What does the post-porn emotional rebound look like?
Regular users who give up porn often report unexpected changes, such as improved sexual performance and satisfaction, increased confidence and desire to socialize, better concentration, more satisfying romantic relationships and so forth. Yet they also frequently remark on another change: They feel more emotion. This is often both welcome and unnerving at first. Here are some self-reports from guys experimenting with giving up porn:
Guy: “I never even thought about things like grief until I started this experiment. These emotions and feelings surfacing from stopping porn have shown me that I am a much more coherent and emotional person than I thought. It has been crucial to come across these feelings.”
The change can be both disconcerting and challenging:
Another guy: “From unexplainable happiness to crippling sorrow, I now experience emotions like never before. Masturbation to porn had numbed these extremes, leaving me dull and complacent.”
Another guy: “What most people don’t seem to be acknowledging, is that you will encounter emotions you haven’t felt for years, maybe never. Girls that didn’t matter to you before will all of a sudden be the centerpiece to your f—-king life. That test you failed? You don’t blow it off; you worry about your grade; you worry about the final coming up in two weeks. And this is good; hell it’s great.
This is the suffering that you learn from, that grows you as a person. But it will hurt. At points you’ll feel sad, confused maybe even depressed. But don’t fall into that trap. Emotions pass, memories fade, and you will come out stronger for it. Remember, you have years of emotional growth and maturity to come into. It might not be easy, you may not feel comfortable, but it is worth it.”
This change doesn’t happen overnight, as this guy discovered:
“I used to be a very emotional and loving person before I started porn. For 3 years, until last month, I had been beating my meat to porn for 2 to 3 hours on average. It has made me insensitive to love and emotions. I feel like a zombie with no emotions! I have gone for maximum of 20 days without masturbation to porn. Now, quite a few girls are approaching me. But my biggest worry is that I can’t feel love (butterflies in the stomach) for them. Hence, I myself have to back off, as I feel that I wouldn’t be able to give them love. When will I start feeling love again? Please someone help me on this!!! I still can’t feel anything.”
What’s going on?
One guy explained:
“Porn, at its core, is much like any other addictive substance or behavior. It DOES numb your pain, but therein lies the problem. You see, you can’t selectively numb an emotion or feeling without numbing every other emotion and feeling. So even though these things dull the sting of vulnerability, loneliness, sadness, disappointment and fear, they also dull the positive range of emotions like happiness, hope, joy and love.”
Precisely how does it numb your emotions? Our brains evolved to strive for homeostasis. If we’re bombarded with intense stimulation they adjust. For example, they mute neural signals by changing nerve cell receptor levels for key neurotransmitters. Chronic overstimulation can thus lead to numbness, or a blunted response to stimuli, including stimuli that once registered as rewarding.
By the same token, removing the overstimulation feels rotten at first (because daily life seems even more dull and meaningless), but gradually the numbness reverses itself. Colors return and enthusiasm increases.
Doug Lisle explains this brilliantly in his TEDx talk: The Pleasure Trap. He gives examples of how overeaters can reverse food cravings with periods of fasting or juice-only. The same principle of increasing sensitivity by avoiding overstimulation applies to all natural rewards, including masturbation to Internet porn. (Giving up masturbation to porn to experience this improvement is often called “rebooting.”)
An excellent website, which thoroughly explains the principles and techniques behind “changing your set point” in order to feel more balance and satisfaction, is Todd Becker’s www.gettingstronger.org. Listen to a radio interview with Todd.
Depression research also sheds light on this phenomenon of numbed emotions caused by overconsumption of stimulation, and we’ll look at this in more depth in a future post. For now, we’ll just point out that research reveals that dopamine supplies the motivation to respond to all salient stimuli, so when it’s low, less negative and positive emotional reactions are to be expected—because nothing feels worth bothering about.
Research sometimes misses the mark
Researchers have already turned up evidence of “desensitization” (numbed activation of the brain’s reward circuitry) in porn users/sex addicts: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, as well as in internet addicts, food addicts and gambling addicts. In fact, all behavioral addictions share the same fundamental brain changes, of which desensitization is only one.
However, ignoring those findings entirely, SPAN Lab, headed by a Kinsey grad (former UCLA sexologist Nicole Prause), tested problematic porn users via self-reports of emotional responses to both a 3-minute sexual film and another film. Unsurprisingly, subjects without problems controlling porn use reported a wider range of simultaneous emotions than those with difficulty controlling porn use. Curiously, the researchers offered no explanation for the difference. Instead they argued that porn addicts should have shown a wider “co-activation” of emotions (without much theoretical basis for this hypothesis), and implied their decreased emotional range was proof that porn users were not addicts. (Huh?)
The reality is that numbed brains have less reaction to stimuli—unless, of course, those stimuli are precise cues for the viewer’s particular addiction (known by addiction neuroscientists as sensitization). And the reality is now showing up in numerous studies: Studies linking porn use or porn/sex addiction to sexual dysfunctions, lower brain activation to sexual stimuli, and lower sexual satisfaction
- Update. Multiple studies link porn use to poorer cognitive outcomes: Studies linking porn use to poorer mental-emotional health & poorer cognitive outcomes.
What does it mean to be human? To be male?
Surely individual humans naturally express many different levels of sensitivity. However, it’s also evident from the word’s great art that human males apparently evolved to have a fairly wide emotional range.
Is our current conception of “normal male emotional health” distorted by the fact that heavy use of Internet porn is the norm among many men? Might today’s guys be showing us something less than their innate range of emotions simply because their brains have “down-regulated” in response to today’s hyper-erotic online smörgåsbords? (Women are reporting the same issues, by the way.)
Another guy: “Suddenly I’m 24, living alone, relatively but not insanely unhappy, not a failure but definitely not a success either. My life was outrageously comfortable—and totally empty. Nothing phased me. When thoughts would start nagging me about writing that novel I had brewing in the back of my mind, about running that marathon I’ve always wanted to run, about all the books I wanted to read, people to meet, in short, life to live—I would fap. “I’ll start tomorrow; for now I’ll fap.” You all know how it goes.
It’s such a short, sweet, and easy way to fill that empty cup inside of you…. felt almost nothing. I lived in a huge, young, exciting city—and didn’t really give a f—k. Occasionally I would feel anxiety or outright fear (when my fapping started contributing to my not getting work done), and occasionally a sort of elation. But I had become a lump. Everything bored me in comparison with fapping. Terrifyingly, sex sometimes was inferior to fapping.”
Here are comments from several recovered guys:
First guy: “Excessive porn viewing and masturbation dampened my ability to feel emotions to their fullest. I had my first good cry in several years after about ten days into one of my early streaks. Since then, I’ve cried many times – while listening to music, reading a story, thinking about people in my life, even beautiful ideas can make me emotional. This wasn’t the case before. For as long as I can remember, I had been melancholy and generally unaffected by the world around me.
Certain things were powerful enough to cut through the haze I lived in, but mostly I floated. I was uncomfortably numb. The reversal of this has been one of the more profound changes I’ve seen since quitting, and has been particularly rewarding. Emotional sensitivity has given rise to increasingly frequent bursts of creativity. Being moved by something you’ve created is truly rewarding, and incredibly reinforcing. I’ve written more music that I’m actually proud of in the last few months than I have in the previous four years.”
Second guy: “Among the many things that have improved in my life since quitting porn has been an unexpected increase in my empathy for others. As a general rule, I care about other people but I nevertheless don’t have much empathy or ability to understand or share what other people are feeling. When something bad happens to someone else, I can logically accept that they might be feeling bad about it but I don’t really feel bad myself. Over the past few months, though, I’ve actually found myself to be much more sensitive about other peoples’ struggles and I’ve actually “felt their pain” in a way that I never really have before. I have found myself grieving with others a little bit, and I’ve even been able to express my concern in ways that I never would have before.”
Third guy: “When I was watching porn, I was a very ineffective member of society. I did not give 2 hoots about the following: Work, Family, Debt, Women’s feelings, The prospect of child-rearing (it just seemed ridiculous to me – why would anyone have kids?). The dangers of addictive drugs, Voting & politics, My local community, Patriotism. I mean, I would be able to write long Reddit posts on why something was right or wrong, and philosophize endlessly. But when it came to action, I was a dead agent.
If any reasonable proportion of guys are anything like I was, then we, as a civilization, are in pretty big trouble. There is a historical myth that the Roman Empire fell due to the subtle effects of lead poisoning – a side effect of their impressive new lead plumbing technology. Whether this is true or not is not relevant to the point. What is relevant is the analogy to today’s computer monitors, which have plumbed their way into every home and every bedroom, pumping the Internet into brains.”
Fourth guy: “Rebooting (quitting porn) brings us into better ‘alignment’ in more ways than just being able to sport an impressive boner. It reconnects humanity at a deeper level, and I’ll even go so far as to say that as the whole rebooting thing gathers momentum, there’s going to be quite a shift in global consciousness happening because of it.”
In short, if individuals are inadvertently blunting their emotions simply by overstimulating their brains, wouldn’t it be good for this to be common knowledge? It would permit more informed choices, and perhaps encourage some timely experimentation. One might choose to, say, give up Internet porn for a few months just to see how life looks at a different neural “set point.” See “Prepare for more vibrant emotions.”
The results of such an experiment surprised this guy:
“What I felt before and after quitting:
- Life is dull, nowhere to go and life’s a waste.
- Porn is my world, girls are just sex toys.
- There nothing called Love; there’s one universal truth i.e., LUST.
- All relations and bondings are false.
- Everyone faps so what’s the problem if I do too?!
- Porn is SEX EDUCATION (LOL this was actually told to me when I saw my first porn clip).
After:
- Life is not only colorful but those colours are brighter than an HD screen; all directions are yours, just take a step; life was actually wasted when fapping 😛
- Porn is a world for those who never want to be part of “real” world and girls are those beautiful creatures who can brighten your world.
- There’s only one universal truth…LOVE, LOVE AND JUST LOVE.
- Relations and bondings separate humans from most animals.
- LOL again, if porn is really sex education I should have earned a doctorate by now.
Trust me guys, these 90 days had many ups and downs, but I never, ever thought there could be such amazing and wonderful days in my life.”
Given the ubiquity of heavy Internet porn use, the untapped potential for more satisfying intimate relationships and fuller lives could be enormous. See what you think as you read through these last self-reports:
Anyone else feel like the first few days on NoFap is like an emotional detox?
I’m on day five (no O), and day three if you count no PMO. While I don’t feel like fapping at the moment, old emotions have surfaced. I’m dealing with my emotions of loneliness and fear, and it’s tormenting, but I have to deal with them. Fapping repressed emotional memories, now I need to deal with them once and for all, but it hurts. Right now there’s an emotional batte in my mind; the old me keeps saying it misses this and that chick, it needs a relationship, but the spartan in me knows that it’s simply not true.
Anyone else have something like this going on?
Another guy: “[Day 36] I definitely feel emotions I have not felt in ages. It was like porn had sucked a lot of passion out of my life. I started feeling fresh feelings again. My erections got a lot harder…. I feel a lot more natural when talking to people, and I have fewer mood swings. I appreciate girls a lot more, and I feel a need to talk to them for more than just sex. The thing that made me change was that watching porn can hinder me from getting laid in real life. It can make me antisocial. It rewards antisocial behavior.”
Since i was 11/12, sometimes i really wanted to cry and i was just unable to. I used PMO and videogames excessively to dull myself.
The only thing that shattered me enough to make me cry my ass off was my grandma’s death, when i was 18. Before that, i never cried in my entire life.
Now that i quit pmo everything is coming to the surface, and i’m super emotional. Last night i read a post about old dogs dying and i cried for 45 minutes thinking about my old pals.
Is it bad? Yes, it feels like shit. But it’s much better to feel like everything’s crumbling apart than not feel anything.
Another guy: “[Age 17] I started masturbating when I was 13 years old and never looked back. I would say I fapped at least once a day over the past 4 years. It has robbed me of feeling love, patience, happiness, and a whole slew of emotions. I can now talk to girls with ease and I’m obsessed with females in general. It is finally making sense how the whole relationship thing works, being that I never before had a desire to have a SO.”
Another guy: “When you fap for a long time, you don’t quite feel empathetic about anything really, or let me say it this way: There is only this black/white scheme of emotions. You are just normal or really sad. At least this was the case for me. Also, I numbed down on emotions in general. It really hit me like a ton of bricks when all these feelings came back into my life! Quick example: Sometimes I would just stand there in the middle of the walkway and would look upwards in the sky and smile like a madman, and on other occasions I just sat in my room and cried like a bitch because I heard a sad song.”
Another guy: “I’m more emotional: Before, whenever I used porn I would be emotionally numb. I’ve never felt more emotional than in this week. I felt anger, pain, love, relief, happiness. I cried a lot and I smiled a lot. I felt how a human being is supposed to feel.”
Another guy: “(Day 90) I’m 45, with a 15-year PMO habit … Among the main reasons for my separation were persistent ED on my part, extreme difficulty in having and expressing feelings, and self-esteem and confidence issues. Around day 35 I had a sexual reunion with my ex, just the one night, and was able to verify that my ED problem was a lot better, and that I was much more emotional than before during sex.
All my emotional states [have become] more fluid, and I [feel] a direct benefit in communicating with people because I get in touch with my feelings and put them into words so easily. Of course, the only reason it worked in the first place was that [quitting] moved me out of the state of emotional numbness in which I’d been years. At day 75, I met a woman at a friend’s birthday party – she was very attractive, and also a recent divorcee. I didn’t feel exceptionally confident, but neither did I suffer from any lack of self-esteem as before. I just felt good to be in my skin. I also felt capable of talking about my feelings, both in relation to my situation and in relation to her.”
Another guy: “[Day 18] After spending the last 12 years in an almost constant state of energy deprivation and anxiety, I am feeling more manly than most men I know. Energy levels are good, and I feel very full of life, and feel more solid like any real man should be. I am emotional, yet I am not a victim of my emotions. I am more of a solid thing to depend on.”
Another guy: “At the height of my porn use I was looking at other f——ed up sh-t on websites to do with fights, gore, death..basically all things f——ed up. I was watching 20 videos a day, wouldn’t even flinch if I saw a video of someone breaking a leg etc. I was basically desensitized. Since I stopped porn use and these videos, I saw an image of a basketball player with a broken leg and started feeling light headed and sick. It’s almost as if my brain is starting to get normal responses again. Looking back, my head must have been really f——ed up. Can anyone else relate to this in anyway?”
Second guy: “Yeah, I know what you mean. When I have been watching porn for a while, nothing seems too gross or too graphic for me. After a few weeks without porn, I just cannot look at [transgender] porn without having a stomachache. But after a few weeks under porn I can even eat while watching that, or other weird things that I shall not name.”
Third guy: “It’s funny you say that. When I was an avid porn user I used to watch horror films without flinching or thinking this and that was sick. But come to think of it, now I cringe in some parts…really weird.”
Another guy: “Another thing I noticed was a small emotional “freeing”. Being able to feel that throat and chest sensation when around a woman (even though it’s not as strong as I remember) put some of my emotions in line. I very much regret, and mourn, a past romance, and I had been confused for years as to why I wasn’t able to “feel” it right.”
Another guy: “[Day 63] I think that frequent porn use leads to losing contact with ones’ feelings. I feel certain about this as I have experienced it myself. I mean, it f–ks up your feelings and kills rapid emotional exchange with others. Now I connect with my feelings. This change is gradual and getting better every week. Is really like feeling alive again :).”
That may sound weird, but hear me out. Ever since I got addicted to pornography, it’s suppressed my feelings. Everything have just felt kinda flat or sterile. I have had a really hard time feeling true joy, or actually being sad about something. I think porn is part of the reason for this. Recently I’ve started to get less attached to porn, and I don’t have the same need for it as before. And since that’s begun, I have started crying when watching sad movies. And keep in mind, I have never cried while watching a movie before. It’s kinda weird, but I’m happy because I can get sad!
Being able to feel emotions again is a great gift of being pornfree.
I feel this. It’s a weird thing. My dog got diagnosed with lymphoma about 2 months ago and for a while, while I was upset, I never really cried about it. and ever since I quit recently, I have been crying about it. It’s weird, I’m more emotional now. Just looking at him lying down makes me fucking weep.
sstsebiggestfan [this user deleted their account in June 2021]
I remember when this first happened to me, it easiest to notice when watching sad movies. I cry so much during sad movies that it’s kind of embarrassing.
The emotions come so much stronger and more real once those placating dopamine hits are out of your body.
Glad things are coming back for you my man. I’ve moderated myself and deleted my previous comment.. Hopefully you took no notice of it… I’m porn free and my emotions seem to be ALL over the place! I need to regain control, so, I’m guessing I’m just being resentful over other people’s victories! Well done to you!
I can feel exactly what you are talking about, i felt emotionless when i was deep in porn. Btw what day you at?
Another guy: “I was already an emotional dude when I was using porn, but somehow I’ve become very emotional now. Like, when I see kids happy, I get all warm inside. Also, I tend to feel people’s emotions a lot more.”
Porn made me accept things in my life I never should have
By numbing the alarm-system of my mind (emotional pain) with pornography, I took away my chance to find out what these feelings were trying to tell me: to get the hell out and DO something different than I was doing right then.
But since I kept numbing myself with porn, I didn’t get out and stayed in a situation that was hellish and full of despair for years on end. That period of my life really fucked up my mental health and relationship with myself. It almost ruined my chance for a fulfilled life.
Only now that I am freeing myself of the devastating self-sabotage that indulging in porn is, am I beginning to see the damage this habit has already done. And everyday I notice in greater depth how much of my life is still ahead of me and I am really excited about that. And I am not going to waste any of that precious time with porn!
DON’t NUMB YOUR FEELINGS WITH PORN, please <3 You deserve FAR better than that!
Another guy: “[Day 36] Emotions returning to life. This can be painful and sometimes they are out of proportion, but I feel alive. Someone wrote success is partly about living with discomfort. I’m beginning understand that. The alternative is to deaden an emotion (or never to realise you even have an emotion) with a five-hour wankfest. I feel better about myself and my life. My mum said yesterday that she thought I seemed happier than I had in a long time. Enjoy feeling horny and, if the situation allows, enjoy flirting in a relaxed, inventive way. People like that and respond. Even walking down the street is an erotic adventure at the moment.”
Today I was writing an assignment(more of an essay) for a friend of mine who needed some help. And while I was writing I felt words come from the depths of my mind that I didn’t know existed. It felt amazing that while I was writing a mere essay I put emotion onto it and it turned into this art-piece that I was actually satisfied with, all within the span of one hour.
I couldn’t do that before ’cause that time I struggled to think about the faintest of things, now my imagination and my dreams are more vivid and feel much more lively. All thanks to NoFap my life has changed. You could say it was a mere meager amount and that I’m greatly exaggerating it. But this small difference makes it worth so much more. I prefer a healthier lifestyle now. I go for a jog, do small amounts of exercise instead of lying lazily on the bed.
Another guy: “I’m more in tune with my emotions. I don’t have to hide my sensitive side anymore. I can open up about my problems and let people in. Vulnerability was a big issue for me, especially with everything I was hiding. Now that I’ve put it out in the open, I have no problem talking to friends or those close to me about what is on my mind or what I’m going through. I also recognize what emotional state I’m in, and realize that it is something that can be controlled. Pissed off at the guy that cut you off? Take a deep breath and appreciate the good in your life.
I am a lot more open about showing emotion as well. Really happy? Let it out. Laugh like there’s no tomorrow; make everyone else feel good. I used to get really happy about something and feel like I had to hide it. I felt vulnerable if I was genuinely happy. Why? I have no idea. Being happy with others is one of the best feelings you can have. Where I used to reject affection, I now crave it. I don’t want to push people away anymore. I want to bring them closer.”
So being used to being a numb zombie due to pmo, feeling emotions again is a bit overwhelming to say the least. Was at my grandmas this weekend to celebrate her 75th birthday and it was really fun, we invited her out to a restaurant by a small lake that was calm and peaceful and very nice. Thought about it today and felt very happy.
Then i listened to a podcast on the train on my way back home and almost teared up because i got soo deep into the story.
Then i gave a lady directions and she thanked me and I felt happy again.
Emotions are weird but i guess its good to feel them again
Another guy: “I find that my emotions can be easily aroused by sentimental things I see in life or in films. I’m more in touch with emotions.”
Another guy: “I could never understand why people used to talk about bad emotions, because I so rarely seemed to get them. But the truth is that I was getting NO emotions, because at the hint of an emotion, especially a negative one, I’d cheat the system by PMOing it away [masturbating to Internet porn]. No more though. It’s time to face, time to embrace the challenges. It’s really scary, and I’m only now beginning to acknowledge to myself that life isn’t all good emotions.”
Another guy: “[Day 104] For some reason, I have been much more in touch with my emotions than I had before, and I have been feeling things for the first time in such a long time.”
Another guy: “Reasons to quit: Start feeling these intense emotions all the time, instead of being numbed to the beautiful world around you. No more The Walking Dead.”
Another guy: “280 days – My sense of attraction to real women skyrocketed. I felt more in touch with my emotions and my emotions themselves felt richer.”
Another guy: “30-day report – You will feel things: I was using porn as a coping mechanism for all the stuff and feelings I did not want to deal with. Mostly stress, anxiety and feelings of inadequacy. Once you take porn out of the equation you will feel things that you were hiding from. In my case it was, and still is, a bit painful and uncomfortable. BUT THAT IS OK. You will grow strong because of it. I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY feel stronger and I am proud of myself for facing my fears (the battle is far from over).”
Another guy: “When I was on porn I never had a warm feeling in my stomach around girls. Now, I even got a semi-hard erection when I observed a cute girl dancing. I feel this hunger to go out and really get in touch with the girls, because I start to feel love and sexual tension for them again. Can’t wait to have a girlfriend again to live out love and passion.”
OK, I have a 69th day story for you. Maybe it’s not your thing, I think I may be a bit older than you!
Before starting NoFap my emotions were turned off. I felt everything, but it was all faint and easy to handle. At 30 days I felt the emotions really strong, sometimes they were overpowering but I learnt to handle them. I thought that was all there was to it.
Today I was hit with the feeling of love for my family that was so strong I thought it would tear me in two. It was so strong, but it was a good feeling.
I’ve been addicted to PMO since forever, I never knew emotions were that way. My guess is they can get stronger still. This is no superpower, this is normal human emotion, but I’ve never felt it. Who knows what such emotions could do to a man/woman’s determination and motivation. Only one way to find out.
Does NoFap bring out more emotion?
I feel like I’m much more emotional as a person while doing NoFap, and care about things that I would’ve not cared about without NoFap. Is this normal?
zizuke_
Yes.
Yep when you go on nofap your dopamine receptors repair causing you to feel things more easily and being sensitive to feelings in general whether it’s sadness or happiness. It’s the same as cleaning brain fog
yes i also noticed this. Like you have more empathy.
Me personally I would say, I do care about people more when I’m on nofap, but at the same I have the “don’t give a fuck” attitude. Like perfect example, i just ended my relationship with my ex,m which was last week, and I felt no sadness or guilt. Till now, I still don’t give a damn, where as if I was fapping away daily I would be crying like a sorry ass dude and be contemplating suicide.
You might think I’m making shit up, overexaggerating or whatever. I don’t care.
I decided to take a walk in the city center (which usually doesn’t happen, unless I am meeting someone) just so I could do something else than sitting alone at home.
As soon as I went outside I saw two girls from the neighbourhood. One of them started gazing at me so I did the same. As we passed each other she continued staring at my eyes and instinctively my head (not me, my head) turned so we could hold the eye contact for a second longer.
Ok, nothing out of the ordinary so far. Here is where the weird stuff begins. I felt a slight tingling sensation on my fingertips as I was walking down the streets. Like electric impulses. It has happened once or twice before but not for a long time. I was holding eye contact with girls and women with ease but I already knew I can do that. The more I walked, the more relaxed I felt.
As I entered the main street (we have a big one here that is just for pedestrians, filled with cafes and whatnot) it hit me. I could see everything. My eyesight became the clearest it’s ever been, my peripheral vision increased. All of my senses were razor sharp – the amount of sensory information was overwhelming. I’m not used to this because I live in my head a lot and am absentminded. Usually I don’t pay a lot of attention to the details when I’m outside but this time I let it all flow. It was surreal.
Usually when I walk on this street I go on one of the sides because there are so many people, you always almost bump into each other. No, not this time. I walked right in the fucking center. I felt amazingly confident and relaxed. Just let my feet do their job and admire the surroundings. It’s like there was this giant aura of energy around me and people noticed. I was getting looks from girls…and guys too. They would actually make way for me most of the time when it’s usually the opposite. Besides, I think for the first time in my life I actually felt people. I felt their mood, energy, vibe. Holy shit.
Stress gone. Autopilot.
Now I’m back home and still feel high. Except when I smoke pot I tend to become paranoid and anxious. Time is warped and you jump in between moments. Now everything is transitioning smoothly, like a nice cruise in the ocean.
I’ve been out a lot in past couple of weeks but this is the first time anything like this has happened. And it is just so out of the blue. Now, some people on NoFap may never experience this, for some it may be completely normal.
However, I’m completely serious when I say This. Shit. Is. Real.
http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/2d2yxw/had_nothing_to_do_went_out…
Another guy: How nofap is making me an extrovert
My theory goes like this: ever since I started nofap I had increased my sensitivity to emotions. More importantly I’m expressing and sharing emotions with my parents and friends. I think same thing happens when I am around people that I like (friends of friends or just strangers). I attune to how I feel and because my emotions are stronger now I am able to express them without fear of judgement.
Example: I keep longer eye contact and smile at women because I like them. Before I would quickly look away think “shit, did she see me notice her?” Now my thoughts go, “I want her to see and know that I noticed her because I find her attractive”.
Another example is being out on a town. In a bar or walking around town, seeing women, I would say “hello” or complement them.
In both examples, my emotions fill up and reach a tipping point when I just have to express them. I don’t seek approval or hope that I can pick them up. I just want them to know how I feel. I do it for myself, because it feels liberating to express myself and not keep my feelings inside.
tl;dr extrovert = nofap because of: increased emotional state + drive to express my emotions
“You seem happy.” “Why did we ever break up.”
So I had an amazing weekend, and I thank NoFap for it.. I’m so much happier, and outgoing than I have been in the past couple of years, and I’m only 18 days in.
Friday night I went home from school, and went out to a bar with some friends. I ended up needing a ride from my neighbor who was with my ex from about two years ago (both girls). So they picked me up and when we got back we just walked around the neighborhood from like 2-4 am and it was just super fun. I’ve been feeling so much more comfortable around ppl lately.
The next day my ex and I had been texting and she was just super flirty the night before, and through text. She even texted, “Why did we ever break up.” Which I really think is due to my new found confidence. Also that day I just hung out and talked with my mom for hours, which I’m glad I can really be open with her. I was always the kid who sat in his room, and rarely hung with my family (although I wanted to). I was just always too awkward due to brain fog… She told me, “You seem happy.” and I said that I was.
I really was though. Not just on a fake dopamine high. But I have truely been happy the last couple of days, I’m guessing from actually confronting my loneliness and depression. That day when I got out of the shower I was just thinking and teared up from what my mom had said. This is the first time that I’ve ever teared up from being happy. Just a flood of emotions and it was awesome.
Also that day, yesterday, I went out with a girl that I’ve been texting with a lot. We went out to eat, and when I dropped her off we hugged and ended up kissing. This is the first time I’ve kissed a girl in almost a year. I’ve been so afraid to get close to someone because of my ED problem due to porn, but, although it’s not better yet, I can tell it’s getting better.
I don’t plan on relapsing. None-the-less I had the confidence to try. She’s coming to visit me at school next weekend, and even if I do get ED, I think I’ll have the confidence to actually tell her what the problem is, instead of coming up with a dumb excuse like in the past.. Anyways, thanks for listening.
I hope my story of this weekend can motivate some of you to keep going, as I hope to for, hopefully, ever! lol This community, and everyone in it is amazing. Keep it up!
Day 9 observation: Apparently I have emotions…
During a fairy lengthy streak of fapping every day, I realized that nothing ever seemed to please me or make me happy.
However 9 days into nofap, I realized that fapping is an emotionally numbing experience. Things that usually bring joy are silenced or killed.
My confidence has increased dramatically, hanging out with my friends is far more fun than it used to be, food tastes better, women are more beautiful than they’ve ever been, and music even sounds better to my ears.
But most of all, I can feel again. The feeling of joy is enhanced, and I laugh harder. Everything triggers more of an emotional response than it used to.
In short, I am now starting to feel like the man I should be. Rather than an empty, emotionless shell that was created by consistent pmo.
I can relate to this super hard. My laugh actually changed after the first week, it’s alot louder. I’ve cried two times too, which makes you feel awesome and confident after. The feelings need some outlet.
Perfectly matches how I feel right now. I’m glad we’re both able to experience the enlightenment.
Agreed. I feel fapping has become dull also.
Some strange nofap-experiences
Since I started with nofap, one of the things I have noticed is that my dreams are back. Just normal dreams, nothing more or less..
To be honest, when I was fapping around like crazy during the last 10 years, I honestly haven’t had one single dream, or only a few. In the last few weeks I’ve had several dreams which I can still remember.
Another strange thing is that I haven’t felt sick during my 10 years of intense fapping and porn watching. It might sound completely impossible to you, but it’s the truth (and yes I went out of the house like everyone else each day). Furthermore, I haven’t felt butterflies in my stomach since starting with intense fapping (never fell in love with a girl). The latter is just a consequence of desensitization, not caring about real girls anymore…
Does anyone else have the same kind of ‘strange’ experiences?
i know what you mean. since i’ve started i’ve noticed butterflies in my stomach from being kind of nervous. but not the anxious, i cant wait to get this over with nervous, the excited cant wait butterfly nervous. its weird how alive it can make you feel
I just danced for the first time in 10 years…Wow! PMO really did make me a zombie.
I was playing some music while studying for my professional exams and just felt the urge to get up and dance so I did and it felt so good. While dancing I realized that the last time I felt this way while dancing was about 10 years ago before I bought my personal computer, moved away to college and discovered PMO.
I plan to tell my full story on day 90 but for now just know that every member of this community whether you have 1000 days or 1 day is contributing to helping me reclaim my life. I have absolute respect for you all. I’m so glad I found NoFap. Thanks.
I almost forgot, how it feels to be in love
It’s great feeling. I didn’t feel it for years. Thanks to Nofap. Made me look at my life without purple glasses and made me change some things.
This is the second time this week I’ve cried listening to music
Gentlemen, it does get better. Strive for connection whether it’s to music, a book, a film, or another person. You have to live this new life, abandon the old, embrace the change.
I didn’t know what Love was until I got clean.
Before I removed masturbation and porn from my life, I didn’t have a clue what love was. I had never felt the emotion, never understood it’s power, never cared about what it all meant. Porn taught me that love was synonymous with sex. But no. After 1 year of struggling, some success and some failures, I know that love and porn have nothing in common. Porn is the prime example of selfish brutality. It will kill your soul and recreate you in its own image. Choose love, choose life.
I am on day 45 now and for most part of my life I have not been able to laugh in front of anyone, not even family. Even when something really funny happened I just couldn’t get a laugh out, just an uncontrollable smile.
For the past month I have literally been able to laugh at nothing at any time, it’s almost insane. I just laugh for no reason when i want and it feels great. Been stuck in a flatline for at least 2 weeks now but that hasn’t stopped it.
I have started to laugh in front of people now, a quiet laugh but I am at least opening my mouth.
one of the biggest perks nobody talks about..
Is getting back in touch with your emotions. I remember back when I used to watch porn I was almost incapable of crying. I even prided myself on holding in those feelings during a sad movie or something. Now I can actually FEEL again. There’s this weird thing where guys think it’s bad to cry. Nah man it feels good. Past couple movies I’ve seen I’ve become teary eyed or cried. That’s raw emotion that porn is stealing from you by desensitizing you. Getting off on pixels of women you don’t know is pathetic; I’ll take the real deal. Quit while you can. It’s good for you and women will appreciate it.
In the past I’d have just felt nothing, but last night and this morning I felt so sad and lonely, but I know, somehow, that’s a good sign. I had been seeing a girl, told her about my porn problems, she said it was fine but then disappeared very quickly. I saw her in a club last night, went up to her and said hi, she said a few things then said she’d come right back but never did.
It hurts, but pain is better than numbness, most of the time anyway. I can feel the hormones flowing through my stomach more now, sometimes there’s feelings of joy, sometimes its strangled with pain, but that’s good.
I am crying because I am living my life again.
Now at this very moment I feel so much. I am very sad now and feel the disappointment of the past. Music is hitting my feelings like my body got hit by a truck. FINALLY, I can feel again! The happiness is lurking underneath my sadness. Will plow through it till I reach it with all my mental strength. I believe it!
I was never in doubt about the seriousness of my problem but this incident at my parents house just confirmed it. I absolutely lost my mind and didn’t know what was happening to me. It was extreme anxiety and i thought i was having a fit or a heart attack or something. My parents already knew i was in withdrawal and if i was you i would write to yours or tell your family somehow. My mum was aware i was in withdrawal and this helped. Otherwise she would have freaked out even more. It came totally out of the blue by the way. I’ve read that other guys have had similar experiences or gone into a rage/ cried for hours. It’s likely years of suppressed emotions all coming out and being totally overwhelming….
60 Day Report – This is Really Helpful!
The last sixty days have included moments of wonderful joy, a lot of tears, a lot of running, cold showers, depression and talkative-ness.
First off – nofap has been only one of several changes I’ve made. I also quit TV, Facebook and video games, and started eating better. I drink less.
I seriously think I was using fapping, porn, video games, etc. to keep my mood stable – to avoid feeling. Since I’ve been off these things I feel like I’ve opened up and all my emotions are coming out. A good song can break my heart now.
With this opening has come a lot of energy – I don’t know if it is nervous energy or what, but I just want to MOVE. That has made more exercise easy, and exercise makes me happy as hell. A return to the meditation I was trained in allowed me to not get lost in some of the darker whirlpools of depression, etc.
Key point: I DIDN’T KNOW how unhappy I was with how I was living, or how many coping mechanisms I was using to avoid my OWN LIFE. I didn’t know what I was holding back until I let the dam down.
When I saw pics of my ex with a new man recently I cried a bunch of times – it hit me much harder than it would have in early January. But that’s OK. Life breaks our hearts. I didn’t cover up my feelings, and I kept up my healthy habits like exercise and socializing going. Life moves. Emotions come and go. Sometimes being heartbroken is the only truthful move to make, and in a way it feels good too.
Thirty more days. Let’s see what shakes out.
The pain of the loss of my brother, I never realized how much it hurt me. I truly feel my porn addiction numbed me toward it. For the first time I cried over him, and it’s such a beautiful feeling.
Last night,I was listening to 90s song and suddenly I remembered my childhood when I was Kid…I also listen to Disney Soundtrack..and when I enjoyed the song and suddenly without I noticed theres tears In my eyes.I miss my childhood so much…My childhood is my time that Free from PMO…I never felt like this before..Man if I could go back for the weekend or just for a day…I Really Love to
When I was watching porn frequently I found that, emotionally, I was dead inside. Nothing affected me whether it was a snide comment or an insult, this even earnt me the nickname of emotionless. Strangely, even after 10 days I seem more emotional as things are starting to get to me now unlike they did before. It is probably one of the strangest feelings but a sign that quitting porn will improve your life.
I have not cried for anything for at least 3 years (I’m 18) but today I just came across this really sad story on YouTube (guy lost his mom to cancer) and I just started crying like a little child.
What I want to say is that I have my emotions back, after 100 days. Its normal to cry and feel, porn and MO makes you numb, sadness, happiness and love are now so much stronger feelings. I’m totally baffled by what Nofap has brought to me.
Thanks
I’m Starting To Have Crushes Again
When I was using porn and fapping every day, I felt almost nothing for the women around me. Now, after almost a year of barely any porn (watched it 4 or 5 times) and a current streak of about 27 days without porn or fapping, I feel like a preteen again.
I’m crushing hard on two girls that I’m going to college with. Not only do I think they’re attractive, but I ‘like’ them… like I want to spend time with them non-sexually. Might ask one out soon.
Feels good man.
I’m almost fucking 20 years old, crying my fucking eyes out
Just watched boyhood, toy story 3, into the wild, sigh…, I love and hate the feeling at the same time. Fuck, I guess this is what happens when you don’t indulge yourself in sex thoughts eh?
My thoughts about going this far is relevant to experience. One question I have in regards of the brain being plastic and reverting back to it’s original state, one can only assume that other chemicals that are effected by masturbation/orgasm/sex/porn are also reset to a baseline. One of those chemicals I feel are effected by all of this is not just dopamine or serotonin , but oxytocin seems to come to normal as well.. as I find myself bonding with people around me, easily and the idea of LOVE seems to be more present than ever.. or since I was much younger.
What are every-ones thoughts on this?
Porn Gone Suppressed Anger Out?
So with the porn in my life it seemed to keep away issues I suppose I never wanted to deal with, it seems I’m very angry with my parents for not looking after my mental health better when I was a kid. Oh and 52 days!!! I went about 60 days before once. I’m set to break my record I hope! Anyone else find out emotions they’d hid from for years emerged when they’d left porn behind. PS I’m just after having my lunch and I’m still hungry!
I can feel music again. I enjoy conversations with strangers. I’m 1.5 years in.
On my phone so this won’t be long but just wanted to give some hope to those of you struggling with the mental ailments associated with this shit.
This is SO clearly PAWS, or post acute withdrawal syndrome. Absolutely no doubt. The “up and down” nature of the symptoms, the slowwwwww nature of the recovery, and the symptoms themselves. For well over a year and a half, I haven’t been able to find joy in much of anything. Now, I’m beginning to feel music the way I used to, I can enjoy a conversation with a stranger instead of struggling through the social anxiety associated with it. Simply put, as much hell these past couple years have put me through, I am truly improving. There’s no doubt about it. And I echo those who say rewiring is the most important part–my healing clearly increased more once I moved to the same place as my girlfriend, where regular (and usually successful) sex is the norm.
Just keep moving forward.
NoFap made me feel music again and more (long post)
Here’s my story for now. Just joined the reddit, but I’ve been an active member of the NoFap forum site. I came here because I was jumping back and forth and figured I should make an account to have a presence. I’m from the East Coast in the USA and I’m 21. I’m going all the way – hardmode and with a goal of a year. I started at the end of October, when I first discovered NoFap. I had been fapping before that for years.
And btw, this turned into a long post, but its nice to let it out to a different group of people.
Today is my 50th day, and the day that finals are over. I wanted to share with you guys something very special that happened to me recently. My family is very musical, and so am I. I don’t know when it started, but I just stopped feeling music. I could hear it and still enjoy it a little bit, but I just couldn’t feel the music (this is jazz, classical, and soundtrack for reference).
But maybe one or two weeks ago something snapped and it all came back to me. I could actually feel the music! I looked into what had changed, and it had been the PMO. And then it became clear, once I realized that, I realized that I had lost my ability to feel the music when I first started fapping, so any years ago. It dawned on me that it was the reason I had quit the piano and playing in the school orchestra. I still sing, but it feels totally different now. I really want to take piano lessons again. I want to get it all back.
And the improvement doesn’t stop there. I actually want to accomplish other things now too. I’ve thrown myself into my studies hardcore, I’m doing extra stuff on the side for fun – things that I would never have thought of doing because I was fapping all the time. I actually want to do things that I can be proud of, like cooking, reading, writing, security, and building cool things (I’m studying to be an engineer/researcher).
It’s only been 50 days and so I know that I still have much to get back, but getting that back means so much to me. Whenever the urges tell me how nothing will change if I fap, I know its lying to me. It might sound cliche, but I feel more alive ever. I would lose that if I fapped again, I done it to myself so many times before. And now, with finals over, I need to guard myself so I don’t succumb to boredom during the winter break, so the struggle will be harder than ever.
I hope this is inspiring to some people. I guess the takeaway here is… Keep strong everyone! If you keep this up, you can actually be a person again!
Today I watched the series finale of White Collar and actually cried at one point. A TV show has NEVER made me cry before. It felt so… human. I can’t remember the last time I cried, and chances are you haven’t either. PMO turns us into animals. I can still feel the effects of crying as I type this and I can’t even imagine PMOing right now. The next time something makes you cry, observe how it makes you feel and realize how PMO takes it away from you.
I just cried for the first time in a very long time
I’m currently holding a personal nofap record of 3 weeks for the past 10 years of my life (I’m 20 right now). And with my mind less clouded than ever by the effects of masturbation, I’ve had a lot of time for self reflection. And it hurts. Looking back, I feel like my past 10 years could have been SO much better, but instead I wasted them away jerking myself off every day and playing video games. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with games, but it’s clear now that fapping demotivated me to the point of spending ALL my time playing games, without leaving room for my own personal health or improvement.
And knowing that I could have done so much better simply made me start crying. This thought never even crossed my mind back when I fapped, I just assumed it was healthy and that all the kids did it. But even if a sad thought had crossed my mind, it’s much less likely I would have burst into tears. I would have just repressed the thought and tried to move on. But it felt good to cry. I felt alive and refreshed afterwards.
Not only do I physically feel better than ever after starting nofap, but I’m feeling an overpowering emotional recovery as well. From my experience, fapping doesn’t just drain energy from the body- it desensitizes the mind. And it’s that very desensitized mind which infuses porn into our perception of reality that makes friendships, relationships, and self-growth ever so much more challenging to acquire and maintain.
50 days hardmode… I know for the first time in my life how self-love feels like! I could cry!
Don’t know what to say.. I am so overwhelmed. For the first time in my life I feel really confident and self-loved. It’s so powerful and beautiful! Today I am on day 52 and I want to do 180 days! And also my heart is really opening more and more. I can feel emotional pain and joy I have not felt for years. Thank you nofap-community
man i am going through a rollercoaster of emotions. today i cried in front of a girl because the depressions i got were too much (started 2 days ago) and then it hit me: i cant remember when i cried the last time! i had become emotionally numb, now i feel the pain and the life again. its weird, its fuckin hard, but i know its right! thanks for reading!
I don’t know what came over me. Out of a serious depression tears just started flowing. Haven’t cried so hard in years, feels like a human being. Is this normal??
Does any one else cry real easily after you go on nofap?
Cause I do but in a good way. Like I feel human again.
yes. I’ve cried a bit. it a similar feeling to breaking up with a girlfriend.
yes but that’s because of the low dopamine in the system…..after a while u get less emotional and depressed and more happy
adamrockblackandblue
I remember that happening when I had a month long streak going. Like I wasn’t such a robot anymore.
Puked, Felt sick to my stomach after seeing a “Rape” scene on a TV show. NoFap Sensitivity.
Nofap has saved my mind. Back when I used to watch porn three times ( or more ) a day. I could stomach watching some pretty rough content. Forced sex scenes didn’t bothering me at all. But after multiple streaks and now on 20 days right now. I saw a raped scene on a TV show and it wasn’t anymore graphic then the things I saw in porn. In fact it wasn’t even close to what I have seen in porn. But, for some reason It struck me as so disgusting. I turned to my girlfriend like a five year old.
I wouldn’t look at the TV and asked how can people watch this? and felt super sick and went to the bathroom mainly to get out of watching it and bam. I puked lol. My girlfriend was in shock that it disgusted me so much that I puked from it and at the same time found it “Nice that someone could actually feel so strongly against rape and other sexual crimes, that they throw up just from the simple thought of it” But in conclusion to that topic I cant believe some of the things I could watch and im glad I cant now.
Thank you Nofap community 🙂
I can laugh about things again
Holy mother of God, it’s insane that in 1 week I laugh at things again.
Now mind you, I’ve always been a guy who laugh A LOT, LOT LOT, with friends, like every second. But when I’m alone, I never laugh. When I read the funniest comment i am like ‘that is a funny comment, here’s an upvote’ and I move on. Mostly not even a chuckle.
But yesterday something great happened. I saw the Season 3 finale of Mad Men, and there was a reasonably funny scene, but as soon as it came up I laughed for 2 minutes straight. No stopping. My parents even checked up on me.
Then, an hour after, I literally spit out coffee over my keyboard after reading a comment on Reddit, which is the first time in my life that happened.
I’ve never really been able to laugh by myself, all alone, but now I guess I can. For the first time.
[114 days update] Emotions suck. But at least I’m feeling them.
Well that girlfriend and I broke up. Wasn’t necessarily a messy break up, we are both mature enough (I wasn’t 114 days ago) to redevelop and maintain the friendship we once had. But my goodness does it hurt, it hurts so much. Here’s the thing though, 3 or 4 months ago I would’ve just been numb, buried the pain and continued on dealing with issues by fapping it out. But I actually cried the next day, and cried some more. Actually, there was a lot of crying. But man does it feel good to let my emotions out by crying then it does by burying it.
I’m committed now not to just a streak, but to developing more as a human. The situation sucks, but it hasn’t made me think any less about myself which is such a good position for myself to be in.
Porn DOES numb my emotions, including negative and positive.
As I approach the end of this current point in my life, it’s time I talked about how PMOing affects me as I spent a week PMOing at my original rate. Ranging from 2 to 5 times a day.
Put it simply, it does numb my emotions. But rather than just cause anhedonia (lack of pleasure, you can get it during withdrawal/flatline), which isn’t TOTAL anhedonia (my ability to feel genuine pleasure is maybe 10% of what it should be in the current state I am in, PMOing that is), it also numbs negative emotions. Since I started PMOing all last week, my paranoia and stress levels have been quite low.
Yet I hate how I feel (the post-orgasmic hangover feels bad, I am sure most here are familiar with it, it’s not as bad as it used to be though for me) and want it to end. My concentration and motivation of course is low like usual, but that’s to be expected as that’s a common PMO addiction symptom (not withdrawal, happens during PMO just so no one wastes there time posting a reply that misses the point, sorry for my attitude but I do find that annoying).
The relationship between my wife and I has drastically improved. And, I have noticed something significant: I can feel more strongly than I used to. I feel much more love and affection for my wife, kids, and family than I ever have. I think this comes from the sense of freedom I have achieved, and knowing that the porn does not have control over me any more, and it never will again. I am also far more spiritual than before (I was sort of closet agnostic), but I think it is good for me to have faith in a higher power, and indeed my prayers and time in church/worship have been more meaningful than I remember them being in many, many years. I am also much more calm, less angry, and far less sensitive about the small things in life
We’ve all become addicted to fapping. The thing with addiction is, is that it controls how your body uses dopamine. So when you quit Fapping. Your body goes “What the fuck is going on, where is our dopamine rush?”. Until it forces itself to reset to the ‘normal’ way. We’ve used fapping as an escape from reality. Don’t deny it, most of us are probably lonely as fuck. And we fap because that’s the only way we can fill the void that is inside us, feelings of loneliness, disconnection, all of that.
So when you stop fapping, you are going to become way more sensitive, you’re going to be grumpy, annoyed, aggressive, lonely, sad…it makes sense why, it’s because you’ve escaped from these things by fapping, by pretending like you and this pornstar are in love, or imagining like the scene is happening to you IRL. But you have to push through that time, and when your body resets you will feel like a different person, and biologically, you will be.
Stay strong bros.
Very true.
When we quit the first things we feel are the ones we were hiding from the whole time.
Then comes motivation, drive, energy – all there to help us get out of our cave and socialize, meet people, get to know a potential partner and eventually form meaningful friendships and relationships.
Knowing the process sure makes things easier. Thanks for sharing!
I cried more on this NoFap streak than i’ve cried the last 10 years
I just broke down crying yesterday. I used to chalk it up to severe depression, just like everything else. At this point now I would say my chemical imbalances if they exist are more than likely a creation of my own. I’ve always had an addictive personality so when I like something I tend to go overboard with it. It sounds like porn acts much like a drug on your brain with the chemical reactions and desensitizing that occurs. This also puts in perspective for me why I have had struggled with substance abuse issues in the past. I really don’t understand how some people consider this Pseudoscience. They must not have the same issues I’ve experienced.
Same bro last time when I was on 20 days..i cried like hell without reason…I’ve never cried like that on my 1st breakup too
This is one of the most real NoFap posts I’ve seen! Thanks for this
Yes, I agree with this post 101%. After starting nofap I started being much more angry when things needed that explosive energy and much, much more sad when it was sad, to the point I was crying. Rarely happened before. Before nofap I was kind of a indifferent towards everything that was happening to me, in that “whatever” zone, the most unhealthy and dead state of mind you can find yourself in. Keep going strong, lads.
Agree with 90% of what you wrote. I’m alone but not lonely at the moment. I’m focusing on my goals for the next 6 months.
I cried a lot after 7 days of nofap.
Your post resonates through me… I understand even more why I feel sad or aggressive.
Correct !! Now I’m facing with sadness, little anxiety, emotionless ,etc when that time come, i think to porn But i have reason to stop fapping and do nofap so I kept away from porn even just watching some videos ( the way lead me to relapse so bad) Hoping everything will be alright to me and everybody doing nofap soon
Right you are
Well said thanks! NoFap allows a person to push aside his real feelings by numbing them with fap.
Because of PMO, procrastination was at an all time high and every time I learned something new, I felt like there was this mental block, stopping me from truly learning. Being in uni, I thought that maybe I’ve just peaked, this is the smartest I’ll ever get. And now I’m doing resits over the summer.
Learned about nofap, and ever since then my brain has become like a sponge! I feel like I’m 15 again where I was top of the class!
One thing that I realised is that prior to being 18 (22 now) I used to laugh myself til crying at least once a day, I remember that being kind of a goal for me, but then one day I just sorta stopped. I thought that maybe I’ve watched too much funny stuff and I’ve just grown accustomed to comedy. Only recently I’ve realised the effects of PMO.
I came out of an exam yesterday and decided to chill on reddit for a bit and I saw a picture on a sub called minion hate and saw a picture I’ve already seen before. I actually cried from laughing so hard! It’s been such a long time! I had a rush of emotions that I’ve not felt in ages!
I actually feel like my old self again!! I want to thank all of you on this sub for keeping me going! I am going to change my life around!
Is this what genuine human connection feels like?
A little back story, I’ve been PMO since about 11 at least once a day and I’m now 20. I’ve always been apathetic and never had close connection with a lot of people. Had stints of depression and a bit of anxiety which stopped me talking to new people.
So yesterday I went out to lunch with a friend that’s a girl and have been friends with her for about 2 years and felt a connection with her that I have never felt with anyone even her. Before nofap I never felt any strong connection to people even my closest friends but while I was with her I felt happy (which I have been feeling a lot more since nofap), had a genuine laugh and able to maintain eye contact. I actually got butterflies while I was with her which I’ve never had with any girl before.
Is this what I’ve been missing for the past 10 years? I’ve been an emotionless robot. Thank you so much for helping me through this addiction, I know its only been just over a week but I already feel so much more enthusiastic about life and its possibilities than I did before.
I cried for the first time in years.
So I’m on a 70 day streak right now and i cried for the first time in years. Recently i went to Florida with my family and we had an amazing time. While i was there i always listened to a song called dear mama of tupac. That was 2 months ago. And just a few minutes ago i listened to it again and i started to cry. My dad recently had cancer and he could’ve died also during the same time my mom lost her job.
So i had a lot of stress during that time. But i never showed my emotions. But now i feel like that al that Trapped emotion is breaking free. While listening to that song I just thought of my family, my dad, mother and brother and just thought about how much i love them. Just wanted to post this and everyone reading this should now go to their family and tell them you love them. Peace
I cried after 4 years of being emotionless
Throughout my year of attempting NoFap, I’ve become a better person. I have attempted things I wouldn’t have done a few years ago. The one thing that really hit me hard was the actual feeling of love. All these years looking towards women lustfully really numbed my feelings. But I cried today. Not because I was sad, but because I felt love. Although I don’t have a huge streak, I definitely feel the difference between me from a couple of years ago and the me from now. Good luck to everyone!
I discovered that I lived without emotions for years.
Once you are on Nofap your emotions are like punch in the face. There are good and bad emotions and you have to start facing them again. It happened to me this weekend. But its good. I notuced that make girls sleep with you is s9 easy, but its not the goal of Nofap for me. I want to find a real girlfriend.
I’m beginning to feel again!!!!!
So, basically long story short, two months ago, my girlfriend (who I seriously thought I was going to marry one day) broke up with me and my mom just sort of left one day and I haven’t seen or heard from her since. Life’s fun right? But I was torn up from this, I couldn’t help but just breakdown and cry every single day. (I hadn’t PMOd since before summer and these events took place a little after summer).
And so I fell back into my old habits as sort of an escape. I’d PMO and feel like total misery afterwards. But dangerously, I stopped crying so much. I stopped thinking about the people who mattered in my life, and I treated my dad like crap. I think crying is actually a good sign. At least for me, it shows me what I truly care about. And yeah I don’t think we should cry all the time and not do anything. But still this lack of emotion began to scare me.
So I found NoFap this last week and I’ve been doing the challenge 5 days so far. And while I was doing the dishes, I thought of my mother. I couldn’t help it but burst out crying, and I just stood their like a blubbering idiot as the water ran. I guess when you stop the PMO your mind begins to clear up. And this morning when I woke up I saw a picture of my ex on my prayer wall (I keep a wall with pictures of people that I want to pray for) and I saw her as a human being again. I felt joy almost I don’t know why. We didn’t have a bad ending so I kind of felt motivated to call or text her just to see how she’s doing.
It’s so beautiful to be able to cry again
I could not make myself cry for a very long time. Whatever sad movie I saw or experienced something sad, I could not make myself cry. It is such a relief to be able to cry again, it feels so strange to my body.
Have you guys seen a change in how you experience colours? Two days now i have actually enjoyed my work since everything just looks so bright and candy- like. almost like being under Influence. and i haven’t even smoke a cigarette for a while.
I’ve lived in the small house pretty much for twenty years. And in the same room, to, which faces the west. But only recently have I noticed the beautiful sunsets setting over the suburban gables of my subdivision. Deep maroons, fiery oranges, warm yellows, soothing pinks. Every night they fill me with such a sense of wonder and beauty. And they’ve always been there, but I’ve never noticed them, because I was a porn addict.
Rebooting really does make life more beautiful in every way.
Remember even if you are on a streak and seem to be getting no benefits at all, just know that you are restoring your ability to shed real tears. That includes tears of joy, or at least getting misty. Also tears of sadness and grief. Perhaps crying a little over a sentimental song if it triggers something meaningful to you.
On pmo, you will come into situations that you know you should be crying but you cannot feel and cry. You realize you cannot feel and then know that you are somehow less than human, without this basic ability people are supposed to have. It is a miserable realization. The ability to cry is reason alone to continue your streak. Stay strong brothers.
Powerful emotions during first week? Crying for the first time in years.
I’m 8 days in. This time I’ve stayed away from all porn, erotic pictures etc and no edging at all. On all other attempts I’d edge most days, often to porn.
My emotions have exploded. I’ve cried multiple times over the last 3 days for the first time in years. I’ve cried thinking about how much I love my parents and aging grandparents and the reality that one day they won’t be here. I’ve cried talking to my two closest friends about how I’ve been feeling lately.. I cried (subtly) on the phone talking to my dad about grieving and relatives dying.. Shit, the gym was empty today and I got teary eyed thinking about all this.
Have any of you guys experienced anything remotely like this?
I’m big fapper world seen. I stopped fapping and world changed. I’m feeling happy now and I feel in love. I loved she loves me too. Today she kissed
me. I’ve never been like this before – I’m happy now
Just cried for the first time in years. Serious post.
I am currently around day 30 or so of my streak. I was once a heavy addict until I found your brain on porn and this forum.
To the story though, I was just watching the movie Mr. Nobody (fantastic film by the way), and when it got to the part where the child had to choose whether he would stay with his mom or dad after the divorce and when the mom gets on the train after he chooses his dad, only to realize he made a mistake and ran after the train for his mom. WOW. Oh my god I can’t remember feeling these emotions in YEARS.
It’s such an intensely bizarre, wonderfully beautiful, yet sad experience to cry. I was of course thinking while watching this scene of my own relationship to my own parents who I love very dearly and was just overwhelmed with an emotional force which I literally can’t remember ever feeling.
This stuff, freeing ourselves from addiction, whether it be pmo, drugs, gambling, whatever, it’s very powerful stuff. Please read this in times of despair and realize that this story is living evidence that nofap will restore your emotional life again. You’re numbed right now if you’re an addict, to anything! You simply can’t imagine what you’re missing out on, and for what? An hour a day of dirty fun, while sacrificing an entire lifetime of fulfillment and life!
Please make the right choice fapstronauts. My life is changing, and so can yours.
Edit: Being numbed sucks. Crying and sadness and sorrow are all beautiful and painful, simultaneously.
So I watched Toy Story 3 again, just because I love this movie. I remembered getting a bit teary-eyed at the end when I watched it a couple of years ago.
Now, while on NoFap, I cried. I cried for ~2-3 minutes straight.
Feels so good. It feels good to feel.
I’ve been depressed this whole time, just came to this realization which made me want to write this. I drowned the feeling of depression and loneliness with video games, food, porn, and sleep; staying in my room the majority of my days. Throughout the last 8 years I wasn’t aware my parents and sister had feelings, thoughts, insecurities. I saw them as authorative figures, telling me what to do with no questions asked. Now that I see them as human beings, it’s going to hurt a lot more when their gone.
I’m going to think back on the times I was an asshole to them, and how that made them feel. How my silence seemed like an indicator of me being disinterested of their presence, even though I was always happy to be around them. My dad is 71 with Lung Cancer, my mom is 59, my sister is 33, and I’m 21. What does that mean? It means I spent the last 8 years treating my loved ones with disrespect, showing no love, spending unnecessary money, causing avoidable trouble, all while hiding my true self in a shell; never having a genuine bonding moment with any of them.
When they’re gone I won’t be able to share genuine moments with them, moments that I avoided because I was afraid of being vulnerable. What’s the point of life when we can’t share our true selves with the ones we love. When all of our loved ones are gone… I hope we leave behind good memories to cherish.
Fuck porn.
P.S I cried while writing this. This is the second time I cried this month, both times pertaining to this subject. It feels good to get these things off my chest. Guess porn doesn’t have a griphold on all my feelings.
I’ve been watching porn very regularly since I was 13, and I’m 24 now. I decided to quit completely 2 weeks ago.
For the past few years as I got older and became more aware of human interactions, I realized I was almost completely lacking emotions and empathy. Sure I laughed at jokes, and felt comfort when with friends or a girlfriend. But there was a deep emptiness to it all. I thought I’m a sociopath or something. Maybe that’s just the way I am, a human who is less capable of emotions. I came to terms with it.
This morning, after meditating, I burst out in tears. I felt overwhelmed by feelings I didn’t know how to describe. Really blindsided me. I’m reading a few nofap success stories and have teared up a little bit, understanding these people’s struggles and feeling happy they’re sharing their successes with us.
Has my emotional dullness been due to my pleasure center being so closely associated with porn and instant gratification from digital sources??
If so, just another reason to keep this up.
I’ve only began my journey, and hope to turn it into a lifelong transformation. Thank you all for the inspiration.
I have started NoFap back in November last year, I’ve made 2 streaks of 40 days, currently I’m on 14 days streak and I am crying, My heart is broken and I’m so emotional, I can’t even say why I’m crying, it’s love but I have felt it before and it wasn’t like this, I am nostalgic and sensitive. But you know one thing? It feels good, it’s been ages since I’ve actually cried and have been this “human”. I think that crying really helps you just take all that emotion out of your mind, and it feels good to be honest. No Fap makes you human again and wakes you up from your leisure sleep, it makes you active and makes you pursue what’s the best thing in the end, please don’t fap and cry like men lads
Cried for the first time in a long time
I visited my mom yesterday, and she is in her 80s and in decline. She lives about seven hours away. I haven’t seen her in about six months. I took my wife and kids to visit with her while she is still of relatively sound mind. Afterwards, I had to go for a walk by myself and I burst into tears. Partly sad, because she is fading away and it’s hard to watch a parent leave you like this, and partly out of happiness, because I have been PMO free for a few months now and I felt like I was truly present there with her.
I had no shame in the back of my mind, no distraction and exhausting that PMO has brought me — i was there with her for a few hours. And I know she is truly proud of the family I have helped raise, and the place I am in life. I can’t really describe adequately how good it feels to be present with people and not have this horrid addiction pinning me down. I’m still fighting it, but I’m ahead and killing it — a day at a time.
Was driving the other day when a guitar solo came on , I had to crank it up and felt something akin to pure happinessjoy …. Does that make sense to anyone else ? Enjoy the little things people !!
My mum is on holiday with my sister for two weeks, the longest amount of time she’s been away from me. I was calmly walking through my house, lowering the blinds in each room. As I stepped into my parent’s room, there laid a picture of my mum in her 20’s on top of the bed. I can’t describe this emotion, I’ve never experienced it before, but before I knew it, tears were rolling down my eyes and I began crying. Memories of my mum were flowing through my mind, good memories before PMOing had invaded my life. So many memories that could’ve existed all wasted to endlessly masturbating to pixels. I promise myself from this day on, any urge I encounter will be redirected into spending quality time with my parents. They’re going to leave this world one day, I need to make the time they’re around count.
I actually cried in front of my sister
Went to my sister’s house to see how she was, we kick’n it, talking about what’s going on in our lives. Mind you, I don’t have many MEANINGFUL conversations with my older sister; they’re silly ones if anything. AND I FELT THE NEED TO TELL HER ABOUT MY NOFAP JOURNEY!
I was talking to her about my experiences/benefits. The person that I was and who i am now/who I am becoming. While I was telling my sister all this i had this OVERWHELMING sense of “GRATEFULNESS” in my heart while i was talking to my sister about this, to the point that TEARS SUDDENLY JUST KEPT DROPPING, and my sister was looking at me like I WAS CRAZY because ME AND HER ARE SEEING SOMETHING THAT NEVER HAPPENED TO ME BECAUSE I AM NOT AN EMOTIONAL PERSON!!! And what I didn’t expect internally is that I wasn’t ashamed for how I felt, I was PROUD OF IT! I smiled as I wiped my tears and my sister rushed to me and gave me the biggest hug I had in a long time.
She laughed trying not to cry and said “Life happens and I know my little brother will change as he grows and I knew something was different about you that i couldn’t put my finger on! I am so proud of you!”
And this even lead to me sharing knowledge with her, she had no idea how detrimental it was for us men to constantly watch porn+masturbate and waste our sperm!
How I felt in my heart was an insane feeling of gratefulness/happiness, and I’m glad I was able to share it with my sister. An experience that I will never forget.
Hello Fapstronauts!
You come for the benefits and for the chicks, but you stay because NoFap will give you a good look at all the problems you have. I’ve been in this community for a little more than a year now and after a few relapses, this is now my longest streak (still going strong). I know this won’t make my post popular, but I have to break it to you: the benefits are hard to notice, small, and take a long time to appear. But man, they’re worth it.
- I can interact with girls like I can interact with any human now. That doesn’t mean I’m a chick magnet, but I can have an ok conversation with anyone regardless of how attractive they are. That’s huge because in the past I always had lots of difficulty with this.
- I often find myself laughing my ass off at things… Actually having legitimate emotions is a big thing guys. The emotional numbness that comes with fapping is not worth it. It also makes social interaction much easier as you no longer have to fake laughter or disappointment.
- I’m less anxious in public. No longer feeling like a creep in the gym or anywhere else really. That’s nice too.
I didn’t get any social skills that I didn’t have before. However the reduced anxiety certainly helped to make interactions more effective and less draining. I like that I can interact with women without any perverted flashbacks or thoughts popping into my head or fake emotional expressions. It feels a lot more respectful and I think everyone can notice.
I expected none of these benefits, but I expected many different ones. Abstaining for over half a year showed me that my masturbation habits were more severe than I once thought and that they influenced me on a very deep level that I would never have expected. The benefits reflect that.
I’m far from having a GF, from being a social butterfly, from being consistently happy and in focus. But you know what? I’m doing a thousand times better than I did when I PMO’d. All of these things would’ve been practically impossible to achieve while PMOing; now they’re reachable goals. Far away, but in sight.
I’m so thankful for being porn free that it makes me emotional sometimes
Not gonna lie, lately I’ve just been feeling really grateful to have found this new success in my journey, especially because I know that the more thankful I feel, the more it instills within me a deeper sense of my moral and spiritual convictions, which are perhaps the most beneficial “tool” that I have for fighting temptation. It feels so good to be sitting here alone at 11:00pm on my laptop, knowing that in the past I could have easily felt temptation to relapse, but at the present, my mind couldn’t be any farther away from having that desire.
One of the things I am most thankful for is that in my perseverance, it gives me the freedom to have a clear mind to view women as respected subjects who share the same world as I do, rather than the less-than-human objects that porn shapes the mind’s perception to see them as. This knowledge gives me a true sense of joy, and it is infinitely more pleasurable than any sort of porn-induced physical stimulus could ever bring me.
Anyway, just wanted to share. I’m glad that there are other people like you who are on this journey with me. I hope that you can find the same joy that I have in your experience of being porn free.
I just cried my eyes out. One of the most powerful moments of my life
Was listening to a favorite song of mine I haven’t heard in a while after meditating for half an hour.
I kid you not, I bawled my eyes out. Every single lyric truly spoke to me in the heart this time. I’ve always loved this song. But this time it felt like the singer was actually talking to me and putting her arms around me. I can genuinely feel compassion, empathy, honesty, all these emotions that had been numbed over the years because of fucking porn. I felt the love for myself coming back, that self love and acceptance I’ve abandoned for god knows how many years. It’s back.
I am never ever going back to this piece of shit addiction. Please don’t give up fam. 43 days in. We can do this! We will BE alive again.
Nofap made me one emotional ass person
I be feeling all types of stuff these days. And that’s ok, I’m human.
After a while on NoFap I’m starting to feel more like I did before I had this addiction. Emotions are feeling twice as strong, especially the sad ones. Today I actually cried uncontrollable and it felt really terrible, but I guess all the other benefits of NoFap make it worth it.
When PMOing I became a very selfish person. The last slice of pizza? I would take it. Someone asks me to do something for them? Why should I.
I’ve become a better person for my friends and family and I’ve only just noticed it.
Starting from 21, I started suffering of
- very heavy social anxiety and panic attacks
- depression
- loss of strength and motivation
- heavy brain fog and lack of concentration and memory
- derealization
- 0 connection with people and less than 0 emotions
- vanilla sexual fantasies changed to extreme fetishes
- mild PIED
- loss of ambition and hopes for the future
- no interest in women I was watching P during all my spare time, even at night sometimes.
So, 90 days ago, I started a new streak, and this time I decided to not watch P or MO. I will reintroduce MO when I will feel ready. I don’t know if the first streak helped to achieve the benefits I have achieved in the second one, but after these 90 days I feel a completely different person. I have noticed the following improvements:
- social anxiety decreased dramatically and is decreasing every day. Now I can talk with strangers without problems
- I feel more confident and my voice is stronger when speaking.
- I have much more empathy now: I think more about others and less about myself
- I feel the need to connect with people and I don’t like to be alone anymore
- My mood is much much better during most of the days. I smile more and love to make people smile, especially girls
- I am doing really well at work
- I have the energy to do much more things during the day
- brain fog decreased and is still decreasing. My memory is improving.
- I feel a lot more emotions than before. Good and bad emotions.
;