my girlfriend and I had sex. We've been sexually active for months, but I had never orgasmed once during sex, until yesterday. It was the greatest feeling ever, its a huge weight lifted off both my shoulders and my girlfriends, as she was feeling rather self conscious about the whole situation. I came across this new years day after another new years eve sex ending in me not orgasming, and I haven't looked back, all thanks to NoFap my DE is gone! So thank you =D


I've suffered from delayed and no ejaculation for years, however now with NoFap it seems to be completely gone (LINK). For me I think this problem had two sides: increased insensitivity because of fapping - that is I could not get any sensation with a condom. And secondly due to porn I had unreal expectations of sex.

These expectations can be a lot different because I kind of had these checkpoints for myself e.g. I expect heavy breathing or moaning, I expect the girl to go absolutely crazy at some point before she comes. Without meeting these checkpoints I could not finish. Sex will be different with each person so I guess the main thing to take away from nofap is that with everyone sex is different and you have to find your own way to enjoy it.

I think porn creates us a false image of how sex should be, similarly as these skinny supermodels create a false image how women should look. So keep up with the nofap (or if you have to occasionally masturbate, do it with a thick condom) and do absolutely no porn. And as my own observation: don't have sex because you want to have sex, have it because you want to have it with this person.


Hot damn! I orgasmed from PIV for the first time in nearly eight months!  Although I'm only at 8 consecutive days, I've only reset a few times, and overall have masturbated three times in two months. I haven't been able to orgasm from sex (with or without condom) since January, even after an hour of sex. Today, condom on, orgasmed from sex. That's progress, ladies and gentlemen. Thanks for the great subreddit.  EDIT: I should mention that it wasn't ED, but DGS, that ruined sex previously.


You have DE (Delayed Ejaculation) and I have the same problem as well. Inability to reach orgasm during sex was one of several reasons why I ended up searching Google and discovering YBOP and NoFap. (LINK to thread) I went about 90 days without doing any PMO then I met a girl. We had sex a few times but I still had problems but then on day 98 I managed to cum. Since then I can reach orgasm about a in ever 4 times that I have sex and the other 3 times I go soft during sex. I last quite a while before I go soft though and she is very happy with the whole thing. The times where I do go soft I can get hard again 15 mins later and have sex again.

This is a massive difference to how I was 118 days ago where sometimes I couldn't even get an erection and if I did I would never cum during sex. It was highly frustrating. Frustrating is an understatement; It was upsetting. I have been wondering if I have started having sex too soon in to my reboot cycle because I am defiantly not fully healed (and neither are you) but I am actually quite happy so I'm gonna carry on and see where things go from here :)


Well, here it is: 90 days ago, I set out on a fateful journey that I believed to be impossible. I was on a mission to go 30 days without fapping. Why? There were a few reasons. For one, I love pushing myself, and I really wanted to see if I could do it. Two, I had some pretty bad delayed ejaculation problems with my previous girlfriend, and I wanted to fix them before I started seeing other women. I'm talking 2-3 hours of sex for me to be able to get off (so usually I ended up just stopping and going home and fapping).

So what of me and the girl I took to homecoming now? We've been happily dating for one month now, and we've had some pretty intense sex. My delayed ejaculation also seems to have disappeared for the most part.


Can NoFap help me or have I irreparably broken myself...? Please help.

 by 18nNeedViagra

I'm 18 years old and have basically been masturbating everyday (or more on occasion...) for the last 6 and a half years. I have probably been watching hardcore porn for at least 4 or 5 of those 6 years. So anyway I lost my virginity 2 nights ago and it didn't really go as I planned or hoped it would go. I masturbated the day before because I was actually very worried that I would more or less insert and blow within 2 seconds or even fire off while my girlfriend was giving me head. When I masturbate I sometimes literally prematurely ejaculate in under 30 seconds while watching porn. Well oddly enough we tried to have sex for about 3 hours and I couldn't even get ANYWHERE near finishing.

Even worse with the addition of the condom I could barely feel anything... Yes, I had my penis in a vagina and I basically felt nothing. This cannot be normal. We tried doggie, missionary, and her on top and each time I was able to stay erect for about 2-3 minutes while thrusting and then each time I would just go flaccid =( It was so damn humiliating, I have to been by far the worse lay she has ever had. She seemed wet enough at first and we used enough lube I think but still it just felt numb. Honestly I didn't even really feel much of the oral.

The only sex I was able to get any sensation out of was when she gave me a handjob. She knew I was a virgin and she said she understood but it still looked like the whole debacle bothered her. I don't want her to leave me because I have equipment that doesn't work =(


My story: I started this last May to fix DE and ED. I'm not entirely healed, but things are much better and continue to (slowly) get better.I haven't been perfect. I went the first 2.5-3 weeks of absolutely no PMO or sex. Then I started having sex with my wife (including O) and found my DE was completely gone and remains gone. Yes! What a pain that had been. It'd gotten pretty severe. And my ED was much improved. So, big improvements in a short period.

At that point, I continued with no PM, but had sex regularly with my wife (including O). Sometimes I took ED medication (maybe 1x per week when I wanted to be very hard...as opposed to the variable 20-80% erections I was mostly having without meds....BTW, before no PMO, I had to use a cock ring plus 40mg Cialis (2x max recommended dose) and I still had trouble with PIV. Combined with DE, this often made sex frustrating).

My ED kept getting better for a month or two, but not close to perfect. Enough that it was manageable with medication and PIV was do-able without medication. I actually had no-medication PIV after a few drinks a couple of times. I haven't been able to do this for 5-7 years even with medication.

Then things stalled out a bit. I had a few relapses edging and viewing soft-core porn (topless pictures....nothing hard core and no video). I always reset my badge and move forward. When I've relapsed, pictures/soft-porn have played a relatively small role as I've been able to resist porn/photos much more easily than I've been able to resist edging to fantasy. None of this has happened a huge amount, but it has happened and I'm sure it has set me back when I've done it.

Based on what I know about reward systems generally (in terms of managing people), intermittent rewards often provide much stronger reinforcement than steady rewards. I'm now wondering if my intermittent/erratic/infrequent edging "schedule" had a powerful impact on my brain that made it much more difficult for me than one might think given the relatively few relapses I had.

In any event, a few weeks ago after relapsing to topless photos, I decided I had to go a little harder-core....so I committed to no orgasm even with PIV sex. Since then, no orgasm, no PMO, but I'm having PIV sex with my wife about 1-2x/week (it was 2-4x/week over the summer). I stop before orgasm.

The first time or two, I brought myself near orgasm, but I've decided not to do that any more...so I'm just enjoying it for a while, focusing on the sensations, and then stopping (...I make sure to give her an O in other ways). It's difficult because it's now very easy for me to orgasm and I have (generally) good control over when I orgasm. Given that I used to be able to (literally) cum on command during PIV but then lost that ability in a serious way, resisting the temptation to orgasm takes some serious will power.

It's too soon to say if my "no orgasm" plan is helping. I've had a nasty cold for about a week so we haven't done anything...but the last few PIV, I had a stronger erection than the last few weeks before I decided to eliminate all orgasms. If I don't see improvement from my current status by year end, then I'll switch to complete abstinence.


For those about to fap...

Just had my first orgasm from a blowjob, after trying for seven years and not managing to, after only 35 days of NoFap.

SEVEN, FUCKING, YEARS.

Yeah.

Fap now. I double dare you.


NO Fap Cures DE

Hi
just wanted to say that No Fap works I could not have an orgasm with PIV. So to deal with it I was trying every thing. Like different girls and also different condom types/makes and I went to a sex therapist. The only thing that has worked for me is No Fap it cures Delayed Ejaculation.


[Success Story!] I finally finished! NSFW

It's been 48 days of no fap, no porn, no anything. I only touched my junk to wash and to use the restroom. I haven't been doing this for myself though - I did this for my girl. I had some problems in the bedroom and for some reason, I could never finish. Like ever. I decided for her sake, and for mine, I would start this journey. Well here I am, 48 days in. And today marks the day. I finished for her. It was easily the best orgasm I've ever had. If the ones to come are like this (pun intended), then I will gladly give up fapping. I wish everyone the best of luck, and I tell you all - It is worth it. Do not give up. Take it one day at a time.


I did it! I finally came in my wife!

After three years of trying, and 4 months of NoFap support, I finished in my wife. For years I didn't realize fapping was the problem, but now after making it to 38 days, I got outside my head and just let go. Thank you all.


NoFap makes sex actually feel good (no more DE)

Counter's accurate, back up to 5 full days since my second relapse. About...a month and 5 days since I started.

Been enjoying sex with my girlfriend WAY more than I ever have with any girl ever. Guys, if you don't believe in "superpowers" or any other effects (although I do), believe it: NoFap makes sex feel amazing, just like it's supposed to. I had KILLED my sensitivity with fapping for years.

Just last night together I realized I had reached the point where trying different positions in her V felt way better than my own hand. This is a huge step for me. My delayed ejaculation, which had had horrible effects on past relationships, is a thing of the past.

THANK YOU NOFAP! I don't even feel the temptation to relapse again. There are good days and bad days, but this is a good day!


I DID IT... I F**KING DID IT

Original post: http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/1i682o/why_i_want_to_quit_day_1/

I was never able to finish during sex. Ever. I death gripped my penis so much that it was completely numb. I felt NOTHING during sex. I had to fantasize about porn just to keep an erection. My girlfriend thought that it was her fault. Our sex life was terrible and our relationship was going downhill. I had masturbate for 30 minutes after sex just to orgasm. It was pathetic and embarrassing.

When my girlfriend left on vacation for a 20 days, I knew that I had to make a change. And I did. It was really fucking hard. I even sold my computer just to get rid of temptations, that's how serious I was about fixing this. And I managed to make it to 20 days. No porn, no edging.

Yesterday, my girlfriend came home. I didn't know if NoFap would help me, I was nervous. Because if it didn't work, then I would have to masturbate to finish and I would spiral back in to deathgripping. And guess what... I fucking finished. Inside of her. For the first fucking time. Within 20 minutes too. I was so happy I started laughing. NoFap is amazing. Fuck porn. Fuck jacking off. It's time to stop. I will never EVER go back to porn. It's pathetic and we, Fapstraunats, are better than that.


NoFap worked. DE reversing

I am 48 and have been experiencing increasing symptoms of DE for the past 10 years. At first, I thought I just had fantastic stamina. Then my (ex)wife began complaining that it took too long and that it was too much "grinding". Eventually, I stopped being able to get off at all through PVI. For the past two years, I could only get off with PMO. My girlfriend learned to perform the deathgrip, but eventually that wasn't enough. Viagra kept me in the game, but I could never score. I was frustrated and my partners were frustrated as well. Or just weirded out. I've tried NoFap off and on for years. I always expected results after a week of NoFap. But it stopped being effective.

Three weeks ago, I found this group and heard that it would take longer. Much longer to fix myself. So I recommitted to NoFap. It has been three long weeks, but last night I was able to orgasm with PVI. It took longer than I had hoped. And it took concentration and effort. But I was amble to get off without porn or masturbation or fantasy. I think I have turned a major corner. I had my doubts at first. But it works. Damn, it works. Thanks to all the fapstronauts that have been posting their experiences and commenting with support. I'm looking forward to see what I feel like at the end of 90 days.


Finally ejaculated during vaginal sex

I felt like I finally became a man today and lost my virginity even though I've had sex hundreds of times before. I was never able to ejaculate during intercourse ever since I became sexual active because I'd been fapping since I was 6, and then when I was 13 I was exposed to porn online and my brain was never the same.

Well, I finally did it and it was absolutely amazing. Is is purely due to abstaining from fapping and fapping to porn for over 50 days for the first time in my life.

I felt my confidence warm my body as I became a "normal dude". So THAT's what it feels like!


Have DE/RE?…this works.

I'm so happy right now! This is my first post so a little bit of background info for you. I'm a 25 year old male and until last night I had never O'd in the presence of a female. I have had sex several times but never ever been close to climaxing through any stimulation whatsoever.

I started out like most of you, PMOing from around the age of 15 to internet porn. If only I knew now what I was doing to myself. My first sexual experience was when I was 19 and thought I was a champ that I was lasting so long…until I tired myself out and still hadn't O'd. I hooked up with this girl again and still the same result. I had a feeling something may be wrong but at the same time thought it was awesome that I could last so long. I never attributed this to my masturbation habit.

Fast forward to when I was 21. My first love. Safe to say that my DE ruined this relationship. It was never said that my DE was the issue why we broke up, but after several failed sexual encounters and her pretty much finishing me after a night of tears where she was blaming herself. I'm fairly certain this was it. I knew something had to be wrong. I couldn't feel any stimulation. This is when I first sought out some information. I found out about DE/RE but that was it. I really didn't bother about trying to correct it because everything I found said to go to a urologist or psychiatrist but I wasn't confident enough to visit and I didn't find anything suggesting it was PMO. If only I had found NoFap and YourBrainOnPorn back then I wouldn't have wasted the next 4 years of my life, being socially reclusive and not having an interest in real women.

Jumped to New Years 2012. I found YourBrainOnPorn and the videos that you all should watch at least once if you don't fully understand why some people are participating in NoFap. http://yourbrainonporn.com/garys-tedx-talk-great-porn-experiment I made a promise to myself that I would give NoFap a try. At the time I was staying on my own, around 500 miles away from friends and family. This was due to me getting a job after being unemployed for around 5 months and jumped at the opportunity. So I made a New Years resolution to give up PMO. I lasted around 25 days but succumbed to temptations and never really got away from binging after that. I would only muster up 3-4 days without PMO until I would go back to old habits.

I eventually moved back and have been living with my parents since. A few of mates and myself went over to Amsterdam in the Spring and I thought I'd see if there was any improvement with a prostitute. Safe to say I was pretty intoxicated but could only muster up about a 60% hardon and never got close to Oing. Expensive way to find out what I already knew…

I decided when I got back that I would try to improve myself, physically, socially, mentally, etc. Basically faking confidence and eventually this turned into confidence. I went to a festival and for the first time in a long time a girl was showing genuine interest, just the confidence boost I had been needing. We hooked up but nothing sexual, kind of glad because she turned out a tad emotionally unstable.

Anyway after a few weeks hitting up bars, talking to girls, I eventually hooked up with an old school crush I had. The first night we hooked up, I couldn't get hard. I attributed it to the alcohol at the time but believe that I had ED as well as DE. I thought I had blown it again but she really had fun regardless of the sex. I decided after that night I would commit completely to nofap. If I wasn't O'ing with a girl, I was not O'ing at all. We made plans for her to come over the next week and I decided to just lay it all out there. Guys, if your in this situation, I can only say based on my experience is be completely honest. I told her everything and made sure that she understood that I may not always be able to perform. She was very understanding and said we can still have fun. Later that night, I hadn't even noticed, I was rock hard after some foreplay. No ED, so I assumed that it was the alcohol that was my issue for both the previous encounter and Amsterdam. We had sex but not really any feeling but it was a relief to not have ED along with DE.

This has continued for about 35 days or so. Us having sex but myself never climaxing but I had noticed that I was feeling a lot more and after each experience I was feeling closer and closer to O'ing. That eventuality it happened last night. It did take around 40 mins of sex but I came while having PIV sex. WHAT A FUCKING RELIEF! We did have sex the following morning and I was close about 3 times and lost it but the previous night has giving me so much confidence that giving up PMO to rewire does work…it just takes time. So am around 35 days without PM and don't intend to give into those urges any time soon.

TLDR; NoFap works for DE! It just takes time and patience!


DELAYED EJACULATION CURED

My story begins in October. I discovered that I could not orgasm with a girl neither from blowjob or handjob or in a vagina. I started No fap. I had destroyed the sensitivity of my penis through harsh masturbation, and the sensitivity of my mind cause of years using porn!

At 25 days I relapsed and masturbated for 5 days, WITH A LOT BETTER SENSITIVITY AND ABILITY TO EJACULATE. I started again 17 days and relapsed again. Masturbated for 3 days. Had sex,one night stand unable to ejaculate once again (I was drunk). Seven days later, (yesterday I met another girl and I EJACULATED through blowjob/handjob veeeery easily!!!

BROTHERS THERE IS HOPE. just abandon porn and masturbation for ever! it works and it feels better than everything.JUST DON'T RELAPSE.


DE can be conquered!

Hey NoFap, I am here with my first obvious victory.

I originally assumed that with NoFap, I would not be having sex because I am not very sexually prolific, but a lady I know started showing a lot of interest on day 5, I wanted it, so plans changed.

I have had sex with three other people before this, and though they were wonderful, I was never able to climax during sex, and it was very hard to climax through any other means too.

Well, I ended up having sex on day 5, and it was with the same general experience. The same story with no climax happened again the following week.

On day 25 however, it took a little while, but it happened!! It was really amazing! I wasn't sure if maybe it was a fluke or something, but I climaxed during sex again on day 29 :D

Its good to know that some things can change, I worry that I am just becoming a sex addict perhaps, worried that I may become a two-minute-man instead of lasting forever, but also ready to see what happens and ready to work for what I want!

Thanks for reading and hang in there. Good luck!


Significantly Better Sex

One of the best benefits I have reaped from nofap (I have completed 100+days streaks in the past, before joining the website) is that the sex is unbelievably better. Due to the "death grip" induced by compulsive fapping, I could barely feel anything the first few times I had sex. I thought I would never be able to come with a condom on. I would literally go for 30-40 minutes without feeling the slightest tingle.

Fast-Forward to the no fap era. When I would have get laid then, I would be able to have mind blowing sex without any dysfunctions. It's just amazing. Same with getting hand jobs - no girl would be able to do the trick for me, since I had habituated myself to a very specific grip and technique. With no-fap, you regain the sensitivity needed and you enjoy REAL sensual interactions with women infinitely more :)


NoFap cured my Death Grip / Delayed Ejaculation

Just over 100 days ago i had my first blowjob and didnt feel a thing. Now i can cum very easily from them. pretty sure it was death grip and not delayed ejaculation, either way NoFap cured it.


I'm a guy who suffers from delayed ejaculation and porn/fap addiction. This is also my first ever post to Reddit. I'm finding coming here extremely helpful and want to share my journey with you. Any advice and support is greatly appreciated. Also: AMA!

Hello fellow fapstronauts. This is my story. As early as I started maturbating I can remember being interested in porn and from then on I can safely say I most have watched it at least two or three times a day. I had a string of sexual encounters through my teens, rarely sleeping with the same girl more than once. Every time I had sex I found the experience extremely exciting but not all that arousing, I never managed to actually ejaculate inside a girl (bar one drunken night) and occasionally suffered from ED. I always put this down to either being intoxicated or simply not being in love with the girl I was with. This all changed when I met my current girlfriend. I fell for her instantly and we lived in the same building meaning sex was a very regular occurrence. And it was amazing. But it was the first time I ever really had to admit I may have a problem with delayed ejaculation. I could go for hours and hours and wouldn't even get close. Which always seemed to leave me finishing myself off. Although I still got the desired effect the closeness and love you get from the real thing wasn't there. I've been with my SO for 4+ years now and I've finally decided it's time to address the problem. I've been selfish for too long and it has adversely affected our relationship.

Ironically I was browsing the internet one night looking for porn, as was my usual habit, and decided on a whim to type the word "porn" in to reddit. Still not sure why. Anyway. I came across this subreddit. I read through the posts and couldn't believe what these guys were doing... Why give up porn? 90 days?! Then I read there stories, how it improved there lives, how much better there relationships got, how it had helped with DE and ED. I'm currently on day 11, I'm finding it extremely difficult but I'm already noticing the rewards. My SO is extremely proud and supportive of me, our sex life already seems to be improving (I managed to climax through intercourse!) and I'm noticing I'm more focused and aware. I've started meditating too which I found helps.

This is just the start of my journey, I look forward to sharing the rest with you, the ups and the downs. Please ask me any questions and any support/advice would be greatly appreciated.


Felt like a teenage boy getting his first hand job.

After 164 days of (involuntary) hard mode, I finally got to release through a hand job - worry not, twas not my hand. And Man, I felt like a teenage boy getting his thing touched by a girl for the first time, It was truly amazing. It took me a few minutes and SPLASH - literally.

In the past, it would be nearly IMPOSSIBLE for me to ejaculate when a girl would give me a hand job. The minority that could would have to go at it hard and tightly for like 15 minutes. I remember they would get exhausted, and I'd just tell them "Soon soon". But since my dick had become so desensitized and my mind so accustomed to porn, I was barely turned on by a girl giving me a hand job. Last night was a whole different story.

Hard mode broken, NoFap streak, stronger than ever, and lasting forever. Good luck brothers


Delayed Ejaculation Success Story / Thoughts about NoFap

I hope this finds helpful to those in similar situations overcoming DE and going through NoFap.

I was able to finally finish in bed with a girl after two weeks of abstaining from masturbation. It was a definite struggle, but from it I gained a lot of insight and overall confidence. Up until recently I could never come in bed with a girl. I found out about DE through NoFap, Yourbrainonporn, etc. after the fifth time of not reaching orgasm with my current girlfriend. Prior to that I had three other sexual partners with no success of ever climaxing. It was incredibly frustrating and a huge blow to my confidence. Serious depression started to kick in finding out that I may never overcome this, but I had it in me to put an end to DE. I discovered NoFap and YBOP, did my research, and chose to go hard mode for at least two weeks. Something had to be done, and I could sense my girlfriend losing interest, but she was patient with me and helped me through it. After two weeks we went at it again and I orgasmed after about 5 minutes. I felt an enormous surge of anxieties, negativity, and stress pull away from me. I have seldom felt as happy as I did the moment I came. It was a good time for both us.

My thoughts on the experience may seem a bit dull, but I chose to be 100% honest at the start when I would write about it.

I did not experience any "superpowers," but a slight increase and awareness of the senses. I cannot be specific about the times when I felt good or bad during NoFap, but I'll do my best. At the start, maybe 2-3 days in, I felt very wired, very horny, and anxious, but this all started to subside within 5 days or so. Around then I hit a "flatline," having little libido, but a good focus and directness about work, school, and life. Really unbeknownst to me at time I was getting a lot done. I feel all the stress that gets pent up and then released through masturbation was translated into this inertia. This lasted throughout the final days of hard mode, and I finally released through sex. I attribute my struggles with DE mostly to "deathgrip" and a good amount of porn, but nothing overkill. Regained sensitivity was noticeable around week 1, where I had nonstop boners over simply looking at girls, but this eventually calmed down. One thing I surely have gained from this experience is much greater will-power, since I had never gone two weeks w/out masturbating since the day I started. I'm now choosing to continue abstaining in-between sex, as well as staying away when I might not have a girlfriend anymore. Focus is important.

I can say for sure that this work. Have an open mind, do not over think it, and maintain small goals (getting through one day at a time).

You guys are awesome.


DE... Gone

After 72 days MO free and 114 days porn free, a woman made me orgasm last night. It wasn't full on sex; just a BJ but it worked. She's the fifth girl to ever attempt this and the only one to succeed. The other four were when I was on porn.

NoFap works. Cheers. /pos


A couple hours ago, I did something I have never done during sex [possible trigger]

I came from it.

Didn't have to have the awkward, way too long, jerk off at the end.

We woke up, she was keen but had to be quick because she was going to work. Few minutes later I'd finished.

There is nothing that caused this change in me but nofap. It's amazing. Never going back. So excited to have to work on actually LASTING for her now, instead of trying to get off.

To everyone on Hardmode or without a girlfriend, I've done that too. The changes are there and worth it in different ways. Life is just better without PMO.



Thread: Fringe benefits

Following on from my success as detailed in my last thread, i've had some more success. I've managed to ejaculate through my partner using her hands and once more through intercourse.

I continue to be delighted with my progress so far.

The fringe benefits to which I refer are also noteworthy and I hope that those who are new to this journey, or even those draw some inspiration from this.

I've been with my partner for 6 years. I've always found her very attractive and consider myself truly blessed and lucky to call her mine. Since giving up PMO and starting this adventure, I find that I'm more in love with her than ever.

I am still not masturbating, and I think about sex all the time. Where my mindset has changed though is that now my fantasies and desires focus entirely on her. Previously, I was seeing sex everywhere!! Every pair of breasts that came into view was worthy of inspection, every backside under scrutiny and as the weather gets hotter and clothes become more revealing it was becoming more difficult than ever to keep my thoughts clean.

 On Saturday, i was in one of those moods. After a Friday in which i actually hadnt noticed anything or anyone, i got up for work on Saturday morning uncontrollably frisky. I did not however seek to spy on passersby, instead I spent the saturday at work day dreaming about getting my hands on my partner. I texted her my feelings, tested the water so to speak, and was thrilled to find her just as keen as I was.

I got home that evenimg and we had fantastic sex during which I succesfully ejaculated through regular penetration. It was amazing and almost effortless. I was completely satisfied and went back to a feeling of normality.

Until I started this journey, my urges would have been satisfied through PMO and would be taken care of quickly and mindlessly to nameless naked women on various websites. This time, my mind and my body sought a genuine connection and real intimacy from my partner and this urge was met and satisfied.

Sounds simple, but it was a great feeling. It filled me up where PMO left me empty. NoFap is more than just physical. It really can bring you closer to your loved ones in ways you had probably given up on.

Keep going chaps!!


If these guys are right that the cause of delayed ejaculation is that their brain needs to bounce back to normal sensitivity through stopping porn and gentler lovemaking, then the key to understanding and correcting delayed ejaculation is much the same as the key to healing erectile dysfunction. For more, watch Erectile Dysfunction and Porn or read Is my erectile dysfunction (ED) related to my porn use?.

 

Comments

Does this text suggest that even slow sex without orgasm is a bad thing? I have also read that slow sex without orgasm could be a good thing. And what about any kind of sex without orgasm, manual stimulation and fantasy(and no porn)?

Everyones in a different situation. The one common suggestion by guys who have DE, is to avoid ejaculation during a reboot. But since most guys who reboot without masturbation its hard to say what is the right answer. There are no rules.  

Shocked, Speechless, and Excited to start a new chapter

I have been addicted to porn for a long time. I have always know about my problem and have tried to stop but never had the will too but that changed today. This community that I just walked into seems like the right choice for me.

While not having social problems i have had sexual outburst problems and i see now that the porn has enabled those outburst even more. Also the video in the side bar showed me my problem even more.

While having sex with a girl I do not cum. It took me almost two years to orgasm during sex and I never knew why until now.

Porn has fucked my mind up to the point where sex is a formula instead of a event. I have to do things perfectly like they do in porn or I am not good enough but I want that to stop. I want all of it to stop. I am done being a slave to my sexual urges. I am done being a slave to the porn sites. I am done degrading myself. Today is the first day of a new chapter. I am in your debt NoFap. I have never had the will to quit until today. What the Fapstronauts are doing is simply amazing. Thank you all

Thanks for all the support guys! Thanks for the information regarding DE (which I now understand!). I don't often post, so I'm not sure about the replying etiquette. I am going to try to reply to all the posts, and put some more tips and info on how i got to the level i am at now( I'm not healed yet).

From day 1-30 i thought i had no hope in hell. I thought all this was bull shit, but i decided to keep going. One thing that really helps is to keep a journal of all your feelings, and what you have learned through your journey. Another is to delete all P related material, including sexy pics ect. Make sure that you don't like any sexy groups on Facebook like 'hot chicks' or 'olympic hunting', and this will hopefully stop the temptation. Make sure that you don't keep going through hot chicks photos on facebook, because it's only tempting you. If your watching a movie with a sex scene, dont you DARE watch it, it's just as fake and as bad as P in my opinion.

I agree with Ouibiensur, no fap doesn't 'get you a girlfriend' it just helps. No fap will put you on an EVEN playing field with every other guy out there without our problem. (from what i experienced).

TIPS: I couldn't get it up because i was nervous during foreplay the first time we had sex. My tip, breath very deeply and slowly. This helped with my nerves. Another tip is stratal your girl with pants on, and slowly begin to grind up on her. Even if your semi erect, the pressure on her lady parts should be enough to excite her. When she gets excited, trust me, so will you. When your up, just enjoy. If your on a first date, and you cant get it up, don't stress. Tell her that you have a rule that you don't 'fuck on the first date'. This is only temporary, i know, but will give you enough time to get to know her and lose some of those nerves( it also shows self restraint!).

LASTLY: dont give up, don't you dare. You guys are better then that, you don't need porn, i don't even think about it anymore! i almost cried with happiness today that i was actually able to have sex. My GF texted me saying, 'i cant walk, i hate you!' and i just lost it. i was a BAD case with PMO, with weird fetishes, and bad ED issues. I thought i had no hope, but i pushed through and it was worth it. Keep fighting guys! you can beat this!!!

PS. I had one wet dream early on, where i dreamed that i was actually faping. It infuriated me, and made me feel as if my whole brain was wired for porn(which it was). The good news is that this goes over time, and you begin to have sexy dreams about real life chicks instead of porn.

http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/yqm8k/recovery_from_ed_found_a_gi...

Can't finish sex with me, he's gotta death grip

How the heck do I get thru to him that jacking himself with a death grip is NOT the way I want sex to be with him every time? I seriously wouldn't mind if he jacked it on occasion, but 95% of the time he would rather do that than have sex with me. And yes, I feel bad that I can't make him orgasm except on the rare occasion. I'm almost to the point of avoiding sex altogether because really, he only needs his right hand. I"m definitely building up resentment (and a lot of hurt feelings) and I don't know how to have the conversation with him about this.

"Hey, boyfriend, you know why you can't orgasm from PIV? Because you are dry masturbating with a death grip, which feels nothing like sex with me. And, btw, it makes me feel like shit when you jack it when I'm laying right there wanting you!"

Somehow, that just seems harsh. Help?

Fapism

My wife packed her bags. She was on her way out the door when I finally got a clue.

She feels a lot of hurt, anger, and resentment. But we're working through it. Nofap and noporn are crucial to my recovery.

I went through this exact same thing. I tried many times to tell him. I warned him that if it continued I was going to loose interest. He didnt seem to take me seriously. I left and hes clueless as to why I left. "I thought things were going well." Really? Well I couldn't get you off because of your very particular death grip so you'd rather just masturbate yourself in front of me and then fall asleep while youre taking care of my needs. I sound mean but I introduced him to nofap and I was as patient and supporting as any person could be. I felt so hurt and insecure about the whole thing. But then I realized, why should I stay with someone thats okay with letting me feel this way? I realized deserved better and I left.

I was where your boyfriend was. I was anorgasmic for years before I made the change and forced myself to stop being selfish. It will take time but it does get better once he's willing to change. I think the solution is precisely what you said. Sit down with him and explain your issues. You're hurt and he has to know that. If he's anything like I was he probably feels self conscious and is frustrated he can't get off.

What worked for me was to take orgasms out of the equation. I didn't death grip, I didn't force it, and my partner understood my problems were not her fault. If it didn't happen I stopped and we tried again later. Eventually it worked.

You are not alone. I am having the same issues -- never thought I'd be replaced by a hand, and yes it hurts and I feel unneeded. We have discussed it several times, that his masturbation makes me feel totally useless in the sex department. That makes him feel bad. Nothing is resolved. Really tired of this, and no matter what the people on here say, it's NOT NORMAL TO PREFER YOUR HAND over a person you are in love with.

This is terribly coincidental. I really hope you aren't my GF because this is like the exact reason I started nofap on Saturday.

This is precisely one of the reasons I've decided to avoid PMO altogether. Generally, male masturbation with your hand feels NOTHING like actual intercourse. I think I grew so accustomed to being able to please myself with my hand that I was unable to gain the same type of pleasure from real sex. I'll opt for real sex, TYVM.

Hey Guys and Girl. Trust me. No Fap Works! It saved my sex life! I had the same problem she is describing. I did No Fap No Porn for 42 days and OMG sex was incredible and I couldnt last more than a minute or two, unlike before when I could not orgasm at all through regular sex.

I will post my updated experience with No Fap shortly and I hope all of you get to read it!

I've been in your boyfriends shoes as recently as two months ago. Could be banging away for 20 minutes but I could never cum. It took a couple of months of no fap and no porn and it finally happened for me "hands free".

I think its like any other addiction, he has to really want to change, stick to the program and in time he wont want a death grip.

Have you guys got a long sexual history together and this is just a recent thing or has it always been that way for him? It was always that way for me before I met my girlfriend so he may get over it sooner than you think, if he really wants to.

husband here. almost destroyed my marriage with PMO. i wish for every woman in the world to understand the following. YOU DESERVE BETTER! what i mean by that is you deserve to not be cheated on. i don't understand how anyone can think that watching other people participating in sexual acts is not some form of infidelity. when i watched porn, i was (unintentionally) telling my wife, 'you aren't enough for me.' no real woman can compete with the endless variety and availability of porn. and you shouldn't have to. if you are in a committed relationship you have the right to expect to be the only sexual desire of your partner. once i finally understood how my porn and masturbation addiction affected my wife i realized i needed to change. i will never forget the look of revulsion and betrayal on her face when she caught me. i can honestly say i feel terrible when i hear or read a woman who accepts her SO's porn addiction as something 'normal' and if they don't like it they just need to 'get over it.' the only thing watching porn does is teach men to sexually objectify women and skew our perception of what a healthy sexual relationship is. it ultimately robs us of the ability to have a healthy sexual relationship. your partner watching porn is not ok. and you have the right to feel that it is not ok. again, YOU DESERVE BETTER! you deserve a partner how wants you and only you. who wants you as a complete person not a pair of breasts and a vagina.

Preferring masturbation to sex is a by product of porn IMO. Too much masturbation/too distorted a view of what sex is or should be and no connection with the act. That is certainly where I was before I stopped. It got to the point where I would pick a fight to avoid sex with my ex-wife. It is really sad now, a year after our divorce, to read what this does to a woman.