Post-Porn Culture

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Discussion threads on porn useWe often hear about how our culture is becoming "pornified" thanks to today's eager Internet users and their suppliers. Yet those giving up porn are also beginning to shape our culture. Like soldiers returning from the front, they offer some of the pithiest and most moving insights into the realities of life with, and without, highspeed porn.

As hosts of www.yourbrainonporn.com we see a lot of websites where men (primarily) speak freely to each other about their experiences with—and beyond—porn. For example, there are 35,000+ explorers on Reddit.com alone, the overwhelming majority of whom are young enough to have cut their teeth on today's uniquely stimulating highspeed porn.

Post-porn culture is still under the radar for the moment—because most of those affected choose to remain anonymous—but here's a preview of what is in store as these young men move into positions of influence in future professions:

The rest of the article is quotations from different guys:

"It only becomes apparent how badly porn affects you when you begin to recover and discover that you're a much more capable and confident human being than you ever imagined."


"It’s crazy how we went from being a totally repressed puritanical society, to a completely depraved wanton society whose motto is, “If it feels good, do it.” Where is the balance??? I think in 10-20 years it’ll become mainstream knowledge that excessive wanking, especially to porn is detrimental to one's well being. Sure, porn has been around for a long time… but never until the last 10-15 years have we been exposed to so much porn. You don’t have to go to the seedy “book store” to get your fix. You don’t even have to pay for it, and can be up to your eyeballs in it immediately. That is not natural."


"(17-yr. old to 13-year old) As for the people who will you that you should be masturbating to discover your sexuality, don't let them influence your choice. If you have fapped once, you now know how it works, and fapping more times won't teach you anything more."


"It was hard, but [rebooting] helped me completely change my life, to the point where I don't even recognize the insecure, scared little pr**k I used to be."


"The world needs to understand that if you take a perfectly healthy guy, and let him watch high-speed internet porn every day for 10 years, there's a good chance you will no longer have a perfectly healthy guy. Simple as that."


This has been a problem for too many of us for too long. Get angry. Get really angry. This addiction is robbing us of our time, the most scarce and precious of resources, and energy, what we use to make efficient use of that time. This is our life, and it's being wasted on stupid shit like fapping. To someone who isn't there. There are no benefits to PMO. Absolutely none.

Would you be angry if someone robbed your bank account? This is in a different league of bullshit. It isn't your money being robbed, it's your time, and it's your energy. You can get money back, what you can't get back is time. Energy can come back, but it's very hard to replenish. All you're doing when you fap is fucking yourself over. Doesn't that make you angry? It makes me very angry.

Next time you have your dick in your hand, get angry. Angry that you're jacking it off like some sort of demented baboon, while there's someone in the world taking advantage of your lack of action in the real world. Angry that this even exists. Angry that you have to start from the ground-up. Angry that you'll never get another chance to make-up for those missed opportunities that you could have had. Angry that you'll never get those precious moments of time that could have been spent doing the plethora of other things that a human can do on planet earth that are infinitely more valuable than jerking your meat.


"My 86-year old granddad is rough, but honest and smart. Once, he saw me watching porn and said to me, "This is not making love to a woman. This is stupid. If you look at this, you will make your hand a p___y and your willy a fool." I did."


"My mindset has definitely shifted. I was never thinking that porn would cause problems for me but it did and quitting porn use confirmed this."


"Porn has polluted the well of the human imagination."


"People seem to often suggest that porn' ssort of blind lust is the natural biology, but I think they fail to realize that there is nothing natural about having had your decision making software affected by pornography and corporate media for decades. On a philosophical level it comes down to really accepting our rational consciousness and our sense of morality as 'natural' too, not as something separate from our base desires and the world around us."


"To those who have a problem with porn's ill effects: Believe in what you can see without any third-party interference. We must disregard the phony maps we have been given of the territory, and instead make our own maps."


"I wonder how many people view porn on a daily basis and think nothing of it, constantly angry about how they're socially awkward etc. I swear I spot these people sometimes; the downcast eyes, not knowing what to do with their hands or where to stand. An epidemic of people with mental barriers."


"Porn takes away from you exactly what you need to get past it: confidence."


"Porn is nothing more than shadows in the cave, and I'm tired of it. To anyone who is thinking about using: It's just not worth it."


 "Boys will be boys" doesn't exactly apply anymore. Parents need to understand it's more like "Boys will be antisocial, self-loathing, freaks who will never produce a grandchild for me."


"I'm never going back to my old habit, because now I know a terrible truth: You can fastidiously hide your wank stash in a labyrinth of folders within folders disguised as inconspicuous files; you can fap in secrecy; but when you go out and interact with your fellow humans your habits are visible. TL;DR: If you unplug from the matrix, you can see the code."


Imagine if we'd all been born during the Roman Empire, with porn limited to frescoes and pottery. We'd all have rock hard wood and could lay it no problem.


So I just hit my one-year anniversary. I last masturbated on October 22, 2012. I promised myself that I would only orgasm in the presence of my wife, and I've kept that promise. I wanted to give the other married guys out there some advice. Many aspects of my life have improved in the past year, but right now I’m going to talk about sex. I'm 48, and we've been married 20 years.My advice: Stop watching other people have epic sex and jerking off to it. That’s sad, and it’s not what you, a man, were designed to do. Go to your bedroom, to your under-served wife, and have some epic sex of your own.


"[To a young guy] This is your relative small window in time where a multitude of nubile females are not that terribly interested in stable, nurturing relationships. They are out to explore. And you are sitting at home, strangling your snake until it cannot even puke anymore?"


I wanna go back in time and smack myself for thinking my sexuality was immune to porn.


"The more success you have socially and personally, the more you realize how you never want to go back to the way things were. When you get that compliment, or that smile from the girl you pass on the sidewalk, it's magical. You grow too big to fit back into that computer chair."


"There's no economic interest in doing a study on quitting porn. There is no product to sell and no service to be provided. The general public is not even aware of the issue at hand (pun intended) and unable to perceive it in more than undiscerning moralistic terms. This means that it is unlikely that there will be a study on the subject in the near future, and those demanding "scientific proof" before quitting are placing an easy one-way bet."


"Every. Girl. I've been with has had a load shot on her by me. Why? Because it looks like you're supposed to do it. Why do they let me? Because it looks like I'm supposed to do it. I've given girls anal strictly because of the theatrics, even though it wasn't pleasurable to EITHER of us. For many of us, porn made it so that sex is more about theatrics than the experience, when it should definitely be the other way around."


"I no longer think of myself as a machine that needs to be 'serviced' so I can be productive in the rest of my life, but as a living breathing organism, full of hormones that can be used as a vehicle for caring passionately about those around me."


"We need to start a campaign to educate people about this. Seriously. My depression and anxiety that I have had for over 7 years have COMPLETELY gone away in the last week. I feel like a totally different person. I'm confident, outgoing, my memory and concentration have come back, I can talk to girls and I don't give a shit. I WANT TO SHOUT THIS FROM THE F**KING ROOFTOPS!

Schools need to have sex education classes on the dangers of watching porn and on the science of addiction. And we need them now, before anyone else has to go through the hell that I've just escaped from."


"When I was watching porn, I was a very ineffective member of society. I did not give 2 hoots about the following: Work, Family, Debt, Women's feelings, The prospect of child-rearing (it just seemed ridiculous to me - why would anyone have kids?). The dangers of addictive drugs, Voting & politics, My local community, Patriotism. I mean, I would be able to write long Reddit posts on why something was right or wrong, and philosophize endlessly. But when it came to action, I was a dead agent. If any reasonable proportion of guys are anything like I was, then we, as a civilization, are in pretty big trouble. There is a historical myth that the Roman Empire fell due to the subtle effects of lead poisoning - a side effect of their impressive new lead plumbing technology. Whether this is true or not is not relevant to the point. What is relevant is the analogy to today's computer monitors, which have plumbed their way into every home and every bedroom, pumping the Internet into brains."


"In future we will look at pornography like we do cigarettes — soo good short term (1 minute). Soo bad long term (80 years, or whatever your life expectancy is). So, be early adopter. Do something right now that everyone will do in maybe 80 years."


"It is so great not to be up past 11:00, while my family is sleeping, pursuing that relentless hunt."


"(A week into recovery) I’m looking at the world though a semitransparent layer of porn. And let me tell you, talking to somebody whose face is covered with vaginas is really disturbing."


"Porn offers the 'quarter pounder with cheese' effect. It's easily available. It's made to look good and we automatically yearn for it, but once we have it we do not feel truly 'full up' and kinda regret it...until next time we have that hunger pang."


"If I didn't have Internet access, I would have zero desire for porn."


"It's all about the hormone (dys)regulation. After three weeks of no porn/masturbation you feel clear and well. After a relapse, the world comes crashing down. Really interesting to see how your mood goes from  - HELL YEAH IM GONNA ROCK" to "Excuse me for breathing air; I'm such a loser."


"My 13-year porn habit was like breathing, a daily ritual that I never missed, sick or injured, rain or shine. If I broke both my hands and was wrapped up in a full body cast I would find a way. If I can get through a proper reboot, I will name a street after myself and declare a national holiday in my honor."


cornered by keyboard"Porn addiction: an  inability to find, what you're looking for in life because you're in some ways numbed."


"Masturbation in moderation is ok as long as Internet porn is out of the picture. Articles on masturbation always miss out that key point."


"Oh, the good old days, when seeing up a girl's skirt on the stairs would give you a month's worth of jerk-off fuel."


"Thanks porn... you were the perverted older brother I never had!"


"I'm in my mid twenties and a sufferer of this apparent new-fangled 21st-century, broadband-driven ED disorder. I've had three chances to lose my virginity with real flesh and blood women and I've failed every time (as in, these women were in my bed and ready to go, clothes off, but I couldn't do it. I've had other chances, and even other girls sleeping in my bed, but I didn't make the move because I knew I wouldn't be able to do it... even between the ages of 18 to 22). Each time felt incredibly embarrassing, depressing and emasculating. I'm a raging heterosexual, but I simply could not have sex with these women. If I could choose one word to describe what it felt like when I tried to have sex with them, I'd use the word 'alien.' It felt artificial and foreign to me. It's like I've gotten so conditioned to sitting in front of a screen and jerking it with the death-grip all these years that my mind considers that to be normal sex instead of real, actual sex. I can get hard for porn, no problem, but not for the life of me can I get hard for a real woman."


"There are more cases of ED than ever before, for not just older guys but guys OUR age (I'm 23). First time ever in the history of the earth. And people are worried about what's better.. the i-Phone 5 or the Galaxy s3? What has happened to us? I know my dad and grand dad weren't like this. They were motivated people driven to achieve what they wanted in life."


 "[Age 22] What do people do when they find something they enjoy? They just want to do it over and over again. That's what an addiction is. I didn't know better as a teen. But now I do! What about a disclaimer with the porn saying: Hey, guess what dude? This is going to seriously screw with your life. You're going to jerk off way too much and you might develop some sexual issues."


"Once I'm 100% recovered, I'm going to guard my sex drive like Fort Knox."


"There are tidbits of info out there that paint masturbation in a super-positive light—a result of the oh-so-liberated culture that has been developing. Most of it is from the same sources that will encourage readers to raise kids without a gender, encourage them to have sex early and often and with whomever, satisfy whatever weird fantasies they have, etc. No matter what your stance is on the morality of this stuff, anyone should be able to understand self-control is necessary in ALL aspects of life. I hate this culture that effectively advocates a complete lack of sexual restraint."


"It is very strange thinking about what my life was like a month ago. PMO was such a part of my life that it is surreal realizing that it is almost like you had a really horrible ex-girlfriend who is  finally out if your life."


"I've found during this recovery that the girls that I would have classified as solid fours in my porn days have become sixes and sevens. In fact, they're all cute."


"I was convinced that I need to always have as much sexual release as possible; that it's "not cool" to not have it; and you're a loser if you don't get it. That's the messages that popular culture sends unfortunately. Really what pisses me off is that I didn't know about Internet porn being a problem AT ALL."


"I thought I was a pessimist, but really I was just an addict."


"I lay with my girlfriend and kissed her slowly and softly and for a long while. It was wonderful. How beautiful she is! This is real, this is what we need. Porn is so stupid, it is laughable! Porn sucks; what on earth were we thinking? Porn is about exploiting male sexuality, not endowing it. Ultimately that’s why I drifted away from it."


"It's nice that old enjoyments tend to return, once one gets off the gravy train."


"I sincerely believe pornography in the modern world since the advances in photography and film/videography as far back as the late 1960's has damaged the healthy attitude towards sex and relationship including boyfriend/girlfriend and marriage.

The ease of the Internet access since at least mid-90's when it became popular has caused the widespread consumption. Pornography is a potential social-psychological crisis, but there is nothing we can do to stop this by law (i.e. hypocritical moral panic that abrogate the freedom of choice to promote moral order in the society).

Only the voluntary withdrawal with self-control with the intent of prodigiously increased virility might lead to the fulfilling sex life that makes the marriage complete, which is optimal bliss (the state of happiness) with total compatibility in personality and sexual relations."


The fked up porn industry has conquered kids minds. I can imagine 10 years from now they'll give children a color book of porn stars in hot positions.


"Times were different in the 90s. We were still sneaking around with VHS tapes, squinting at scrambled skinimax, and commuting to school on brachiosauruses. I think 10 years from now a whole generation may wake up to how they've hyper-sensitized their brains."


"Just smiling makes you open to people wanting to talk to you. It's amazing how humans rely so much on being social. It's like the best medicine and free to anyone. Internet porn/masturbation made me isolate myself from social life."


"[Thousands of men quitting] is a good sign. I see it as a revolution in human sexuality, or rather a return to normalcy. I think society scoffs at the idea of internet porn as being a real problem, which makes it all the more dangerous."


"I'm wondering, how many PMO addicts were there, before sexual revolution? Before the first magazines? How much heart disease before food modifications? How much depression before removal of frequent touch, 100% natural air and sun? How many lung cancers before cigarettes? THE thing is to realize, that world is changing too fast. In last 100 years we changed probably much more, than in last 1000+ years. And here is the schema:

1) Exciting, but bad in long-term, behavior is introduced for money

2) People get hooked

3) Precise, scientifically backed-up research takes decades to kick-in

4) Hooked people start to get educated

5) They start behavior-elimination.

Problem is that this whole cycle to damaging. Cigarettes were (widely) introduced early 20th century and took decades to regulate. We now know that certain types of foods are harmful. Yet, with food we are still in phase 2-3. Guess where we are with pornography? The useful scientific research is not even a few years old."


"Quitting PMO is wayyyy harder for me than alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, whatever! I know that's not encouraging, but it's good to know for the annals, right? Just to let the doubters know: This is a real problem!"


"Only a few generations ago we would all be like Vikings 'n' s**t, smashing other dudes' heads in with an ax. Now most guys can't even go into a frigging bar and say 'hi' to a girl. Something is very wrong."


"My best friend's dad was the neighborhood guy who distributed porn before it was readily available. I was nine years old when I was shown my first porn vid. Plus my friend and I had access to the stash. It was the equivalent to having access to Internet porn back in the day with no parent to stop you. 30 years later, I don't think it is a good thing to have the access that we have to porn then or now. It is probably way worse now because if you have children it is very difficult to shelter them from it. You can do what you can in your own home, but that's not going to stop anything."


"This is what I feel after just 28 days: My wife is multi-dimensional. So are all the lovely women I see, talk to and interact with each day. Porn had not turned me into some slobbering Neanderthal, but it definitely had maladjusted me for a full experience with people."


"I think that every male of our generation needs some perspective of what porn does to your brain. To gain that perspective has been eyeopening. I feel more clear in my head and more love towards my SO. I see no reason to stop at 90 days. I can't say that I've felt the "superpowers" described in other fapstronauts stories only increased mindfulness, more love to my SO and happiness in general. That alone is enough for me to motivate a life with no or little porn."


"You Know You're Watching Too Much Porn When...You get so bored of heterosexual porn you start viewing transsexual and then gay porn, just cause it is something new"


"The largest example of hyper-reality by far is pornography. It's sexuality, one of life's most intimate and sensory encompassing actions, being infinitely reduced to a virtual experience devoid of any sense beyond sight and sound. You are not having sex with a partner or porn star, and you are not having sex with yourself; you are running a socially-conditioned simulation of an ideal of sex, a knowingly unobtainable object of desire that you virtually become attached to until you are satisfied, after which you are sucked back into the "unsatisfactory" reality of being naked in a room, alone."


"My parents didn't really punish me when I got caught, so the incentive was to get better at hiding it. That becomes part of the thrill—feeling one step ahead of everyone else"


"Imagine all the new energy and potential we're creating [as we recover]. If it keeps growing like it has and I don't doubt that it will, we will slowly but surely create a huge wave of self-disciplined and strong men."


"The best things in life are not microwavable; recovery takes time."


Live cams image"My wiener size is pretty average/not big and I've always been shy in the gym showers etc. When I was much younger it bothered me to the point of not wanting to go to school on gym days. Now I do sports with friends and shower afterwards, and totally accept it. My thought pattern has gone from "They are gonna laugh at my small d**k" to "Penis size is not a hindrance to a good life" to "F-it, Not watching creepy sex empty of love with huge dicked freaks, I believe, is beneficial to acceptance of our bodies."


"There may be cases of otherwise normal, healthy people who are held back/damaged by porn, for whom porn use represents an 'addiction,' which is the cause of their various problems. For many if not most of us, however, I think it is part of a larger picture of our generation. We have, many of us, been allowed to extend our adolescence far, far into our twenties (or even thirties!) through the general permissiveness of modern culture and parenting, and the availability of various distractions provided by our technology. We become docile and passive because we never have to fight for the right to enjoy life. Like being suspended in a tank and fed from a tube, our muscles (both actual, mental and emotional) are denied the vital stimulation they need to develop. Quitting porn is one very important step for people such as us, but it is only one step. We have to rethink what it means to live, and ask ourselves if we are truly doing so. Such introspection is painful, but necessary."


"I work with elementary kids, and it feels REALLY good not to have pornographic images playing through my mind while I teach them about gravity or whatever... last school year, [my daily porn habit] it made things REALLY WEIRD at school when I'd remember clips during moments of boredom or anxiety in the classroom. GROSSSSSS - this school year has been much better. Related: my classroom is much better managed this year... a correlation!"


I am finally becoming the person I have always wanted to be, a person I can be proud of. Sure, I still have bad days, but the good ones outnumber them by far.


I live in Brooklyn and random people ACTUALLY SAY HELLO TO ME ON THE STREET since quitting porn. How is this possible? NoFap superpowers rip people out of their matrix trance.


"Think about it - porn, which used to be a good thing - a marital aid - is now an industry bigger than the NFL. It's piped into our homes. And to stay competitive and profitable, it pushes boundaries all the time. But take a trip in a time machine - let's go 1992. Poll 1000 adults. Ask them 'What is a facial?' A vast majority of them will refer to the beauty practice.  Fast forward to today. My buddy from India was in America for about a month when we passed a salon that said "Facials." He gave me a look, and said "I can't believe you can do that here!" I clued him into what it meant really quickly and laughed. He watched porn a lot in India. The meaning of a word has radically shifted"


"The thing about porn is that you don't even need to be horny, you just need to be bored. The porn will make you horny."


"(Age 24) With the easy access to junk food and porn we are constantly feeding our emotional system with 'feel good' crap. We teach our bodies to live on fast food, and we push away the discomforts of sexual frustration with a simple click of a mouse and some lotion. At which point will you begin to take back control of your life and become the dynamic force in the environment? To become the action not the reaction? It all starts with willpower resisting reactive behavior. No longer settling for anything less than you deserve. Demanding a beautiful, live woman instead of a pixelated, airbrushed, fraud. To thrive instead of living a life of mediocrity. I haven't watched in 157 days. Now, I hardly ever even think about it. When I was at 85 days, I wrote a summary of all the superficial benefits I had received from quitting masturbation to porn. I return today to inform you that the benefit runs much deeper than what you see in your life. It runs deep down into you masculine core. Quitting porn is one of the main keys to taking back the controls. When you are no longer manipulated by sex, a new world opens up to you. You have a freedom in life that you hadn't before experienced."


"After you climax and the porn is still playing, that's when you see it for what it really is."


"All this exposure to porn and instant-gratifying masturbation had conditioned my body correlate sexual desire w/ visual & mental stimulation. When in fact, GOOD SEX, is about feeling and has nothing to do with these mental/ visual images. When you starve yourself of this level of fantasy, your body freaks out. It goes through stages of weird/unpredictable behaviors. Once it reunites with its natural way of being, all is how it should be...in life, in the world, in the bedroom. Quitting is not a magic pill. It will not solve all your problems. However, paired with a few healthy-habits, it provides an excellent foundation to a life of your own design. Nothing is more fulfilling than the feeling you get when you're actually thriving and not just surviving."


"We are encouraged (unwittingly) to throw our brains out of balance. And then, there's no satisfying them. Eventually, only the thrills offer pleasure and everything else seems bland and boring. Someday, this will become common knowledge, and we can stop all the silly discussions about morality v. sexual freedom. There is no true sexual freedom when the brain is out of balance."


"We live in a time where staying inside doped up on SSRIs, alone, having tons of imaginary fairy sex with your primal appendage is acceptable. People just label these people "shy" or "introverted", but I think we have an epidemic. This shouldn't become normal. And giving up masturbation to porn has become taboo! Everyone is starting to accept that masturbating your problems away is just "evolution" or something. I know some people that think I'm stupid for quitting, but these are also the same people that sit at home playing hours upon hours of League of Legends, whining about how they need a girlfriend, and answering with a fist full of anti-depressants. I would hate to see this become the norm, but I feel like that's where this is all headed if we don't do something about it. As much as I want to procrastinate, stay at home, and do my lonely activities, I will fight this. We're the ones who have a chance at seeing the view from the top of a mountain rather than from a camera from a plane on a synthetic screen. Or servicing our fake internet girlfriend. We'll taste, touch, smell, see, hear, and feel life"


"To 99% of human beings that ever lived, the conditions of my life would be considered unfathomable luxury and privilege (even though I grew up in a lower-middle-class home in the UK). I am incredibly lucky but it is a double-edged sword. If you subscribe to the principle of Hormetism then you will accept the idea that the human biological organism responds well to stress and deprivation, and less well to gratification and comfort. Strength training, intermittent fasting and cold showers all stress the body, inducing positive adaptation. Junk food, a sedentary lifestyle and 5 and half hours of CoD per day will weaken you and turn you into a spineless, flaccid jellyfish. For many of us, quitting is our very first experience of deprivation. It feels uncomfortable at first but more often than not induces positive adaptation."


"Lol, it's pretty silly that if someone were to ask me what the greatest accomplishment of my life has been, I'd probably have to respond honestly, "I stopped habitually watching porn and masturbating." :)


"It's really cool being able to have female friends now and not be thinking about sex with them constantly. I've realized I no longer objectify women like I used to when I was addicted. I've heard horror stories of Dad's no longer being comfortable giving their teenage daughters hugs anymore because it makes them feel dirty. Not only that, the idea of checking out my daughters friends is way to creepy for me. I am so thankful that I won't have to deal with that. Your whole view of porn changes once you have a daughter."


"They should show the TEDx vid in high school sex ed/PSE classes. I know me and my adolescent mates were more likely to suffer from pornography addiction than catch an STD "


[Female rebooter] I was just reading a psychology today article that talked about how it is a new trend for parents to try to solve all of their childrens' problems. This is bad, because children need to experience discomfort in order to learn how to deal with their problems effectively. I think this is true for adults as well. If we're constantly used to instant gratification, we will become disconnected from dealing with our discomfort appropriately.


In school they taught me how to cut wood, stich a towel and make a clay pot... Funnily enough i do not need these skills in ANY way for my every day life. It would have been nice just to have one or two classes on neuroscience where i could learn to actually develop my own brain and mental capacity. Fuck. That would have been so powerful at 13.


Day 4: Porn is like the American Dream.

What was sold to us is a house in the country with lots of space and fresh air, free from all the dirtiness of the city. Free from crowds, panhandlers, grifters, filthy streets, smog, traffic, violence, inequality. A place where we could work on the old Mustang and let our dog and our kids run free in the yard. A retirement that would provide for us as in old age so long as we'd been faithfully saving.

Instead, we got spec houses and cheap McMansions in sprawling car-dependent neighborhoods near to nothing. We got porches too small to even sit on. We got underfunded school systems rife with ADHD, anxiety and depression. We got processed foods and fast foods and too much sugar and too little exercise. We got reconstituted patties shaped like the part of the animal we forgot we were eating. Our retirements were invested here as well, and we lost our shirts when the markets saw suburbia for what it is, an imitation of something real.

What we forgot was that everything worth having is the result of hard work.

In the same way, porn was sold to us like the American dream. What we bought was an easy way out. We wanted satisfaction and porn was easy. Easier than talking to a girl, a girl who is way out of your league (and frankly, aren't they all?) who might blow you off on a whim or who might have a boyfriend who is bigger than you. A girl who might, for what ever reason, break your heart. A girl who if she is worth anything will make you wait a goddamned second or two because she knows it will be better for the waiting.

Instead, we got instantaneous satisfaction. We got sedation, and placation and something that felt like something real -- a thing we once knew or something we'd only imagined. It was at once bigger and better than our wildest dreams could conceive, and at the same time less meaningful and less thrilling than just a word whispered into our ear, from the lips of a good woman. Still, we bought it and we got off. And after a while things started happening. Suddenly, it wasn't as good or it wasn't enough. And we used more. Before we knew it we were letting our wives or girlfriends writhe in the bed next to us because of PE or ED or because we were gaming or watching TV to distract us from what was happening. We let them forget what real intimacy felt like and, in turn, we began to forget ourselves. Our work suffered, our families suffered, our minds suffered. We began to throw around blame. At last, we were emasculated.

Again, we'd forgotten that everything worth having is the result of hard work.

The good news is that others still remember. And in the dark recesses inside us -- the place where we often fear to look in for what we might find -- so do we. We know that the feeling of collapsing in exhaustion at the end of a workout is more satisfying than any drug. We know what it feels like to really go after it at work and reap the rewards of a job well done. We know that investing in our educations is more valuable than any car we might drive. We know that charity and sustainability can make us richer than any material excess. We know that a good book is far better than television. We know that porn will never mean as much as looking others unflinchingly in the eye.

And even the most porn-addicted among us knows or at least hopes to whatever god may be that when he dies he will take with him the memory of satisfying a woman, of holding her as she cries out in utter ecstasy, unable to draw breath. Of just lying beside her. Running his fingers through her hair.

That, gentlemen, is what quitting is about for me.

TL,DR; Like the material trappings of the American Dream, Porn is a cheap, shitty imitation of something that is real and that is damn well worth having.


If all of mankind did not need surfing for Porn up untill 15 years ago - for sure, we don't need it either.


"I'm aware that some couples use porn safely, that doesn't mean that it is not extremely risky these days - with a never ending supply of free, instant, and increasingly hardcore porn. Sure some people can use porn without their life falling apart, some people can use cocaine without their life falling apart too, but I am still going to warn everyone of the dangers of using it. Past generations of couples might have historically used porn to "spice things up" but with the new beast that is Internet porn, couples are now using porn to "get things up".


It's kind of a ridiculous first-world problem if you think about it. As a result of having the highest speed internet in the history of the world, this is what we get.


Here's what so many of us lack in every day life: the fight, the struggle, the exhilaration of overcoming life. Hungry? Grab some cheap processed crap in the drive-thru. Tired? Lie down in your air-conditioned house on your memory-foam mattress. Horny? Jump on the web and rub one out.

We were not made for this life.


"Seeing the world through porn addicted eyes Meanwhile, in real life, because my mind is so sexually overworked, I'm not responding like a human being to all the real sexual beauty I encounter on a constant basis. Real life beautiful girls aren't sexual objects anymore. The normal sexual stuff like the missionary position with a beautiful girl (things that used to get me rock hard just thinking about it) aren't things I think about anymore. It's like this beautiful mind that god gave me to imagine healthy loving sexual relationships has been killed by porn. ... There's not really anyone out there preaching a porn free lifestyle, and how your sexual mental health depends on it. That disappoints me. I now know that happiness and sexual fulfillment are never going to happen in front of a computer screen. I'm hoping my recent experiences and this community will help me find the strength to live the life I know I need to live."


"I still occasionally succumb to the lure of online porn. What’s wrong with that? You may say. Everyone needs a little escape. Fantasy and masturbation is natural. You need the occasional release.

Well, I don’t necessarily disagree with those sentiments, but I also don’t believe that falling into a dope-addled daze for hours on end, while watching increasingly questionable material in order to get off, is the kind of occasional release that I want in my life."


"In the end, everything happens for a reason and this disorder has saddened me, but also really helped my perspective on others and life! Sex is something to be gifted with.... And I definitely learned that the hard way."


"This is just so tragic! It's depressing to think about because guys can't feel the benefits of stopping porn for a while after they quit. It feels like a problem that can't be turned around. I'm twenty-something, and I feel rather helpless thinking about it, and very sad for most young guys out there who really have no messages from culture steering them away from this disaster in progress."


My thoughts about how serious this is..

As you can see I'm at day 10 but it's been a long time since i'm on the nofap way. All this time had made me think about how men react with porn.

And I found this : As many of us know, the human being highest objective is to get better so he can reproduce. But the arrival of internet porn changed everything, now, anyone can trick is brain so it believes he's reproducing.

That's the real danger of PMO if you can get the highest objective sitting in front of your computer and that even if you got a shitty life why improve yourself ? Why become important ? Why create, invent ?

That definitely got me off porn as long as my will-power will win ! Good luck fapstronaut, We can destroy porn from our lives !!

ps: english's not my first language, don't mind to correct me


Nofap as revolution/rebellion

I have come to think that pornography (and passionless sex) acts as a widespread anesthetic on human sexuality and energy, leading to numbness and boredom.

I don't blame anyone in particular for this result, but it seems obvious to me that porn subdues the natural human instincts in a more fundamental way than even watching television, or consuming drugs. All of these numbing effects of society lead to pacified people, to consumption of additional products, to the apathy towards politicians (who can then point to the pointlessness of their job, as they steal from others).

I think numbness leads to the end of social behavior, or to its capture in symbolic rules that subvert personal responsibility and autonomy - we feel like we interact, but maybe we don't.

Rejuvenating the natural human sexual instinct in the face of widespread porn may be one of the ways you can rebel, against conformity, against boredom, against the endless cynicism that debases our beautiful and amazing lives.
 


And finally, from two public commentators and YOUTube:"

"A mind originally designed to cope with little more sexually tempting than the occasional sight of a tribeswoman across the savannah is rendered helpless when bombarded by continual invitations to participate in erotic scenarios far exceeding any dreamt up by the diseased mind of the Marquis de Sade. There is nothing robust enough in our psychological make-up to compensate for developments in our technological capacities, nothing to arrest our passionate desire to renounce all other priorities for the sake of a few more minutes (which might turn out to be four hours) in the darker recesses of the web. Porn is so immediate and intense, it destroys our capacity to engage in the far more human and low-key business of actual sex. [Porn is] nice for some, but in a way that destroys things that are more than simply nice; that are essential to life." —Alain de Botton

"Today’s porn is truly a brave new world, with boundaries lasting only as long as it takes a dopamine receptor to downgrade." D.L. Hilton, MD

Will NoFap ever go mainstream? (Reddit discussion)

The Day the Earth Stopped Masturbating (movie trailer)

Comedian Chris Rock quits porn (radio show clip)

Comments

Theory: Dopamine is the actual addiction, not fapping motivates you to get your dose of dopa elsewhere.

Yes, I wish someone would put it in the sidebar 'TESTOSTERONE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS'.

You can also replace the dopamine fix with other useless activities like surfing the web for 10 hours a day, or then watching the TV instead as well, overeating can be another outlet. I know many people here have serious problems with PMO for several hours a day, and this will be the main source of reducing dopamine sensitivity, but I also think many here only have a slight problem with PMO, but think they're really getting somewhere by giving up, when a bigger fish to fry for them would be their escapism into the internet for long periods of time. PMO for half an hour every few days VS 10 hours of internet (remember, music, trivia, funny videos all at the click of a button), it seems obvious to me which is draining you the most.

What would help most people with their concentration and drive would be a complete technology fast, so that your main entertainment would be reading and exercise. But reddit usually goes for 'technology is amazing and all we need to do is use it properly and not overuse it' line of thinking, while they have 20 tabs open and can't read more than two sentences.

I remember some studies I read about, in which mice and monkeys were given a button linked up to their dopamine receptors, who got a hit when they hit the button, and ended up loving the button more than food or new females. That button is under your finger right now.

90-day report:

This is a clear case of how enduring temporary pain leads to rich rewards. I'm only 90 days into this, but I can't believe how much I've learned about myself. I can't believe how many plans I've made and new projects I've started to address the areas of my life that I want to better. I can't believe at the sustained motivation I have for sticking to these projects, when before I would lose energy and revert to my lowered expectations. I can't believe how my priorities have changed and the time wasting activities I used to enjoy seem unfullfilling and pointless.

A week ago I relapsed and PMO'd a few times. I started thinking about how this no porn movement is a bunch of nonsense and bullshit, and how awesome and exciting it is to have an endless supply of hot naked chicks when you fap to porn. But then I imagined how my life would be if I had carried on with it. I imagined myself hunched over on my computer chair, beating my meat in front of a computer screen for the rest of my life. SCREW THAT!

http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/index.php?topic=5119.0

says:

This habit is supported by fantasies, desires and needs that are purely fictional and have no real base of existence. By feeding meaningless desires with this habit – one only finds himself in a state of regression instead of progression. ...

My habit and my fantasies made my sexual life a disaster, with unsuccessful relationships and me questioning my own existence. I thought I was cursed. Of course there were girls who accepted my fancies and were willing to play along, but still my urge for more was never satisfied. ...

I left behind a careless life and a steady income. Why? Because I was miserable and unhappy. Even though I was the owner and participant of a fetish site. I could engage in any type of fantasy with beautiful girls any day of the week and plus I had a beautiful girlfriend (later my wife), who accepted my lifestyle and was also happy to fulfill any of my fantasies. Instead I still masturbated every day on many occasions to the content that I found on sites other than mine and. Why?

Because I was addicted. I would have sex with my wife and then still masturbate afterwards. I would wake up in the morning and the first thing I would think of was masturbation. I would model for a shoot and then masturbate to the same shoot but on video. This would leave me miserable, depressed, depleted of any life energy and irritated. My brain didn’t work, I couldn’t think straight, my memory was bad. Constant masturbation affected my erection, my performance in bed, it made me paranoid, affecting my relationships with women and people overall.

Now I’m 30 and masturbation free. I haven’t masturbated close to a year now, which is the longest I went since I first started doing it at the age of 11. How did I do it? I will share my story with you and hope that it will help you on your way to a better life.

It is perhaps only people who haven't felt the full power of sex over their logical selves who can remain uncensorious and liberally 'modern' on the subject. Philosophies of sexual liberation appeal mostly to people who don't have anything too destructive or weird that that they wish to do once they have been liberated. However, anyone who has experienced the power of sex in general and internet pornography in particular to reroute our priorities is unlikely to be so sanguine about liberty.

Pornography, like alcohol and drugs, weakens our ability to endure the kinds of suffering that are necessary for us to direct our lives properly. In particular, it reduces our capacity to tolerate those two ambiguous goods, anxiety and boredom. Our anxious moods are genuine but confused signals that something is amiss, and so they need to be listened to and patiently interpreted – which is unlikely to happen when we have to hand one of the most powerful tools of distraction ever invented. The entire internet is in a sense pornographic, it is a deliverer of constant excitement which we have no innate capacity to resist, a system which leads us down paths many of which have nothing to do with our real needs.

Furthermore, pornography weakens our tolerance for the kind of boredom which is vital to give our minds the space in which good ideas can emerge, the sort of creative boredom we experience in a bath or on a long train journey. It is at moments when we feel an irresistible desire to escape from ourselves that we can be sure that there is something important we need to bring to consciousness – and yet it is precisely at such pregnant moments that internet pornography has a habit of exerting its maddening pull, thereby helping us to destroy our futur

[Cutting out masturbation to porn] is not a magic pill. I see it as just one of the basic components of being a true and complete man. I have no intention of going back to chronic PMO. If I do relapse, I now know a way out.

http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/162and/the_uk_contributes_85_new_...

I feel like part of a movement. But I view it as men giving the finger to a world that tries to make us soft, doughy, pleasure-addicted shadows. Instead we are becoming happy, grounded, strong, disciplined, and not dependent on electronic baby formula to keep us complacent.

Consumerist society doesn't know what to do with capable, independent, secure, disciplined men. We're terrifying! =D

I relapsed and as a consequence am leaving this subreddit. Here's the best text I've collected. 

After going strong for yet another 15 days, I broke yesterday. Therefore, I have decided starting today to leave reddit, youtube etc. altogether for the foreseeable future. Following are pieces of advice I've collected from this subreddit and perhaps other places.

I hope it helps you!

=-=-=-=-=-=

You need a fucking plan people, easy as that. A stricter routine, more researched diet, more structured time with clear goals and objectives for each day and the long term.

If all you changed about your life was the tension, and frequency at which you grab your dick, you're not living the best life you could be.

=-=-=-=-=-=

It will get easier with time and I’ll ditch it just like I did eating at McDonald’s and watching television.

=-=-=-=-=-=

Dude, congrats to you. For some reason, I'm always happy when I read about a fellow fapstronaut who has managed to launch out of the gravitational pull of the black hole that is PMO. You have shown us that it is possible.

You're in free space now, bro. This is the beginning of an amazing journey for you. Bon voyage. Just be careful never to get drawn into the PMO void again. It's the real thing, or nothing.

=-=-=-=-=-=

I'm not tempted to visit porn related sites because it's false. The whole premise of pornography is false. Most of the people involved in porn are concerned with appearances over the way sex feels. Sex to them is about making it look good for the film. They don't care how their partner really feels, as long as she LOOKS like she feels good.

=-=-=-=-=-=

I’m communicating with my body and my mind. In this simple withholding of self-gratification is a message. It says:

The best is yet to come.

=-=-=-=-=-=

Imagine what the equivalent of porn would've been 200,000 years ago - it would've been sneaking up and watching some guy fuck a woman while you hide in a bush and jerk off to it...and our critics see nothing wrong with this behavior!

=-=-=-=-=-=

Masturbating is admitting and accepting that you are too much of a loser to get laid, so you're just going to trick your body into thinking that you are getting laid, you're giving yourself a pat on the back when you've done nothing to deserve it. You're literally rewarding yourself for being an unmotivated, lazy, undetermined, apathetic beta/ Masturbating is like throwing in the towel before you've even entered the ring.

=-=-=-=-=-=

Imagine you live in a dark basement deep underground. You're so far beneath the surface that it takes an hour just to reach the top of the stairs (no elevator).

Your home is furnished with just the bare necessities, plus an old television. The only light comes from a 50-watt bulb dangling from the ceiling. Although you crave natural light, you also hate the effort of climbing the stairs and venturing out of your comfort zone into the unknown.

Then one day you happen to see the sun on TV. In fact, you find a channel dedicated to showing the sun at various angles and intensities. There's dawn, mid-morning, high noon, dusk -- along with your own special preference, the one you saw on that trip to the surface a few months ago. You feel elated when you see it again. Soon you're devoting hours to watching for it and basking in it from the comfort of your couch.

You start leaving the basement less. The stairs are exhausting, and when you do manage to get out, it's often stormy weather anyway. Meanwhile, the TV shows gorgeous shots of Yosemite at dawn. It seems better than reality.

For a while, you have the nagging feeling that you should get outside more, but after a while, it goes away. Months pass, then years. You may still go from time to time, if you're especially energetic, though when you do, you wonder why the sun seems harsher and more boring than you remember. You'd rather stay home. It's dark there, but at least the sun on that television looks beautiful. For me, that was life between NoFap and PornFree. They're pulling the plug on that television -- taking small steps to refocus. "Going outdoors" becomes easier after that. My perception changes when I live "above ground."

=-=-=-=-=-=

What helps me is to think that addiction is not a disease. It is a choice. A disease you have no control over, but a choice you do. You have to be strong. Porn provides a quick hit of pleasure. The feeling lasts seconds, but the shame hours. Quitting will provide you with so much more pleasure than porn could ever give you. That is why you have to quit. You are in control.

=-=-=-=-=-=

Keep your head up, and don't ever give up hope. Pornography is one of the most difficult (and by far the most prevalent) addictions to overcome in this day and age. It's not as physically harsh as cocaine, meth, or other hard drugs, but it wreaks havoc on our brains. It makes us into mere shadows of our potential, it keeps us from experiencing life, and it ruins our potential to help and enjoy other people. Furthermore, it costs nothing and can be acquired in a matter of seconds. What you are going through is horribly painful and will be one of the most difficult battles of your life. But you can win. You can beat the pain, shame, and guilt, you can become the man you want to be.

=-=-=-=-=-=

I found a modest but long-treasured archive on a hard-drive. And of course, me being the hypocrite I am, I deleted everything except this one girl who reminded me of my ex so much. I glanced at some pics and videos (big mistake, but I survived), then stared and stared at the folder, thinking I would just hang on to that one girl. But then I noticed the "created on" date: 2005. SEVEN YEARS I have been hoarding that shit. This girl doesn't even know I exist, and the ex she reminded me of is married and a mother and (to be totally honest) fat now. Talk about living in denial, in the past, in fantasy land!

I am proud to report that now my computer is officially clean, including those last lingering bits! Happy New Year to me!

=-=-=-=-=-=

Really? You are proud of owning thousands of hours of films of other men fucking hot girls that you wish you could fuck, sitting in the dark jerking yourself watching men plow women who you will never meet and who don't even know you exist, except as some attenuated abstraction of an 'audience' that pays her bills? That's what you're proud of?

=-=-=-=-=-=

Seeing as I just beat my longest streak and don't see it coming to an end anytime soon, thought I'd drop by with the one big tip that's helped me along the way.

When I started nofap back in the summer, I thought of it as just a personal challenge - I didn't consider myself a hardcore addict (once a day and skipping a day was no big deal), but I read some of the success stories and thought "That's who I want to be!" And that motivation worked for 44 days. Since then I've relapsed a few more times, never getting beyond 30 days until this latest go-round. I think I can pinpoint why this time, why it hasn't just been a slow build of willpower or change of habits, but a change of mantra.

| I'm never going to masturbate again and I'll see how it changes me.

That was my original mantra, and a common one around here, whether the change you're looking for is ED relief, living addiction-free, more productivity, success with women, or any of the other reported benefits. But that mantra isn't complete. It assumes that you haven't changed simply by taking the challenge in the first place. Here's something we all ought to remember: we have changed. No matter if you're on day 3 or day 193, you're a different person now than you were before getting a badge. You're more aware of yourself, you're less numb to the world. You're challenging yourself and growing. In light of all that, this time, I've tweaked the mantra. It's much more empowering now:

| I'm not the kind of guy who masturbates.

Whenever I feel an urge coming on, I repeat that to myself. It's shocking just how quickly the urge fades in the face of those words. That phrase doesn't even let the possibility of relapse enter the mind: I'm just not that kind of person. If you think of yourself as a guy who doesn't masturbate, chances are good you'll become a guy who doesn't masturbate. It seems so simple, and, well, it kinda is. You have complete power over that aspect of your identity. Maybe in the past you masturbated, but that was past-you. Present-you is a completely different person, and he just isn't that kind of guy.

It's a simple shift in thinking, but it totally reframed the challenge for me. It's not really about abstaining from PMO for a long time, it's about becoming the kind of person who doesn't need or even think about those things. The person I wanted to become was more fit, more creative, more knowledgeable. I wanted to be a person who gave a damn about life. So I'm not the kind of guy who masturbates. I'm the kind of guy who meditates, exercises, reads good books, writes, plays music, and looks the world right in the eye. I don't have time to numb myself with pixelated pleasure. I'd rather take a cold shower and feel the sweet sting of each droplet on my skin.

I hope know you're the same kind of person.

=-=-=-=-=-=

I know the most hideous, shortest, fattest, acne-infested guys date the most amazing women. Thank goodness women aren't vain like us. They don't need some girly, effeminate pretty boy. They're attracted to strength, and to masculine qualities. if they were attracted to effeminate qualities, they'd be a lesbian. Positive must meet negative, even in gay couples there's a pants-wearer. All in all it's about undoing all the brainwashing we've gobbled up with "Women like sensitive guys and men who cry." In everything in life there is a balance. On one spectrum there are guys who are just completely emasculated, and on the other end of the spectrum there are the sad, low-self esteem, insecure meat-heads who verbally and physically abuse women and get in temper tantrums like a child. True strength, is being able to just shake your heads at these guys when they want to fight you, and walk away. Because every insecure sad little boy wants to fight and prove to everyone how tough he is. But true strength simply smirks, and walks away, and maybe adds some whippy one-liner, heh. It's that beautiful balance. Humble arrogance. Cocky funny (YOU KNOW). Either extreme is bad. In Buddhism there's something called the middle path. I don't know what that means, but I've adopted that term to mean that life is about finding that perfect balance and avoiding extremes.

There may come a time where you will not even be tempted to look at porn. It's just like, "Eh, no thanks." And instead you would rather kiss that one girl you've been thinking about, and spending time with her and talking to her, and getting to know and love her for what's inside her, for who she is, and it'll be worth more than a thousand beautiful naked women. Instead of some disgusting sexual experience, you'd rather just lie in bed and talk to her all night, fully clothed.

Make some friends with some girls. Treat them normally, like guys. Look them in the eye. Now again, balance. Don't try to pierce into their souls with some galactic death-stare, just don't look down and all of that. Smile. Again, don't smile at random inappropriate times like a crazy person, but a little nice closed mouth smirk at the appropriate time would be alright. Don't kiss their ass. Just be normal. If they've done something wrong, let them know it. Now don't insult them, lol, but just be a normal person. Sometimes being normal is the hardest thing to do. Lead. Be masculine and lead. If everyone's all like, "Where should we go to eat?" "I don't care, where do YOU want to go to eat." "I don't know, what do YOU feel like?" "SHUT UP. SHUT - UP. I WILL MURDER EVERYONE IN THIS ROOM. WE ARE GOING TO EAT AT MAMA'S TACO TRUCK IN A DIRTY PARKING LOT IN THE MEXICAN PART OF TOWN. I HATE YOU ALL SO MUCH IT PHYSICALLY HURTS."

Wake up each and every day with impatience. Powerful, driven, impatience. Live your life on purpose. You will fall and you will stumble but never give up. Mark Cuban (YEAH I'M A FANBOY) failed miserably, countless times. I mean he sold powered milk at one point. He was sleeping on the floor of a dirty apartment. And now he's a billionaire. He learned and benefited from his failures. Never give up. Keep that fire burning, no matter what. Never ever burn out, and just give up, and concede to a life of quiet desperation. Live and breathe with a fire inside you, a drive, a desire and a passion. Move. This is your awakening. This is your second chance, the second chance our fathers and older brothers have all wistfully told us after a few beers, that they wish they could've gone back, that they wish they'd have gotten their life together, that they wish they could have had a second chance. Well you have that priceless second chance they would have killed for. You have that gift now, for free. Do not squander it. Do you squander this precious gift of life. Live it with passion and purpose and meaning. Do good. Help someone. Live and breathe life, and love it. Good luck.

=-=-=-=-=-=

BEST ONE FOR LAST:

Seriously guys, if you want to change something in your life then quit fapping.

Read what I have to say: Fapping takes control of your mind, every bored minute of your life your dopamine-hungry brain longs for this digitally stimulating nothingness called internet porn. Most of the time your instinct to reproduce takes control of your whole brain and that is when you lose against your addiction. Porn addiction. This drive pushes you against a wall, grabs you into a deep hole of pleasure and regret at the same time. What have you earned in all those thousands of hours and hours of browsing and coming into a cleenex? Nothing. You have so much potential to reach your aims but you are wasting it by jizzing in your pants. Fapping makes you feel insecure, steals your sexual lust that can give you endless power. Your brain becomes foggy, your mind a slave of its own; triggered by a placebo that gives you a feeling of pleasure for 10 seconds after hours long wasteful internet searches. What are those short moments of satisfaction compared to a lovely relationship with that girl you always wanted to have as your girlfriend? Nothing. Your brain gets a short feeling of satisfaction and wants more. And more. And you don't acheive anything. What is this short pleasure, a scourge of modern times, compared to a feeling of self control and the feeling of real love, that trumps all fap-sessions you have ever had? Nothing. Overcome those desires and be disciplined, you are your own worst enemy. Only you can win against yourself. No more fapping. No more porn. Go hard or go home.

Recovering user:

I was pretty young when I started looking at porn. My older brother’s house is where I got my first peek. It was the same year my sister got married and moved in with her now ex-husband. My older brother had a broken leg and was set up in their basement, so when I went down to play his Xbox, there was no reason for him to put his magazines away. I was 14 at the time.

After 6 years of sexually unfulfilling pornography, I am trying to stop. After seeing women be humiliated by man and beast, and men emasculated by women, it’s time the addiction stops. Unfortunately, it’s everywhere. Commercials contain flawless images of women’s bodies; YouTube is full of listeners sucked into the song by the picture of a lingerie model on the front.

An internet connection is an open invitation into a 24/7 porn shop whose walls are so far from each other you won’t find an end to the building. A single door leads in and out. Even after you leave the store, the worst part remains.

Outside you discover the truth. That there is no easy escape. That the door out only leads to the smaller portion of your brain that you have dedicated to remembering the girls from your favorite scenes, and the feeling of ejaculation. Only the passage of time will cure these memories. With each glimpse they will fade until only outlines remain, remnants of a past life. This…This is what I work towards

I think those of us who have never (or almost never) had successful sex and relationships have to go through more of a rewiring process with real women. Rebooting is kind of like reformatting the hard drive to wipe out a virus, but not having a new operating system to replace it. Not just in how we react to visuals, but the communication and emotional side of relating to real women. I am at level zero when it comes to this...lower than zero, really.

in an amazing thread:

Just face this demon down and kick its ass! It has taken enough years from you. Time to take your life back.

Warning: this post is pretty rant-ey, but here me out. I'm hoping my discontent and my reasoning will resonate and inspire change on a larger scale.

I think it's a combination of things, but our culture has definitely changed with regards to sexuality, dating, and what's possible for a guy to obtain. If you haven't noticed, the majority of sex occurs outside the context of relationships; it's casual. That means that girls have guys wanting non-commital sex with them, all the time. It's much harder to hold a girl down, and to do it, you have to exert great effort in competing with the other wanna-be alphas. Even if you're a quality guy with a lot going for him, it's easy to get cheated on, and you can sense that girls just aren't committed. Another way to put it is that guys aren't as wanted anymore. They have to turn into duschy competition-machines in order to please a girl at all. They want to be fucked, and they don't really give a shit about you if you're not, at this moment, offering that. (hopefully we'll find out why in a minute)

I'm a very good looking guy -- top tier, even. I long for the days when an intelligent and good-looking guy could have a decent job, a social network, and a quality girlfriend where there is intimacy and romance. The dating game and being truly social is over; all there is anymore is chasing tail and anti-social debauchery. It's like we debase ourselves with our porn and our promiscuity to the point that we're just savages.

We'd be much better off adopting cultural values closer to what exist in the romance countries like Italy, etc. They have hot sex but it's not animalistic. It's sensual and intimate. You can actually talk to the girl you want to have sex with, and she loves it! Although the truth is they may be changing to be more Americanized anymore.

Also I do realize that plenty of people fall outside of these norms. Reddit has an above average amount of non duschy-wanna-be-alphas. But reddit is also frequently sex-deprived (aside from Gone Wild, but those girls mostly wouldn't fuck the average redditor anyways).

Maybe the fact that girls are looking for a fuck is the problem in the first place. Porn is what unleashed this beast, if you ask me, and it won't be easy to put back in the bag, if ever. How did porn do this?You see girls obtain esteem by their sexuality. Men gain esteem by their sense of self. We gain confidence through sexuality, but not esteem. Ever notice that monogamy was always a man-sanctioned institution? Men enforced monogamy because they valued themselves enough to not go fucking every slut and throwing true male values out, and thus their power and sense of worth as men.

So do we need to go back to a patriarchal monogamous society? Fuck no. But IMO the world would be far better off if everyone quit porn, and cared about something more than fucking. Guys are the ones who need to lead this, and their the ones with something to gain by doing so.

TL;DR : most girls primarily are only looking to get fucked. While sex is fun (thus the alure of porn) guys get their esteem from more than sex, and have something to gain from cultivating values, and a social sense of self, beyond chasing a fuck. Promiscuity raises female value, monogamy, male value. Ever notice that men were the protectors of that institution? We don't need to reinstitute strict monogamy, but something closer to it would be good for us males.

PS I absolutely think that women are looking for a good stable relationship, as well. Humans have multiple, conflicting drives. I see it as this: porn is throwing those drives out of balance, and it's in the guys court where the ball is dropped.

http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/16s2k8/the_game_has_changed_and_i...

Mid 30s

Sometimes I marvel at the hole I dug myself in with porn, without even really knowing it. I had no idea it could be addictive or dangerous, and I didn't even notice the addiction, I just figured I had a high libido. Years and years of that stuff until my body basically said "no more" and shut me down. This process of coming back has been pretty interesting.

I don't think society knows what internet porn really does to a man!! all they really associate porn with is ED. Porn Turns a man into a scared Boy!! Your socially awkward, Depressed , No motivation , Can't focus , Very insecure , lose muscle tone , makes your voice weaker ,Have absolutely no control over your life. Men are going to the doctors Getting prescribed all kinda meds, when really it all comes down to porn and what it does to your brain and body :( Ive been off porn one week and feel better than I felt in 20 years !!

Yes, it does give you confidence and people see it. At the moment, I feel as though normal has been so far off my entire life.

I'm feeling the way I felt as a kid especially when I wake up in the morning. It's a content mindset. Today, I just realized why I PMO'd all these years. It's because I've been angry. When I was 10 or 11 yrs old I had really bad anger problems. Mostly because my mom and dad separated. I just wanted a normal family and I couldn't get that. I would hit and stab walls.

I think that's when the endless cycle of PMO began. So I would do that to feel better. These 27 days a have been a slap in the face by reality. I looked around campus and realized what I've been missing this whole time. Life is amazing! It doesn't make any sense at times but it's awesome.

This challenge is tough but its better than where I was before. I just feel bad for the millions of young boys and girls who are going to suffer to this problem. Its truly crippling.

Porn is disgusting. It really is. To the average American post-pubescent male, they think "Yeah porn! 'Merica. It's like sex, just without the whole relationship part! YEEEAAAHHH PORN." But now I see it (and I'm sure other fapstronauts do as well) as a bunch of crazy undignified 'men' and 'women' saying UHH UHH THIS FEELS GOOD UHH UHH UHH UHH UHH OH MY GOSH UHH UHH UHH CUM CUM CUM UHH UHH UHH CUM CUM CUM UHH UHHUHHHDHHHUUHHDDDDD like a bunch of cavemen having a seizure. Sure, it's still arousing, but now I see why it doesn't represent real sex with a real person AT ALL. They're acting. It's not personal. It's degrading and insulting to the magic of life, once considered to be sacred. Sex is meant to be special and a sign of affection and love between two close people and is meant for them. Not for some neckbeard living in his mother's basement, his tissues, and left hand. Porn is bad.

http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/1b9syq/checking_in_after_65_days_...

Fuck porn and fuck the availability of it. Life isn't meant to be about sitting in front of a screen and whacking off in your own filth. Masturbation, to an extent, is natural, but not to excess....I wish I could go back to being a teenager and see porn for what it really is. Modern society gives people the temptation to access all sorts of soul destroying shit.

http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/1bivpl/fetishes_getting_way_out_o...

Why you should relapse today 

submitted 13 hoursago by dota2nub

Because porn women are soooo pretty, even if their eyes are dead 

Because you want to spend your 20s or 30s in your parents's basement

Because you want to pretend you're different from everyone else and don't care so much about real sex even though you share 99 percent of everyone's DNA

Because nofap is just a placebo... Right?

Because you like to be able to work on your problems and the only thing you have to "do" to complete nofap is... Nothing at all!

Because you look and feel so hot and sexy with your underpants on your ankles and your sock on while you splurge that tiny amount of semen into a tissue

Because porn is the only woman who could ever love you

Because fapping means self love. All the lifestyle magazines say so and they are always right about everything!

Because you feel better after fapping... If you're good at lying to yourself

Because you never wanted to be an astronaut anyway and they can't fap in those suits

Because you need to practice for the "real thing"

Because prostitutes cost money

Because you like porn for your love of the art

Because girls on Facebook aren't desperate, they just want to share the love!

Because you want to prank your roommate with a sloppy joe handshake

Because you are an ascetic person and wish to increase your pain and suffering to show the world that it is all an illusion

Because you haven't done enough Yoga to give yourself a blowjob
No reason not to start fapping now, right? :)

What NoFap means to me now vs. when I started it.

 by LordPudding40 days

So here I am, sitting a tad under 40 days. I started this with a pretty selfish attitude, being 90 days of no PMO and on the 91st day I am going to have the fap of a lifetime. I hate to say it, but that got me through the first bit. But the more time I spend on NoFap the more I realize what I am doing to myself with porn. I actually blocked myself from reddit, because of equal parts want for getting work done and not seeing triggers. But everytime I feel a relapse, a navigate around to read through the great posts.

And I am starting to realize, if I take this thing seriously, not just some pleasure piggy bank storing orgasms for a rainy day, then that means I will never PMO to porn again. This actually makes it harder for me, because I get this weird regret where my porn-viewing and PMO 40-odd days ago will be my last, in my life. So, for those of you out there who are going 90 days, I ask of you, "what is the difference between 90 days and the rest of your life?"

If you have truly broken your addiction in that 90 day period, then porn will reveal itself as the disgusting, degrading self-damaging thing that it is, not the old friend you haven't seen in 90 days. Do it to prove to yourself that you can change you, not to have an explosive orgasm on day 91.

15 year old boys won't go to doctors talking about ED. That is the main problem. How many people on here do you think have actually gone to their doctors about ED....very little. How many people on here do you think will openly discuss there problems in a forum (internet or otherwise), where their identity is revealed. How many people on here do you think would get involved in an investigation into porn. That is the problem, PIED and Porn Addiction is everyone's personal secret.

People are too anxious, ashamed, confused and angry to be involved in creating awareness of the issues. We hide in the shadows when a light is being pointed at pornography, that is why there is a rejection of YBOP by many, because we individually don't want to be seen to exist.....therefore we collectively aren't thought to exist.

Re: Pornography is Good For Us. Intelligence Squared debate.

To those of you just starting out, You will not be able to understand this right now. It will not make sense to you. It will seem like a lie or an exaggeration. But what I'm about to say is truth: Real women, with all their perfections, imperfections, emotional scars and beauty are far better than anything you will ever find behind that computer screen.

What you see on that screen is not real. What you imagine in your mind about women and how they feel, what their touch is like, none of that is real. NONE OF IT IS REAL!!!

Your brain is broken. You have built up a fortress of lies, and it has become your prison. You are trapped here. You look around and see what other people have and think to yourself, "this will never be me." I will never have that hot babe. I will never get laid. I will always be alone. I am ugly. I am sick. I am a pervert. I have no choice. This self medication is my only way out.

All the while a girl sits across the room from you. A girl who - if you let her - would change the very foundations of your world. A girl who would respect you, a girl who would enjoy your company, a girl who could love you. But a girl who you will never meet because of her flat chest, or fat legs. A girl who will inevitably fall short of your twisted image of perfection. In your head, that girl is only body parts. A meat show. And the meat is not to your liking.

Yah, argue with me all you want about how much you respect women and how you see them as people. But, please tell me, when was the last time you talked to a girl without rating her? Which is easier to remember, her name? Or her cup size?

Porn is exciting. Masturbation is easy. Orgasm is pleasurable.

Venerability is terrifying. Action is hard. Rejection is painful.

Go ahead. Enjoy your porn. Spend the rest of your life jacking off into a tissue. Because PMO is pretty fun right?

http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/1evzig/because_pmo_is_pretty_fun_...

We several thousand have been working with every fiber of our being to improve ourselves, to step away from evil, and to move forward towards a new dawn.

It is a dawn without discouragement, a dawn without self-pity or self-deprecation.

It is a dawn without anxiety, a dawn of courage.

It is a dawn without weakness, a dawn of strength.

It is a dawn without distraction, a dawn of focus.

It is a dawn without stagnation, a dawn of progress.

It is a dawn with pain. And with pain comes progression.

It is a dawn of new feeling, a dawn without flat-lines.

It is a dawn of new wisdom, a dawn without thoughtlessness.

It is a dawn of new triumph, a dawn for all people.

It is a dawn without fear, without misery.

It is the dawn without fap.

http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/1ao87h/standing_ovation_for_you_f...

Leap of a Beta

June 17, 2013 at 2:08 pm

So much to unpack here. The first and, what I think, is most important take away from the article here, the comments, Christian beliefs, and non-Christian manosphere writings can be summed up in one sentence:

In every meaningful way, porn kills your dick’s soul.

It infects every area of your life, messes with your hormones, your neural pathways, your relationships, your ability to discipline yourself, ability to sacrifice momentary pleasure for long term gain. This is something that every area of the Manosphere agrees on, from Traditional Christians to PUA’s. When such agreements happen, I tend to pay close attention. If you want to capture your masculinity, you have to stay away from the porn.

The other major thing to keep in mind is, ontop of what Matt is ontop of pointing out in terms of societal values being pioneered by porn, porn is also a couple years ahead of every other type of publishing in terms of dealing with the marketing of the internet. Porn sales tanked almost ten years ago, going more indie and personal, to where it’s the individual porn stars with twitter that make the business work with the amazon wish lists and johns personally lining up for them. This is currently being mirrored with literature moving to Amazon and individual’s self publishing books, along with TV and Movies moving to indie stuff shot low budget or produced by Netflix or Hulu.

Health warnings on porn sites 

 by BeastSlayer15 days

Don't you think it would be great, if porn sites, had a health warning. A bit like cigarette packets. There would be links to diagrams explaining that porn can get addictive, cause erectile dysfunction, endanger relationships, cause social anxiety, etc... And on the bottom of the page, there would be links to the "your brain on porn" series, NoFap, Pornfree and other communities. Just an idea I had, what do you think about it ?

There is so much distortion in the world. I mean, there's millions of
people who are suffering, lack basic human needs or are emotionally
stuck in patterns that are leading them to doom. There are people who
have never experienced real love in their life - raised in families,
that don't allow closeness or sharing, or in worst cases- abuse them so
they don't ever trust people ever again. I mean, there are so many
problems in the world. And it's because good people like us are stuck in
addictions and complacency, jerking our brains out, playing video games
and wasting our time on a lot of other unnecessary stuff (no offence to
video game fans, that's just my opinion. Was a hardcore video game
addict, so I know how tempting the thing is).

It's like we are in the security of the cave, we don't need anybody
and we can do our little deed - and no-one will get hurt. But every
second we spend by not improving the world. Every moment we spend not
using our natural gifts (that everyone has) to push through the best of
decisions to be taken in the world, there is someone without a
conscience, who uses this situation in he's favor. It's like the world
is wide open for maniacs, abusers, thieves etc. because all the good
guys are asleep.

Think about it. I'm a 23 y.o. male, sitting in my room watching porn
for three hours just to fall asleep right after that. In the mean time,
somewhere in the next house there is a family arguing, the kids get
abused and traumatized for life. Instead of wanking off for years, I
could have become an educated person who works as a social worker and
could have helped this family in this crisis or prevented it.. so the
kid would not be traumatized and he would not become a bitter,
untrustful human being. So this traumatized person grows up to work in a
factory or as a service person at best, (You might meet her while
drinking tea at Your local cafe and think - "Why the fuck is this chick
so rude to me?!"), and doesn't have the belief in him/her self to pursue
his/her dreams - become an actress, engineer, scientist and make the
world a much better, interesting place.

Another example - one day You might have a daughter. And considering
that our social cycles are usually pretty interconnected, what is the
chance her first boyfriends won't be a porn addict or a prick just
wanting to have sex with her and leaving her afterwards heartbroken? If
You are watching porn, and Your peers are watching porn, their peers are
watching porn and one of them has this son, who wants to do nasty
things with Your daughter because he's watching mad porn as well. Ok,
so, can You be on a constant watch out for the guy coming into her life?
Asking he's web history? I think not.. so, what's the bottom line? If
You would drop this thing, Your values would change, so Your social
cycle would change, so the guy dating Your daughter would be someone
else.

It's like the karma cycle turns on itself - there comes a moment when
all the borders fail. We can't expect that the things we do or not do
won't show it's face one day. We will have to deal with living with
traumatized people, because we did not do anything to prevent it from
happening. We will have to help heal others because we weren't there
when their trauma was caused. I hope You get what I'm saying. We reap
what we sow.

In short:
There's no running from it - this addiction and the results caused by it
in society in general will bite us in the ass sooner or later.

http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/1ia8n0/so_fcking_much_to_do_here_...

The Porn Delusion

by Krowg

Believing that porn is harmless is the biggest delusion of our time. People are so brainwashed that they automatically attack anyone who criticizes porn as being "religious." It's as though there is a psychoanalytical formula they apply, which goes something like this:

  • being critical of porn = being religious

Not even at the height of the Inquisition were people so closed-minded. And people today subjugate themselves voluntarily, being under no outside pressure! They are supposedly free in America, free to think however they want, and they choose to defend porn? Absolutely pitiful!

I've been nofapping on and off for a couple months now, and have almost totally eliminated porn from my life. IMO it's given me some much-needed perspective on the perversity that pervades mainstream American culture. Women are constantly presented as sexual objects in advertisements, rap videos, and movies. Miley Cyrus's performance at the VMA's was an outrageous example of this issue plaguing our society.

http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/1l4viq/miley_cyrus_and_the_glorif...

[Comments by founder of www.yourbrainrebalanced.com]

It is universally agreed that in order to beat pornography addiction we must, at the very least, significantly reduce the number of times we masturbate.

Then comes the question "What to do after reboot?" or "What to do when you have already beat porn addiction?". This question is flawed because it assumes that you're going to be cured after XX days. If only it were that easy. We're talking about 10, 15 or even 20 years of sexual conditioning here.

But even if the question is legit, people will start wondering "Well... if I went XX days without masturbation... then I can certainly continue like this, why masturbate at all? Is it really necessary?", and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that line of thought.

You asked me how do I know that porn and masturbation are tightly linked together. Well, I've read enough posts from guys to know that it is true. I've been in this community long enough. Most porn addicts nowadays do not masturbate if it's not with porn. Maybe you are the exception to the rule, but it doesn't take away the fact that since tube sites and smartphones became popular, men have conditioned themselves to use these tools as an aid to masturbation.

There is no such thing as "I will be cured after XX days". If your definition of being cured is getting rid of ED, then yes, but you will soon realize that this goes much more deeper than that. ED is just the tip of the iceberg.

The only guys who get fully cured are those who adopt a lifelong change in philosophy when it comes to sex and masturbation. Guys like GABE and WhirlwindTobias. The latter for example finds value in depriving himself from instant gratification.

A balanced state of mind is not just about dopamine receptors or sensitivity. It must be accompanied by a healthy view on sex.

Abstaining from porn won't do shit if you're still thinking in terms of "I want to get rid of my ED so I can go and fuck all the women I want" or "I want to get to day XX so I can then masturbate whenever I want". But that is something I only learned until I finally got a girlfriend.

A porn addict who is abstaining from hardcore porn but is still checking out girls on Facebook, sex chatting on webcams, fantasizing about sex constantly, and masturbating on a regular basis, is doing it wrong. He's doing absolutely nothing to deal with his addiction to novelty, lust, and fucking.

That's why most people fail. They do nothing other than trying to abstain from watching porn. Their mentality regarding sex remains the same. It remains "pornofied".

When people realize this then that's when they decide to quit masturbation and instant gratification forever. They are trying to make a deep change in their lives.

That's what me and many others are trying to do right now.

It's not about being a monk. It's not about being anti sex or anti masturbation. It's about achieving happiness by not centering your whole life on "fucking hot chicks". This issue must be handled, otherwise you will never have a satisfying and healthy relationship with a woman, because no single woman can ever satisfy a porn addict's obsession with novelty and fucking multiple girls.

http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/index.php?topic=12477.msg216368#msg21...

 by hxc_ufos

Before porn I was kind. I had patience for days, and
weeks, and would listen for as long. I could hear her heart speaking. I
would be there beside my friends. I'd search for the sacred in the day
to day, the constant flux, the summer grass and bright skies that filled
my mind with color and kept me in pace with the Earth's turning.

Before porn I was young. I'd spring out of bed early and keep
churning long after late. My movements were smooth and supple, no
creaking in the body's boney meeting places. People said my eyes were
wide and curious even for sights most mundane, ablaze when in love, soft
and easy in the early afternoon. I had a questioning voice before I
decided I'd seen it all.

Before porn, I was strong. I'd work til it was done. With head held
high I would enter a room, and see you there, and without shame I would
offer my hand - without fear, a simple "hello." I'd pick her up on time,
I'd stick up for her to her friends, her parents. I didn't flinch on
cue or hate the pavement when I might get knocked down.

Before porn I had fun. Kicking the can, shooting the breeze. Even the
longest hours broke with the humor of silence. Shit luck was just that.
Being human was a joke that never got old.

And the funniest part of all? Before porn I never noticed a damn
thing. Before porn I was somebody, but not the man I am today. Before
porn I felt love but did not understand that it is the only thing.

Life was always impermanent, and frail, and precious, but before porn it didn't matter because I had never been dead.

Maybe I can't simply trade back this awful knowledge. But as much as I
want that innocence back, it is gone, and it was only wishing to begin
with. It never mattered.

Here's what does: Porn addiction exposed me to my basest self and
made me choose. I've never had such a hard time making an easy call. But
from where I'm standing today, the highest point I have yet seen, the
view looks pretty good to me.

I can't wait to see what happens after porn.

 

DEAR PORN AND THE PRODUCERS OF PORN,

FUCK YOU. I cannot express in words how much I loathe you for all the damage you have done to me and my generation. You have fucking castrated us, dehumanized us, warped our identity, fucked with our self-worth, you have challenged marriages, broken many, fucked families over and over again. You have become the living hell to many of us. You are the poison to our mind, to our life. You destroy what God has intended to be good. And to know that there are fuckers producing these fucked up sexual deviant shit makes me more mad than anything else. All you fuckers and producers of porn sites, whether it be major ones like fucking kink.com or other fucking minor-league sites, any fucking softcore porn shit uploaded on youtube, any fucking deviant art shit that people see in fucking google after searching benign fucking words, all of you fuckers working for the dark-side needs to go to hell. I want to fucking murder you all beyond recognition. I hope that you all fuckers rot in hell. I hope that you fuckers die and be tormented eternally with fucking spears piercing your fucking dicks and pussies.

Best wishes. With a lot of fucking love,

DL.

http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/2p0x8r/my_beautiful_letter_to_por...